The best prize
by emmanuelles
Summary: Gkm fill with HeadCheerio!Brittany/Gp!Santana. Brittany loses a bet to her friends, so she has one month to seduce Santana 'The freak' Lopez and film it on video. Will she succeed? Will she win? Will she win or lose so much more in this bet than she thought at first?
1. Prologue

_I decided to have some fun by filling a Gkm prompt for the first time._

_Short summary: HeadCheerio!Brittany loses a bet so she has one month to seduce LoserGP!Santana and film it on video. Will she succeed? Will she win? Will she win or lose so much more in this bet than she thought at first? _

_I'm gonna post the story in shorter chapters and hope to finish it by the end of the week. _

_Let's have some fun! Enjoy and review!_

_* If you have any questions or suggestions or really just want to say hi, visit me on my tumblr: emmanuelle-s . tumblr. com *  
_

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**Prologue**

It starts out like a regular Monday morning for Brittany.

The moment she steps out of her car in the parking lot, everything revolves around her. The minions are already there, waiting for her and Quinn.

Together, they basically run this school. They've been friends since the beginning of middle school, and quickly after their arrival at McKinley High, a new era started. They climbed to the top of the social ladder really fast, thanks to their amazing looks, Brittany's natural friendliness and Quinn's talent at manipulating people around them. Now Brittany is head Cheerio, with Quinn as second in charge and they're easily the most popular girls in school.

As Brittany is waiting with a pack of younger Cheerios for Quinn to finally arrive so they can start their day together, boys and girls she's never even noticed existing greet her with smiles and shy waves. She smiles at them back, because she likes people. This makes their dynamic with Quinn perfect, they complement each other really well.

They are both superhot, because duh, and blonde, but everything else is fairly different.

Brittany is bubbly, open and optimistic, she wins people's hearts at first sight. Everyone likes her. If someone doesn't, they better hide it really well, because Quinn has a way of making people who doesn't like either of them, fear their lives. She can be pretty mean. Sometimes Brittany finds it funny, but other times, it's just sad to see such a lovely person she knows the real Quinn to be, act so brutal to others. But Brittany needs her beside her. She can only rule with a strong Quinn guarding her back.

And if there's one thing Brittany likes, then it's the way this school is laid out in front of her legs.

When Quinn arrives, they finally enter the school. They walk down the crowded hallway, parting the stacks of student, trying to find their way to their lockers and first classes. It's easy. Everyone stops to catch a glance at them.

Losers try to find out what mood they're in and see if they should prepare for a cold slushie in the face throughout the day. Girls stare at them with envy, and boys' heads turn after them with lust, leaving jealous girlfriends all along the hallway.

Boys are stupid, Quinn likes to say and Brittany agrees most of the times, but they both know they couldn't survive without keeping the horny teenager boys of McKinley wrapped around their pretty fingers.

And sometimes, boys are fun.

And Brittany's learned to take the things she wants from them. She is very experienced in that department. Quinn, much less so. Brittany likes to call herself adventurous when it comes to sex, but she knows some people think differently. Quinn always tells her they are just jealous, but it really hurt when Brittany was first called a slut. She was so upset, Quinn swore to make the girl's life hell and so she did, the poor girl changed school a few months later.

Since then, people know they are not to be messed with.

When they arrive at their lockers, Brittany opens hers to take out her books and take a look at herself in the mirror. Her ponytail sits on her head high, and her make-up is flawless, she is buzzing with confidence. This day couldn't start better.

She shoots a wide smile at her reflection, and is about to close her locker, when she catches a pair of dark brown eyes staring right back at her in the mirror.

She throws her head around, but nobody is standing on the other side of the hallway. Someone with a huge black backpack is rushing away from the spot Brittany is staring at now, but Brittany doesn't know who it is. She shrugs her shoulders, and it slips from her mind completely when Puck's familiar voice hits her ears.

"Morning baby" Puck greets Quinn who rolls her eyes at his idiotic smirk but lets him kiss her anyway. They make out until Puck's hands wander lower to cup Quinn's ass and he pulls her into him to kiss her harder with tongue.

"Must you always ruin it?" Quinn snatches his hands away angrily. Puckerman stares at her dumbfounded, and Brittany can barely contain her giggles. They are awfully entertaining.

"What, I thought I could-"

"At home, Puckerman" Quinn sneers at him. "You are not about to grope me at school."

"I'm just happy to see you" Puck throws his hands in the air, earning a glare from her girlfriend. "I'm sorry, okay? I just can't hold back when it comes to you babe. You are too hot" He whines, leaning closer to Quinn, and his words ease the anger on his girlfriend's expression. He pecks her on the mouth, before turning to Brittany.

"Hey Britt" He smiles at her, and Brittany catches gratitude in his eyes. It's probably because she talked Quinn into sleeping with him a few weeks ago. It was only time after all. Brittany knows a girl can't tease a boy for too long, else he will get tempted to find what he wants somewhere else. Now Puck's got what he wanted, and Quinn just became more popular after they ran the story through the whole school. She still acts like a virgin though, and always tells Puck she just wants to be respected.

Brittany doesn't really know what that means. Boys don't really respect her. They all want her and dump their long-time girlfriends for one night with her, but they don't care for her needs. She's learned from her first experiences, and now she is in total control when it comes to sex. But she's never really been someone who cared. She just hopes it's different for Puck and Quinn.

"So how is Her Majesty this morning? In for a little game before English?" Puck snaps Brittany out of her thoughts, and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Whose Majesty?" She frowns.

Quinn and Puck share a meaningful glance, and it always upsets Brittany when they do that. She is missing something again.

"He's talking about you Britt" Quinn offers with a smile that seems too cheesy to be real.

"Oh, okay…" Brittany clears her throat a bit to ease the awkwardness. "What do you have in mind?" She asks Puck absentmindedly. She is not that into 'the game', which really is just plain bullying most of the times, but Quinn tells her it's essential to keep their social status intact, so she usually gives in and acts like she is enjoying it.

"Guess who ran straight past me in the morning?" Puck asks, lowering his voice.

"We're not psychic Puckerman" Quinn shoots him a glare, but he ignores it.

"It was her, the shemale" Puck raises an eyebrow intimidatingly and his expression turns darker. "Guess she was in a rush to get off in the bathroom before first class with a fresh picture of you in her head" He shakes his head condescendingly, but Brittany is stunned by his words.

"Me?" She asks back to make sure she heard right.

"She was totally checking you out when I got to your lockers." Puck explains, and Quinn stares at him, completely grossed out by his words.

Brittany finds this really weird. Of course, she is not surprised that somebody was checking her out, but this girl never really showed any interest in her. Not that Brittany could consider doing anything with a member of Glee club, because that would be totally weird and Quinn would bite her head off. She doesn't even know the girl's name. Quinn must've mentioned it when she transferred here from another high school, because Quinn keeps tracks of these things, but Brittany easily forgets names and stuff like that. But now the girl's got her intrigued. There's one thing she remembers though and it's the gossip about her having a dick. Puck and Quinn totally believe it, and they hate her for it. Brittany finds it strange, because she's never seen a girl with a dick, but the idea doesn't gross her out as much as it probably should according to everyone else around her.

"Don't you think the freak should learn a lesson to keep her head low?" Puck asks Brittany, and Quinn's mouth instantly turns into a cold smile. She stares at her encouragingly, and this time Brittany doesn't argue.

"I guess" She shrugs a little, not to show how curious she truly is.

Maybe if she encountered the girl face-to-face again, she could see what Puck saw.

"Come on ladies" Puck winks at them before turning on his heels to lead the way.

Brittany follows him closely, thinking this Monday morning might turn out a lot more interesting than it started.

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_Chapter 1 is coming shortly!_


	2. The bet

_**I want to thank you for your enthusiasm about the story!** _

_Thanks for every review, add and fav! Let's keep it up!_

_In this chapter I set the base of the story, introducing the characters and such. And of course, as you probably guessed from the title, something really important is happening here. _

**_Enjoy and please review!_**

_* If you have any questions or suggestions, or just want to say hi visit me here: emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com *_

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**The bet  
**

They find the girl talking to Rachel Berry, the so-called leader of Glee club.

She really couldn't have picked a worse person to talk to this morning, Brittany muses, because Quinn just can't stand Rachel. She is enemy number one for a reason Brittany is yet to figure out. Sure Rachel likes to wear hideous sweaters and she makes Brittany's ears bleed with her annoyingly loud voice, but these are not reasons to hate on someone. But Brittany also doesn't think a dick is a reason to hate on someone, so she and Quinn might think a bit differently. Or sometimes a lot, actually.

"Oh how romantic, the gnome and the freak" Quinn calls out to them, and a few heads turn into their direction on the now nearly deserted hallway. "You'd make such a lovely pair" She coos at the girls with chilling sarcasm, and they immediately take a step away from each other.

Brittany's eyes lock with the Latina's for a second, and she instantly recognizes the deep brown eyes from before. There's a consuming power inside them laced with a handful of emotions Brittany is yet to figure out. But the girl quickly glances away to glare at Quinn coldly.

"Sure better than you and your dumbass boyfriend Fabray!" She spats with an attitude Brittany didn't know she had in her.

"What did you just-" Puck takes a step closer and towers over the girls threateningly.

"Shhh Puck, don't be so mean to the girls!" Quinn steps beside him, and puts her hand on his shoulder in a calming manner, before trailing her eyes all over Rachel's usual gruesome school-girl attire. "Or should I just say, the girl…" Her mouth turns into a knowing smirk when finally her eyes settle on the Latina. "…and the freak with a dick?"

Brittany gulps, when the fiery Latina steps away from the wall to stand face-to-face with Quinn. She really doesn't want to get into trouble and this strange girl in her motorcycle jacket, with raven black hair brushed into her face, she means trouble. Brittany's sixth sense tells her so.

"What the fuck do you want, huh?" The girl yells into Quinn's face, and her eyes are burning with fire, a type of anger Brittany's rarely encountered in her life.

"Oh nothing…but you just piqued my curiosity." Quinn lowers her voice, and Brittany steps forward carefully, to hear what she's saying. "Is Rachel as loud while you're fucking her as she's while singing?"

The air stills for a second around them, and Brittany fears the girl might slap Quinn, but it's Rachel who cuts into the tension.

"She is not- she is-" She's shaking her head with horrified eyes at Quinn's harsh words.

The Latina silences Rachel with one look, and Brittany is surprised when her gaze lingers on her face after.

It's completely different than how she looked at her just mere minutes ago. Her eyes were softer, the chocolate brown so much warmer…

When her eyes snap back to Quinn though, they seem dead, like something behind them just snapped.

"You're forgetting not everybody is a slut in this school like you and Bitch Barbie here!" She spits out the mean words, and Brittany's heart sinks.

"Bitch Barbie?" She whispers inaudibly, her face flushing from the embarrassment. She doesn't even know why she's so upset by the name. This girl is basically a stranger to her, but maybe this is the exact reason. She's never even talked to her, and now she's calling Brittany a slut. It's just not fair.

"Now you've just stepped over the line, Lopez!" Puck points at the girl angrily. "What do you say if we pants you here and see if you're a girl with a dick, or just a big mouth?" Quinn chuckles dryly at his words, but Brittany doesn't have an urge to laugh. She just doesn't want to be here and risk this girl hurting her even more before she even gets to know her name.

"If you dare to touch me Puckerman, I swear to-" The Latina stars with wide eyes, but the sound of a door opening nearby stops her in her tracks.

"Guys, what's going on?" Mr. Schuester, the teacher of Glee club pokes his head out of a loud classroom.

Brittany's eyes snap back to the Latina to see her reaction, but she seems rendered back to her shell. If anything, there is relief in her eyes, but she is not the only one grateful for Mr. Schuester's interruption. Brittany just hopes to escape now before any more harm could be done to her pride or Quinn's physical well-being. As much as they say this girl is one of the biggest losers, she has an attitude to herself and Brittany doesn't like that it still interests her. It'd be better to just forget about her and let Quinn and the others deal with her.

"Nothing, Mr. Schuester." Puck replies to the teacher, but Brittany's eyes are glued to the Latina's face. Lopez, was that it? She wonders what her first name is.

"Santana, Rachel. Is everything all right?" He asks of the Glee club girls, and the way the Latina's eyes flicker between him and Brittany's group tells a lot. She might have an attitude, but what is behind it is a big question. A lot bigger than whether she has a dick or not.

Whether Santana has a dick or not, if Brittany caught her name right. Santana…it suits her, it's smooth like her olive skin and there is a mysterious edge to it. But Brittany really shouldn't think about her so much when she just called her a slut. Just thinking about it makes her eyes water a little, but she holds her chin high and acts like a strong person. You always have to act like you're strong, else people will find a way to get to you.

When Santana and Rachel are both clearly afraid to answer Mr. Schue honestly, Puck chimes in.

"We were just interested what the Glee club is up for nowadays…" He shrugs a little, pretending to be the most innocent teenage boy on planet Earth.

Santana shakes her head at them with disgust, and Brittany forces herself to keep her eyes away of her. It upsets her how much this girl hates them. Does everybody else think the same? Do they all think she is a slut behind her back?

The thought saddens her so much, she pulls her books closer to her chest and starts walking away, trying to forget what just happened here.

"That's really nice of you, Puck. We're actually preparing for Sectio-" Mr. Schue's enthusiastic words are cut off by Quinn but Brittany is barely listening now.

"Oh, sorry Mr. Schuester! But I think we might be late from class. You wouldn't want us to be late, would you?" She hears Quinn asking innocently, before Cheerios sneakers tap the floor lightly and she catches up to her. Puck follows them, and they almost turn right on the corner when Mr. Schuester calls after them pathetically.

"No, of course not. Bye guys"

His words barely reach her, because Brittany is already bubbled up in her head.

In her pretty head, she is wondering how this Monday morning revolved around this strange girl called Santana, and not her so far.

/

Cheerios practice makes her forget everything.

She really loves being a Cheerio. She's always been a super energetic kid, and never shied away from performing in front of others. She's always been in the center of attention. That's a pretty constant thing in her life, the way she is standing at the top of their pyramid right now offers just another proof.

Quinn though, she just mostly likes the benefits of being a Cheerio, the popularity and superiority that come with it.

Brittany likes it because it's fun. Dancing is fun and it makes her feel alive, it makes her feel like she is truly herself. And she likes to come up with dance moves for their choreography. Coach Sylvester trusts her enough to let her try her wings at choreographing their routines. She's taken dance classes since she was a little kid and the practice and hard work, mixing with her natural talent made her a skilled dancer.

She mostly gets inspired when she is alone in the dance studio late at night, and just starts moving, letting her own body lead her in the dance without any control.

They're practicing the routine she's been working on since the start of school year.

"Archer, try not to look like you're giving birth to your bastard child!" Coach Sylvester yells into her megaphone with disgust. "The effort on your face makes me sweat, and Sue Sylvester doesn't sweat even in the jungle hunted by a horde of starving cannibals!"

Brittany doesn't move. She continues staring into space, holding her chin high and her back straight, like a true dancer, through the struggle of keeping their pyramid perfectly balanced.

"Get down, now!" Sue yells at them louder. "I can't stand to see your utter desperation any longer!" She throws the megaphone at the floor angrily and buries her face into her hands, while the girls climb down to the grass.

Brittany wipes off the layer of sweat formed on her forehead with the back of her hand, when Alison Archer's voice hit her ears.

"God, if she would just shut up and let me concentrate for once" The sophomore girl hisses annoyance.

"She has no idea how damn hard it is" Jackie, her best friend shakes her head emphatically.

Sure sometimes Coach is pretty rough with them, but Brittany doesn't like complaining, especially if they don't give their bests and come up with excuses instead.

"Girls" Brittany steps into the circle around them and silences the whispering girls instantly. "I know it's hard but imagine us stealing the show from the boys this weekend. Just show Coach we can do this!"

The girls' eyes light up at her words. Sylvester told them they could perform the routine half-time on this weekend's football game, if they're good enough, which basically means if they're perfect. But it's the biggest game of the season, and the boys are desperate to win against Lincoln, because they haven't won against them for two years consecutive. It's getting embarrassing and they are really pushing themselves to win this time.

Brittany has a plan to steal the show though and judging from the enthusiastic faces around her, she is not the only one.

"All right, captain" Alison nods and Brittany hopes she will make a better effort this time.

She shoots the girls an encouraging smile, before turning to Coach Sue.

"We would like to try again, Coach" She tells her, and swears she catches her mouth form a proud smirk for a split second, but it goes away as quickly as it came.

"One last time and you're all done" Sylvester shouts back to her, and Brittany knows it's not just an empty threat.

"This is our chance." Brittany turns back to her team. "Let's be awesome!"

The girls form the starting position and Brittany can finally feel the right attitude around her. The music starts and she forgets herself. She spins, and turns and flips, and when she is finally high in the air, she can feel it. They've done the routine and they've done it perfectly.

"Mediocre" Sue yells into the megaphone and Brittany beams from happiness, because Sue didn't say no and it means they were indeed pretty awesome. "Let's hit the showers!"

/

After a hot, steamy shower and some gossiping in the locker room, Brittany leaves with Quinn to go home and hang out.

Her parents are away on a trip again, and she can't stand being alone in the house.

Brittany once held a house party while they were away, and it pretty much established her party-girl reputation. A few jocks hit the house to hook-up with the fresh meat and brought a lot of alcohol to help their case. It was the night Brittany lost her virginity. She doesn't really remember. She is not sure she even wants to. She hasn't held a party there ever since. She just likes to go home after the parties she attends and forget about all the stuff she's done when she climbs into her bed.

So usually she just invites Quinn or some other friends over when she's alone.

"So what's it gonna be tonight, Britt?" Quinn inquires when they step out of the school. "Just us or you want to invite others too?"

Brittany brushes a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes, enjoying how the light breeze catches her damp hair free from its usual strict ponytail. She thinks about her options, but she doesn't need much time to decide.

"I really like our quality time Quinn, but I guess the team is really in the need of a classic Pierce sleepover" She shrugs a little, and Quinn ponders over her idea.

"You're right" She agrees to it with a smile, while they take the last steps leading to her car in the parking lot. "Let's send a text around before we pick up a few drinks and stuff!"

Brittany nods, and dives into the pocket of her Cheerios pants to find her phone, but it's not there. It's supposed to be there.

"Um" She looks at Quinn bashfully. "I guess I lost my phone…again. Sorry, I'm gonna check in the locker room."

"Should I come too?" Quinn offers without much enthusiasm, so Brittany just waves it off.

"No, I'm gonna be real quick. Sorry, Quinn" She tells her, before her best friend gets into the car.

She hates that she always loses things that are important to her.

/

Her sneakers scuff on the just washed-up floor as she's streaming through the hallways of McKinley to get to the girl's locker room as fast as she can. She's a pretty good runner, amongst other things and she enjoys feeling free and the wind blowing in her face while she goes out for a run early in the morning sometimes.

The phone's in her locker, just like she thought. At least she remembers where she leaves things if she forgets to take them with her.

When she's on her way back though, her movement is slowed by some kind of voice. Maybe she's just imagining it in her head, she tells herself as she comes to a stop to just listen. But she's not, it's indeed a voice, a beautiful voice sneaking out of a room somewhere near. She lets her senses lead the way, and she only stops abruptly in her tracks again, when the door's card says "Rehearsal room".

It must be the Glee club.

But she isn't familiar with this voice. She is pretty sure she's never heard it. She'd remember. Maybe she forgets about stuff sometimes, but she remembers faces, and smells and voices. These things matter to her.

She swallows thickly, before taking a tiny step closer so she could peek into the room.

"Oh" She lets out a whisper in surprise, while her eyes widen.

It's her, the girl from this morning.

Santana.

She's belting out the last notes of a familiar song from the radio and Brittany's eyes are glued to her face. It's full of emotion, she's not hiding anything. Her voice is smooth, but raspy. When Brittany's sick she has the same rasp in her voice but it doesn't sound nearly this awesome. Her singing feels like hot chocolate is flowing onto Brittany's skin, lighting fire inside her until she's completely wrapped up in the song.

When it finishes, Brittany just notices she's gripping the doorframe with her fingers and she is standing much closer than a minute ago. She realizes she's halfway inside the classroom and tries to leave without anyone noticing, but it's too late.

"Brittany" Mr. Schuester's surprised voice strikes her in motion and she snaps her eyes to him. "Can we help you?"

"I…" She barely stammers out, eyes settling back on Santana's face.

She's staring at her feet, and she looks like Brittany's just stolen something away from her. Brittany doesn't understand it. This girl is such a huge mystery. Her boy part is just one of the hundred things in question about her.

"Why don't you come inside?" Mr. Schue offers, and it snaps Brittany out of her frenzy. Just imagining one of the Cheerios finding her here, sitting with the Glee club members…it sends a shiver down her spine. It would be a huge scandal, tormenting her brilliantly-built reputation. She can't allow herself that.

"No" She shakes her head maybe a bit too eagerly, and watches the hope disappearing from Mr. Schue's face. "I…sorry…I was just on my way" She lets go of the door and trails her eyes quickly over the Glee club members. They all look at her with the same distant apprehension…and disapproval?

Santana and Rachel must've told them about this morning.

But Brittany didn't do anything wrong, or did she? She was just there. And Santana was the one who hurt her. She doesn't deserve their judgment. It's just not fair.

The memory of this morning makes her spin around and start running towards the exit as fast as she can. She hears nothing else than the pounding of her own heart.

/

The sleep-over is everything it should be.

The younger Cheerios don't get invited. It's a privilege after all to be a part of a classic Pierce sleep-over and everybody should earn their own right to attend. Six girls make it after long consideration.

Of course they immediately dive into the gossips. The latest embarrassing stories, the latest hook-ups and heartbreaks are on the plate.

Brittany can offer quite a lot of stories from last weekend when she hooked up with Mike, Max and Matt in one night at a senior's house party. She got really drunk, like really-really drunk. She's not sure what she did with which one, but at least she is sure she didn't do them at the same time. Even she's not that adventurous.

When it's enough of the boys, they watch "How to lose a guy in 10 days", while munching on some low-carb snacks Quinn picked up from the store. Brittany really likes the film, it's funny and it's about a bet, which is always interesting.

She loves bets.

She always wins them. Maybe that's the reason. Anyway, she loves a challenge anytime.

/

Of course the guys crash their perfect girls' night.

Brittany lets them in, because she is having way too much fun to care now. Puck and Dave each carry a case of beer and a bottle of tequila turns up from somewhere too. They play drinking games, but Brittany sticks to the shots. After the fourth round, her brain is dulled enough to find herself without her shirt on, standing in the kitchen and yelling over the music that someone turned on a while ago.

"Let's play truth or dare!"

She has no idea how or why that game came into her mind, but she played it a long time ago, when they were all way too young and inexperienced to play this game for real.

Everybody agrees to it, and they settle in a circle in the living room. It starts out with stupid questions and way too much truth for Brittany's liking.

"Britt, it's your turn now" Puck tells her when Ben stopped licking his own toe for a minute on a dare, and she doesn't hesitate with her answer.

"Dare, duh, but a real dare" She challenges him to come up with something interesting.

Puck's mouth turns into a smirk, and Brittany senses which direction he's about to go now.

"I dare you to suck off…" He leans in to emphasize each word slowly. "…a banana" He breaks into harsh laughter, and a few others chuckle around them, but mostly, it's anticipation that Brittany is feeling in the air.

She is not surprised at all by such a request from him.

"It's not like you wouldn't have memories." She shoots back, before glancing to her side. "Sorry Quinn"

The banana gets it real good, and Brittany watches the boys' eyes bulge out from their heads when she gives some light throat action to the fortunate fruit.

"Jesus Christ" Matt mumbles quietly, with awe and envy in his eyes.

Probably it wasn't him who Brittany gave a blow job last Saturday.

When she is pleased with the result on each of their faces, she finishes off her show by peeling the banana and biting into it.

"Fuck that hurts" Puck frowns painfully, and Quinn rolls her eyes, with a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

"Hope you girls will put up the same show Saturday at halftime" Finn shakes his head, already full of the imageries of said scene. "The Lincoln guys would go crazy, man"

"Afraid you wouldn't succeed without us?" Brittany smirks confidently.

"We're gonna win, don't worry your pretty little head" Puck raises an eyebrow pointedly, but she can't stop teasing them. It's too much fun.

"Well, two years is a long time…a long, long time" She says slowly, tilting her head to the side in fake deliberation. The others are all watching them with amusement.

"If you're that sure of yourself, why don't we make a bet?" Puck asks her angrily as a last attempt to stop her playing with their heads. But Brittany loves bets.

"Let's make a bet." Her eyes light up at the idea. "If you lose …"

"I'll do whatever you want" Puck wiggles his eyebrows to show how ready he is.

But he is probably not nearly ready for what she has in mind for him.

"I want you to join Glee club for a year and serenade Quinn with a love song of my choice at your audition." She tells Puck and his eyes widen in horror before he catches himself and acts like it's not even a possibility that they lose.

Brittany watches him struggling to accept the choice he is given, but his demeanor changes all at once.

"I'm in." He replies with confidence before his eyes turn darker "But if we win…"

"Shoot me" Brittany blurts out, but it's not close to being as nonchalant as she'd like it. It's probably because her heart is speeding up second by second as Puck takes his time enjoying his rare power over her. Brittany senses some real trouble coming her way, but it's too late to backtrack now.

"You'll have to deliver your little show on video…with the freak" Brittany's breath hitches in shock.

Her eyes flicker between Puck's to find out if he's being serious, but there's not a hint of doubt. Her blood is pulsating in her ears, when his arrogant smirk fades and he starts talking again.

"You'd have one month to do it. It's time we find out her little secret at last" He shrugs, and she has the urge to shove him.

But instead, she musters up her confidence and stands his stare.

There's nothing to worry about. She's gonna win this bet anyway. And she's gonna enjoy every second of his humiliation about joining the Glee club.

Her answer hangs in the air before she releases it with a deep breath.

"Deal"

And when she finally utters it, she doesn't feel how great the prize there is to win.

Yet.

* * *

T_hanks for reading! Tell me what u think in a review! Or just add or fav if you liked it! :)_

_Next chapter might come in not one, but two days, since it'll be Brittana-heavier and I have to figure some stuff out._


	3. The first bumps on the road

_WOW! I can't believe this fic has already so many followers and stuff. Your enthusiasm about the story makes me want to drag this fic out forever, even though it all started as just me having some fun. Thank you to every one of you who added, faved and especially, review the story! **  
**_

_So here's part two. Enjoy and please review if you have something to say!  
_

_* emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com *  
_

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**The first bumps on the road**

She has the worst hangover ever.

Responsible drinking was impossible after the boys turned up at her house, but the little game she insisted on playing made it worse. After her deal with Puck was done, she tried to lull the buzzing excitement and nerves inside her by drinking beer. It was not a good idea. Fortunately though, everybody left when she emptied her stomach in the toilet. She was such a mess.

Quinn was by her side of course, and though it was nice of her to hold her hair, Brittany just felt more pathetic by the look on her best friend's face. She sent her to bed, and laid her forehead on the cold tiles when she was finished. Everything came out of her system but her heart was still beating frantically.

She had to rest there for minutes, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly, over and over again.

/

It just gets worse at school.

Every jock, every cheerleader, every poster remind her of the game. It's gonna be their big night with the Cheerios and her big night. If their performance turns out to be a huge success, she has a good shot at choreographing their Nationals routine. No cheerleader's ever done that in Coach Sylvester's team. She'd go down in McKinley High's history as a legend, the biggest star. Not to mention, at Nationals in New York, she'd have a chance to score a fine college scholarship into one of California's famous colleges.

She's always been a sunshine girl.

It's her biggest dream to go to LA and make it as a performer in the city.

This night is gonna be her night and she is crazily excited for their show. And well, there's that bet too…in the back of her mind somewhere.

She just can't wait for Saturday to come.

/

Tuesday at Spanish, she can't help but feel something is out of place.

Something is wrong and she can't quite point out the reason why she feels that way.

She's sitting in the middle of the room, sharing her table with Sugar like usual and she is frowning. Something's missing. And why Mr. Schuester is staring at them so desperately? Oh, wait, that's it, nobody knows the answer to his question. It really shouldn't come as a surprise to him because his teaching skills are bordering useless. Spanish class is mostly spent day-dreaming by Brittany. She just loves staring out of the window which offers a great view on the football stadium.

Her frown disappears and her mouth turns into a faint smile, as she imagines how it will look from the top of their pyramid Saturday night. All eyes in the stadium will be focused on her. It will be amazing.

Only the sound of the door opening snaps her back into the present.

"Santana" Mr. Schuester stammers, eyes wide with disbelief at the girl appearing from behind the door.

Brittany is stunned just as much.

Instead of her usual hard attire with dark jeans and the studded motorcycle jacket, Santana's wearing a black hoodie and worn-out sweats. Her wet hair is sticking to her forehead, and she keeps her head lower than usual. Her appearance makes Brittany's mind comes up with a handful of bad assumptions.

She was what Brittany felt was missing from the class. Santana, who always knows every answer, saving Mr. Schuester from the embarrassment and total failure. But the reason why she's twenty minutes late is still in uncovered.

"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Schue" Santana murmurs, gripping the handles of her backpack tightly.

Brittany can tell Santana hates being in the center of attention, or this kind of attention, at least. The looks, the chuckles, the whispering that's going on in the classroom right now.

"What happened to you?" Mr. Schuester asks the girl, who is shuffling to one foot from the other.

"Nothing" She blurts out too quickly for anyone to believe it. "Can I just sit down please?" Her voice barely reaches Brittany who is sitting stiff in her chair now.

Santana looks like she wishes to disappear from the surface of the planet as she's waiting for Schuester's approval.

"Of course, of course." Mr. Schue shakes his head, breaking his stupor. "Take a seat."

Santana keeps her eyes set on the floor as she starts walking down between the rows, and Brittany's heart is speeding up by every step she's taking.

She doesn't know if she wants to look into her deep brown eyes or rather vanish into thin air. When Santana passes her table, Brittany feels her emotions radiating off her body and she can't help it when her head turns after the girl. Santana sits down to a deserted table at the last row while all eyes in the room are glued to her. Brittany is no different, she is just one of these people who are making Santana's humiliation much worse.

When Mr. Schuester clears his throat awkwardly, most of the students get back to class. Brittany's eyes are still boring into Santana, who opens her backpack to pull out her books, and the thick black glasses she's always wearing for reading.

Seconds that feel minutes pass by until Santana's eyes rise up slowly behind her glasses and lock with Brittany's. Vulnerability and sadness turn into anger and despise, and Brittany just knows it.

It must have been her friends who bullied Santana, again.

But they are not the same as her. Or are they? Is Brittany just as guilty as them if she doesn't tell them to stop and leave this girl be? Santana must think they're just doing her dirty work.

And it makes Brittany feel really confused that she might be right.

She averts her eyes and turns back to face the front. Sugar nudges her and gives her a questioning look, but Brittany just shrugs. When nobody pays attention though, she catches a few glances at Santana throughout the remaining minutes of their class.

Santana's not as active as usual, in fact, she doesn't say a word at all. She is drawing something as much as Brittany can tell from the distance. Brittany wonders what it might be and she senses a great opportunity when Santana seems to forget the creased ball of paper on her table. She disappears from sight as fast as she can, and Brittany feels a tiny bit bad for intruding her privacy. But her curiosity wins, so she quickly makes her way to the table and picks up the worn stack of paper to hide it in her bag.

A few minutes later, she's sitting on the toilet lid in one of the stalls in the girl's restroom and dives the paper out of her pretty chaotic bag.

She smoothes it out on her thighs, and narrows her eyes.

It's just a big mess at first sight. But as she continues staring at it, she can make out a portrait behind the black scribbling. It's a head, with long neck and a high ponytail sitting at the top and Brittany gulps, when she turns the paper over to find proof it really is her on the paper, portrayed by Santana. Why would the girl draw her on the paper and then ruin it? Why would she even draw her? Why her? Does she really have a thing for her?

Brittany is not sure how that makes her feel. Almost everyone has a thing for her at this school, boys and girls, but somehow this revelation comes as a huge shock to her now. If Santana likes her though, she really should be better at showing it. Brittany's only received scorn by her so far. Everything is so complicated. It makes Brittany's head ache.

She is used to simple things that don't require a lot of hard thinking, like dancing or hooking up with boys.

And she decides she really should just concentrate on that, if she wants to deliver Saturday night. So she folds the paper into half and pushes it into a hidden pocket of her bag to forget about it forever.

/

The teasing never stops through the week.

Brittany's Cheerios and Noah's football jocks clash against each other at every possible occasion. Some of them have it hard, because they have a girlfriend or boyfriend in the opposing group, but these things don't matter now. Only the game matters.

It's a week when everybody forgets about Glee Club, the losers, the nerds, because everything revolves around Saturday night.

It's historical week when nobody gets slushied in the hallways of McKinley High. Apart from Santana, on Monday. But it was the last stunt the boys pulled, much to Brittany's relief.

The girls never miss an opportunity to tease the boys about their losing streak and their narrow chance at winning against Lincoln. It's kind of weird, because they are cheerleaders after all and they should all support the team, but the rules changed after Brittany turned this game into a fight. The Cheerios are lining up behind her now. The bet only gave a special edge to their fierce competition.

Thursday afternoon, when the football team finishes practicing, the girls come out on the field to rehearse their routine until it's flawless.

A sweaty, panting Noah runs up to Brittany, leaving his team behind.

"Hey Britt" He shoots her a smirk. "It's not too late to pull out of our deal. You just admit you were wrong, and I let you make it up to my boys…" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and Brittany has an urge to vomit. Of course she's had almost all the football players but she really doesn't like what he's hinting at.

"Girls, start stretching!" Brittany throws the instruction to the Cheerios standing behind her back. The girls reluctantly jog away, catching curious glances at her and Noah from the distance. "You too, Quinn" Brittany raises an eyebrow pointedly, and shock crosses Quinn's expression before she follows the rest of the Cheerios.

Brittany turns back to an impatient Noah.

"Just let it go, Puck." She shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. "I'm gonna win and there's nothing you can do about it!" She tells him like it's a fact.

"Oh I see, you'd rather have the freak's dick in your mouth….'cause there's no way you're gonna win this bet!" Noah tells her angrily, stepping forward.

They are standing face-to-face. So close, Brittany can smell his distinct boyish scent and the sweat covering his body. It's kind of gross.

"You know what?" She lets out a dry chuckle, her heart speeding up from the words she's about to say. "You're right, I'm sure she's a better fuck."

Noah's expression darkens threateningly.

"You came when we did it." He spats right into Brittany's face.

"You're talking about the second round? 'Cause you totally blew your load when I first touched you." She tells him, with satisfaction in her voice. But she's faking it, she didn't enjoy sleeping with Noah at all. It was his first time and he was a total amateur.

"Fuck you, Pierce" He sneers scornfully, breathing hard through his nostrils.

"Nobody will fuck me, Puckerman. I'm gonna win this bet." Brittany winks mockingly.

"We'll see it tomorrow" Puck tells her, before motioning to the team to follow him into the boys' locker room.

Brittany shoots him a fake tight-lipped smile, when he leaves.

"I can't wait." She throws after him when he's still in hearing distance. When she turns to her Cheerios, a look of utter confidence is gracing her face.

/

She barely sees Santana through the week. They only have a couple of classes together, and even when they're in the same room, Santana really does her best to ignore her.

It shouldn't be strange, because they've still never talked to each other directly, but this week's changed a lot for Brittany. The argument Monday morning, Santana's song in Glee club, the drawing…and of course, the bet.

Brittany knows Santana is ignoring her on purpose. It's just strange, considering everything started with her checking Brittany out.

But she really shouldn't try figuring this girl out. It makes her head ache, like Maths.

/

The game is finally on Saturday night.

The Lincoln guys are unbeatable. The first quarter passes in a blink of an eye, and they're crashing the McKinley boys. There's a part of Brittany that is pretty sad. The boys are trying desperately, but they just can't match the Lincoln players in speed or strength.

Brittany's watching them from her usual place at the sideline, with the Cheerios trying their bests to cheer with a sense of obligation. She's doing her part, of course, but with way less enthusiasm than usual.

When they hit half-time, she has nothing to worry about.

The music starts playing as the satisfied Lincoln players and the miserable McKinley boys leave the field. Some from the crowd even boo at them.

"Come on girls!" Brittany turns to her Cheerios, yelling over the loud noise. "Show them who run this school!"

They girls run out to the field, and form an immaculate half circle. Their eyes are shining and their smiles couldn't be wider. All eyes are focused on them in the arena.

Beyoncé's "Run the world" starts playing, and 3 minutes later, Brittany is standing at the top of their pyramid, feeling like she's just entered heaven. Everybody's cheering in the field, giving them a standing ovation. Brittany's having such a blast. She's never felt more amazing. When she climbs down and her feet hit the grass again, she is entirely sure she wants to be the biggest star one day.

"Ready to give up now?" She yells to Noah when the boys are approaching the field again.

He gives her the middle finger, before jogging away.

"I guess not…" She chuckles at him with pity.

Her eyes meet with Quinn's and her best friend shoots her gaze on her feet.

"Are you embarrassed for him?" Brittany asks, feeling guilt creep up inside her for mocking Puck so harshly all week.

"No, of course not" Quinn snaps her eyes back at her, but somehow, Brittany detects disappointment inside them. "We're a team, Brittany. I won't betray you."

Brittany smiles at her, and forgets it.

Of course Quinn would never betray her. They are best friends.

/

Something must have happened in half-time because everything turns upside down.

The Lincoln players can't keep up with the McKinley jocks and Brittany's frustration is growing second by second. There's nothing to worry about, she repeats as a mantra, but at the end of the third quarter, the two teams are almost on edge with Lincoln leading 20-17, giving the crowd back their hope.

When McKinley High takes the lead by a touchdown, even the Cheerios can't hold back anymore.

Brittany's heart is pounding in her throat, sensing her defeat. It's the worst feeling in the world. She hates losing, especially to such a prick like Noah.

But she does lose.

The game is over.

William McKinley High School defeats Lincoln High School 23-17 and Brittany S. Pierce, head Cheerio is dropping her pompoms on the grass. Fuck it, they really won.

She lost the bet.

It's not even about the challenge, 'cause for real, seducing Santana will be a piece of cake if she gives all she has, but it's the feeling of defeat. She hates it already how Noah and the jocks will rub it in every chance they get. Until she can get that videotape, she will be out powered by them, and that, Brittany hasn't experienced since she ruled this school and it makes her all the more determined to get through with this challenge and really fast.

Everyone's cheering around her, and to make her suffer even more, it was Noah who won the game for McKinley High. She really doesn't like him right now. The boys throw him in the air, celebrating him as their captain in this historical victory and Brittany's staring at them with a pout. She's such a sad panda right now.

"We fucking did it." Noah yells to the boys, who can't get enough of him. "We fucking won, do you hear me?" He searches for Brittany with his eyes, trying to break out of his mates' tackling hugs.

When they let go of him finally, he makes his way to Brittany with a swag that'd be laughable any other time.

"You lost, I won." He points at himself, and Brittany rolls her eyes. "You have one month to get the tranny to fuck you. And don't forget, I want proof!" He shouts with the sleaziest smirk on his face, before jogging back to his boys.

Brittany buries her face into her hands. It's just so embarrassing.

"Hey Britt" Quinn taps her shoulder, and Brittany turns to her, dropping her hands. "It's just a stupid bet. I'm sure I can convince him to let it go if you want…" Quinn offers with a strange look in her eyes, and though it's kind of nice of her to try, but Brittany really doesn't like to be at other people's mercy.

She made the deal, now she has to take the defeat with dignity and bear the consequences.

"I don't go back on my word, Quinn." She tells her firmly, and Quinn raises an eyebrow subtly.

"Okay." Her mouth turns into a significant smile. "You can change your mind anytime though. I'm here." She tells Brittany before turning on her heels.

Brittany doesn't like how Quinn is acting all too cunning. She's used to her manipulations, but she's never really experienced her best friend's antics on her own skin. It makes her confused.

When she catches Quinn jogging up to Noah and kissing him hard on the mouth – even letting his hands wander lower than her waist – Brittany's frown deepens and she starts questioning her best friend's loyalty for the first time in her life.

/

Monday morning, she wakes up feeling totally up for the challenge.

She can do this, she tells herself as she looks into the mirror to do her make-up. She rises to the occasion – the beginning of Seducing Santana Lopez – and works her magic on her face. Her eyes seem just a shade brighter, framed by her long eyelashes and her lips a tad bit more luscious than any given school-day.

To gain even more confidence, she picks her favorite underwear for the day. When she's zipped up her Cheerios top, she returns to the mirror to tie up her wavy blonde hair into a tight ponytail at the top of her head.

When she is finished, she's damn irresistible.

"Awesome." She whispers with satisfaction before blowing a kiss to her reflection.

She was worrying a bit through the weekend, because Santana seems to have high walls around her, but nobody ever said no to Brittany before. And she's pretty sure Santana has it bad for her.

It should be a piece of cake.

And who Brittany's trying to delude? She's even a tiny bit curious about what Santana Lopez is hiding in her pants. So it's her mission to find out, beginning now.

/

She's striding down the hallway of McKinley with her usual confidence, but it's one of the rare occasions she is not surrounded by her fellow Cheerios or a stupid boy as her arm candy.

It's all part of the plan.

She already got to know Santana's schedule by offering a humiliating story about how Finn Hudson thought he could get a girl pregnant by jizzing into a hot tub, to Jacob Ben Israel. She doesn't like the boy, because firstly he is gross, and secondly, he writes a lot about her in the school gossip tab, but if there's one thing Brittany learnt from her idol, Princess Diana's example, it's that you have to appease the press.

So Brittany's on her way to find Santana and put her plan in motion.

She's early at room 201, nobody's inside yet. She leans against the wall by the door, and her eyes scan the crowded hallway. A few younger Cheerios pass by and wave to her, before whispering to each other. Brittany is not surprised. She was pretty sure already that Noah did everything to spread the news about head Cheerio Brittany S. Pierce trying to sleep with Glee club member and suspected shemale, Santana Lopez in thirty days.

But she brushes it off. She has an important thing to concentrate on now, and if there's a thing she's not good at, it's multitasking.

Her eyes notice the familiar group of Glee club members approaching on the hallway. It's the wheel-chaired boy, Artie Abrams and the black girl Mercedes Jones who are on either side of Santana.

Brittany tilts her head to the side. She's never really had a chance to observe Santana, the way she fumbles with her hands ahead of her, like she's afraid something might happen anytime or the way she forgets about herself when Artie says something funny and laughs with her nose scrunched.

She is kind of cute.

When she notices Brittany though, she reverts completely back behind her walls. Mercedes whispers something into her ear, but her eyes remain locked with Brittany's until they come to a stop before her.

"Hi" Brittany greets them with the widest smile possible.

All she gets in return is confused expressions and deep frowns. Artie seems so shocked he might fall out of his chair.

"Is she talking to us?" Mercedes whispers to Santana, who continues staring at Brittany with apprehension.

"What do you want?" She demands, voice hard like stone, matching her expression.

"Can we talk?" Brittany asks innocently, before she pushes her body off the wall to stand closer to Santana. She tries her best convey that she can trust her here.

Her request stuns Santana, whose eyes flicker to the side nervously.

"We'll give you two some privacy" Artie clears his throat, and Brittany smiles at him gratefully. "Mercedes?!" The boy breaks the stupor Mercedes is fallen into, and she follows him into the classroom after squeezing Santana's shoulder supportively.

"So…" Santana clears her throat awkwardly, brushing her bangs from her eyes.

"So…I'm here to ask for your help." Brittany tells her, not wasting her time with some small-talk. She likes to dive into the deep instantly.

"My help?" Santana asks, eyes narrowing skeptically.

"See, my GPA's falling and I'd be really sad if Coach Sue suspended me from the Cheerios. I just can't allow that." Brittany explains, with a sad pout. "And I heard you're really good at Maths."

"Hold up for a second, Blondie!" Santana raises a finger, and her features harden again. "You were bullying me just a week ago and now you have the nerve to ask for my help?" She asks menacingly.

"I've never bullied you." Brittany blurts out.

It's the truth right? She's never bullied her. She's never called her names or threatened her. She hasn't.

"Oh, but your friends did. Sure it wasn't against your orders or whatever." Santana challenges her, but Brittany is kind of fed up with her accusations.

"I didn't make them either. I didn't even know about it before…but I really am sorry." She apologizes for her friends' behavior and Santana's anger seems to work off. "I promise I'll do my best to keep them away from you."

Her words make Santana release a deep breath. Brittany's finally got her. She won her trust.

"Thanks, I guess…" Santana mutters under her breath timidly, and Brittany smiles at her with reassurance.

"It's fine."

"So…you really want me to teach you Maths?" Santana asks, raising her eyebrows.

"More than anything." Brittany nods firmly. "Come over tomorrow after school."

Santana's mouth opens in shock and she is so frozen by Brittany's candor she can't squeeze a word out.

"Uh" She mumbles, hesitantly, but Brittany has no time to wait for an answer. There's only one answer here anyway, and that's yes. They both know it. And Brittany knows Santana knows it...

"Awesome. I'll send you my address." She tells her with a wide smile, before turning on her heels with satisfaction written all over her face.

"Wait!" Santana calls after her. "You know my number?"

Brittany turns her head back, and bats her eyelashes seductively at the startled girl.

"Of course, Santana." She winks at her, before walking away with her hips swaying just a little more than any given school-day in McKinley High.

/

Her parents always come home late from work on Tuesdays and Brittany's pretty grateful for their crazy working hours today.

If things turn out as she expects them to, she will need some privacy this afternoon.

She sent her address to Santana last night and she expects her to be here soon. Until then, she is not wasting her time.

She's trying to set up her video camera in a way that isn't screaming she's shooting a home video. She has to be really tricky here. Seducing Santana is one thing, but to get her doing the deed on video might be mission impossible material and Brittany doesn't want to scare her away. She puts the camera into a box on her nightstand, and leaves it open just enough for the lens to be out and able to film the events of this interesting afternoon.

She barely has time to apply some mascara, and strawberry lipstick on her lips before the bell rings.

Santana's early. If Brittany didn't know how oblivious the girl is, she would think Santana is eager. But she must be just one of those people who can't sit on their ass if they are nervous.

Brittany quickly rushes down the stairs and makes her way to the door.

"Hey" She greets Santana with a beam after opening the door widely. "Come in!"

"Uh, hi" Santana mutters nervously. "Thanks"

She shoots Brittany a tight-lipped smile before slipping inside beside her, hugging her torso with her arms.

Brittany leads the way to her bedroom upstairs, making some small-talk with Santana, which is really easy for her, because she likes talking to people about silly little things. But Santana is still a bit uncomfortable, like she's watching out for some monster in the house to bit her head off.

"You have a nice room." Santana offers, when she sets down her backpack at Brittany's desk and takes a look around.

"Thanks." Brittany smiles softly and follows her gaze. "I really love it. It's just full of things that I love…flowers and cats and fairytales…stuff like that. I'll miss it when I move out." She pouts a little, thinking of the future when she has to leave this room behind. But if she's going to Los Angeles, it's gonna be totally worth it.

"Yeah" Santana nods, before clearing her throat subtly. "So, um can we start?"

She looks like she's counting the minutes before she can escape from here, and Brittany has no idea why she is so nervous. But she finds it rather cute. And not just her awkwardness…she finds _her_ cute too. Her dark hair is shiny, and her skin looks so smooth like a little baby's. And these deep brown eyes, they are so full like her lips. There's so many things about her that Brittany likes…she wonders how Santana looks like under all these layers she likes to put on her body.

"You won't take your jacket off?" She raises an eyebrow at her, loving how Santana's eyes widen.

"Oh, right" She pulls down her jacket, and Brittany trails her eyes over her, appreciating what she just revealed. She's wearing a long-sleeved striped shirt and it's sticking to her chest in the perfect way. It's strange how under this hard boyish attire, there is such femininity. Brittany can't really imagine this gorgeous girl having a boy part. But she guess she really shouldn't care anyway.

"So I guess it'd be best to start with my homework maybe?" She asks Santana, before pulling out a chair for her to sit on.

"That's okay. I brought some books that might help."

/

It turns out, Santana is quite funny actually.

Just one more thing Brittany counts as a positive asset in her.

She is explaining equations to her, or at least she is trying to. They are sitting at Brittany's desk, so close Brittany can smell Santana and feel her body warmth. She is trying to pay close attention and concentrate but it's really hard when her lips look so luscious and she smells of coconut.

"You're staring…" Santana mutters lowly, keeping her eyes on the paper in front of her.

Brittany swallows thickly, feeling this is the moment. She has to step up her game now. This is the perfect moment.

"I just want to try something." Brittany whispers, before slowly raising her hand from the desk to touch Santana's cheek.

"Brittany" Santana snaps her frightened eyes at her, and Brittany can feel her face flush.

It's so warm and soft. Her skin is the softest thing she's ever touched.

"Shh…just let me" She whispers, carefully bringing both her hands to take off Santana's thick glasses.

She sets them on the desk, while Santana's too shocked to make any movement at all. Santana's eyes flicker between hers as Brittany is leaning closer to her, until she can feel Santana's hot breath on her face.

She inhales deeply, and when her lips finally touch Santana's softly, she is not entirely sure she's doing it because she has to.

Her lips wrap around Santana's pouty bottom lip and feels Santana breathe into the kiss, before she pulls away. She catches a glance at her, and she looks like she's in daze, completely forgetting herself. Brittany takes it as an approval to go further, and closes the distance between them again. This time, she kisses her harder, opening her mouth slightly to lick Santana's bottom lip. Santana opens her mouth, exhaling deeply, and soon, Brittany is kissing her with tongue, tasting her for the first time.

It makes her moan barely audibly into the kiss, and pull Santana closer by her neck.

Santana is trying her best to keep up with Brittany's rhythm, but it's obvious she's not a practiced kisser. But she's really gentle and soft, and Brittany completely forgets herself in their kiss and acts on her instincts.

Her body tells her to go for it now, so she turns more towards Santana to get a better angle and kisses her hard as her free hand settles on her thigh.

"What are you-?" Santana pulls away abruptly, but Brittany soothes her by squeezing her thigh.

"Shh"

She attaches her lips back to Santana's, but the girl's completely stiffen now. As Brittany's hand is making its way further up Santana's thigh, she is stopped by strong fingers gripping her wrist.

"No" Santana says, pushing Brittany's hand away from her. "Stop!" She shakes her head, and Brittany's face falls.

She was so close.

"But you…you kissed me back." She reasons with Santana, who moves away from her, and finally, stands up from her seat.

"I shouldn't have" She shakes her head, with what Brittany detects as disappointment.

But Brittany doesn't get it. She really felt like Santana was in to take it further.

"You liked it, didn't you? You seemed really into it" Brittany shrugs her shoulders a little, before she stands up to face Santana.

"What do you want from me?" The girl demands, with anger bursting out of her. She looks really hurt. "You're just doing this so you could laugh at me with your friends later, aren't you?"

"No" Brittany argues, shaking her head.

She really isn't. Of course there is this silly bet, but when she kissed her, she felt losing control of her body and her hand just wandered there, honest. She just likes touching.

"Then why else would you kiss someone like me?" Santana asks in a whisper and Brittany's heart sinks lower.

"Because I like you." She tries to convince her. "And I liked kissing you."

"You just wanted me to come here so you could throw yourself at me, like a piece of meat." Santana accuses harshly, taking a step back to gain some distance between them.

"I just wanted to have some fun." Brittany shrugs her shoulders a little, before an entirely different thing comes up in her mind. "You've done stuff with girls, right?" She creases her brows curiously.

"Of course I did." Santana huffs, but Brittany's not entirely convinced.

Sure it felt like Santana wasn't kissing for the first time, but Brittany doesn't know how experienced she really is. But she is saying she's done stuff, so she believes her.

"Then what's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal?" Santana asks back, her face completely disbelieving. "You really are a slut, aren't you? It's all just a fucking game for you. But I'm not your toy, Brittany." She shakes her head with utter disappointment "I was so stupid to trust you."

Her words really upset Brittany, who is on the verge of crying. She hasn't been hurt so deeply for a long time. And this afternoon started out so good. She can't believe it was ruined so suddenly.

"I…I think you should go now." She tells Santana, her voice cracking miserably.

"I was just on my way." Santana spats, stepping back to the desk to gather her stuff before snatching up her jacket. "Good bye!"

She throws one last disappointed look at Brittany, before leaving her alone, confused as to what she did wrong mere minutes ago. She was kissing Santana one second and arguing with her the next. But why?

She has no idea why Santana pushed her away.

Nobody's ever denied Brittany before and it's pretty funny Santana Lopez is the one who does it for the first time.

/

The week doesn't get a whole lot better.

The days seem to pass slower than usual. Her mind is occupied with the usual stuff, classes, Cheerios, her friends, only there's a pretty big addition now, Santana.

She tries her best to figure out why she got so angry with her. Or maybe she just got scared. Could this be the reason?

Ugh, it makes Brittany so confused and it really doesn't help her solve these equations on the paper in front of her. She's gonna fail this test too. She really didn't want to ask her father to pay for tutoring, and see the disappointed look on his face, but it seems she has no other choice now.

She has to stay on the Cheerios to make her dream come true.

/

She is so depressed after class she doesn't even notice someone standing at her locker.

Until that someone touches her arm for a split second, making her stop throwing her things into the locker.

"Hey" Santana greets her quietly.

Brittany swallows, not sure what to expect of this conversation. She's really not in the mood for fighting.

"Hi Santana" She turns to her, her voice sounding as tired as she feels inside.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior." Santana murmurs, guiltily. "I'm really sorry I called you…"

"Can we not do this here, please?" Brittany cuts her off, because even though she's really happy Santana is apologizing she'd rather hear it in private.

"Yeah, sure…sorry." Santana shakes her head, and Brittany can't help herself but grab her hand to squeeze it.

"It's fine." She gives her a small smile. "Just meet me after Cheerios practice at the bleachers."

"I'm gonna be there."

/

Cheerios practice lifts her mood considerably.

Even the girls' teasing can't throw her off her game and she shows them who is in charge by performing the hardest jump in their new routine perfectly. She really enjoys the amusement on their faces.

When she catches a familiar figure approaching the bleachers, she really gives her best.

She orders the girls to perform their sexiest routine for Santana's viewing pleasure and tries to show as much skin as she can through her moves. At least Santana should know what she's missing out on.

When practice is over, and she doesn't follow the girls inside, Quinn and a few other girls throw questioning looks at her. She just shrugs her shoulders, and Quinn smirks, when she catches sight of Santana.

Brittany's really grateful when they finally disappear and she makes her way to where Santana's sitting.

"Hey." She greets her, panting a little from the strenuous training. "You enjoyed the view?"

"I guess." Santana chuckles a little, and Brittany catches her eyes wandering down to her toned legs.

Good to know she is still into her.

"So…" Brittany clears her throat delicately, after sitting down beside her. She's leaving a respectful distance between them, just to make sure she won't scare Santana away this time.

"So…I want you to know I'm sorry for everything." Santana looks at her with a guilty frown. "I just got mad and…I shouldn't have lashed out on you so harshly. I'm sorry for calling you a slut…again" She is searching in Brittany's eyes for forgiveness with open sincerity.

"Uh…I guess you were kind of right, so." Brittany mumbles quietly.

There're two things she really doesn't like, when people call her stupid or a slut. But deep in her heart, she knows both things are true.

"No" Santana argues, touching her hand softly to make her look back at her. "I mean it's not my business who you're sleeping with."

Well, at least not until I'm sleeping with you…Brittany thinks.

"Yeah…well." She shrugs, trying to forget and enjoy how Santana's palm is resting on her hand. "Your apology is accepted."

"Thanks." Santana smiles with relief.

They dwell into silence, and Brittany notices goosebumps spreading all over her skin. The air is much chillier than the time they started practice and she's only wearing a long-sleeved white top under her Cheerios uniform.

"Are you cold?" Santana asks her, but she shakes her head.

"It's okay."

"No" Santana lets go of her hand to pull down her studded leather jacket. "Here…just wrap this around you." She gives it to Brittany, who smiles gratefully before putting it on.

It's really warm from Santana's body.

"Thanks. It smells like you."

She is pretty sure she makes Santana blush but it doesn't show on her skin.

"So I was thinking…" Santana clears her throat "…if you still want me to tutor you, you just have to tell me." She shrugs, like her offer is really not a big deal.

But it kind of is.

"Yeah" Brittany pouts sadly, thinking back to her last Maths class. "I think I just failed a test today again…"

"I'm sorry." Santana squeezes her hand again, with regret written on her face.

But Brittany has already moved on, she is concentrating on the future now. The next step in their relationship.

"Are you free on Saturday?" She asks Santana. "We could go to the Lima Bean, if that's okay with you."

"It's perfect." Santana gives her answer without hesitation.

"Then pick me up at 4." Brittany tells her with a wink, before standing up.

"Okay" Santana stands up too and stares at her awkwardly, like she is not sure how to say goodbye. But Brittany is not finished yet.

She has to make sure Santana knows one more thing before they can move on. She has to know Brittany's not only in this for the bet.

"Santana?"

"Yeah?"

"I really do like you." She smiles at her, before leaning in to peck her warm cheek.

"I like you too." Santana whispers into her ear when she pulls away, and Brittany feels the stakes in this game were just raised.

She is pretty sure this might be the worst and the best bet she's ever taken on.

/


	4. Leaving marks

_This is a 'Thank you' chapter, to all my amazing readers. It took a couple of hours to write this today, even though I should have studied...but I know it's worth it, 'cause you are showering me with praise and wow, I'm speechless. I can't believe my eyes when I see how many people are following this fic already. And the reviews make me want to write and give you more and more... _

_THANK YOU!  
_

_* emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com *_

* * *

**Leaving marks  
**

She is really giddy.

In Brittany Susan Pierce's bilingual dictionary, this means she's shaking her ass off to Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love", because Beyoncé just always gets her going and pumps her up to pull her A game and well, that woman's like Jesus, anyway. Brittany's so not a fan of Catholic Church, 'cause she'd be majorly bumped living without condoms, but even she has to admit, Jesus seems to be a cool guy. Quinn always tells Brittany to turn to him if she's in trouble, so this one time when she wanted to try feeding Lord Tubbington cotton candy and he blacked out for so long she thought he was dead, she prayed for his life. He came back. Brittany's fairly sure it was just a post orgasmic blissful sleep he's fallen into, but Lord Tubbington claims till this very day that he lost one of his nine lives there.

So Brittany's pretty grateful for Jesus.

Or Beyoncé.

This is a bit confusing for her.

But dancing's not, so she's swaying her hips to the song while trying to get dressed, throwing everything reasonably good from her closet out on the bed to pick from. It has to be a thorough process , because she can't mess up now. She wants Santana's eyes to bulge out when they meet. Or something else to bulge out…

When half of her room is covered with tiny tank tops, clingy dresses and pairs of tight jeans, because her aiming abilities just suck backwards, she releases a deep breath.

How to seduce Santana Lopez…this one thing pretty much occupies all her brain cells these days.

She's not like everybody else, as Brittany's got an unforgettable lesson of it Tuesday afternoon. She's different than all the boys she's been with. Okay, slept with, to be more concrete.

But sure she must like the black shorts and red dotted shirt - which shows just the fair amount of cleavage to stay classy like Lady Di – like anybody who's ever laid eyes on her. Paired up with her favorite black knee-length boots, Brittany is fairly sure she's gonna be undeniable. Almost four inches…the heels, sweet Jesus, why does her mind always have to wander there?

She almost got to know what Santana Lopez is hiding in her pants, and now that she was so close to the target, she can't stop aiming at it. At least with her mind.

But Brittany doesn't want to play this 'has she or hasn't she' game, if everything goes the right direction, she'll find out just in time.

/

"Mom, I'm going out."

She shouts over her shoulder before opening the door.

"Be good, sweetie!"

Comes her mother's answer.

Brittany rolls her eyes, because her mom always tells her that and it's just too tempting to rebel and not be good then. Her mother doesn't care anyway. Until she's on her way to collage, her parents just don't seem to care at all.

"Hey" Santana greets her shyly, when she's sat down in the passenger seat.

"Hi" Brittany beams, and takes a few seconds waiting for Santana's eyes to finish their journey from her heels to the top of her head before leaning in to peck her puffy cheek, leaving a little wet spot. "Like what you see?" She whispers huskily into her ear, before pulling away.

She doesn't miss the way Santana's breath hitches and her fingers tighten around the wheel.

"Yeah…you're really pretty." Santana mumbles a bit self-conscious, glancing at her own appearance.

She shouldn't worry. For a yet mysterious reason, she's switched from her statement leather jacket to a black tank and denim shirt today and Brittany really appreciates the way it highlights her awesome boobs.

"You're not bad yourself." Brittany pats her knee after she's done with giving her a onceover, and the goofy grin that breaks out on Santana's face assures her their afternoon starts the best way possible.

/

The Lima Bean is pretty crowded, but they manage to snatch a table in the corner.

It's perfect, shielded from most other seats in the café, so Santana won't monitor the room for any sources of trouble through their little "date/tutoring session".

They talk about their days until their orders come, and it turns out Santana wasn't too productive either. She slept in late, because she had "something to do" late Friday night, which after some persuasion on Brittany's part, turns out to be watching reruns of Star Trek on tv. Brittany asks her if that's the show about the guys with the strange heads, and Santana's eyes light up as she nods. Brittany gives herself a mental high-five.

When the fairly hot blonde waitress sets their plates and cups on the table, Brittany catches Santana's eyes zooming on the blonde's chest and she smirks inwardly. Girl's got a type, it seems.

"Thanks" Brittany keeps her eyes on Santana's face while the waitress is leaving.

She doesn't notice her staring, and sips from her hot chocolate. The way she licks her lips makes Brittany gulp.

"What?" She frowns, blinking to the side when she catches Brittany leering.

"Nothing" Brittany shrugs, but a small smile creeps upon her lips. "I was just…thinking." She raises her hand to start circling her index finger on the edge of her cup.

"About what?" Santana asks curiously.

"You" Brittany blurts out, nonchalantly and loves the effect it has on Santana.

"What about me?"

Brittany can basically hear Santana's heart thudding in her chest. It's so easy to get her nerves up. And she can't hide anything. She seems to feel with her whole body. That's one thing they definitely share.

"Lots of stuff…" Brittany says, setting her hand back on the table, inches away from Santana's left one. "I have so many questions. I should make a list, so I won't forget them."

"Can't we take it one at a time maybe? Just ask one and then I'll ask one." Santana offers.

"Right." Brittany nods, before something really random comes up in her mind and it's too late to keep it in. "Have you ever dreamt that you wake up from a dream?"

She kind of hates sometimes how her brain is working. It just pops things up and doesn't control them. She only knows how stupid they sound when she actually hears herself saying them out loud. But instead of giving her a stunned look, Santana seems to think her question over, searching in her memory.

"Um, not that I remember." She says like she is even sorry about her lack of such experiences.

"I always dream about that, then I get confused." Brittany frowns, not sure where she's going with this. "I mean, how should I know when I really wake up? What if I'm still dreaming right now?"

"I don't think you'd dream about me…" Santana ducks her head sadly, setting her eyes on the table, and her words take Brittany aback.

"Why?" She leans forward a little.

Santana raises her head, and her eyes flicker with uncertainty Brittany is intent to erase in the near future.

"Just…nevermind." Santana shakes her head, and Brittany tries to think of a way to make her feel better.

"I think there's one way to know though." She stares into her eyes, intensely. "You can't feel it if someone touches you in your dreams."

Santana instantly snaps her eyes to their hands, resting only a few tiny inches apart on the table and Brittany can basically see right through her scalp where the wheels are turning at a rapid pace. Santana swallows hard before mustering up the courage to slide her hand towards Brittany's and touches the back of her hand with her fingertips, so gently but still leaving a mark. Brittany knows she will feel it all day, she is just not sure why she's feeling so much right now, just by this tiny innocent touch.

"Does it work? Do you know if you're dreaming or not?" Santana asks, stroking her skin delicately.

"I'm still not sure…" Brittany whispers.

Santana's eyes snap back to her, her fingers stopping and Brittany can feel somewhere deep within herself that a decision has been made. She strokes Santana's palm with her thumb, and watches Santana's eyes melt till they look the same as the hot chocolate in front of her. Their depth scares Brittany, who feels the need to gently slide out of her loose grip and take her cup.

The burning hot tea sliding down her throat stills her nerves and when she opens her eyes again, everything is much clear now. It doesn't mean her worries are gone though.

"I have a question too..." Santana speaks up, cutting in the silence "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to." Brittany shakes her head with a smile, ushering her to go on. "Why are you best friends with Quinn? You just seem so different."

The question surprises Brittany and she doesn't know how to answer it at first.

"We've been best friends since middle school." She replies, but she's not entirely sure if it was a question or an answer.

"But why?" Santana insists and she has to gather her thoughts.

Lately, she's been feeling a bit funny about Quinn. Something's changed, especially since Quinn's got serious with Noah. But Brittany can't forget the past and she can't forget the fact that without Quinn, her life might as well be as miserable at school as Santana's. With all the bullying, and stuff.

"She stood by my side through everything. She always helps me and doesn't let people hurt me…" Brittany explains. "She's a good person. I hope you'll see someday."

"I hope someday she'll see that I'm a person too…not just some freak." Santana blurts out, angrily but seems to regret lashing out. Her eyes flicker with a kind of vulnerability that pulls on Brittany's heartstrings.

She leans closer and gently takes her hand, feeling like she's trying to heal a wounded animal.

"Is that why you transferred here? People were bullying you?" She asks, quietly.

Santana releases a deep breath, and stares out of the window, while Brittany's fingers try to get under her skin and suck all the bad feelings out of her.

"Yeah" Santana whispers sadly, snapping her eyes back to Brittany.

Through everything that must have happened to her in her life, Santana seems so brave. Brittany admires her courage. She is able to trust Brittany, even though a lot of people must have hurt her already. She doesn't deserve it.

"I won't let them now. I promise" Brittany squeezes her hand, promising herself she'll stop anyone who tries to ridicule Santana for who she is…for who she might be.

"You don't even ask why?" Santana asks, incredulously.

"You don't have to tell me anything you're not ready for."

Brittany smiles at her, and slowly, a small smile tugs at the corners of Santana's mouth.

"Thank you" She tells Brittany, and they settle into a comfortable silence, watching each other while Brittany continues stroking Santana's hand. It's funny how they got here so soon. Brittany wishes they hadn't gotten here because of the bet though.

The urge to escape overcomes her again and she has to stop this moment from having a lasting effect on her.

"So…do you want to taste my muffin?" She blurts out, and she can barely contain her giggles when Santana's eyes widen comically at her unconsciously dropped sexual innuendo.

"S-sure" Santana stammers and Brittany is already kind of excited for the part when the real muffin comes.

/

Long and grueling minutes are spent by learning simple trigonometric equations and Brittany's brain is nearing its full capacity. Santana is an enthusiastic teacher, and tries to come up with different ways to make Brittany understand the basics. When Brittany notices a colorful bird settling on a tree outside and two minutes she spends staring at it goes to complete waste, Santana gets a bit mad though. Brittany pouts regretfully, and Santana just starts from the beginning just to wipe it off.

After an hour though, they both realize Brittany can't take no more. Brittany rather orders another round of sugary hot drinks for both of them, when the books are off the table again.

"How's Glee club?" She asks, stirring her coconut latte with the spoon. She is really into coconut nowadays… "What are you guys up to?"

"We're preparing for Sectionals" Santana's eyes light up with enthusiasm.

This is her real comfort zone. Glee club, where she can be truly herself.

"That's so cool. Are you gonna sing?" Brittany asks, hopeful that the answer is yes.

Everybody should hear Santana singing. She's only heard it for a minute, but she remembers how it made her feel. She was deeply affected. Santana's voice is so moving, full of emotions.

"Yeah…I'm having a duet with Rachel, which transpires into a group song at the end." Santana explains, but her expression turns a bit stressed. "But it's not the singing I'm concerned about…"

"Why? What's wrong?" Brittany asks, dropping her spoon.

"We have to dance." Santana says dismally, her shoulders slumping. "I really like Mr. Schue, but he kinda sucks as a dance teacher…"

Brittany's eyes widen with realization. This couldn't actually come better for her. This is perfect.

"I have the most awesomest idea." She grins at Santana, who is still wrapped up in her concernes about the Glee club's dancing abilities.

"Huh?" She asks back, frowning.

"I'll teach you to dance." Brittany blurts out, giddy from the excitement.

"Really?" Santana's eyes widen and she shakes her head subtly like she can't believe what she heard. "You…you'd do that?"

Brittany nods up and down eagerly, and Santana's eyes are shining with gratitude.

"Yeah, it's gonna be so much fun." Brittany tells her, imagining a handful of scenarios things could get naughty at a dance class. "I mean, I need as much experience as I can, and I get to spend more time with you."

"The guys won't believe it." Santana shakes her head, a goofy grin breaking out on her face. "You are amazing, Britt."

And Brittany really wants to believe when she says it like that.

/

They're laughing about a joke Santana heard from Artie this week, when Brittany catches a familiar face in the café approaching their table.

"Sugar, hi" She greets one of her best friends with a bit of surprise in her voice.

She is not quite sure what she wants but really hopes don't slip up and ruin her perfect date/tutoring/ most awesomest afternoon with Santana.

"Hey guys" Sugar greets them both, and it's quite a good start.

Of course Sugar's never been a mean girl. She is different than anybody else. She's like from a different world.

"Uh…hello." Santana mumbles, completely out of place now that she's been disturbed in her little bubble with Brittany.

"Sorry to interrupt…okay, not sorry at all" Sugar shrugs, and Brittany chuckles at the face Santana makes, before Sugar turns to her. "Britts, there's gonna be a huge party at Azimio's tonight. You're coming, right?" She raises an eyebrow which makes Brittany think she wouldn't even have a choice to begin with.

But she's Queen of McKinley High, she is obligated to grace people with her presence at such social events. And she has to keep her status intact to protect herself…and Santana too.

"Duh." She shrugs her shoulder nonchalantly, and Sugar smirks with satisfaction.

"Pick you up at 9?" She offers, and Brittany takes it.

"Sure"

"Fancy. I'll see you then." Sugar winks, before turning on her heels. "Bye, S." She breathes out airily when she passes Santana, who looks like she's been electroshocked.

Brittany bursts into a fit of giggles at her hilarious face, and she joins in, breaking out of her stupor. When their laughter dies down Brittany is left with that feeling of fuzziness again and she's grateful when Santana cuts into the silence.

"Isn't she a bit…crazy?" She asks, lowering her voice like Sugar is some ghost who could haunt them and hear what they're whispering.

"Yeah…but I'm pretty sure she's related to me though." Brittany tilts her head to the side, deep in her thoughts. "She's totally the same kind of crazy as me. It's weird." She frowns a little. She has a lot of theories about Sugar…but Santana would probably freak her out if she told them. Maybe in the future.

Santana sips from her latte, the same kind as Brittany's and doesn't notice a bit of whipped cream sticking to her upper lip.

"I guess we should get back to Maths" She clears her throat seriously, but it can't be serious when she is all adorable with whipped cream on her mouth. "If you wanna go out tonight."

"Okay…but only if I get to do…" Brittany smirks a little, before slowly leaning forward until she's so close to Santana's face, Santana's lashes almost brush her skin when she closes her eyes. "…this." She breathes into Santana before gently licking the cream off her lip, and swallowing it.

She lingers close, enjoying how Santana's breath quickens in anticipation for more, but pulls away then. She knows she's being a tease, but it feels so damn right.

"Yum" She grins at Santana when she settles back in her chair, but Santana's eyes are still half-lidded.

Kinda when Brittany strokes Lord Tubbington's tummy and he is purring in pleasure.

Santana looks totally the same right now.

And Brittany can't wait for them to meet.

/

It's almost dark when Santana gets her home.

They've been together for hours, but it feels so good, Brittany doesn't really want it to end. She just wishes that stupid bet didn't come out from the back of her mind sometimes to nudge her in the ribs painfully.

"Thanks for the amazing afternoon." She smiles softly at Santana when she pulls away at Brittany's and stops the car. "I felt really good."

"Me too." Santana returns her smile, before her eyes flicker with nerves. "I guess we could...uh…repeat it, if you want that is." She offers shyly.

"Definitely." Brittany nods, taking Santana's hand to squeeze it.

"Hey…enjoy the party!" Santana tells Brittany after a short silence.

She's looking at her like she's trying really hard to figure something out. Brittany is all kinds of curious, so she decides to wait it out.

"Thanks" She replies, resting her hand at Santana's.

Santana watches her, and Brittany can see the adrenaline rushing in her blood when she opens her mouth and utters her name, nervously but clear with intention.

"Britt?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?" Santana asks in a sharp breath and it's so innocent and beautiful like…like a first time.

"You don't have to ask, silly." Brittany's mouth turns into a small smile, and it widens as Santana leans in slowly to breathe into her face.

"I just wanted to be sure." She whispers, before wrapping her mouth around Brittany's upper lip and suck on it gently.

Brittany inhales sharply in the kiss, and opens her mouth to deepen it, until they get completely wrapped up in each other. It feels so amazing, as Santana explores her mouth with her tongue, slowly like she wants to memorize every detail while her soft pouty lips never leave Brittany's. It quickly dizzies Brittany, who feels like her whole body's been lit on fire and she can't hold back a little moan escaping her mouth when Santana sucks on her tongue. She tangles her fingers into her brown locks, and tilts her head even more to give into the kiss, wanting more and more, and every conscience and coherency cease to exist when Santana finally touches her waist to pull her closer.

She's never felt this way kissing someone.

When they pull away to breathe, and Brittany opens her eyes, dozily but never more alive, Santana is smiling at her with her eyes.

"So…was it okay?" She asks shyly, but Brittany is fairly sure she knows the answer because she doesn't stop stroking her waist.

"Yeah" Brittany breathes out, quite not able to grasp how she can be affected by her touch, her kiss, her closeness so much.

Instead of trying to figure out, she leans in to lay another peck on Santana's swollen lips before pulling away. Santana lets go of her waist and settles back into her seat. And Brittany already misses her touch, now that she's had a chance to get a taste of it.

"I'll see you on Monday." Santana smiles at her, contentedly.

"I can't wait." Brittany tells her before opening the car and climbing out.

She blows a kiss to Santana through the mirror, and Santana catches it playfully, before waving her shyly.

Brittany waves her off and when she drops her hand, watching Santana disappear at the corner, she can't quite believe she didn't know the name of this girl two weeks ago.

Now she wishes she could get to know everything about her.

* * *

_THANK YOU!_

_Review if you have something to say, or just ask me to update right at this moment. :)  
_

_Next chapter will be longer, I promise.  
_


	5. Somebody who cares

_51 reviews for the last chapter. I'm flattered by all the response to this story. Keep it up, guys!_

_Promised a longer chapter and I kept my word, here it is._

_Enjoy and review if you have something to say or ask! :)**  
**_

**Warning: This chapter contains material about attempted sexual abuse that might be trigerring for some.  
**

*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***

* * *

**Somebody who cares  
**

Sugar picks her up at 10.

Neither of them is able to get ready on time. Brittany is very happy she doesn't have to come up with a ridiculous excuse, because to be honest, she spent her evening stalking Santana and her friends on Facebook. She even left her a silly message. She just couldn't help it. It was so hard to drag herself into the bathroom after and not sit in front of her MacBook, eyes glued to the screen, waiting for Santana's reply.

When she appeared in her bedroom again, wrapped solely in a white towel, she almost squealed in excitement at the sight of a red notification. She jumped to her computer, not caring the slightest how her boobs spilled from the wet towel and opened the message eagerly.

"_i found u. it's me, britt :__)))" _

"_yeah, I know…I kinda saw ur profile once or twice…"_

Brittany smirks at Santana's answer, because she should have known. It seems like Santana's been developing a crush on her for quite some time and Brittany finds her shyness totally adorable.

"_u mean u totally stalked me right? can't blame u ;)" _

She grins at the screen like she's just appeared from a cliché toothpaste commercial. Her eyes light up when Santana reads the message. She is online.

"_u have nice pictures…"_

Santana trails off, and Brittany raises an eyebrow curiously. She can't really handle the privacy settings, so all of her photos are public and she is not surprised Santana's checked them out already.

"_u have a fav?"_

She smiles, and hopes that Santana won't shy away from a little online flirting. Santana is hard to break, but she can be really cute without even knowing it. Brittany wonders which picture she liked the most, because she has her fair share of sexy ones on her profile. She is in such turmoil every time when she wants to change her profile picture.

"_all of them…but um…I guess u in the white dress…" _

Santana replies and Brittany bites down on her bottom lip.

It's a picture of her from the trip to California last year. It was the best time of her life…until just this very day.

She's posing on the picture without any make up, high heels or fancy dresses on…it's just her in a light summer dress, standing in the sand, while the sun's setting in the background. She's smiling into the camera in a way that says I finally found myself. And she totally did. She just had this feeling that she came home and she made a final decision about what she wanted in her life. She decided to make her dreams come true in California.

The picture pulls on the strings of her heart, as she recalls what she felt there, and a few seconds later it's displayed as her new profile picture.

She closes her notebook and smiles at her action.

It was probably enough of a reply to Santana.

/

They're blasting Ke$ha on their way to Azimio's house, singing the silly songs on top of their lungs with Sugar.

Tonight's gonna be fun.

It's the first house party since last week's huge football success, and everybody is gonna be there who counts as 'something' in McKinley High's social hierarchy.

Brittany can't wait to conquer the dance floor. Nobody can keep up with her. A few Cheerios come fairly close, but when she gives her all, she totally owns it and they better stand aside and learn. She is grateful for her parents for paying for the ridiculous amount of dance classes she's taken in her life, including hip-hop, which really gives her liberty at dancing and lets her experiment with her body.

And she enjoys showing off her skills and remind everyone who owns the top spot at McKinley High's social pyramid. She is right there, with Quinn and Sugar supporting her on each side. Their fellow Cheerios and the football jocks occupy most of the remaining places. It's a pretty tight group. The rule is simple, either you're in or you're not.

You better be in if you want to survive.

/

The party's already pretty hardcore when they arrive.

They could hear the music blasting from the end of the street and Brittany's blood starts pulsating in her body when they step into the house. Their entree with Sugar couldn't be more flashy, and Brittany enjoys how everything kind of stops for a second because they're finally there.

When they find their way to the spacy kitchen, which serves as a bar with dozens of empty bottles and deserted cups lying everywhere, half the boys in there offer their sensational mixing skills for the girls' enjoyment. There's an insane amount of alcohol, and not just the lame wine coolers kind of drinks, but absinthe, tequila and even some fancy whisky from a parent's robbed collection.

They get tipsy fairly quickly.

And then off to the dance floor.

/

When they return to the kitchen a while later, chests heaving and forehead covered with perspiration, they are in a great need of a drink.

Brittany takes huge gulps from her coke, spiced up with rum and laughs at Sugar mimicking some silly boy's hilarious dance style.

Sugar is so careless and fun, she always makes her day, or in this case, her night.

They're giggling hysterically when familiar faces show up in the kitchen.

Brittany jumps up from her stool, probably a little too abruptly and tackles Quinn in a bear hug. She is all sweaty and gross, but she is so happy her best friend is here.

"Britt" Quinn chuckles into her ear, and untangles herself from the embrace to look at her. "You are drunk." She raises her eyebrows pointedly.

"Am not." Brittany peals, then tries to focus on Quinn's face and fails, which means one thing, she totally is. "Maybe a little…" She trails off, then her thoughts turn another direction and her lips turn into a pout. "I thought you wouldn't come…"

"Oh, I wouldn't have sat this out for anything." Quinn smirks.

"Yay!" Sugar claps her hands, sliding down from her stool to make her way between them. "Now enough talking, we're so gonna get our drinking on!"

She reaches for the bottle of rum to refill their cups, when Noah appears at the kitchen island.

"Ladies" He wiggles his eyebrows, and Brittany's face hardens. "Let me handle that"

He's giving her negative vibes and she feels uncomfortable in his presence. He means trouble, but she hasn't found this disturbing until just recently. The bet has changed a lot. The way he handles it is totally showing his true colors. But for Quinn's sake, she has to suppress her apprehension and pretend to like him.

"Noah, hey" She clears her throat, forcing a smile on her lips.

Her great mood when Quinn arrived seems so far away like it never happened. Now it feels like a dark cloud is above her head, and she has no idea when it's gonna start raining, and of course, she has no umbrella with her. Noah is like a dark cloud, and for three more weeks, he's gonna follow her everywhere.

"Britt" He smirks, toying with the bottle in his hand. "How you doin'?"

"Fine, thanks!" Brittany shrugs, but before she could ask back, Puck leans in to whisper in a condescending tone.

"Had any lately?" He sneers, and Brittany's heart rate speeds up, thinking of how she's proceeding with Santana. He's clearly referring to her, and it makes Brittany anxious, which she has a hard time hiding from him.

"Puckerman, don't be a jerk!" Quinn hisses, and Brittany is grateful for the interruption, because it wins her a few more seconds to pull herself together and act like she's in total control of the challenge, which is seducing Santana Lopez.

"Don't worry about me, Noah" She shrugs nonchalantly, giving him a confident smirk. "I'm pretty close, so…" She hangs up the sentence meaningfully, and the satisfied smile freezes on his lips.

Brittany's always been a great liar, and though she hates lying, sometimes she has no other choice. It's a skill she had to master to survive.

"Well, well, you pretty ladies go sit down!" Noah motions towards the living room. "Drinks are gonna be served in a minute"

"Thanks, N" Sugar tells him, before throwing a hand around Brittany's shoulder. "Let's go!"

She guides her out, following Quinn's steps, and Brittany tilts her head to catch a last glance at Noah. He is showing his back to her, and Matt's whispering something into his ear, which gains him a pat on the shoulder from Noah. The significant look they share makes Brittany feel unease, but the harsh, heart-shaking beats welcoming her in the living room subdues any doubt she could have over how the night will go on.

/

Everything is kinda cool until Britney comes on.

It just makes her wants to rip her clothes off, and dance, and scream and shout that she's Brittany, bitch, on top of her lungs. But the song is called 'Scream and shout', so it shouldn't be so surprising. Even the temperature seems to rise in the more than fully-packed living room of the house, or more like, estate. Some older dudes made it to the party as well, collage kids, strangers she's never seen in town and it's starting to get out of control.

She is starting to get out of control too.

She's shaking her hips on the dance floor, grinding into the handful of boys and girls surrounding her, like they all want a piece of her. Her eyes are closed, head dropped back in ecstasy and she feels lips ghosting her throat, then a bite on her shoulder and she just opens her eyes when rough hands embrace her torso and pull her into a death grip, a boy eager to feel her ass pushing into his lap.

It was all just fun until now.

She grasps his hands, one already groping her boobs while the other is sliding down her tight abdomen to dive into her pants, and she fights him, until his grip loosens and she can turn around to see who it is.

It's very blurry, but she can make out the familiar face.

It's Matt.

And it's his lips covering hers the next second, as he pulls her into a hard, searing kiss, all teeth and tongue, and she is on the verge of throwing up in his mouth when she feels his bulge pressing into her. She clutches his shoulders, nails digging into him through his shirt, because she has to ground herself. Her heart is beating erratically in her chest, still her body seems dulled, her reactions slowed and she is weak, so weak. She feels lightheaded, unable to think clearly as his tongue tries to consume her entire being while he is searching for release by cupping her ass to bring their centers closer.

She can't fight it.

She has no idea what's happening to her. Everything was all right a few minutes ago, but her sense of time might not be working properly right now.

She is gasping for breath when he finally pulls away. Her throat is dry, sharp needles are stabbing her insides and the taste in her mouth is so sour, she desperately needs to soothe the ache that overcame her when she first felt his unwanted touch.

Her senses not only distorted by the alcohol now, but the shame and guilt too, she can barely catch the words he's saying over the loud, earth-shattering beats of the music. She frowns, maybe, she is not sure, but he seems to realize and leans closer.

"Come on, babe" He tells her, and her chest tightens at the display of his false affection. "Let's get you a drink!"

She is more than okay with that.

She needs nothing more than to escape from this crowd and ease her thirst, cool down so she can think clearly, get in control again.

She lets herself dragged into the kitchen, and the smell of fresh vomit makes her sick. She rests her elbows on the kitchen island, and buries her face into her hands. It feels so good, the way her cold palms meet the burning skin of her forehead. She has no idea how one can feel so hot and cold at the same time, and so sick and twisted inside.

"Here, babe" Matt's deep, throaty voice catches her attention and she raises her head, to see him smiling mysteriously. "This is gonna make you feel real good" He nods reassuringly, and she wishes she could feel as good as him.

The drink he pushes into her hand cools her down, but she can feel the alcohol lighting her insides on fire and it just gets worse. She takes deep breaths, trying to shake it off, but her head is spinning crazily when she empties her cup.

Maybe it just needs time to work.

"Wanna go back dancin'?" He asks, laying his hand on her back and guides her back into the living room when she gives him an unsure, timid shrug.

It feels like she's watching a slideshow of photos instead of motion picture, a few frames disappearing somewhere, and the film keeps skipping parts. A few familiar faces flare up then fade into oblivion and she is lost again in the crowd, which is moving in waves to the beat, carrying her away into territories she's never explored before.

She is not entirely alone though, because Matt's all over her, but it doesn't feel like they're dancing together. It feels like he's dancing with her body, toying with her, while she is somewhere else, unable to control what's happening. His hot breath is hitting her neck, tongue licking her ear shell and eager hands probing her body, while she's trying to work it to the rhythm with less and less success is his bondage.

She is falling apart and dangerously fast.

More and more frames seem to miss and she is pretty sure she just skipped the entire time they climbed the stairs to one of the bathrooms upstairs.

The cold tiles feel good on her back, but his mouth couldn't feel worse on her lips, then sliding down to her jaw, before he pants into her ear.

"Oh baby" He groans while thrusting into her, his fingers digging into her bare waist to keep her still while he is rocking his growing bulge into her, breath ragged and stinking from the alcohol.

She doesn't want it, not with him, not with anyone in here. But she feels too frail and fragile to draw off his fingers from her flesh, too numb to push him away. She doesn't know why she is grossed out right now instead of being turned on. She should feel the same desire as him, shouldn't she? But she doesn't. She is sick. She doesn't want him.

She wants someone else.

It makes her bite into his lip when he kisses her again, but the light force make it seem like a playful nip, and he just smiles at her fighting him. He is enjoying it. He pushes his tongue into her mouth again, and she feels like he's stealing a part of her.

Only the sound of his zipper opening shocks her enough to ascend back into consciousness.

It takes every effort in her body to tug him away, and formulate coherent words, the fear of what is going to happen rescuing her lucidity.

"What are you doing?" She chokes out, gripping his shirt in her fists, and her eyes flicker all over his face to understand.

"Don't play dumb!" He laughs mirthlessly and the knot in her chest tightens even more, until she feels her lunges are about to collapse. "You know what I'm doing, babe…" He drops his jeans, before grabbing her wrists tightly to remove them from his shoulders.

"No!" She shouts hysterically, strength returning to her body in the moment of sheer panic. "Stop!"

"What the fuck?" He demands angrily, leaning close to her face, mere inches away but she feels like they're in two different worlds right now.

"I…I can't" Brittany whispers, her heart thudding in her throat, every beat telling her she would hate herself if she let him. "Let me go!" She breaks out of his grip, surprising him, and with a pace she doesn't know how she is capable of, she stumbles to the door and grabs the knob, but she is still not quick enough.

"Hey, not so fast" He clutches her elbow, leaving a bruise, pulling her back roughly while his other hand hooks into his boxers. "At least give me a fucking blowjob"

"Fuck you!" She gasps out, and punches him in the chest to fight him off.

He stumbles back into the bathroom, and she manages to unlock the door – with shaking fingers – and escape.

"Stupid fucking bitch" He yells after her furiously. "You're so gonna regret this!"

She doesn't care whether it's an empty threat or not, all she cares about now is to get out of here and make it home. Her legs are clumsy, her moves missing their usual smoothness and grace as she rushes down the stairs and breaks through the crowd in the huge house.

Due to some wonder, she doesn't get lost.

She finds the front door and runs outside, and a whimper escapes her mouth when she finally feels the chilly air hitting her bare skin. She must have lost her jacket somewhere. It's no wonder; she loses one of two clothing items every time. But at least, she didn't lose a piece of her dignity tonight.

The cold pierces into her bones, and she's trembling so hard she can barely walk down the sidewalk. She embraces her torso tightly, trying to warm herself up and feel like she's not falling into pieces anymore. The panic she felt alone in the room with him is wearing off now, and it's replaced by a certain kind of dullness. She feels that a lot, sober and not, too.

The street lights flicker as she's rushing her steps. It's dark, late into the night and she is alone, completely alone. The beat is still reverberating in her ears and she can't seem to dispose of the vibrant images in her head.

Minutes pass by and she is desperate to go home, to warm up, to wash off the sweat and dirt covering her skin, and lay her head on her soft pillow. But she's living miles from here, and she wills her legs not to give up and buckle under the weight she's carrying with her. Cars pass her once in a while and one even blows the horn at her. She flinches from the sharp sound and wishes she wouldn't have found it such a good idea to wear only a tiny short and a tank, with thigh-high boots for the night. It would be so nice to feel something warm wrapped around her, a cardigan or a blanket, or a comforting arm.

She wishes Santana would be here with her now.

She is always so warm and soft, and the way she touches her is so caring. When they kissed, she wasn't eager or demanding, Brittany didn't feel like she was taking a part of her. She felt like she was giving it away and willingly. It felt right, but this…this felt so wrong tonight.

She tries to convince herself she's overreacting, and the alcohol in her blood is a bad influence when it comes to her raging emotions. She just wishes to get home, that much is sure, and that's why she doesn't stop when a car slows down beside her. She makes an effort to keep her eyes strictly on the road, trying not to think of the worst scenarios when the sound of the window opening reaches her ears.

"Brittany" Someone calls her name, with surprise and uncertainty in the familiar female voice. "Is that you?"

Brittany lets out a relieved breath, because nothing bad can happen now, right, she has no reason to be afraid of a woman.

She tilts her head to see who it is, and she frowns at the recognition.

"Miss P" She looks at the red-haired woman quizzically.

She can't think of a reason why a person like Miss Pillsbury would be out at this time of a Saturday night. Maybe this whole night is just a bad dream and now she is getting to the weirdest part. She just really hopes Miss P. won't be a serial killer in her dream, because that would be hard to forget when she has to face her at school next week.

"You shouldn't be alone out so late" Miss Pillsbury tells her disapprovingly, and looks more like a doe by the second with her wide, fearful eyes. "Please get in the car, we're gonna take you home"

We, as in…wow, Miss P. is sitting beside Mr. Schuester in the car. Brittany's always had a suspicion. They make quite a nice couple, but Brittany really hopes their kids won't inherit Mr. Schue's chin or his lack of taste and variety when it comes to dressing up and they really should have darker skin tones than Miss P's – even though this sounds a bit racist– but Brittany knows how much of a damn freckles are. While she's picturing their children in her head, the car comes to a stop and Miss Pillsbury climbs out.

"Brittany" She stands in front of her, and gasps softly. "Are you crying?"

Brittany frowns, because the answer should be obviously no, until she touches her cheek and it's wet. She didn't even realize it. She wipes her tears off, and she is pretty sure she looks like a raccoon right now. Lord Tubbington won't like that when she gets home.

"Is something happened to you?" Miss P. asks, and Brittany is not sure what to answer. She feels confused about how her night turned out like this and her silence seems to worry the woman ever further. "Will!"

She hisses to Mr. Schue, who appears beside her a second later and inspects Brittany like they've never met before.

"Brittany" He whispers, shaking his head a little, and the way they're acting totally freaks Brittany out. "Here, you must be freezing" He takes his jacket off and wraps it around her shoulders.

"Thanks" She gathers it into her fists and she has to admit, it feels nice.

It's warm, and the smell resembles her father's.

"Will, I don't want to touch her, please" Miss P. whispers with pointed eyes, and Brittany would totally take it to her heart if she didn't agree she was gross. She wouldn't touch herself in her place too, even though she's a big fan of masturbation. It's totally hot. Mr. Schuester is a kind man, because he does lay a gentle hand on her back without caring and guides her to the car, opening the door and helping her inside.

When inside, an irritating silence overcomes the two adults, and Brittany feels like she's been placed into the weirdest modern silent movie in the history of film. Being the third feel to Miss P. and Mr. Schue is not something she'd have thought of experiencing, like ever and her mind is pretty adventurous, compared to the average teenagers.

"Should we call her parents?" Mr. Schue finally cuts into the silence, but Brittany wishes he didn't. The horrid image of her parents waken up in the middle of the night because she is in trouble snaps up in her mind, and she would rather be butchered by a serial killer in the park down the road than meet her parents in this state. And she would rather have them not know what happened to her, than have them not care. It just feels too rough.

"Please don't tell them, Mr. Schue!" She pleads, looking into Mr. Schuester's puppy eyes through the rearview mirror. "I just…I really needed to get out of there, please believe me" She shakes her head, the anxiety she felt back in Azimio's house washing over her agan and reminding her of what might have happened, if she stayed.

The thought sends a shiver down her spine.

"It's okay, we won't you call your parents, Brittany" Mr. Schue shoots her a gentle smile, and she releases a deep breath, settling back into the comfy seat. "Can you give me directions to where you live?"

"Yeah…uh, I think so" She mutters, ashamed, because she's never been really good at navigation.

She gets confused by maps. Even at school, she still gets lost sometimes.

But they make it to the familiar white house she calls home, and she wants nothing more than to step in and feel the safety and piece inside.

"Brittany" Mr. Schue catches her attention, turning his head back to look at her. "Promise me you'll call us if you ever get into trouble. A girl like you shouldn't wander the streets alone in the middle of the night."

She doesn't know what kind of girl she is, but tries not to hang up on his ambiguous words.

"Sure" She nods, and grabs the handle on the door but he is not finished yet.

"And if you need to talk to someone...I'm sure Miss Pillsbury here would be glad to help out" He offers with a smile, but Brittany focuses on the woman's hilarious face. "Emma?" Mr. Schue frowns at the lack of assurance coming from Miss P., and the woman's horrified expression is replaced by an equally scary optimistic one.

"Of course." She lets out a high-pitched chuckle, shaking off the mental images of Brittany's bare thighs touching the immaculate leather chair in her office. "I've just had my new pamphlets delivered, for the trials and tribulations of you, adorable teenage kids." Her eyes light up and Brittany is pretty sure Miss P. has no idea what she's talking about. She would probably faint if Brittany told her how many boys she's had sex with already, at the age of seventeen.

Miss P. must have skipped her teenage years or came out of her mother like an adult, even though that must have hurt like hell for the woman. But Brittany can only hope Mr. Schuester will man up and pop Miss P.'s cherry so she could make up a bit for the lost time.

"Right, uh..." She frowns a bit, trying to repress her mind from imagining the couple looking at her having sex after they get home. "Thanks for the lift!"

She opens the door, and tries her best to climb out without bumping her head.

"Take care, Brittany" Mr. Schue tells her and Brittany smiles at him gratefully, before closing the door.

Miss. Pillsbury waves to her awkwardly, before they drive off and she climbs the stairs to the porch, thinking this is one of the weirdest nights she's ever had.

/

She feels like a zombie when she wakes up.

Half-dead, she staggers into the bathroom and fearfully takes a look at herself in the mirror. Wow, she really shouldn't have done that.

She takes a long, steamy shower and only dares to appear downstairs when she is fairly sure every sign of her where-about last night disappeared. She doesn't smell like sweat and alcohol anymore, and she looks like a normal teenage girl instead of a sad hooker, thanks to her magical cleansing routine and the amazing cucumber face pack from the latest issue of Cosmo. She was really happy Lord Tubbington didn't snatch it right away, because he is a big fan too.

Despite her hard efforts, it's still pretty suspicious that she walks into the kitchen at two pm., searching for something solid to treat her queasy stomach with.

Fortunately, her parents totally surrender for her thin excuse of spending the night at Quinn's. They adore Quinn, of course, and Brittany's always had a sense they would gladly switch them if they could. It's no wonder…her parents have always wanted a smarter one, and probably a less quirky one instead of Brittany. Of course they get on by, but sometimes Brittany feels like she's kind of lonely, even when they are home.

Her mother makes her tea though and it feels nice when her dad strokes her hair and kisses her forehead, before announcing they're going out to a dinner party.

She pouts, because she wishes they'd bring her too. She voices her opinion, but his father just chuckles, and brushes it off, telling her she wouldn't enjoy it.

Maybe that's true but at least she'd be with them.

But they don't take her seriously, so she lets it go and murmurs she has a lot of homework before escaping back into her room.

She has some pretty serious stuff to figure out anyway.

/

There're two options.

Either she confesses to Santana what happened at the party, probably jeopardizing any kind of relationship with her in the future or she tries her best to keep the information from coming out. She doesn't have to worry about Matt spilling the truth, since he must be totally embarrassed she didn't put out for him this time. Boys are not really hard to figure out. It would crush his reputation as the biggest player in McKinley if his failed attempt would make the news Monday morning. But he is shady. He could always just lie and tell everyone how he made her night at Azimio's.

People would believe him, and it makes Brittany a sad panda.

They wouldn't even be surprised if she hooked up with him last night, since she is pretty infamous about sexing up her partying. But the truth is, this time around, she wasn't into it. She almost did it, even though she wasn't into it at all.

Nobody cares. They would judge her anyway.

She can only hope Santana wouldn't but she is too afraid to find out. She rather calls the one person she has to stand by her side to avoid any kind of controversy.

/

When her parents leave the house, she doesn't waste any time.

She is out ten minutes later, with a black wig sitting on top of her head and huge shades covering half her face. She has to take precautions, not to be caught in a compromising act with Jacob Ben Israel.

The sun already set a little while ago, so it's fairly dark and the streets are deserted as usual on a regular Sunday evening. People don't go out that much around here, especially Sunday, only if they're called the Pierces and have a ton of similar high profile friends from working in real estate ever since Brittany can remember. But Lima is hell of a boring town for a teenager.

Jacob is waiting for her in the abandoned, smoky alley behind Mr. Hummel's tire shop.

He is fidgeting with his belt and Brittany is pretty sure he already jacked off a few times. It's just gross. She would totally be afraid to be alone with him and his horny ass, if she didn't know he had the hots for another girl.

She takes a look behind herself and when the air is clear, she walks down the alley and snaps him out of his naughty fantasies.

"Israel" She keeps her voice low and hard, they're here to handle serious business after all. "I got what you asked for..." She teases him, touching her bag which contains the trade of his promise.

"Give it to me!" He jumps to her eagerly before she raises her hand to stop him.

"Keep it in your pants, JBI" She points to the boy's apparent bulge and tries not to imagine what he'll do with it after they're done here. "I'm not gonna give it to you until you give your word" She challenges him, and he doesn't waste a second to voice his undying support in this case.

"I promise I'll keep your little secret" He nods up and down furiously, but she's not done playing with him. It's too much fun to see his hands sweating and his eyes flickering to her bag every other second, yearning to see the piece of underwear he's wished for.

"And this means?" Brittany drags the question out, and opens her bag to heighten his excitement, which is totally over the top already.

"I won't tell anybody." He hisses between gritted teeth, his eyes glued to Brittany's hand ducked into her bag. "I won't release it neither in the newspaper nor on my blog, and I'll make sure to trash anybody who tries to spread it. Now give it!" He almost shouts, eyes widening extremely as Brittany pulls out a worn-out pair of pink granny panties.

"Oh, you mean…this?" She asks nonchalantly, before Jacob snatches it from her fingers and buries his face into it.

"Yes, ugh, yeah" He groans, and Brittany's face screws up. "Smells so….delicious"

He is about to blow his load and she is fairly sure it's time to go before she suffers brain damage from this traumatic experience.

"I'm sure Rachel would be flattered." She clears her throat awkwardly, before slinging her bag over her shoulder. "Have fun, Jacob"

She turns on her heels, smirking as she walks away, followed by his desperate sucking up.

"I'm forever beholden to you, My Majesty" He yells after her breathlessly. "God save the Queen!"

It was a brilliant plan she came up with. Lord Tubbington reluctantly agreed to dry-hump the grandma panties, so they would smell like feline sex, which is as close to Rachel's scent as she could get. Jacob totally believed her.

Brittany really didn't want to feed his unhealthy obsession with Rachel Berry, but she had no choice here. It was the only thing she could bribe him with.

But she has nothing to worry about now.

/

Quinn is waiting for her in the parking lot, with Sugar by her side.

Brittany hasn't seen them since the party and only exchanged a few short texts with Sugar.

"Hey guys" Brittany greets them, pushing her shades on top of her head.

The sun is shining brightly and she is in a great mood, in spite of what happened at the party. She is over it now. She handled it yesterday and there's no point to feel bad about it anymore.

"Britts" Sugar squeals, stepping beside her to hook her arm into her elbow.

"Hey Brittany" Queen joins in the other side, and they head off to start their Monday morning in style. "Sorry for not calling you yesterday…I was just so busy" Quinn shrugs apologetically as they're crossing the parking lot to enter the school.

"Yeah?" Brittany tilts her head to look at her and she's giving her these strange vibes again.

"My parents weren't home, so…Noah came over" Quinn smirks suggestively, and Brittany's fairly sure they just christened her bed.

She is not sure she wants to hear the details.

"Guess you had a good day then" Brittany mutters, snapping her eyes away from her best friend's smug face.

"Uh-um" Quinn nods with satisfaction.

Brittany doesn't really get why she is so desperate nowadays. It must be Noah's bad influence. But it's strange, Quinn's never let others control her and now she's turning out of herself. Brittany doesn't like it, but she must love Noah if she is sleeping with him. She's saved herself for him, so he must mean a lot to her. But it doesn't mean she should let him change her.

"How is he, by the way?" Sugar chimes in, with her usual careless manner and Brittany almost breaks into a fit of giggles.

Only Sugar would be so blunt when it comes to sex apart from Brittany, but she already knows the answer.

"He is amazing" Quinn brags, and it completely stuns Brittany, so much she is not able to filter her thoughts before they exit her mouth.

"Oh, really? Must have improved a lot." She replies, and it's too late to suck it up because Quinn flinches away and they come to an abrupt stop on the hallway. Quinn turns to face Brittany and her eyes are sparkling dangerously.

"Well, I like to think sex is about two people" She tells her sharply. "And it feels so good when someone loves you." She raises her eyebrows deliberately, and Brittany's heart drops.

Quinn turns on her heels, leaving her with Sugar and she feels like a bucket of ice-cold water has been flushed into her face. Her cheeks are burning from the embarrassment, sharp tingles caused by Quinn's harsh words. Brittany knows she's never slept with someone who loved her, but she's never expected her best friend to be the first to throw it into her face. But Brittany guesses she kind of deserved it. She shouldn't have insulted Noah's skills in bed, but Quinn also shouldn't have used her sore spot to fight back.

"That was kinda harsh." Sugar notes, while they continue their way to their lockers.

Brittany releases a deep breath, shaking her head guiltily.

"It was my fault." She mutters sadly, before trying to remember her locker combination.

Sugar comes at her rescue, like all the other times she is too distracted to remember the numbers. Brittany opens the locker and stares into her mirror, her sad reflection looking back at her.

"What's going on with you two anyway?" Sugar asks, but Brittany doesn't have an answer for the question.

She wishes she had. The only thing she knows is that something is way off between her and Quinn, and she can't go on pretending it's not.

"I'm not sure…" She mumbles, fishing for the books she needs for the day. "I'm gonna talk to her later" She shrugs, hopeful that she can make up with Quinn.

She doesn't want anything to change between her and her best friend, but she is a bit afraid it's too late. But she guesses she should try, anyway.

"You totally should." Sugar nods approvingly. "We can't just break up McKinley's royal three. So you two better work it out" She winks at Brittany, before turning away to stride down the hallway, two inches above the floor like some kind of a superwoman.

Sugar is right.

Brittany can't let something so silly, like a boy and a bet come into their way and ruin their long-standing friendship with Quinn. She goes off to start her first period with determination to make everything right.

/

To her surprise, nobody occupies her place beside Quinn in the classroom.

The girl still looks upset, so Brittany hesitates when she arrives at the table they've been sharing for years now.

"Can I sit down?" Brittany asks shyly, and Quinn's hazel eyes snap to her face.

"Of course" She shakes her head a little, and scoots away a bit to leave room for Brittany.

Brittany settles in her chair and swallows thickly, before turning to face Quinn's perfect profile. She is staring into space, her eyes clouded and Brittany's chest tightens.

"Quinn, I'm sorry" She whispers apologetically. "I shouldn't have said those mean things." She is desperately searching for Quinn's eyes, to see them melt with forgiveness.

Quinn opens her mouth and Brittany is pretty sure she is holding something back.

"It's okay…I was overreacting" Quinn glances at her, a tight, forced smile gracing her lips. "Just, forget it" She brushes off her apology, and it makes Brittany confused.

"Are you sure?" She asks, frowning.

Quinn is so hard to figure out sometimes. She can hide her emotions so well like nobody else, retreating behind thick walls, shielding herself away from prying eyes. Sometimes Brittany is not sure if it's the real Quinn or just a façade, and she wonders if they are slowly merging into one whole.

"Yeah" Quinn clears her throat, finally breaking the tension. "It's just...sometimes it's exhausting, you know, to stand in the middle"

"Between me and Noah?" Brittany lowers her voice, trying to keep the conversation from their gossipy classmates.

"Uh-um" Quinn nods, and her pained expression seems completely sincere. "I just don't want to take anyone's side. I'm with him now, but…I need my best friend, too." She whispers gloomily.

Brittany is relieved they are finally on the same page. She feels the same, she needs Quinn by her side and she misses the old times when everything felt so easy with her. They were always in sync, and Brittany didn't have to make an effort to read her thoughts and hidden intentions. They told each other everything, and so much has changed since then. But one thing is sure, Brittany would do everything not to lose her.

"But I'm here." She assures Quinn, searching for her hand under the table. "Nothing will change that." She squeezes it, and Quinn shoots her a soft, wavering smile.

Her eyes are teary, and Brittany wonders why she hasn't voiced her problems sooner.

"I know…" Quinn shrugs, blinking away her tears with an awkward chuckle before patting Brittany's hand. "You know, I just really hope you will get that tape soon, so we could go back to our lives and forget about this stupid bet forever."

Brittany has to muster up a huge effort to return Quinn's reassuring smile, while she's feeling so lost inside.

Even though sometimes she wishes she'd have never made the nasty deal with Noah, she can't not acknowledge the fuzzy feelings inside her when she thinks about Santana. She is pretty sure things are heading into a direction which is gonna affect her in a big way and she's never gonna be able to go back to her old, simple, careless life before. Even if she succeeded with Santana and delivered proof, which already makes her nauseous, she could never just forget and go on with her life, leaving a heartbroken Santana behind. And in case she fails at the challenge, her life is gonna turn upside down. She's gonna be a loser, and maybe lose Santana anyway.

Until she figures it out, she has to do the one thing she hates Quinn doing, pretend everything is all right.

/

Brittany catches Santana sitting with the Glee club kids at lunch break.

It's the first time since Saturday, and her mind is instantly filled with the images, the words, the tastes and the smells of their afternoon…it's such an amazing memory. She can't wait to collect many more with Santana.

She positions herself at the table she is sharing with the Cheerios team in the middle of the cafeteria so she can watch Santana the entire time they're eating.

She's munching on her fries absentmindedly, paying weak attention to the gossiping that's going on, because her mind is severely occupied with the way Santana giggles with her dimples showing and her shoulders shaking under the comfy hoodie she's wearing. Santana is so beautiful when she is careless.

Brittany just wishes people would see it, how beautiful she is.

She might be different, that's still a mystery, but Brittany can't imagine whatever she has between her legs changing the way she looks at Santana. She has to make sure Santana will realize she doesn't have to fear Brittany's judgment. She has to earn her trust, and be worthy of her, even though that's quite impossible until she doesn't tell her about the bet.

The hairs rise up on Brittany's back the same way Lord Lubbington's when she's approaching with the shower head, when she thinks of telling Santana.

She doesn't want to ruin it, whatever that's blossoming between them. She has to see this through, to make sure Santana is worth losing her reputation and the top spot at McKinley High's social ladder.

/

The boys finish early with football practice, and Brittany is relieved she doesn't have to encounter either Matt or Noah, when she jogs out to the pitch.

She is so not over what happened at the party. She is pretty sure she lost her appetite for having sex with any of the jocks in this school. Not that there would be a lot whom she hasn't slept with already, but she is so grossed out by the idea of a horny, sweaty amateur humping her, she wishes she could erase all these memories of her slightly promiscuous teenage years.

She just wants somebody who cares.

She's never realized how much she's longing for that kind of special connection, before Matt trapped her in Azimio's bathroom and tried to force her into having sex with him. He only cared for his own pleasure, and he was ready to use her to satisfy his needs, without taking a moment to consider what _she_ needed and how _she_ felt.

She is pretty sure she never wants to sleep with any of these guys again, even if it means her right hand is gonna be her new best friend until she finds someone who cares.

/

Cheerios practice runs way over time.

When Coach Sue finally lets them go, skin covered with sweat everywhere, muscles sore and aching, Brittany hurries back into the locker room to drop a message to Santana that she is sorry she's being late.

What she doesn't expect is two missed calls and a text waiting for her.

Santana informs her she's gone to the Lima Bean already and she's waiting for her there.

The cute winking smiley at the end makes Brittany beam at the screen dopily, before she drops her phone and runs off to get ready in record time. After showering and dressing up into a fresh Cheerios uniform, she unties her damp hair and shakes her head to let her rebellious blonde locks fall onto her shoulders. She totally has that after-sex look going on right now.

Applying cherry lipstick on her pink lips, she is more than ready to meet Santana.

/

What she is not prepared for is half the Glee club sitting at a table with Santana in the Lima Bean.

It's not stretching to say she's rarely been as nervous to walk up to a group of people as she is now. Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel and a boy resembling one of Santa's elves are sharing a table with Santana. Kurt's the most fashionable person after Brittany in McKinley, but he is often mocked for his edgy clothes, and well, for his sexuality. Brittany's always felt bad for him, because she could make out with girls anytime she wanted, she didn't get bad rep for it, but Kurt's life has been a living hell thanks to the likes of Dave Karofsky and Azimio. It's gotten much better, but he still has to occasionally change sweaters through the day after a slushie facial. Brittany's seen the other boy with him, but she's always thought she was dreaming about mythical creatures, but apparently, people do exist with hair styles like his.

Brittany advances towards their table, and Rachel kind of screws her plan to surprise Santana over, when she waves at her eagerly. Santana trashes her head around and Brittany doesn't miss the way she checks out her legs before locking her eyes with her.

She smirks, enjoying her effect on Santana, and quickly covers the distance between them.

"Hey" She shoots everybody a wide smile, before setting her right hand on Santana's shoulder and squeezing it. "Sorry I'm late to the party." She tells her apologetically.

"Uh, it's okay" Santana shrugs a little, before turning to the others, who are all staring at Brittany kind of dumbstruck. "Guys, this is Brittany."

"Everybody and their grandmother know who she is." Kurt chirps, rolling his eyes dramatically, before nodding to Brittany. "We're glad to have you here, Brittany"

"Thanks Kurt!" Brittany beams at him.

"Right…" Santana clears her throat awkwardly, before hissing at Rachel. "Berry, scoot over!"

Rachel reluctantly does so, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"You're welcome, Santana"

Santana slides over on the plushy seat to leave some space for Brittany to sit down. She sits close to Santana, her bare thigh meeting the girl's jeans, and leans in to kiss her cheek. "Sorry, I couldn't help it" She whispers into her ear, and Santana stops breathing momentarily.

They share a smile, Santana's so wide it's reaching her eyes, when Rachel's outrageously loud voice interrupts their special moment.

"Brittany, as the leader of Glee club, I would like to express our gratitude for teaching us dancing." She squeaks theatrically and Brittany hates that she has to cast her gaze at her instead of drowning in Santana's brown eyes. "Although I'm often called a talented dancer myself…" Brittany's eyebrows shoot up and she swears Santana just groaned beside her. "…I'm afraid the challenge we're facing here might be a little out of my area of expertise."

Brittany is sure Rachel's just managed to include at least three words in her speech she doesn't know the meaning of.

"It's not that bad…" Elf-boy shrugs his shoulders a little, and Kurt peals historically.

"It is, Blaine." Now Brittany finally knows the creature's name. "Believe me when I say it, it's a complete disaster" Kurt says, with so much drama even the best season finale of Grey's Anatomy wouldn't be able to contain.

"I like challenges, so you have nothing to worry about." Brittany shrugs, and her words earn a grateful smile from Santana. It's kind of worth denying the unwritten laws of McKinley's social hierarchy and teaching a bunch of losers to dance. But it is gonna be fun, with Santana there, that's a sure thing. "You can say thanks later"

She sighs, before reaching for Santana's cup, which she suspects to contain her favorite coconut latte.

"Can I?" She glances at her, batting her lashes, and Santana swallows hard.

"Of course." She rasps out, and Brittany smirks into the cup, before taking a sip.

"Yum" She licks her lips slowly, before setting the cup back on the table and resting her hand beside Santana's left. She trembles a tiny bit, when Brittany's pinkie touches hers lightly and it makes warmth spread in Brittany's chest. "So what were you guys talking about?"

/

They're pretty funny.

Kurt's witty and sharp, and Brittany has a feeling they will get on well. Blaine is a question, since his bowtie and hair are all kinds of taboo, but the guy seems genuinely nice and laid-back. Finally, Rachel…well, Brittany has no idea how she's gonna endure her presence at their dance classes, if she is talking so loud and fast all the time, killing way more brain cells than an average episode of Jersey Shore.

What is mutual though is the genuine interest they show in her and Brittany is sure they know more about her life by the time they leave her and Santana than most of the Cheerios girls.

"Sorry…I thought they'd get the message sooner." Santana mutters apologetically, when the others finally exit the coffee shop.

"I don't mind. They are really nice." Brittany admits with a shrug, before her eyes widen to bore into Santana's. "But I'm happy we can be alone now."

Santana smiles at her shyly.

"Yeah, me too." She agrees, before they settle into a short silence, just watching each other and she starts playing with her napkin nervously, as a distraction. "So um…how was the party?"

Brittany freezes at the question, heart speeding up as she recalls the memories and she can only hope Jacob kept his word. She damn well hopes he did, else she will hang him up on a flagstick by his balls in front of McKinley.

"Uh…it was okay, I guess." She averts Santana's eyes, because lying into her face is not something she is capable of. "I was dancing a lot…and yeah, it was fun." She shrugs, hoping that Santana doesn't want to hear the details of her night.

"You went with Sugar?" Santana asks, but Brittany's sixth sense tells her she's rather interested in whom she left with.

"I was with her, yeah" She nods and Santana's eyes settle with relief. "Um, this might sound silly…but I kinda wished you'd have been there too."

This part of her sentence is completely true, and judging from Santana's dopey smile, it was worth admitting it.

"And how was your weekend?" She asks Santana, who rubs the back of her neck.

Her awkwardness doesn't seem to wear off, but Brittany doesn't mind. She finds it cute and kind of complimentary, especially now that she's witnessed her acting completely differently with her friends. She can be a lot more fierce, sassy and dominating, and Brittany's had a rather memorable lesson recently of how she behaves when she is cornered. She has no idea how this adorable human being can be scared and angry so much to get almost physical with Quinn and call Brittany a nasty name.

But it's completely forgiven and forgotten, now that Santana mostly resembles a stammering mess in her presence.

"We have this thing on Sundays, you know…after we finish homework, the boys come over, 'cause we have the biggest tv among the three of us and we play video games." Santana explains, a little embarrassedly.

It's a boyish hobby, according to popular belief, but Brittany doesn't think motocross is girly either, so that's just one more thing she shares with Santana. They have different parts, and it makes them interesting humans.

The mentions of boys intrigue her though, and she jumps at the opportunity to find out more about Santana.

"Boys, as in…?" She raises her eyebrows curiously.

"Artie and Sam" Santana replies, and Brittany frowns, having no idea who the latter is. "…the guy with the huge lips?"

"Oh, I got it." Brittany smiles, before clearing her throat subtly. "So you hang out with them a lot?"

"Yeah…they're like me." Santana tells her and it makes Brittany wonder how similar they truly are when it comes to anatomy, but she probably shouldn't think about Santana's junk right now. "Kinda nerdy and…well, I guess we are the biggest dorks on this planet." Santana chuckles and Brittany would totally pinch her puffy cheek if she wasn't so interested in the current topic of their conversation.

"Don't you think they have a crush on you?" She asks, and it's pretty comical how Santana's eyes widen like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Huh?" She asks, astonished that such a far-fetched idea could enter Brittany's mind. "No! That's…just no. I'm a hundred percent sure they don't, but either way, I only like girls, so…" She trails off, casting her gaze at the table like all of a sudden, it's awfully interesting.

"Girls? And how's that going these days?" Brittany asks teasingly, unable to cover up her enjoyment when Santana gulps.

"I'm not sure." She breathes out, snapping her brown eyes back at Brittany.

Brittany guesses it's time to remind her that she is doing great with her, in case she's the only girl Santana has a crush on.

"Well, when it comes to me…you should be." She smiles at her softly, before leaning in to kiss the corner of her mouth. Santana opens her lips, and breathes into her, while their noses brush together. Brittany nudges her cheek gently, before whispering. "Any other girl I should know about?"

"I only like you." Santana whispers, nuzzling Brittany's nose and it makes thousands and thousands of tiny butterflies erupt in the pit of Brittany's stomach.

She is rendered speechless by the feel of Santana's smooth skin on hers, and her sweet breath, her coconut smell, and mostly, the words she's just said. She's never been a person of words, and she rather cups Santana's jaw and guides their lips together in the softest kiss than tell her how she feels.

She is pretty sure she should ask for Rachel's help to be able to express that.

But she'd rather kiss Santana's lush, wet lips than anything in the world right now.

They wrap around hers perfectly, and Brittany's melting into her, fingers stroking her silky skin, tongue searching for its pair in her wet mouth and eyes closed tight to keep herself from falling too fast and too hard for Santana Lopez.

When Santana pulls away, catching her breath, she touches Brittany's wrist gently and guides her hand to tangle into her thick locks, before setting hers on Brittany's waist. Her touch is more than welcomed, it's cherished by Brittany and she sighs into Santana's mouth contentedly when she kisses her again. It feels so good to be caressed by her fingers, indulged by her lips and cared for with her whole being. Brittany hates how her mind wanders back to Saturday night and compares the way Santana is kissing her now to Matt's treatment that missed any kind of consideration or respect for her.

But Santana respects her, and everything conveys the impression she feels much more for her.

And Brittany can't deny she's starting to feel the same.

"I like you too, Santana" She whispers after pulling away, throat dry from not speaking too long, and her arousal, intensified by their delicious kiss. "Only you"

Her voice falters from the pure sincerity, but the smile that graces Santana's lips at her meaningful words couldn't be of a greater reward.

Santana is the best prize she could possibly get.

Brittany has twenty-one days to deliver proof of being with her, but she's pretty sure she gave up when she first kissed Santana, back in her bedroom. She just had to come into terms with her decision.

Whatever it costs, this look is worth it.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Don't forget to review!_

_Share your thoughts here or on my tumblr, I gladly answer every question and reply to every message as soon as I can. :)  
_

_Next chapter seems possible around Friday or so...I'll try my best as always. It'll be more Brittana-centered, I promise, but I had to give some more insight into Brittany's character here before they could develop their relationship further._

* * *

_**UPDATE: SNEAK PEAK OF PART 5 ON MY TUMBLR! * emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***_


	6. Confessions

**Author's notes:**

Dear everyone!

As always, I'm grateful for every new add, fav and review.

I've received some backlash for the previous chapter, but I made an artistic decision and I stick to it, even though some people don't understand what the point was. I don't like explaining stuff I write, because it should speak for itself, but in this case, I just want to say that the Puck-Matt-Brittany stuff will have significance in later chapters.

**Songs in this chapter:**

_B.o.B - Nothin' on You (feat. Bruno Mars)_ : youtube watch?v=8PTDv_szmL0

_Kim Wilde - Kids in America (One Directions X-factor version)_ : youtube watch?v=nSvyH4k_mXg

**_I don't know how many of you've seen it, but I put up a sneak peek of this chapter on my tumblr two days ago, and I definitely do the same in the future, so follow me if you're interested!_**

_*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***  
_

* * *

**Confessions**

Monday afternoon raised the bars pretty high, but Tuesday totally nails the competition.

Brittany wakes up with a knot in her belly, which seems to be just growing as time's lapsing away. She's equally nervous and excited about the first dance class she's supposed to hold for the Glee club in the late afternoon.

Her usual lack of concentration in school obtains new heights, and she spends most of her classes day-dreaming, using the board as her screen to play out every different scenario of how she could get physically closer to Santana without appearing as a freakish groper through their dance class. Her abstraction of mind causes her to forget her Spanish book in her locker, which she is supposed to share with Sugar, because it was - of course - her turn today.

Sugar just shrugs being used to her dizziness after spending the last three years in the same class and both earning a place on the Cheerios as a freshman. When Quinn is absent, she frequently takes over as Brittany's incarnated memory and reminds her to take the correct books for the day, or bring her training equipment with her on Mondays and Thursdays.

The mistake earns her a disapproving look from Mr. Schuester, but he lets it go fairly quickly after making a notion that neither of them performs well enough this year to afford such reckless behavior.

"Well, girls, you could use my book, but I'd rather have you working with Santana in a group" Mr. Schue motions behind them, where Santana is sitting at her usual table, alone. "If she doesn't mind…"

"No" Santana blurts out, a little too eagerly and Brittany turns around with an amused smirk on her face to look at her. "I mean…no, of course not." Santana shakes her head subtly, clearing her throat, and her eyes lock with Brittany's which makes both of them smile bashfully at each other.

"Fantastic." Mr. Schue claps his hands together, before leaving them to make his way in the front of the room.

"Hey" Brittany says softly, taking in the sight of Santana for the first time since she wandered into the classroom in the break.

She looks amazing today, her bangs pinned back, her loose brown curls framing her round face perfectly. Her attire is unusually feminine, wearing a purple V-neck tee, which is clinging to her curves in the most delicious way. Brittany has a hard time keeping her head from falling straight into her impressive cleavage.

"Hi" Santana replies, her face flushed a little, and satisfaction lacing subtly into her raspy voice.

It seems Brittany pretty much failed at not staring right at her boobs. She quickly snaps her eyes away, licking her dry lips and trying to block her mind from musing over what kind of bra Santana's wearing.

"What's up, S?" Sugar asks absentmindedly, and it gives Brittany a few seconds to pull herself together and act like a person who can control their raging hormones.

"Uh" Santana mutters awkwardly, and shifts in her seat a little, stunned to have a question directed straight at her.

"You don't have to answer, it's just a way of acknowledgement, ya' know" Sugar explains with a wink, and Brittany can see that Santana needs some time getting used to her friend and her bizarre ways of interaction.

"Right." Santana shakes it off, before turning to her book. "So um, I've actually read this at home already, so I'll just wait until you finish." She shrugs a little, sliding the book towards them with a tight smile.

"Thanks" Sugar latches on it instantly, turning the book over so she could start reading.

Brittany shoots a grateful smile at Santana, before looking at the two-page long story and her face falls.

"Wow, just looking at it makes my eyes bleed."

"It's not that bad." Santana says gently. "I'll help, if you don't understand something"

"Why do you even take this class?" Sugar snaps her eyes at her, and to Brittany's great surprise, a mischievous smile appears on Santana's face.

"For an easy A." She answers, and Sugar's eyes widen with recognition.

"Brava" She nods, before reattaching her eyes on the text.

Brittany is unable to do so yet, because Santana keeps smiling in a mysterious way and it makes her intrigued. She decides to let it go until class is over, and tries her best to concentrate on the task.

Santana proves to be a great teacher then again, and they have fun, because she comes up with the wittiest ways to answer their questions. Both girls enjoy her method way more than Mr. Schuester's and they are remarkably productive while having a blast. Group work's never been so entertaining and with Santana's help, they are pretty enthusiastic when it comes to answering Mr. Schuester's questions about the text. They are competing to raise their hand faster than the other, and he even jokes about how maybe they should forget their books at home more often.

When class is over, and people hurry out to get in line at the cafeteria before it gets crowded, Brittany and Sugar take their time. They are always let into the front like royals, when they arrive, so there's no need to rush.

Santana already left, after brushing off their 'thank you'-s modestly.

"She's kinda cool" Sugar notes when they finish packing up, and start off to leave the room and stride their way through the jam-packed hallway.

"Yeah, she is." Brittany nods with a bright smile, insanely happy that Sugar acknowledged the fact that she's quickly discovered about Santana.

"How's it going with her?" Sugar inquires, lowering her voice to enter strictly confidential territory.

"Well, we kissed…a couple of times, so" Brittany shrugs, avoiding to elaborate the details, and Sugar comes to a hasty stop.

"I thought you'd go straight for it." She raises her eyebrows quizzically.

Of course she wouldn't let go of the fact that Santana is the first person Brittany's taking it slow with, which might be quite surprising for anyone, who witnessed Brittany engaging in one night stands at house parties and mixed cheer camps.

"I tried, but…she is different." Brittany admits, less than proud of her attempt to devour Santana's innocence at the first opportunity life handed her.

"So you don't even know what's in her pants?" Sugar asks for confirmation, her voice curious and much to Brittany's relief, missing the judgment Quinn would probably give her.

"Not yet." She tells her, before her mouth turns into a restrained smirk at the thought of getting into Santana's pants in the near future.

She doesn't show how thrilled she's about the prospect of getting intimate with Santana, who so far, proved to be a really good kisser, raising Brittany's hopes that she's equally talented in bed, whatever she has between her legs to work with. Whenever they got close, Santana was considerate of her, and Brittany's felt like she's entered outer space from the tiniest touch of hers. Just the thought of having Santana trace her fingertips on her armpits or the insides of her thighs makes Brittany shudder, and completed with the vivid memory of Santana's gorgeous round tits in that shirt, she is about to skip lunch and head to a toilet to have some release to stop herself from making a mistake in the afternoon.

"Huh…weird." Sugar's airy voice snaps her out of her sex-dreams, and she swallows thickly, pressing her thighs together. "God, I really hope there's rabbit food on the menu today, 'cause I have to get into perfect shape for the weekend, which is like impossible, but still…"

Sugar enters into a monologue about her birthday party at the weekend, allowing Brittany to return into her bubble and the fantasies occupying her mind, and by the time they sit down in the cafeteria she is fairly sure she'll leave a spot on the chair when she leaves.

She can't believe they've yet to enter second base with Santana, and still, she is turned on by her like never before.

/

Dance class loosens her up and the complex routine she has to perform with the groups doesn't allow her mind to roam all over the place. She has to stay in the moment to do her part flawlessly.

She's been visiting this studio for years, the only one in Lima that measures up to her standards. It's small, with only three rooms, but it offers the best line-up of classes and teachers in the town's vicinity.

It's one of her favorite classes now, contemporary dance, mentored by Holly Holiday, who's Brittany's idol, for having immense talent, experience, and the best attitude alongside. She's strict, but one of the funniest people Brittany's ever met, and they share a special bond. Brittany is her favorite, and not just for the reason that she's the most gifted and hard-working dancer in her class. Miss Holiday slowly became her confidante, and she's the first and only person Brittany's professed that she wants to go to LA and dedicate her life to performing and - inspired by her – teaching dance.

By the time training is over, she feels like her muscles have never been in her possession so much, feeling them aching everywhere in her body, but it's a sensation she's gotten used to in Miss Holiday's classes. The woman is tough and demanding, but Brittany enjoys performing the routines over and over until they're perfect. Dancing makes her body vibrate with electricity, until she's moving in ecstasy to the rhythm, feeling like she's having the most extended and intense orgasm she's ever experienced.

When she slumps on the floor to stretch with her pals, easing the soreness in her muscles, Miss Holiday joins their circle like every other time. Though she definitely acts as a person of authority when she's teaching, she likes to engage with her students and form a dynamic of them as a group.

One by one, her fellow dancers leave the spacey room, and it leaves her sitting face-to-face with Miss Holiday, their forms multiplying in the mirrors surrounding them.

"I didn't want to ask in front of the guys, but you were just…in another dimension today." The woman muses, while trailing her kind eyes all over Brittany's face. "Is there a reason?"

Brittany's used to Holly showing interest in her private life, but the woman always respects her boundaries and doesn't meddle too far into her life, and Brittany is grateful for it. She wouldn't want her to know she's quite promiscuous.

"Maybe…" Brittany answers vaguely, playing with the edge of her light grey sweatpants.

"Don't be so secretive, missy." Holly ducks her head to catch her gaze again, and Brittany's mouth turns into a shy smile, thinking of the sole reason she's acting differently in many aspects these days.

"Uh, there is this someone…" She clears her throat, not quite certain how to proceed.

"A girl or a boy?"

Holly's question makes her eyes widen, and she shakes her head in confusion, because she's never told Miss Holiday about her sexuality.

"How…?" She chokes out, and the older woman pats her knee, letting out a deep sigh.

"Brittany, darling, I could see it the moment you first came here" She smiles pointedly. "You wanna know a secret?" She lowers her voice playfully, and Brittany nods, eager to hear her words. "I'm playing for both teams, too." She winks at her, and Brittany's nerves wear off a little.

Miss Holiday's confession makes her ponder about the topic, and she decides to let the woman in on something she's never told anyone.

"Well, I don't think I have a team." She confesses, with a deep frown. "It's a bit confusing. Like I love dancing and I love all the different kinds, like hip-hop and ballet, so I don't know…" She trails off, sadly, because she doesn't even know a proper word to label herself, but judging from the woman's gentle smile, maybe it's a good thing after all.

"You love the person, and that's amazing." Holly nods up and down, and they share a silent moment, before Brittany admits the truth.

"I only like one person right now."

"Is it a girl?" Holly asks coyly, and Brittany chuckles light-heartedly at her manners.

This isn't so hard, like she thought before, coming out to someone whose opinion is important to her. Of course she's told her parents already, but they are sort of obligated to accept her the way she is. Sugar and Quinn must have suspicions, but she's never actually told them that she is not heterosexual. And everybody else, they think it's just her ditzy blonde self when she kisses girls at parties.

"Yeah" She admits it's a girl, not able to hide the contentment in her voice when she recalls the awesome memories she's made with Santana so far.

"I bet she's gorgeous." Holiday winks and Brittany snaps her eyes to her hands bashfully.

"She is, but…she's more beautiful on the inside, if that's even possible."

"Aw, how I miss my teenage years, when everything was pure and innocent…" Miss Holiday sighs, and they both break into a fit of giggles, knowing that the woman's never been an innocent one, much like Brittany. "Well, I can't wait to meet her someday." Miss Holiday tells Brittany, before standing up. "But I gotta run now. Someone has to be an awesome girlfriend and cook dinner after all..."

She rolls her eyes playfully, and they share a laugh, before Brittany turns serious.

"Thank you, Miss Holiday!" She stands up and hugs the older woman briefly.

She's sweaty after all.

"Ah, we girls gotta stick together, right?" Miss Holiday playfully pinches her cheek, before saying goodbye. "Have a nice evening, dear!"

"Bye Miss Holiday!"

/

A few minutes later, she's lying on the floor, head resting on her towel, and she's staring at the mirror-covered ceiling, musing how fun it would be to have sex in here. The room is fairly big, and the acoustics are amazing, which means every sound they let out would echo back from the walls, intensifying the experience all the more. And the mirrors…Jesus, she'd definitely have sensory overload. The thought makes her tingle in inappropriate places and she closes her eyes to let go of her ever so rich sexual fantasies.

She sits up, and turns towards the door when she hears steps on the hallway, followed by even more steps and other hushed noises.

When Santana pokes her head in, followed by the entire Glee club, her mouth turns into a wide smile as she approaches the little group.

"Hey guys!" She greets them, and they greet her back, some faces more familiar to her than others. "The locker room is on the end of the hallway, girls' right and boys' left. Come back when you're ready!"

They take off to change, and it leaves her with the one person she's been thinking about all day.

"Hey" She smiles at Santana, taking a step closer.

"Hi" Santana replies, even more bashful than her. "Sorry, we're being a little late I think." She shrugs apologetically.

"That's okay."

Santana's expression smoothens, and her eyes take in Brittany's appearance. It's just simple training attire, loose and comfy grey sweatpants, and a white tank. Her hair is falling down on her shoulders, because she's gotten rid of her tight pony after class ended with Miss Holiday. When she's just casually dancing, she loves it surrounding her, and it looks great in motion, too. It's like hair porn.

"You look really nice" Santana notes after snapping her eyes back to Brittany's face.

Brittany enjoys the way Santana's pupils dilated after the once-over she just gave her, but it's still pretty hard to believe her words.

"That's silly. I'm all sweaty and gross." She chuckles, smoothing a damp strand of hair out of her forehead nervously.

"I like you like this." Santana replies without a hitch, in a throaty voice that oozes sexuality but somehow, she still manages to be cute.

Brittany rewards her with a wide, appreciating smile.

"Well, now you better go change before I cancel the class to have a make out session with you" She husks, leaning closer to Santana, who sucks in her bottom lip at the prospect.

"I'll be right back" She turns on her heels, before Brittany can tease her further.

"Santana…" Brittany catches her elbow, and she snaps her head back, stunned.

"Huh?"

"It's been almost a day since you kissed me the last time…" Brittany whispers, eyes glued to Santana's pouty, luscious lips that she's grown to admire.

"Oh" Santana breathes out, realization dawning on her, and Brittany looks up just in time to see her eyes flutter close as she leans in to lay a chaste kiss on her lips.

"I missed this"

Brittany sighs, before gliding her fingers from Santana's elbow to her wrist, touching her through the barrier that is a long-sleeved black shirt, equally clingy to the one she wore at school today. She'd probably give her all the money her parents put into her college fund to touch her boobs right now, but she settles for pecking her lips again.

"Yeah" Santana smiles, pulling away and it's just in time before the boys enter the room, cutting off their brief private time.

Santana jerks away from Brittany at the sound, and her face flushes in embarrassment of almost being caught in a romantic posture. She shoots an apologetic glance at Brittany, who shakes her head with a small, comforting smile. Santana should never be sorry for the way she is. She is guarded with thick walls, and she has valid reasons to be wary of exposing herself. Brittany wishes she wouldn't be so frightened, but she's determined to make her more comfortable in her own skin.

"You better hurry up, Lopez" The boy with the humongous lips nudges Santana's arm playfully.

Brittany is grateful that at least he is oblivious to what happened before they interrupted them, because Artie, Kurt and Blaine are all giving her weird looks. They must be pretty protective of Santana.

"Shut up, Trouty!" Santana shoots back at the boy, before leaving the room to finally change into training apparel.

"Hey, I'm Sam" The blonde boy draws out his hand to shake Brittany's. "Nice to meet you finally"

"Hi, I'm Brittany" She beams at him, happy that she can get to know another one of Santana's friends. "Can I have a question though? Trouty is not your real name, right?" She asks him with a frown, enjoying the wild look on Sam's face.

"No" He shakes her head, eyes matching his lips in width.

"Oh, it'd have been fitting..." Brittany shrugs with a little pout, before walking away to start the music she's prepared for their warm-up.

"She's kidding."

She catches Kurt whispering to Sam, and she raises her eyebrows, a bit surprised that Kurt could see through her game so soon. It just adds to her hopes that she'd get on well with him. He seems to get her.

After she connects her iPhone to the sound system, she walks back to the boys to engage in small talk until the girls arrive. When everybody's in the room, she is officially introduced to Mercedes and Tina, an Asian girl, who looks more like a raccoon than a human being with her blue-black hair, and the ridiculous amount of dark make-up she's wearing. Brittany just really hopes the girl doesn't sweat much.

"So, guys" She claps her hands excitedly. "We're gonna start with a little warm-up, and then we're gonna do free style so I could check out your skills before we head to the routine I should teach you. Is this okay with you?"

"Sounds cool." Mercedes shrugs.

"Yeah" Artie agrees, and Tina nods too.

"Let's do it!" Sam punches the air, before high-fiving Blaine, which makes Kurt roll his eyes theatrically.

Brittany chuckles, and locks her eyes with Santana, who's standing close to her on the right. She seems really glad that Brittany gets on well with her mates and Brittany's equally happy to be received in this special group of people that offers Santana the safe and warm environment she deserves. The silent moment offers her a chance to take in Santana, who is wearing a loose navy tee and black sweats with her hair tie in a high pony. She is casual, but she still looks gorgeous.

Of course, who else other than Rachel could interrupt the moment she's sharing with her.

"Actually, Brittany, I happen to have a question" The short girl steps forward, with a dead serious expression.

Her attire is pretty ridiculous, wearing her hair in plaits like a middle school girl and pink leg-warmers covering her calves and ankles. She looks like a total beginner who tried to appear as a dancer, but pretty much failed at it.

"Yes, Rachel?"

"I prepared a little collection of music we've used in previous years at the competitions, so we could show off our skills, which some of us have of course mastered for years." Rachel chirps enthusiastically, and her words make Brittany roll her eyes inwardly.

"This wasn't a question" She deadpans, and it earns her a few giggles and amused looks.

"Oh, well." Rachel's face falls, but she quickly recovers. "So?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I see no point in you performing routines that you've had months to practice, because I'd rather see your natural movement."

Rachel's eyes bulge out at Brittany's rejection of the proposition.

"But-"

"This is reasonable" Kurt cuts Rachel off, which earns him a cold glare.

"Kurt!"

"Sorry Rachel, but I really think we should just do what Brittany says." He shares a look with Brittany, who smiles at him gratefully.

His words don't seem to convince Rachel, but the girl lets it go, and that's quite an accomplishment from Kurt.

"Okay, form a circle guys and try to copy my moves!" Brittany instructs them, raising her voice before jogging to her iPhone to start the music. "Let's hit it!"

/

After they finish warming up, she asks the group to try dancing freely to the club music she puts on next, so she could have time to analyze their abilities. She gives good example by shaking her hips to Rihanna's latest hit, and a few people seem to warm up enough not to hold back.

Blaine hits it off instantly, and he is really fun to dance with. Tina needs some time to level up, but she turns out to be the best girl in the group. And well, Brittany has to admit Rachel isn't as bad as she hoped she'd be. When she tells her to tone it down, because they're not on Broadway, she scowls, but tries to take her advice and she is fairly good actually. And Artie is doing his best with his upper half, when not wheeling around in the room. He is a fun guy and he does tricks with his chair that make Brittany's jaw drop to the floor.

And then, there's the other half, who definitely need some encouragement and lots of practice as it seems.

Kurt is basically dancing like a lady with a stick in their ass, and it's quite funny that he has no clue whatsoever how to dance with a girl when Brittany joins him, probably for the reason that he's a flaming gay. When Blaine joins in as a third though, he gets into it more and Brittany leaves them to each other with a smirk to dance with Sam. He doesn't really know how to control his body, which is a regular problem for teenage boys, and it seems like he's grown up too fast and he's still just getting used to his long limbs.

Mercedes is trying her best to hold up, but she seems already a bit tired, which is certainly a pressing issue to work on. Brittany just hopes she's gonna get into a better shape with the extra trainings. And well, she's pretty shy too, so she's gonna be a tough one.

And then there's Santana.

Brittany's grateful most of the others are having way too much fun behind their back to pay attention when she approaches her, shielding the pair of them a little near the corner. Santana's barely moving at all, stiffly swaying her limbs while nervously roaming her eyes all over the room.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asks her quietly, never stopping her body to move in time with the rhythm as she comes to a stop in front of her.

"I suck at this" Santana stops completely, shoulders slumping.

Brittany ducks her head to catch her eyes, and she gives her a heartening smile, trying to get her into the mood. She knows Santana is capable, but she is too concerned with the others in the room to let go and be herself.

"Shh, that's silly. Come closer and touch my waist!" Brittany instructs her, and Santana gives in with a sigh, touching Brittany's waist lightly. "Here, okay, now try to match my moves…it's easy, like kissing…"

Brittany rests her hands on Santana's shoulder and circles her hips to the beat, trying to ease Santana's nerves, but the girl is too uncomfortable to face her while dancing.

"Please just give up!" She whines pathetically.

"No, Santana, try to relax!" Brittany tells her firmly, massaging the rigid muscles of her shoulders and she seems to relieve some stress from Santana's body. "Okay, turn around. It's me, Britt, just close your eyes and feel me!"

When Santana turns around, Brittany pushes her hips into her backside, careful not to startle her and puts her hands on her waist from behind, to lead their dance. Finally, Santana is really trying, letting Brittany and the music take over her body. Brittany brushes her lips subtly to her ear shell, and grinds into her from behind, but before their dance could turn too sensual, Santana quickly flips and faces her again, setting her hands on her shoulders.

"Am I better now?" She asks Brittany, smiling with hope in her eyes.

"So much…" Brittany leans in to whisper into her ear, before pecking her warm cheek. "Can you do it alone?" She asks, stopping her moves and Santana nods after a little hesitation.

"I'll try"

She gulps, before taking a step backwards and starting to dance on her own. It's a still bit lumpish, her moves missing a certain kind of smoothness, but it's something to start with. She's doing great compared to before.

Brittany grins at her approvingly, before taking her hand.

"You're amazing" She whispers, earning an appreciative smile from Santana, before leading their way towards the others to dance in a circle.

When they all seem to have enough fun, she stops the music.

"Okay, guys, you were actually not that bad as I thought…but there's a lot of work ahead of us." She tells them, and she's happy when she gains a few determined nods. "Now does anyone have the mix you're gonna use?" She asks, and of course, it's Rachel raises her hand and offers her services.

Brittany sits down at the wall and asks them to perform their routine for her, while she's capturing it on video.

Her mouth turns into a grin when Sam starts singing the chorus of B.o.B.'s "Nothin' on You" before Artie comes in with the rapping part. The two of them, Tina and Blaine lead the song, and it's almost too good to notice the mistakes in their dance routine. It gets even more exciting when they continue with the One Direction's version of "Kids in America", because it's a duet between Rachel and Santana, with the whole group singing the chorus. She has to give props to Mr. Schuester for the arrangement, because it's fun and entertaining, and the singing is flawless. It's really just the dance that needs to be put on the right track in order for them to have a wonderful performance.

"You're awesome." She claps her hands enthusiastically when the last notes fade away and the group stops, panting a little from the effort they've put into it.

"Really? You're not just saying that 'cause you wanna be nice to us?" Mercedes asks skeptically, slumping on the floor with the others.

"No, I totally enjoyed it." Brittany joins to sit with them. "The dancing is a bit tricky, because you have to move as a group and not as like, individuals who happen to dance together, but there's no need to worry." She shrugs her shoulders, and her words make relieved smiles appear on their faces.

"So you think the routine is good enough?" Blaine asks, before wiping his forehead.

He's been working pretty hard, with Tina and Rachel through the routine. She has to give them credit for taking so much for the team. And Artie's been trying his best, adding value to the performance with his crazy spins.

She wouldn't wanna lie to them though, they were still far from perfect. Mercedes and Kurt really have to try taking the dancing more seriously, and Sam and Santana have to win over their own bodies and fight off their awkwardness.

But she wouldn't want to ruin their mood now, so she rather points out what she'd do differently in their routine to begin with.

"Yeah, it was awesome…though I'd definitely have you forming pairs through the second song, because it's faster and it might be easier to hold up with the rhythm if there's someone dancing with you. And it would balance the group's talent a bit more, nobody would stick out, ya' know."

"She is a genius." Artie grins at her dopily, and his silly face makes her chuckle.

"Praise" Mercedes nods up and down appreciatively, and the others seem to agree with them.

"Told you so…" Santana mutters quietly, with a soft smile gracing her lips and Brittany thinks it was totally worth making an effort for her and the group.

"Well, I admit Mr. Schuester might have not come up with the perfect routine, he would be devastated if we just changed it." Rachel chimes in, voice dramatically high-pitched.

Brittany snaps her eyes at her, and gets caught up in her thoughts for a second, before her mouth turns into a sly smirk. She knows the perfect way to convince Mr. Schuester and she's drawing from experience.

"You could always just make him believe it was his idea. It's always working with guys…"

"Oh, I like the sneaky" Kurt's eyes bright up at her idea, and they all seem to contemplate it, until Rachel cuts in again.

"While we appreciate the idea, Brittany, it wouldn't be right to lie into our teacher's face." She says exasperatedly, before turning to the others to win them over.

They seem pretty unimpressed by her words, but Brittany knows she has to convince her, their leader to get a final yes.

"Do you want to win, Rachel?" She asks the girl, whose eyes widen horrifically.

"Of course." She blurts out, shocked to face a question like this.

"Then you have to make sacrifices." Brittany explains. "Besides, it's just manipulation…totally not the same as lying."

Santana chuckles quietly, and the lack of opposition makes Rachel sigh melodramatically.

"I guess I have to respect the group's decision."

"That must be a first…" Mercedes mumbles under her nose, but still too loud so everybody can hear.

Rachel rolls her eyes with annoyance, and Blaine settles next to her to whisper something into her ear that makes her smile and lose the attitude.

"So…now that we've settled this, are you ready to dance?" Brittany asks, standing up.

"Hell yeah" Sam jumps up enthusiastically to join her, the others following his example and soon they're standing in the starting position again.

After agreeing that they should only practice the first song until they manage to convince Mr. Schuester, Brittany joins them on the right, trying to learn the routine as fast as she can. By the third time, she's doing it better than all of them according to Blaine, and everybody agrees, even Rachel with a bit of reluctance.

When they're all panting like they've just finished a half-marathon, Brittany wraps up the class for the day. They talk and joke around while stretching, and Brittany actually really enjoys spending time with them off duty, too. It makes her question the social hierarchy of McKinley High, because it doesn't make sense for these guys to occupy the bottom. They're genuinely nice and fun, which should totally make them much more eligible to be on the top than most of the jocks. Standing on the top of the ladder, Brittany is pretty sure she could change the way people look at the Glee club, but she is not sure she's ready for that yet.

/

After showering Brittany with appreciation, Kurt and Blaine finally leave the room as the last ones of the group. Silence settles around her and Santana. The only sound Brittany can hear now is Santana's even breathing, inhaling and exhaling, she's never breaking the perfect pattern and Brittany could fall asleep to her soft sounds.

When she raises her head from her thigh, letting go of her foot, and sits up cross-legged to face Santana, the realization dawns on her.

It's the first time they're in private since last Monday.

She would rather forget that ever happened, but she can't deny it was exciting to be in her bedroom with Santana and kissing her for the first time. Things could have gone further, but Brittany is grateful Santana rejected her then, however harshly she did so.

She just can't imagine how it would feel to be in her bedroom with Santana now.

Because the way her heart is speeding up just by being alone with her here, the close proximity of a bed would sure cause her to have a heart attack, one of those special ones that doesn't kill you, but overdose you with feelings.

Santana is matching her position, their knees almost touching and she is staring at her curiously.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks delicately, keeping her voice low not to disturb Brittany's deep thoughts.

"You" Brittany blurts out simply, and her bluntness makes Santana blush under her intense her.

"What about me?"

Santana doesn't want to know because it strokes her ego, she wants to know because she wants to know every little crumb of thought that enters Brittany's mind. Brittany feels it, every time they talk she is overwhelmed by the attention Santana is paying her. The care that never seems to fall, even when Brittany is talking about the silliest things in the world. Santana gladly listens to her stories about Lord Tubbington and his feline lady friends, and she doesn't waver when Brittany's mind wanders off into another universe.

She tries to understand her, and that's more than Brittany's received from most people in her seventeen years so far.

"It feels nice to be with you here" Brittany admits simply. "Just you and me"

"Yeah" Santana whispers, her eyelids fluttering.

She is too beautiful, too kind and innocent. She is so pure and the sting Brittany's been feeling in the middle of her chest since the party cannot be ignored anymore. She can only soothe the pain if she opens up and lets it all out.

"Santana?" She asks lowly, her heart dropping and Santana creases her brows "I…I have to tell you something." Her voice cracks miserably, and the sudden change in her mood worries Santana, who slides even closer and gently touches her hand.

Brittany bites down on her bottom lip, head falling and shoots her eyes on the floor. She is so afraid Santana will flinch away and she won't fell her warmth again.

"What's wrong?" Santana strokes her with a thumb, ducking her head to lock eyes, but Brittany doesn't want to see the disappointment reflecting in them, when she confesses what happened.

"I just…something bad happened at the party" She shakes her head a bit, sadly, thinking how much fun the party was, before it got so screwed up. "I got really, like really drunk…" Her voice falters, and she closes her eyes tight, bracing herself from the consequences of the words she's about to say out loud. "…and I kissed Matt."

She whispers tearfully, and Santana's breath hitches from the shock. She seems to stop breathing entirely, depraving Brittany from the soft sounds grounding her in the storm of her powerful emotions.

The silence dawning around them is unbearable.

A tear slides down Brittany's cheek, dropping on her bottom lip and she swallows it, the saltiness easing the bitter taste in her mouth.

"You did?" Santana finally asks with a sharp intake of breath.

Her hand is numb on top of Brittany's, and Brittany doesn't move – too afraid to startle her – even though she wants nothing more than to hold Santana's tiny hand in hers.

She doesn't know why Santana is not yelling at her, why she is not more angry, demanding and disappointed. She just seems simply sad, but not in the intense, overwhelming kind of way, but the deeply felt, mourning kind of way. It just breaks Brittany's heart all the more.

"I'm not sure what happened…" She shakes her head, trying to put the picture together, which she hasn't managed so far. "I was fine and then everything got out of control and he was all over me..." She whispers, before wiping off her fresh tears with the back of her free hand.

"And you kissed him?"

"No, he did." Brittany snaps her eyes back at Santana again, to make her point. "He just…he wanted to have sex with me and I guess he put something in my drink."

"What?" Santana's face screws up and she jerks her hand away, mouth opening in shock.

She is staring at her with wild, horrified eyes and it scares Brittany.

"I'm sorry." Brittany whimpers, feeling lost without her touch.

"It's not you who should be sorry here, Brittany!" Santana blurts out angrily, but seems to immediately regret her harsh tone, when it draws on a fresh set of tears from Brittany's eyes.

She's crying now and she feels miserable for disappointing Santana and ruining their perfect evening.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you…when he was…I felt so bad." She chokes out, gasping for air when a sob erupts from her throat and Santana's kneeling by her side when she reaches for her.

She puts her arms around Brittany's trembling body and holds her tightly, while Brittany rests her forehead on her shoulder. Her tears damp Santana's shirt, who is stroking her back with one hand while the other tangles into Brittany's blonde locks, keeping her head close to her warm body, protecting her. It feels like magic. Brittany's tears drain slowly, but her breathing is still heavy when she buries her face into Santana's neck and inhales deeply.

Her sweat is sweet and salty at the same time, and Brittany can smell Santana's own scent under, the scent that's coming from the pores of her skin, and it brings her the small fragment of piece she just needs right now.

She sniffs, raising her head a bit, and grabs Santana's navy shirt between their bodies when Santana pulls away to nudge her temple.

"Can you tell me…what happened?" She whispers, and Brittany lets go of her, overwhelmed by the care in her voice.

"But it hurts, doesn't it?" She frowns, watching Santana settling back on her knees. "To know that I kissed someone else?"

She doesn't get how Santana is all about comforting her, when she just hurt her like this.

"I only care about you now." Santana's eyes bore into her with the deepest, most profound sincerity and Brittany is lost in her, tears escaping her eyes again.

Santana wipes them off gently with her thumbs, and kisses her forehead, before setting her hand on Brittany's knee.

"Britt…I need to ask you something" She clears her throat, her face frighteningly serious and apprehensive. "Has this…ever happened to you…before?" Her voice falters, and she's staring at Brittany like her worst nightmare is about to come true.

"No" Brittany comes to her rescue quickly. "I mean…yeah, there were times I was kinda drunk but I always thought it was fun, so I just did it." Her shoulders slump, because right now, she is not proud of her long list of sexual encounters at all. "But this time was different."

Her words hang in the air for seconds.

"Did he hurt you?" Santana asks finally, making the worst assumption.

"No, no" Brittany shakes her head, and Santana's eyelids flutter with relief. She nods for her to go on, while she squeezes her knee. "I just ran off then Mr. Schue and Miss. P picked me up." She recalls, grateful that it wasn't a serial killer in the car after all. "Oh, I guess I really should give his jacket back" She just remembers with a frown, and it entices a low chuckle from Santana.

"I don't think he cares for that, Britt." She shakes her head, smiling at her gently, before her expression hardens again. "But…don't you want to talk about this with someone? I mean…I'm here for you, but I'm not sure how much of a help I can be." She shrugs her shoulder a little, brows creased deeply in concern, ruining her pretty face.

Brittany can't answer her, not yet. Maybe she is right, but she is not ready. She just needs Santana now.

"Could you just…hug me again, please?" She asks quietly with hope in her voice, and Santana's expression melts from her request. She leans forwards to embrace her, and Brittany sits up on her knees to meet her in the middle. Their chests merge together, and it is amazing to be so close to her for the first time, feeling every beat of her big heart. "This is everything I need, Santana" She whispers into her ear, pulling her even closer, but it's still not enough, so in one smooth movement, she pulls their bodies up to stand on their feet, suddenly their whole bodies touching in the rightest of places.

She's pressing into Santana, face buried into her neck and breathes her in, longing for more. She can't fight the need that overcomes her and her hands slide from Santana's shoulders to the low of her back, pressing her palms into her body to bring their centers together, but Santana doesn't let her feel her there for the first time.

She pulls away, loosening her hands around Brittany's neck before she finally drops them awkwardly by her side, gaining distance between their bodies the same way she's spun around in Brittany's hands when their dance got too steamy before.

Brittany lets go of her, respecting her need of space.

"Why didn't you call me?" Santana finally cuts into the heavy silence surrounding them and Brittany shrugs, glancing to the side.

"I was afraid you would get mad…and…I kinda bribed Israel not to spread it around…" She trails off.

"How did you do that?" Santana inquires, and Brittany can't help the way her lips curl into a mischievous smile.

She casts her gaze back at Santana as her smile widens into a silly grin.

"I gave him granny panties and told him they belonged to Rachel."

"Oh my God!" Santana breaks into a fit of giggles, her nose scrunching in the cutest possible way and shakes her head, not quite believing what she heard. "You are a genius, Britt."

When her laughter dies down, Brittany clears her throat subtly, mustering up her courage to be honest with Santana.

"But the real reason is that…I thought you'd judge me."

Santana frowns, before realization seems to dawn on her and she ducks her head in shame.

"Is this because I called you…?" She hangs up the question, because none of them have to hear _that_ word out loud again.

"Maybe" Brittany shrugs, not completely sure of the answer herself.

She only knows that she was afraid to face Santana in that state.

"I never meant that, Brittany." Santana shakes her head, pressing her lips together painfully. "I'm so sorry. I was just confused…and it kinda hurt that you slept with all those people while I…" She trails off, hesitating, vulnerability glistening in her eyes. "…I really liked you from the moment I first saw you." She murmurs shyly before dropping her eyes to the floor.

Brittany takes her time to comprehend Santana's words that mean more to her than she'd have ever thought. They reach her heart, and spread warmth all around her chest, until she can feel it in very fiber of her body. She is so moved by her words. So it's true, Santana's been longing for her for quite some time and Brittany wants to make sure she knows that the feelings are mutual now, definitely so.

She dares to cup Santana's jaw, gently caressing her warm, puffy cheek, and raise her head to lock eyes with her, conveying every emotion she possibly can without uttering a word.

Santana's brown eyes melt like a pot of dark chocolate, and Brittany leans in, ready to dive in and drown inside them completely.

"I don't want anyone else now, Santana" She whispers into her face, and Santana inhales sharply before Brittany crushes their lips together in a searing kiss.

She can't bear to hold back anymore.

She needs to feel Santana close, to smell her, to taste her, to touch her.

She doesn't know how she's survived dance class without embarrassing her in front of her friends by not being able to control her desire.

She pokes her tongue out and licks Santana's bottom lip with clear intention, and Santana grants her entrance instantly, surrendering to her completely as Brittany dives into her mouth to find her tongue and start a dance that goes on and on forever, deepening and intensifying until she's sucking on Santana's tongue and elicits the softest moan from her Brittany's ever heard. It's a heavenly sound and she'd gladly kiss her 'till death just to hear it again.

Chests heaving, breasts squashed together in the most delicious possible way, both are breathing hard through their nostrils, never stopping to catch a breath through their lips properly, because they're wrapped up in it their kiss far too deeply, and just falling and falling deeper.

Santana's desperately trying to keep up with the furious rhythm Brittany is dictating and the primal hunger that's blubbering up from deep within her. She's rising on her toes to give in more and tightens her arms around Brittany's neck, who almost lifts her off the floor by the force of her need.

She's keeping her hands on Santana's back, wandering up and down on the thin fabric of her damp shirt that's keeping her from touching Santana's smooth skin, and slowly, the adrenaline rushing in her blood and the arousal growing between her legs cause her to slide her hands lower, pressing into the low of Santana's back to ease the aching need that seem to control her body now and she ever so slowly slides her fingers into Santana's shirt to touch her burning skin. Santana gasps into her mouth when she digs her fingertips into her flesh, pressing impossibly close until they're breathing the same air. Brittany spreads her fingers, wanting to feel more of her heavenly soft skin, and her hips buckle into Santana, when she lets out another of those soft, needy moans. Her tongue never stops exploring Santana's when her hands still on her back, and glide over her moist skin to rest flat on her abdomen. Santana's taut muscles twitch under her palms, and she sucks gently on her tongue when her thumbs hook into her sweatpants.

A surprised gasp and a wince later, Brittany opens her eyes to see a panting, flushed Santana pulling away from her, body rigid, and eyes wide with fear and vulnerability.

Brittany takes Santana's hands from her shoulders gently, paying close attention to every flicker of her eyes, every flutter of her eyelids and every minuscule change of her face while she brings them between their bodies, caressing her skin in a calming manner. She licks her lips nervously, hoping she will be able to hide how turned on she is when she opens her mouth.

"Are you afraid of me?" She asks Santana softly.

Santana's eyes snap to the floor in embarrassment, and she shakes her head with frustration. Brittany wishes she could help her overcoming her fear to let her close. She wishes she would trust her enough to tell her why.

The way Santana releases a deep breath, and lifts her gaze warily, Brittany thinks she might be ready to do so and she gives her encouragement by stroking her knuckles with her thumbs delicately.

"Uh…I think I owe you a confession." Santana utters timidly, voice hoarse and hesitating.

"Yeah?"

Santana nods, then bites down on her bottom lip, and Brittany is afraid she might backtrack. When her swollen lip slips from her teeth and she gulps, Brittany knows she is stronger than her. She is braver.

"When you kissed me last week in your room and I…uh, I freaked out…" She trails off, head ducking and shoulders slumping , before she mutters barely audibly "The thing is…you are the first girl who's ever…uh, I've never…" She stammers, blinking away and her struggle with the words makes Brittany smile involuntarily.

"You've never been kissed before?"

"No, I mean…" Santana shakes her head, and Brittany is quite confused about the level of her experiences now. She seems actually unable to say it out loud. "Well, I don't think my first kiss really counts anyway" She shrugs, countering the important thing she's been on the verge of confessing.

But her words intrigue Brittany.

"Why?" She asks, and Santana lets out an exasperated sigh, regret written all over her face.

"It was…ugh, it was with Rachel." She blurts out, and Brittany drops her hands, freezing from the shock.

She might actually faint.

"No way." She mumbles, trying to block her adventurous mind from creating a mental image of Santana kissing Rachel freaking Berry.

"She couldn't stop talking about this stupid drama class and how she desperately needed to level up her Sapphic charm or some shit and…uh" Santana recalls the memory with nothing but annoyance in her voice, but her expression saddens when her admission arrives to the last part. "But uh…I thought why not…who else would want to kiss me…?"

Brittany shakes her head at Santana, because she is so, _so_ silly.

She wishes she could have been Santana's first kiss, but she settles for being her first one in everything else, in case she got the message right and Santana is indeed a virgin.

"So, um…just to clear the air…" She clears her throat subtly, entering dangerous territory. "What exactly is that you've never…?" She trails off, and Santana swallows hard.

Brittany doesn't know why she has to basically force the words out of her. Santana shouldn't be embarrassed about her lack of experience. It's totally okay, in fact, it's way more okay than the inappropriate number of boys Brittany's slept with in her life.

"I've never slept with anyone." Santana finally blurts out, burying her face into her hands as soon as she does. "There…I said it." She mumbles miserably, and Brittany chuckles lightly.

She probably shouldn't have, because Santana drops her hands and stares at her indignantly. Her cheeks are puffier, and flushed with embarrassment, and Brittany really wants to kiss her right now.

But she wouldn't miss the opportunity of some light flirting here.

"Oh…well, I kinda wish you wouldn't have told me your first kiss was Rachel, because that's just gross..." She shakes the image off, and her lips curl into a wicked smile. "But you were quite good for a beginner..." She winks at Santana, whose expression melts instantly, and she returns her smile timidly.

"Really?" She asks, not quite able to believe Brittany's words.

"I like kissing you very much" Brittany tells her simply, before a sigh leaves her mouth. "And I'm not gonna lie, I'd really like do all the awesome stuff with you, but I don't want to do anything until you're ready."

She nods, emphasizing how serious her words are.

Santana's eyes are shining at her with gratitude and pure adoration, and she takes a tiny step towards Brittany to close the gap between their bodies.

"You're amazing." She whispers, before laying a feather-light kiss on Brittany's lips.

Brittany's eyes flutter closed at the cherished contact.

"That's silly, San." She chuckles lightly, puffing hot air into Santana's face. "I'm nothing compared to-"

"San?" Santana asks in a surprised manner, and Brittany snaps her eyes open.

She is a bit confused now.

"No, I'm Britt."

"No…I mean, you just called me San." Santana explains, and Brittany's heart sinks.

"Oh, you don't like it?"

"No, I kinda do…" Santana's mouth slowly breaks into a dorky grin, nose scrunching and dimples showing, just the way Brittany's grown to love. "I love it, but don't tell anyone!" She laughs, and Brittany can't hold back from kissing the smile off her lips.

She sucks on her bottom lip, and holds her lips still for seconds, before deepening their kiss. She playfully licks into Santana's mouth, and Santana sets her hands on Brittany's waist, regaining the bodily contact she cut off mere minutes ago. It's Brittany's turn to smile into their kiss, and pull away to rest her forehead against Santana's.

"So it means only I get to call you San?" She whispers, barely audibly, because this should stay their secret forever.

"Yeah, only you." Santana nuzzles her nose, stroking Brittany's waist with the lightest touch.

The butterflies in her stomach make another welcomed appearance, and Brittany pokes her nose into Santana's warm cheek.

"And…do I get to drive you home, too?" She asks hopefully, and feels Santana's lips curl into a soft smile, brushing to the skin of her jaw and it makes her inhale sharply.

She's tingling everywhere, but mostly, it's the warmth inside her chest that makes it impossible to breathe.

When Santana kisses her jaw wetly, she has to suck her bottom lip inside her mouth to keep herself from groaning with pleasure.

"Anything you want." Santana mouths into her skin, and Brittany is fairly sure they would teleport into their bedroom, their clothes disappearing somewhere on the way if Santana would truly give her anything she wants right now.

But she gladly settles for this now, to be held by Santana.

Or maybe, she goes for just a little more, taking the first step towards her wish.

"…date you…" She breathes out slowly, tilting her head to brush her cheek to Santana's.

"Huh?" Santana whispers, completely wrapped up in her bubble while peppering light kisses on Brittany's face, drawing patterns on her place skin with soft lips.

It makes Brittany dizzy, and she has to clutch Santana's shoulders to keep herself from flying away with the butterflies in her stomach. Her move makes Santana pull away slightly, eyes half-lidded and dreamy, like she's just woken up from the sweetest dream.

Brittany cups her cheeks, and tilts her head upwards so their eyes could lock when she repeats her wish, loud and clear this time.

"I want to date you." She tells her solemnly. "Would you…go out on a date with me?" She asks, the nerves finally making an appearance in her voice, heightened by Santana's silence and affecting stare.

"Really?" Santana asks doubtfully, long, excruciating seconds later, but Brittany can hear the hope rising in her voice behind the surface.

"I do." Brittany nods up and down, smiling at Santana's tender expression. "So...?"

"I'd love to."

* * *

**_Thank you for reading!_**

_**Please give a review if you have time, I really appriciate it and try to answer every one of them. :)**  
_

_**For questions and sneaks peeks, visit me on my tumblr!**  
_


	7. Doubts

**_Thanks for every new review, add and fav! I really appriciate it! :)_**

**_I detected a serious decrease in reviews, which either means that I'm doing something wrong or people are losing interest. Please tell me I'm just overthinking it. I would hate for people to give upon this story, or on Brittany as a pairing in general. You gotta hang in there, guys! _**

**_I posted a sneak peek of this chapter on my tumblr, and I will continue to do so with future chapters, so check it out!_**

**_* emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com *_**

* * *

**Doubts **

Since spending time with Santana became her new favorite activity, apart from dancing and watching cartoons on lazy Sunday mornings, Brittany curses her mediocre academic record that prevents her from sharing all the classes with her.

But it definitely has an advantage. She has the perfect excuse to hang out with Santana even more out of school, claiming that they have to make up for the wasted time that is every minute spent apart.

That's why they agreed to meet up after cheer practice - and for Santana, Glee club - to go home together today.

She has to come up with an excuse about Lord Tubbington's separation anxiety to escape from Quinn and the Cheerios, who all got invited to Sugar's party on Saturday and went shopping for fancy dresses downtown. Sugar is the first one in their threesome to turn eighteen, and being a true daddy's girl, she could ask for anything she wanted, and well, apart from a new car and the many surprises she is not aware of yet, she wanted to celebrate like a true princess that she is, and it led to organizing the most exclusive birthday party in the history of Lima. Brittany can't wait to celebrate with her friend, but the prospect doesn't make her quite as thrilled as walking home with Santana this afternoon.

The excuse earned Brittany a quizzical look from Quinn, but she didn't ask. A lot goes unsaid between them these days. Ever since their argument last week, Quinn is giving her strange vibes. They're not fighting, but something is definitely off. They just don't seem to be in sync anymore, and it upsets Brittany, who greatly misses her best friend. Quinn spends most of her time with Noah, who even accompanies her girlfriend to church Sunday morning due to some wonder. Brittany has a wild guess he does it in exchange for getting blowjobs in the back of his truck occasionally from Quinn. But maybe she's just projecting and he does it because he truly loves Quinn. She has doubts about his intentions, and reasonably so. He can be shady, but Brittany is not someone to judge people too fast. Even though he really pissed her off with some of his nasty remarks, and the way he acted at Azimio's party, she can't forget that they've known each other since middle school and he's been a good friend to her.

Somehow everything was much simpler, before they entered the age of sexual experimentation, hardcore partying and climbing the social ladder all the way to the top. With their long history, she tries to give Noah the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard sometimes, when his sole intention seems to be to ruin her mood and the reputation she's built for herself over the years at McKinley. He rarely leaves Quinn's side, and it means Brittany reclines upon Sugar much more nowadays. Not that she would complain, because Sugar is awesome, but she misses her other best friend, she really does.

She's kicking the rocks on the concrete with her white sneakers, pouting as she's brooding over her situation, when a pair of black Converse Chucks enters her range of vision.

She snaps her eyes up to a concerned looking Santana.

"Hi, sorry I didn't notice you" Brittany shakes her head apologetically, standing up from the wooden bench she's sat down on in front of the school's entrance.

"Hey…is something wrong?" Santana asks kindly, examining her face. "You look upset."

"No, I'm fine." Brittany shrugs, shooting her a confident smile, before she takes a step closer to close the gap between them. "Actually I'm really happy now that you're here."

"Yeah, me too." Santana beams, looking cuter than ever with her thick locks swaying in the fall breeze.

It's the little things about her. The way she brushes her bangs out of her face, the way she fumbles with her hands in front of her, not sure if she can touch Brittany in the school's close proximity, or the way her eyes melt when she smiles.

"You're doing it again." She clears her throat delicately.

"What?" Brittany frowns.

"Staring"

Santana shrugs, her eyes flickering nervously under Brittany's gaze and it's amazing how she is completely clueless about the reason why Brittany is staring at her so often. She has no idea how gorgeous she is.

Brittany smiles at her self-conscious behavior, leaning closer to her face.

"Oh, well…what about doing this instead?" She teases Santana, poking her upper lip with the tip of her nose playfully, before wrapping her lips around it. Santana gasps into the kiss, stunned to be kissed where anyone can see them, but Brittany doesn't let her pull away, her right hand sneaking up to stroke the baby hairs on the back of Santana's neck. She doesn't know how someone can be so soft and warm everywhere, and she really hates to pull away to catch her breath. "You like this better?" She asks, her voice an octave lower than before.

Santana stops nuzzling her nose affectionately to look into her eyes.

"I like everything you do"

Brittany bites down on her bottom lip, her heart swelling at the sweet words, uttered with pure simplicity, and the look of worship on Santana's face.

"You have to stop this, you know, 'cause someday I will actually just melt and die." She chuckles, blinking away.

She's actually on the verge of tearing up, because she _so_ doesn't deserve this girl, who is smiling at her fondly, eyes sparkling with joy. She leans in to lay another chaste kiss on Santana's velvety lips, before letting go of her neck to take her left hand, while her right swings her Cheerios duffel over her shoulder.

"Now, shall I walk you home?"

/

Time passes rapidly with Santana.

They're walking hand in hand towards Santana's home while the sun is starting to set, slowly disappearing behind the rooftops of suburb Lima. Brittany feels like she could go on forever, chatting about everything and holding Santana's hand in hers while they laugh about the silliest things. This is how every afternoon should end.

When they seem to pass the same ridiculously pink house for about the third time though, Brittany is starting to form a suspicion. There's no way there're actually three doll houses in this neighborhood alone, but if so, she'd have to tell Rachel to move here and make friends with the garden gnomes.

"San?" Brittany asks with a frown, eyes scanning the familiar surroundings.

Having a good memory might not be her strongest asset, but she does remember places, and stuff like that, and she is pretty sure they walked down the same street mere minutes ago.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you know where you live?" She glances at Santana, who suddenly looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I do" Santana says meekly, cheeks flushing under Brittany's stare.

"Then why are we making rounds in your neighborhood? Not that I'm not enjoying it, but…"

"Okay, okay" Santana sighs, coming to a stop to face Brittany. "I didn't want to go home just yet." She admits bashfully.

"You're too cute." Brittany smiles while pulling her closer by the hand.

"I'm not" Santana argues, but her resolve quickly succumbs, when Brittany lets go of her hand to wrap her arms around her lower back, embracing the smaller girl.

"Yeah, you are" She nods up and down teasingly, until Santana's mouth turns into a cheeky smile. She kisses the tip of her nose, before they both break into a fit of giggles.

"Only for you though" Santana concedes quietly with a little shrug. "I can be badass too, you know."

"Ermm, I think I got a taste of that once." Brittany smiles, referring to that Monday that pretty much set everything between them in motion.

It's funny how they wouldn't be here now, if Santana hadn't pissed off Puck that morning.

"Are you still mad?" Santana asks sadly, ducking her face in embarrassment.

"No, silly." Brittany kisses her cheek, which seems to ease Santana's nerves about the issue. "I was just sad, but…we didn't know each other and Quinn provoked you, so…" She trails off with a shrug, thinking it was perfectly reasonable for Santana to fight back when Quinn and Noah attacked her.

"I guess I have, uh, a pretty vile temper…when I feel threatened or whatever." Santana admits it, eyebrows creased in concern.

Brittany strokes her back comfortingly, carefully choosing the words she is about to say next.

"And does that happen a lot?"

Santana blinks away, and Brittany's chest tightens the same way she felt in the Lima Bean, when Santana confessed she transferred to McKinley because of the constant bullying in her school. Maybe Brittany shouldn't stir up her feelings about this sensitive topic.

"I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about it"

Santana shakes her head, casting her gaze back at her and releases a deep sigh.

"I've always been picked at quite a lot since I was a kid, so…I kind of developed this defense mechanism. Sometimes I just get too angry, and I really hate losing control." She says lowly.

A handful of emotions rush on Brittany, anger that Santana was bullied even as a child, guilt that she didn't prevent the kids at McKinley to continue the same thing and admiration that Santana still turned out to be the best person despite all this.

"I'm sorry, Santana…" She says with pain in her voice. "But I feel sorry for them too, because they didn't know how amazing you are." Brittany's mouth turns into a comforting smile, and her words seem to soothe Santana's ache just enough for now.

She reaches for Brittany's hand on her back to bring it between them and squeeze it softly, both admiring the beautiful contrast of their hands. Olive skin against pale white, soft against bony, their hands complement each other perfectly. How Brittany wishes to experience this feeling with their whole bodies.

An unfamiliar ringtone cuts off the moment they share, and Santana dives into the pocket of her jeans to fish out her cell phone.

"Um, I guess I should go home soon" She mumbles, staring at the screen.

"Who is it?"

"My mom…she's kinda paranoid." She chuckles, before shaking her head and putting back the phone into her pocket. "Come on, I'll show you where I live." She tugs on Brittany's hand and they start off in the opposite direction they were walking a few minutes ago.

"San, please tell me it's not that pink house over there!" Brittany pleads, pointing in the direction of the house she has the pleasure to see for the fourth time this afternoon.

"What? No!" Santana huffs indignantly, causing Brittany to chuckle at her expression. "The Lopez people have style…okay, at least my mom does. My dad and I are pretty useless."

"I like your style…especially lately" Brittany notes, not sure if it was a good idea to include the last bit.

"What do you mean?" Santana glances at her, looking all cute with a frown.

Brittany gets slightly embarrassed at the question, and she's pretty sure the top of her ears turn pink when she recalls her sexual fantasies about Santana, her smooth skin, her wet mouth and especially, her awesome boobs. They make her go totally crazy this week.

"Uh…I don't know how not to sound sexual but…" She clears her throat subtly. "I got little tingles in inappropriate places from that purple shirt you were wearing on Tuesday. It was way too hot." She shakes her head, her knees weakening just thinking of how those amazing full breasts would feel in her hands.

"Thanks, I guess" Santana says awkwardly, clearly not used to this kind of treatment from another girl.

They spend a few minutes in silence, both smiling like fools to themselves as they're strolling on the wide sidewalk. It's one of the most exclusive areas of Lima, Brittany would surely know, because she is living in another one not far, thanks to her parents' respectively successful careers. They are top executives in a real estate company and they work their asses off, a fact her mother likes to remind Brittany of when she complains about being alone all the time. She wonders where Santana's parents work. She spends a lot of time wondering about Santana and her life, which reminds her that maybe she should go for the opportunity to get to know them.

"Santana…I wanted to ask you something" She tilts her head to look at Santana.

"Yes, Britt?" Santana nods for her to go on, intrigued by Brittany's serious expression.

"Are you free Friday night? 'Cause I want to take you out on a date, if you still want to, that is…"

"I do" Santana rushes out, and Brittany smirks at her eagerness. "Um…what do you want to do?"

"That's a surprise, silly" She winks at Santana playfully, earning an eye-roll that must be due to Rachel's bad influence on her.

"Okay…but you should know one thing." Santana expression darkens and Brittany is afraid she might actually be allergic to breadsticks or something. "I hate horror films and stuff like that...they creep me out" Santana shivers just thinking of them, and Brittany can't hold back her harsh giggles.

"That's so badass!" She teases Santana, who groans, suddenly finding the concrete under their shoes very interesting to fix her eyes on. "But you don't have to worry San, I think there's no point to go somewhere we can't really talk or see each other, ya' know." She squeezes Santana's hand with her thumb, making her raise her chin again.

"Are you excited?"

"Yeah…you?"

"Me too." Santana nods, her whole face glowing.

Before Brittany can get too wrapped up in her beauty, Santana comes to a stop.

"So…um, this is where I live." She tells Brittany, motioning to the huge house on her left.

It's really impressive, and Santana didn't exaggerate when she stated that her mother had style. Brittany fancies the house very much, especially the huge windows. It must be really bright and sunny everywhere inside.

"It's beautiful." She says, glancing back at Santana, who looks proud and strangely relieved.

"Thanks" Santana smiles appreciatively. "…for walking me home, too. I really enjoyed it."

"Me too." Brittany nods, and her mouth turns into a wide grin when Santana tugs at her hand to pull her closer.

She kisses her gently once, then twice, before letting go. Brittany leans in for a third, and it's clumsy because Santana didn't expect it, but it's still her favorite, because they both smile into it.

"See you tomorrow, Britt" Santana says softly after pulling away.

"Bye San" Brittany waves a little, before turning on her heels to go home and spend another evening talking to Lord Tubbington about this awesome girl she has a date with.

/

The weirdest thing happens to her on Friday.

It starts out as the most exciting day of her entire lifetime, and she is so dizzy over the fact that she has a date with Santana, she even forgets to put on underwear. She actually has to turn back on the stairs, when she feels strangely cold down there and realizes her mistake. She grins like a fool, because she is pretty sure she would have freaked out Santana more than a horror film if she didn't wear panties on their date. Her expression would be a sight to see, but there's chance she would actually faint if Brittany just flashed her lady parts out of nowhere. Santana is probably not yet ready to get to know them, so Brittany sets the idea aside, and pulls a blue thong on.

She has her head in the clouds, but it doesn't make such a difference. She is dreamy enough as her usual self, so people don't notice she actually has a pretty good reason to act like a smitten kitten today. Sugar and the girls are wrapped up talking about the birthday celebration, their clothes and their plus-ones way too much to care for her new-found 'I don't give a shit' attitude when it comes to partying and boys. She's much more into dates and girls, and boobs nowadays. Well, to be honest, she is only into Santana and her perfect boobs, and her perfect everything else nowadays.

The day passes lazily, and it feels like waking up when she finds herself striding on the hallway after her last period ends.

It's actually over now.

She grins with realization that four hours later, she's gonna pick up Santana and have the best date with her in the entire Sapphic history.

Then the weirdest thing happens to her.

She catches a midget poking its head out of a classroom and a second later, strong fingers wrap around her wrist and she's dragged into the empty room, letting out a yelp from the surprise. When five pairs of eyes stare right at her in the room, Brittany realizes this might be some big ol' Glee club intervention going on here. Artie, Mercedes, Sam, Tina and Rachel – who was actually the midget from before – stand in a half-circle around her, looking like they're ready to beat the shit out of her or maybe break into a Barbra medley that causes her to bleed to death. She wonders why Blaine and Kurt aren't here though, because she kinda misses Kurt's porcelain doll face.

"Uh, hi" She frowns at the group, nervously clutching her books to her chest.

"No courtesies needed now, Brittany" Artie tells her intimidatingly, wearing actual black shades instead of his usual dorky glasses. "Let's get down to business, shall we?"

"Sure" Brittany nods, before something pops up in her mind. "But can you tell me if I'm dreaming or not right now? 'Cause if I am, I totally want you to stand up and moonwalk with me."

Artie doesn't seem amused, but her question earns a chuckle from Sam, which is quickly cut off when Rachel smacks his arm hard.

"Britt, this is not a dream." Mercedes enlightens her with a weird look.

"Oh, that's sad. I would've totally swapped bodies with you." Brittany pouts.

"You're weird." Tina notes, and Brittany is pretty sure that's the first thing she's ever said in her presence.

"Thanks" She shoots her a wide smile. "So could someone tell me why I'm here?" She turns to look at Rachel, whom she expects to step forward and take the matter in her hands, but it's Artie who wheels closer to inform her about the reason of this spontaneous get-together.

"We heard about your date with Santana tonight"

His tone is hard and it's supposed to frighten her, but Brittany can't hold back a smile tugging at her lips.

"She told you?"

"Well…thanks to my brilliant five-step plan and our precise team work, we managed to coax the information out of her." Rachel explains proudly.

"Uh, congrats I guess. But I still don't get why I have to be here instead of going lingerie shopping for our date tonight." Brittany shrugs, and the implications of her words make Sam's eyes bulge out.

"See, the reason why we gathered here is to find out about your intentions with Santana." Artie explains at last.

Brittany is really glad they are being such good friends to Santana, protecting her like mother tigers. But it doesn't mean she can't embarrass them completely with her naughty game.

"You mean what I plan to do to her in bed?" She asks with a frown, almost breaking her façade when Rachel lets out a horrid squeal. "'Cause I don't think that's-"

"No, for Christ's sake" Mercedes cuts her off, rolling her eyes like a true diva.

"We just want to make sure that you're taking this seriously, which seems pretty doubtful right now." Rachel raises an eyebrow challengingly, and Brittany guesses it's time to stop messing with them and just tell the truth.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I really like Santana, and that's why I want to date her. Not that any of this is your business…" She trails off with a shrug, suddenly upset about this whole interrogation.

They're trying to find her angle, and she knows they have a reason to believe she wouldn't date Santana just because she likes her. It's true that her intention was wrong when she got involved with her, but everything changed after she realized Santana was worth kicking up the deal with Noah.

"Just promise you won't hurt her" Sam pleads softly, and she has to swallow hard because her throat feels too dry, the familiar feeling of tightness growing inside her chest.

"I won't" She says firmly, but unable to make eye-contact with any of them. "Can I go now?"

"Yeah" Artie nods and she looks at him to be welcomed with a huge grin. "Good luck Britt"

"Get the girl" Sam wiggles his eyebrows, and Tina gives her the thumbs-up, but her great mood is already killed. Even their genuine smiles can't change that.

"Bye guys" She says lowly, before rushing out of the room, trying to fight back the tears that threaten to escape her eyes.

/

She forces the guise of detachment on herself, until she hops into her car in the parking lot.

Crossing her hands on the wheel, she rests her forehead against them, inhaling and exhaling slowly to calm down.

She just managed to forget about this freaking bet only for Santana's friends to remind her of her stupid mistake, and make her feel even worse about it. She knows it would be the right thing to tell Santana. But it doesn't matter now when she tells her, she will be hurt either way. She won't believe Brittany, she will simply hate her.

Brittany is so afraid she will hate her.

Telling her would ruin everything. That would surely mean the end of their relationship, which is the best thing that's happened to Brittany in a very long time, or maybe ever. She just can't bear to put an end to it, before it could even begin for real. Brittany's never liked anyone so much and she knows Santana has it bad for her, too. Why can't they just be together? Why everything has to be so complicated?

She hates how she is the only one who can't ever find someone to love.

There is someone now.

She is awfully selfish, but she is not ready to give up on their relationship.

She can't let Santana go.

She feels physically ill just thinking of telling Santana about the bet. She tries to put the thought out of her mind, as she raises her head and sighs. She turns on the radio, hoping a little Beyoncé would solve every problem in her life.

/

It's one of the rare exceptions when she is content with her parents not being home.

She so doesn't need their questions right now. Whenever she tells them she goes on a date, they always ask if this one will last more than one night, unlike all the other guys she's ever been with. They tell her to give them at least a second chance, because they couldn't all be so awful. Brittany averts telling them that all of those boys got what they wanted after their first date, whether be it on their bed, on the backseat of their cars, or on those occasions when Brittany's parents weren't home, the couch in the living room.

Her mother would probably have a stroke if Brittany told her about that pretty memorable incident with Josh, a cutish freshman who had the pleasure to lose his virginity to Brittany. Boy got a lil' bit excited too early, and all it took was one expert pump down his shaft from Brittany, and he was totally gone. He spurted all over his lap and the leather couch Brittany's mom picked out in an auction on a business trip to New York.

Brittany lied she fell asleep eating yoghurt the next morning, with the most innocent expression she could muster. The stains disappeared, but Brittany still envisions her mother's horrified face every time she sits down on the couch. She doesn't really do virgins since then.

But there's a virgin she would really like to do stuff with now, like more than anybody else in the world. She doesn't mind that Santana is a virgin, if anything it makes Brittany feel special and honored that she has a chance to slowly show her into the world of sexual adventures.

Everything is different with Santana, and their date won't be an exception.

Brittany really hopes there will be second time, and the third, and a fourth, and so on. But she is not ready to tell her parents she goes on a date with a girl who might or might not be packing a dick. It would be way too much information, especially that she is not entirely sure of the truth in the rumor about Santana. The way she always pulls away when things get superheated could be due to the fact that she is a virgin, and she doesn't want to embarrass herself. But it could very well be that Santana doesn't want Brittany to know about her different anatomy, which would be impossible to hide if Brittany really got her going.

Either way, Santana is not ready for sexy times yet.

And strangely, Brittany doesn't feel the need to push her. She is not impatient. She is just excited and curious how far Santana will let her go tonight. Probably not too far, but it's totally okay. Brittany gladly settles for first base, because there's no way she would bear not touching Santana's awesome boobs any longer.

Thinking of Santana's body while she is undressing is the worst idea.

When her Cheerios skirt drops on the carpet, she seriously contemplates blowing off some steam before getting into the shower. It wouldn't be wise to show up on the date with all the sexual frustration she is trying hard to repress these days. She groans when Lord Tubbington sneaks into the room and hisses at her.

It must be a sign from God.

With an irritated sigh, she is off to the bathroom to have a cold shower.

/

Picking out her outfit for the date turns out to be 'Mission Impossible' material.

It's almost six, and Brittany desperately needs to hurry up if she doesn't want to be late, and make Santana believe she set her up.

Her closet is almost empty, because every clothing item that has as much as a tiny chance to make it is thrown out somewhere in the room. She is standing in the middle, full naked and buries her face into her hands. She shouldn't make such a fuss, this is just a date. She's been going on dates since she was freaking thirteen. But why does everything feel so different when it's with Santana?

She feels the need to look like a goddess tonight.

She drops her hands, trying to clear her head to concentrate on the matter on hand. Maybe she should tone it down for tonight, appear pretty, but casual. She wouldn't want Santana feel out of place beside her. If she appears like a model from the latest issue of Teen Vogue, it would make Santana all the more nervous, and she doesn't want that.

Lingerie comes first. She leaves out the extremes, and settles for a black satin thong and matching bra, which is the perfect combination of sexy, classy and comfortable. Then comes the hard part, when she turns around to take in the sight of her messy room with clothes lying on every surface.

Ten minutes of purposeful selection process later, she settles for a short denim skirt and a deep red heart print loose-fitting shirt, which leaves her protruding collarbones and a bit of her abdomen exposed, only for Santana's viewing pleasure. With an Urban Outfitters floppy hat, and her absolute favorite, the killing thigh-high black boots, she is ready to rock Santana's world.

Highlighting her cat-like eyes and applying her favorite strawberry tasted lipstick, she is almost perfect. Almost disappears when she finishes curling her blonde locks into loose summerly waves. She places the hat back on, and turns to Lord Tubbington to get his approval, after all, he became a fashion expert by stealing all her magazines.

He is totally impressed.

Brittany smirks, catching one last glance in the body-length mirror and picks up her bag.

"Wish me luck, Tubbs!" She blows a kiss to her cat, before striding out of her room.

At the top of the stairs, she feels like something is missing. It can't be her underwear again. She touches herself between the legs, and much to her relief, she is appropriately covered. Then it dawns on her.

She rushes back to her room, straight to the bed and pulls out a box from under. There are condoms in it in all the sizes, colors and tastes one can think of. She picks up a handful, and stuffs them into a hidden pocket in her bag, before hiding the box.

She has no idea what kind of size Santana is packing.

Hell, Brittany doesn't even know if she has a penis.

Even if she does, Brittany is pretty sure Santana is not ready to use it, or even show it to her for that matter, but there's always chance things turn out that way. She certainly wouldn't mind. Leaving her room to finally go out, she feels much calmer now.

After all, a girl must be prepared all the time.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading!**_

_**Now there's only one thing to do, please review! Your feedback means a lot to me.**_

_**And I'm sorry for being a tease, but you know what comes next chapter...the date and well, if it's up to Britt a little somethin' happens after, too.  
**_


	8. Firsts, Part 1

_**Dear readers! Thanks for the overwhelming amount of new reviews, adds and favs!  
**_

_**I decided to split this chapter and post the first half today, then the second tomorrow. I wanted to give you a lil' something today because you were all so eager and well, you responded really nicely to my message in the last chapter and I couldn't express my gratitue in a better way. ****You're all so amazing to me. **Stay tuned for the second half tomorrow!  
_

_**Don't forget, the most awesomest read and review!  
**_

_**Enjoy!  
**_

*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***

* * *

**Firsts  
**

_Part 1**  
**_

"Uh, hi"

Well, she hasn't really considered the possibility of facing none other than Santana's father when she rings the bell of their house and the door opens a few seconds later.

It's silly of her, of course, because she shouldn't have automatically assumed that Santana's parents would out on a Friday night. They are not the same kind as Brittany's parents, judging from the tidbits Santana's shared about them so far.

"Hello" The tall, older man says, with a warm and gentle, but definitely stunned voice.

"I'm…Brittany." She blurts out awkwardly, and feels her cheeks heating up. "I don't know if Santana told you but I'm the girl who-"

She stammers, when a firm voice cuts her off, the source of it somewhere inside the house. It's similar to the raspy voice Brittany's grown to love, but not quite the same. It's deeper and harder, quite intimidating at first as the woman, who Brittany assumes to be Santana's mother yells out to Mr. Lopez.

"Carlos, it's cold out there. Let the girl in already, _por el amor de Dios_!"

Mr. Lopez rouses from her wife's scolding, and shoots Brittany an apologetic smile. He must have been quite a heartbreaker when he was younger, because Brittany instantly melts from the crooked smile on his handsome face.

She is such a daddy's girl.

"Oh, my dear wife is right. I forgot my manners, I'm sorry." Mr. Lopez shakes his head, before stepping out of the way and ushering her inside. "Come on in, Brittany!"

"Thanks" Brittany smiles softly, crossing the threshold of the Lopez house for the first time.

She takes a look around, and the warmth and coziness she feels inside their beautiful home puts her at ease. It really is tasty, and elegant, while not screaming rich. The hall leads to the spacy dining room, and she guesses it's the kitchen behind with its door halfway open and amazing smells leaking out to fill the space. It makes Brittany's mouth water, reminding her that she really should have had a bite in the afternoon.

"It's _paella __marinera_." The gentle voice of Santana's father snaps her out of her stupor and she looks at him, confused.

"Huh?"

"The smell. She's cooking _mi __favorito_ for dinner." The older man motions towards the kitchen, fondness lacing into his voice. "Let me introduce myself properly. I'm Carlos Lopez, the spoiled husband." He jokes, reaching out with his big hand and Brittany shakes it, happy to detect the incredible body warmth as a true Lopez trait.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Lopez." She nods to Santana's father, whom she finds rather endearing. His voice, his eyes, his smile, everything conveys a certain kind of goodness Brittany's only seen in one person so far. The man is aging gracefully, grey shades mingling into the black of his thick hair, creases appearing near his eyes, and mouth, softening his manly features.

"It's Carlos. Let me pretend I'm still a young fella for a few more years" He chortles, and Brittany feels her heart swell. If anyone, it's Santana who deserves to have such a good man for a father.

"What's so funny?"

A familiar voice catches her attention, and she turns to her right only to have her heart skip a beat at the sight.

She's never seen someone as beautiful as Santana is right now.

Her beauty is radiant. She's standing a bit afar self-consciously, anxiously awaiting Brittany's judgment, whose knees desperately want to give up and make her fall to Santana's feet. She feels breathless as she trails her eyes all over Santana's features, her make-up done subtly, her bangs pinned back while rich locks frame her round face perfectly, the deliciously curvy shape of her body showing through the top she's wearing under her leather jacket, and the skinny jeans Brittany's never seen on her before.

She wants to remember this moment forever.

Mainly, because of the way she's feeling.

"San" She chokes out pathetically, cursing herself for her inability to form coherent thoughts when she is about to take the most gorgeous girl out on their first date and probably making a fool out of herself in front of said girl's father.

"Hi" Santana saves her, stepping beside her with a tender smile on her face. "Sorry it took me a bit longer to get ready."

Brittany can only nod dumbly. "You look so pretty…like all the Disney princesses combined."

She wishes she could rip her tongue out, but Santana and his father both chuckle gently at her weird compliment.

"You look amazing, Britt." Santana touches Brittany's hand with the back of her fingers and gently strokes her skin, making Brittany tingle everywhere. It's such a light and innocent touch, Brittany wonders if she'll survive when Santana touches her in a sexual way for the first time.

Santana stares at her and Brittany's gaze drops to her lips, contemplating her actions. His father is still standing there, a silent witness to what's happening, and Brittany really hopes she won't get kicked out when she leans in to kiss the corner of Santana's mouth.

"Couldn't help myself" She whispers before pulling away, and Santana bites down on her bottom lip, blushing furiously while she tries her best to avoid his father's gaze.

When Brittany dares a glance towards him, he winks at her approvingly, with a mysterious smile dancing around his lips. Brittany gives him a thankful nod, before her attention focuses on the kitchen door opening and an older version of Santana stepping out, clutching her hand to her heart when she notices them.

Brittany jerks away from Santana's hand, afraid to act impolite in front of her mother.

"_Dios mío!_" The older woman gasps, shaking her head while she makes her way to stand beside his husband, sneaking an arm around his waist. "Santana! _Nunca me dijiste que la chica era tan hermosa!_" She snaps her eyes to Santana and Brittany frowns, confused as to why she appears disapproving.

"Now who's being rude?" Mr. Lopez raises an eyebrow pointedly, nudging his wife with his hip, and the woman rolls her eyes before a wide smile appears on her lips. The pair of them still seems totally smitten with each other.

"I'm sorry." The woman casts her gaze on Brittany's face, eyes fierce and so dark, they're almost black. "My daughter just forgot to emphasize how lucky she got with you" She smiles, her face glowing with pride and Brittany is pretty sure she's never seen someone in her age to be so hot. She's sporting brighter highlights in her dark hair, which is cut shorter, giving her a fresh, edgy look. Her clothes are equally fashionable and Brittany's pretty sure Santana's make-up is due to her expertise.

"Okay, this is so embarrassing." Santana mumbles at her mother's words, arms hugging her torso defensively and eyes set on the floor.

"I think it's sweet." Brittany says softly, searching for the other girl's gaze. "But not true though. I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one here, Miss Lopez." She smiles, keeping her eyes on Santana until she raises her head to look at her, eyes melting by Brittany's cheesy words.

"Please call me Elena" Miss Lopez says, stepping forward and Brittany snaps her eyes back, only to see the woman leaning in to embrace her in a tight hug. "And be patient with her, it's worth it." She whispers into her ear, before pulling away with the sincerest smile gracing her lips.

"Brittany Pierce" Brittany nods, returning her smile. "And I promise I'll do my best."

"Good. Now go, go and enjoy yourselves, _mis queridas tortolitas_" She ushers them towards the door, his husband chuckling lovingly at her manners.

"Are you ready?" Brittany turns to Santana, monitoring her face.

"Yeah" She answers with a tight-lipped smile, but doesn't sound too convincing.

Brittany takes her hand, and strokes the back of her palm softly, having an immediate effect on Santana, whose posture eases from the touch.

"Have a good night, girls" Mr. Lopez winks at them.

"Thanks. We won't be too late though" Brittany rushes to make sure Santana's parents know she will bring their daughter back in appropriate time.

"Oh, don't worry about that! Stay out until you want!" Her mother shakes her head, and Brittany glances at Santana to see her smiling bashfully.

They both know what this means. They got their blessing.

"It was really nice to meet you both. Good night" Brittany nods, before lightly tugging on Santana's hand to move towards the door.

"You too, Brittany darling." Mrs. Lopez smiles, watching them fondly with her husband, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Bye guys" Santana calls after her shoulder, before breaking into a fit of giggles when Brittany starts running in her heels towards the door.

They rush out of the house into the darkness of the evening, and Brittany only stops in her tracks when they're surely out of sight. Then she spins Santana into her arms, and kisses her in a way her parents wouldn't have considered appropriate in their house. It's all tongue and teeth, the pent-up sexual frustration she feels around Santana erupting from her and rushing into her veins, lacing with adrenaline and causing her to forget herself completely.

"I thought this part comes after the date" Santana rasps after pulling away to catch her breath, and Brittany's face flushes, the heat spreading all the way down to her neck and slowly, her whole body.

"I can't control myself around you" Brittany whines, trying to stay in command of her actions. She wouldn't want to get ahead of herself. She has to be patient with Santana.

"That sounds sexy" Santana chuckles shyly, blinking to her side and Brittany uses the moment to snap her eyes to her chest. She really hopes she wasn't leering at Santana's boobs in front of her father, but damn, this is a sight she needs some time to truly take in and appreciate.

She's completely obsessed with them.

They look so perfectly shaped and sized, covered with Santana's smooth tan skin. They're irresistible. Brittany would give her left hand to just lick the valley between them, tasting Santana's skin and feeling the sides of her breasts brushing her cheeks. God, she would give her right hand to kiss the side of one of them, gently sucking on her flesh, which would elicit the softest moan from Santana. And she would give everything to take one of these perfect breasts into her mouth and twirl her tongue around Santana's nipple.

"Britt?" Santana clears her throat subtly.

"Huh?" Brittany asks, still deeply encompassed with the imageries of Santana's boobs and the ways she would make them hers. When Santana taps her chin lightly, she jolts up, lips turning into a smirk. She is not even sorry. "Uh…I guess we should go, huh?"

They both chuckle lightheartedly.

"Yes, let's get our date on!" Santana says with sass, that sounds equally cute and lame coming out of her mouth.

"You're such a dork, San"

/

Driving proves to be an unusually hard task when Santana is seated beside her in the car.

They're holding hands over the center console and Brittany is doing her best to maneuver the car properly towards their secret destination, while her mind is fully occupied with Santana. Santana almost tricks her into telling her where they're going, but Brittany doesn't let herself get distracted enough to ruin the surprise and Santana's anticipation is increasing by the minute. Brittany is pretty sure she would willingly tell Santana the second she took off her top, but Santana is not one for sexual manipulations. She's a beginner after all. Maybe in time she'll realize what kind of effect she has on Brittany, heightening her sexual frustration to never-before reached levels these days.

To a certain extent, her desire for Santana must be reciprocated.

Santana is very tentative when it comes to expressing how much she enjoys the intimacy they're slowly developing between them. She is too respectful and shy to voice her appreciation of Brittany's body in a suggestive way. But she is only human, and a sexually functioning one at that, at least the way her eyes linger on Brittany's half-covered thighs and the patch of bare skin on her abdomen strongly suggests so. Her curious, exploring looks are very much in contrast with the blatant leering Brittany frequently catches herself doing in Santana's presence.

She has got to be patient though.

Even though she is more than eager to take the next step in their physical relationship, Brittany has to admit that their unrushed progress introduced her to how thrilling and significant every little new experience could be, if it occurs with the right person.

And Santana is definitely the right person.

/

"We're almost there, San." Brittany giggles when Santana whines she can't bear to be kept in the dark any longer. At the next stop-light, she leans in to peck her cheek, and the complaints are instantly forgotten.

They spend the rest of the drive talking about Santana's parents. It's mostly Brittany flailing over how awesome they seem to be, and it makes Santana get a little grumpy by the time they arrive at Breadstix, everyone's favorite restaurant in Lima.

"You know, you could have invited them instead of me…they love this place and they're free tonight." She mumbles nonchalantly, unfastening her seatbelt.

Brittany turns to her with a stunned expression on her face and catches a faint smile ghosting Santana's lips. She is totally faking the jealousy and the discovery makes Brittany smirk mischievously. She will teach her a lesson not to mess with Brittany Pierce.

"Hey grumpyhead…" She whispers, leaning close to Santana's face until her breath hits the skin of her neck. Santana swallows thickly, eyes fluttering half-closed, while her breath picks up from Brittany's nearness. "…guess what, I can't do this to them." Brittany opens her mouth wider and lays a wet kiss behind Santana's ear, and cups her face with her free hand to keep her intact, while she trails a path along the girl's jaw with her lips, nipping at her smooth skin teasingly. Her hand slides down to Santana's neck when she arrives at her mouth and softly licks her bottom lip. She wraps her lips around it, and sucks on the delicious flesh until Santana pulls away from the kiss.

"Okay…I give up" She rasps into Brittany's mouth, breathing heavy and uneven.

"Oh, so soon? I had plenty of other tricks in my hat, just saying" Brittany chuckles, adjusting the hat on her head while Santana bites down on her bottom lip to keep herself from grinning like a fool.

"Maybe later?" She asks timidly, blinking away immediately when Brittany's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline.

She blushes under Brittany's gaze, and it's the only thing that makes Brittany believe she really did suggest taking things further in the future. Her mouth turns into a pleased smile, and she clutches Santana's hand tighter in reassurance.

"Maybe"

/

"So you've been here already?" Brittany asks with a little disappointment lacing into her voice after they sit down in the booth she's reserved for them. It's near the corner, granting them the much needed peace and privacy for their first date.

"Yeah, soon after we moved here, we kind of checked out all the restaurants" Santana replies, laughing a bit.

Brittany felt the knot in the pit of her stomach tighten a minute before when Santana took off her leather jacket and dropped it beside her on the seat, leaving her in nothing but a tight sleeveless dark green top. Her shiny dark hair falling on her bare shoulders, and her thick eyelashes dancing with every flicker of her eyes, she is a true vision. She is so unbelievingly sexy without trying that Brittany has to press her thighs together to control herself.

"There's not many around here" She clears her throat, trying to keep her mind from wandering off to unsafe territory.

"It's still better than Delaware…and well, all the other shitty towns we've lived in." Santana shrugs and Brittany is about to inquire further about the topic, when a young waiter named Josh approaches their table.

He sets their menus on the table, and Brittany doesn't miss the way his eyes linger on Santana's cleavage. And hell she doesn't approve.

"If you have any trouble to make a choice, don't hesitate to call me. I'm gonna be over there" The boy motions to the counter nearby with an irritating crooked smile spreading on his lips and Brittany's face hardens, heart pulsating in her ears.

"Thanks" Santana says with a tight-lipped smile, completely oblivious to the boys' allusive actions.

Brittany scowls when he finally turns away with a satisfied expression on his ugly face like he just totally scored it with Santana, and buries her face into the menu, turning the page with a little more force than necessary.

"Britt?" Santana asks tentatively, reaching over to pull away the menu in Brittany hands so she can look at her. "Everything all right here?" She frowns in the cutest way, and Brittany releases a deep sigh.

"I didn't like the way he looked at you." She pouts sadly.

"Who?"

"That pubescent little shit over there. He totally checked you out." She blurts out with her face heating up from the surprising intensity of her emotions.

"No way, Britt." Santana shakes her head in denial, eyebrows creased in concern. "I don't think boys like me that much" She shrugs without much care. After all, she is a lesbian.

"Santana, you are the most beautiful girl here. Only the blinds wouldn't notice." Brittany explains, her irritation pacified by Santana's soft smile.

"That's…that's crazy." Santana shakes her head, letting out an awkward little chuckle.

"It's true if I say so." Brittany nods up and down, completely assured about the fact of Santana being the most awesomest girl in Breadstix right now, or probably in the whole state, or well, even the whole world.

"I don't care for others Britt." Santana replies, with perfect sincerity gleaming in her deep brown eyes. It always strikes Brittany how effortlessly these words fall from her tongue.

"So is it okay if I kiss you now?" She smiles softly, and Santana's eyes widen slightly like every time Brittany expresses the intention of kissing her. It's endearing to see her still be amazed by it.

Santana closes her menu and sets it on the table, and Brittany is glad her eyes don't dart all around the restaurant to see who's watching the pair of them when she slides closer to Brittany. "Yeah" She whispers when her face is two inches away from Brittany's over the table.

Brittany doesn't waste more time to kiss her fully on the mouth, deepening the kiss urgently to suck on Santana's tongue, which never fails to make Santana shudder and pull her in more to intensify the force and tempo of their eager tongues and lips. Every time they kiss it feels like an invisible force makes it impossible to part and cut the contact between them. They stay attached, consumed more and more by each other until one of them is out of breath and they have to give up.

"You think he got the message?" Brittany pants into the hot air between them, when she opens her eyes.

"Yeah, I think so" Santana rasps, blinking to the side before she breaks into a fit of giggles, with her swollen lips spreading wide.

"He better do" Brittany raises an eyebrow confidently, before opening her menu again to pick something. It's totally unnecessary since she's been coming back here for years and always eating spaghetti with meat balls. It's delicious and she loves it.

"I think I'm going for a burger" Santana says slowly, deep in thought as her eyes scan the list of meals on the menu. "Are they any good here?" She snaps her eyes to Brittany.

"I've never actually eaten one here" Brittany frowns, wondering how that could be possible.

"There's one with three kinds of cheese for you" Santana offers.

"Hmm…an awesome threesome" Brittany's eyes light up. "Wow, this sounds sexual."

"A little bit." Santana smiles playfully.

"Okay, I'm going for it." Brittany grins, keenly giving up her favorite spaghetti and meat balls to experiment in a new territory of the holy food world of Breadstix with Santana. "What's your choice?"

"The avocado and bacon one…it sounds pretty dope."

"Got it." Brittany nods, before raising her hand towards their waiter.

When he comes to a stop beside them, he tries really hard to avert eye-contact while his face flushed under Brittany's penetrating gaze. When she tells him their orders and refers to Santana as 'my lady' he snaps his eyes up from the notepad he's writing on and Brittany uses the opportunity to grab Santana's hand on the table. He gulps before retracting his eyes on the paper and takes off in a hurry as soon as Brittany says 'thanks'.

"I think he totally got the message" Brittany smirks coyly.

"I hope so" Santana says, staring at their joint hands on the table. Her smile widens when Brittany starts stroking the back of her palm, drawing circles on her soft skin. "I'm really happy to be here with you, Britt" She snaps her eyes up and they share a smile with Brittany.

"Yeah, me too." Brittany nods, her mind trying to recall the hundreds of questions she wants to ask Santana tonight, varying from questions about her favorite stuffed animal when she was a kid to what she would bring to a deserted island, but she rather picks a more import one to begin with. "So…um, about those shitty towns…you've moved a lot with your family?"

Santana sighs, her smile fading and Brittany is afraid she ruined the mood. "Well, yeah, I suppose…but it's a long story."

"We have lots of time." Brittany smiles with encouragement.

"Well…it all started with my parents meeting in California. They both went to Stanford and got their PhDs there." Santana begins the story, proudness lacing into her voice at the mention of the prestigious alma mater of her parents.

"Wow, that sounds awesome." Brittany perks up, excited to hear about California, where she is determined to move after graduation.

"Yeah. It's actually pretty funny, because my mother became a historian and my father a biologist, so I have no idea how they clicked…but they just did." Santana chuckles.

"They still look totally in love with each other" Brittany notes with astonishment. It was such a heartwarming scene that happened at Santana's before their date. She will forever be fond of the memory of meeting Santana's parent for the first time.

"It's true. I think it's because they both made sacrifices for the other and they stood by each other through everything. Since I was born, a barely remember them arguing. Maybe once or twice, but I don't know…maybe they just hid it well, but they always seemed pretty strong."

"It sounds like they found their soul mates." Brittany says gleefully.

"I'm not sure I believe in those, but something like that, yeah." Santana shrugs a little. "So…after graduation they went on a road trip to South-America for two years, so my mom could do research and collect stuff for her first book. It's pretty crazy, like they almost got killed by a drug cartel in Columbia and stuff like that. It's basically a never ending source of stories"

"So cool…" Brittany shakes her head in amazement, and her expression makes Santana smile. "I want to do something like this once, too. But I'd rather stay in the North, I guess" She ponders over the possibility.

"Yeah, I'd try something like that too." Santana agrees, before searching for the train of her thought that's been cut off. "So they came back and she was writing the book while my father was working for a research institute, basically as the only breadwinner at that time. It was hard but it was worth it. My mom's book got published and due to some wonder the Bolivian government ordered a copy for like…every freaking student in their country and they were followed by five other countries so um…yeah, she's been kinda free to do whatever she's wanted ever since." She breaks out a chuckle.

"She must be more famous than the stars of soap operas" Brittany blurts out.

"Well I don't know who ended up reading those books, but they got really lucky with that success."

"So why didn't they stay in California?" Brittany asks curiously, wondering why someone would rather live in the state of Ohio than that of sunny California.

"Um, after I was born my father got an offer from an institute residing in Columbus. It was basically his dream job. He got to lead a team of biologists to research stem cells and the possibilities of usage. I was still a baby and my mother could write or teach anywhere, so they packed up and moved to Columbus." Santana continues the story, before the waiter, Josh appears with their burgers and milkshakes.

They thank him for it, before settling back into the conversation, burgers completely ignored on the table.

"But doesn't he still work there?" Brittany frowns, because this detail is not clear to her, but then again, she may have missed a connection.

Her question unnerves Santana a little bit, whose hand stiffens under Brittany's fingers.

"Um…it's cause of me." She ducks her head in shame. "I had a hard time fitting in, so we moved to Delaware when I was in elementary school. Then a couple of years later, we went to Newark, but things got rough there last year so…we moved here over the summer" She finishes in a tiny voice, averting Brittany's eyes.

"It's okay, San. You don't have to talk about it" Brittany says softly, leaning forward to take Santana's hand into both of hers. "Only if you feel ready, 'cause I'm here, you know"

Santana nods up and down, releasing a deep breath before she meets Brittany's gaze again.

"I'd rather not here." She says barely above a whisper, and Brittany nods sympathetically.

She brings Santana's hand to her lips and kisses her knuckles softly, making Santana smile before letting go of her hand. "What do you say we get it on with our burgers?" She asks playfully and manages to elicit a giggle from Santana, lifting the mood considerably after the moment of struggle with the past.

/

The burgers are heavenly.

The cheese tastes so freaking good, Brittany can't believe some people don't like it. She likes it hot and cold. She likes it in grilled cheese and burgers, on pizza and spaghetti. It goes with everything. She likes French cheese, and Dutch cheese and Italian cheese. She likes all the kinds, and forms and tastes. Cheese is amazing and the combination of the three kinds make eating the burger the most delicious foreplay she could ever experience.

She hums contentedly, when she is finished and settles back on the leather seat, enjoying the fullness in her stomach. Santana chuckles at her dopey expression, while trying to consume the rest of her burger in small bites. Even the way she is eating screams cute. Brittany could just watch her forever.

Everything is kind of perfect tonight.

Santana is sweet and funny like usual, and they get to know lots of stuff about each other. Also, the burgers are all kinds of awesome.

While munching on them, she got to know a lot more about Santana's family and shared stuff about her own. It wasn't nearly as interesting though. Brittany's parents have been working for the same company for more than fifteen years respectively and they've never really been adventurous, except for going on a few luxury trips on cruisers around Europe when they were younger. So she rather focused on Santana and made it impossible for the poor girl to eat with questions popping from her mouth every other second.

"Hmm…that was so good." Santana licks a drop of ketchup from her bottom lip and pops her lips, when she is done. "But I'm so full I may be actually dying" She laughs, sliding down on her seat a bit while she clutches her stomach.

"This is pretty good too." Brittany taps the glass of her strawberry milkshake. "Do you like yours?"

"Um, it's okay, but I guess I won't be a huge fan." Santana says indifferently, stirring the banana shake that is almost untouched in her glass with the straw.

"We can share mine" Brittany offers, pushing her glass closer to Santana.

"Are you sure? You seem to really like it." Santana raises her eyebrows.

"I like you more." Brittany blurts out, mouth turning into a silly grin.

Santana matches her grin, and they stare at each other, giddy with affection, before she leans forward to drink from the glass, tasting the cold milkshake with strawberry bits and whipped cream.

"Yum" Her eyes light up after taking a sip and she smiles at Brittany with appreciation. "Thanks, it's really good." She pokes her tongue out to lick the remainders of whipped cream off her lips and hums softly.

"You're way too hot…" Brittany murmurs to Santana, eyes glued to her mouth that she's ignored for a long time now.

"Huh?" Santana frowns, leaning closer to hear better, but Brittany shakes her head.

"Nothing, just kiss me"

"Is this the way I should thank you?" Santana raises an eyebrow, setting her elbows on the table.

"How else?" Brittany asks suggestively, matching Santana's position. "I could think of a few ways, but I don't want to get into jail." She husks lowly into Santana's ear.

Santana tilts her head to brush her lips to Brittany's ear, ghosting them over her ear shell, and Brittany does her best to keep in her moans, when Santana breathes out hotly. "Then I hope a kiss will do for now." She whispers, before guiding her lips to Brittany's to kiss her softly, both tasting the strawberry shake on the other.

"I guess we can say that." Brittany clears her throat, easing the familiar dryness that goes hand-in-hand with the arousal she's feeling between her legs.

Santana lays another gentle peck on her lips, before pulling away.

The waiter boy standing at their table startles both of them, as they were too wrapped up in each other to notice him approaching and judging from the way his eyebrows seem to merge into his hair, he must have witnessed their naughty little scene just now.

"Uhm, can I bring some dessert?" He clears his throat awkwardly, rubbing his palm on the sides of his legs with nerves.

"Do you still have ice cream?" Brittany asks coyly. "I could use some cooling down."

"Yeah, uh, of course." The boy stammers, seemingly on the verge of fainting. It must be pretty painful down there for him, in case he has a boner, which Brittany suspect might be happening here.

"Then I'd like to have the giant fruit heaven…I wanna be totally filled up" She smirks, poking her tongue out to lick her lips teasingly.

He totally deserves to have blue balls for checking out Santana earlier and judging from his expression, he must be suffering just the way Brittany wants him to.

"And…uh…you'd like one of that too or maybe a different one?" He falters painfully when talking to Santana, while doing his best to avoid staring at the girl's boobs, squeezed together delicately in her tight-fitting top. It's pretty damn hard, Brittany has to admit, but she still has the urge to punch him when he fails.

"We'll share, thank you" Brittany shoots him down with a cold glare.

He leaves their table, and Brittany is fuming with jealousy.

"You know…you have no reason to be jealous, but…" Santana blinks to the side, a mischievous smile crossing her lips. "…that was very sexy."

"Me being jealous?"

"Yeah"

She bites down on her bottom lip to keep her mouth from turning into a stupid grin.

"Then it was worth it I guess." Brittany chuckles a little, forgetting about the stupid boy instantly. They settle into a silence, but she quickly cuts it short with a question coming up in her mind. "Hey…I wanted to ask you something"

"Go ahead"

"Do you have a dream? Like what you really want to do when you grow up?" She asks curiously and Santana's eyes kindle with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, actually I do. I've always liked to draw…and they say I'm pretty good at it, so I want to be a designer."

She must have no idea, but Brittany knows very well how much Santana likes drawing. She still has that scribbled portrait of hers somewhere in her bag. It makes her smile involuntarily.

"And what do you want to design?" She asks softly.

Santana hesitates a bit at her question, and Brittany is pretty sure she is blushing slightly.

"Um, video games" She murmurs awkwardly, dropping her eyes on the table.

"Really? That sounds so cool, San." Brittany squeals from the excitement.

Santana shoots her a skeptical look.

"It sounds nerdy."

"And why is that a bad thing?" Brittany frowns.

"Because most people think so…"

"Those people are stupid, Santana" She sighs, shaking her head. "You have a dream and you should be proud of it."

Santana raises her chin a bit and smiles bashfully.

"Do you have one, too?"

"Yeah, you know…since I've been a kid, I've always wanted to just dance but it turned into more than just a hobby…now I feel like I'm nothing without it. I wanna go to dance school in LA and make it there."

"You are already amazing, Britt…" Santana takes her hand and squeezes it tenderly. "You're gonna be a huge star, I'm sure of it."

"And you're gonna make the best video games." Brittany smiles at her warmly.

It feels so nice to share their dreams about the future with each other. And staring into Santana's melting chocolate brown eyes, Brittany knows she sincerely believes in her. It's the best feeling in the world.

"So…it seems we're both heading to California."

"Yeah?"

"I want to go to Stanford, like my parents." Santana says with resolve.

"This sounds really good." Brittany smiles at her, and they never cut their eye-contact while Josh, the waiter walks up to their table to set down the ice cream plate sensation.

"Agreed." Santana nods and Brittany melts from how adorably hopeful she seems to be for a moment. The special glint disappears in a second, and Brittany decides to try making it come back in the future. It's not wrong to believe they might end up together. Brittany knows things will get rough along the way, but she dares to hope. And she wishes Santana's dare to hope too.

But she has to be patient, Brittany repeats inwardly the best advice she's received in a long time.

"So, are you ready to taste the giant?" She blurts out, snapping her eyes on the huge cup of ice cream cones with all the awesome different berries and delicious chocolate syrup on top.

"Yeah" Santana says, before picking up the spoon to dive into a cone of chocolate and raise it to her lips. Her eyes widen with an idea though, and she brings the spoon to Brittany's lip, smiling shyly.

"Thanks" Brittany grins at her after taking the ice cream into her mouth. The chocolate melts on her warm tongue, and it tastes so good, it's better than everything else tonight…apart from the taste of Santana.

Santana has the best taste ever.

And Brittany hasn't even tasted her _there_.

/

They're eating the last bits of melted ice cream, their mouths covered in syrup and cream, giggling hysterically as Santana mimics her grandmother, whose accents is thicker than Finn Hudson's skull, when Brittany feels a strange sensation on her right thigh.

Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise, the fact that she put her phone in the pocket of her shorts slipping from her mind.

"What?" Santana chortles with a cute frown on her pretty face.

Brittany drops her spoon and snaps her eyes to her shorts, then realization dawns on her instantly. "Oh, it must be just a text" She shakes her head subtly, wiping her hand with the napkin before fishing out her phone.

Her brows crease, when she notices an incoming message from her father. Trailing her eyes over the words in the message, her heart drops at first. But before she can sink into depression, she realizes she just got the best chance from life, a chance she has to take.

"Who's it?"

"My parents um…they had to go on an emergency business trip so they won't be back till Monday night." Brittany shrugs a little, eyes glued to the screen as she tries to muster up her courage to turn this situation on her favor.

"Oh…I'm sorry…?" Santana half-asks, and Brittany snaps her eyes on her face. It may actually be the most adorable thing she's ever seen. Santana's expression is all serious and concerned, while the tip of her cute nose and the corners of her lips are covered with sticky chocolate syrup.

"Don't be" Brittany breathes out, tilting her head to the side as she monitors Santana's face.

It takes a couple of seconds, but Santana seems to get the message, in her own way.

"Does this mean…uh…that you're gonna be completely alone 'till Monday night?" She asks hesitantly, her eyes darting between Brittany's as her nerves are creeping up.

"I guess so…" Brittany trails off, tucking her phone back into her pocket before leaning forward over the table. "Hey, so you could come over for a bit tonight, if you want?" She smiles softly.

Santana licks her lips nervously, and takes a moment to compose herself. Brittany can see her inner struggle and it almost makes her backtrack. She doesn't want Santana to feel uncomfortable about saying no, but she stuns Brittany over how easy she stumbles over her fears this time.

"For a bit, yeah…okay." Santana nods up and down, and it seems like she's trying to convince herself that this is a good idea and she doesn't make a huge mistake here.

"Perfect" Brittany squeals, buzzing with excitement after the sudden turn of events.

Brittany is determined to prove Santana that her second time in their house is going to be nothing like the first time. She's just bringing Santana home, without any clear plans to set in motion. Of course the prospect of taking the next step in their relationship is tempting, but Brittany won't push her. She is gonna be patient with her, because she cares about Santana immensely now.

"Do you want the last bit of strawberry?" Santana asks, distracting herself by concentrating on the remainders of the giant ice cream sensation. Brittany nods eagerly, so she picks up the bit with her spoon and lifts it to Brittany's mouth. "There you go" She smiles, when Brittany tastes her favorite strawberry and a contented smile appears on her lips, matching Santana's.

"You're syrupy." Brittany lets out a giggle, staring at Santana's face.

"Where?" She frowns, making a roll with her eyes so she can catch a glimpse.

"You won't see that silly." Brittany shakes her head, before picking up Santana's napkin and wiping off the syrup from her nose and mouth. "Now you're presentable again." She says slyly with a wink.

"Thanks"

"Now, where's our favorite Josh?" Brittany roams her eyes all around the room, satisfied to catch the boy near the counter. "A girl's gotta pay for her date." She motions for him to come over.

"Shouldn't we split?" Santana suggest, but Brittany brushes the idea off.

"No, 'cause I took you out tonight, so it's my treat."

"But next time is mine." Santana blurts out eagerly.

The prospect of having a second date already fills Brittany up with fuzzy feelings, even though they're not even close to be done for tonight.

"Deal" She winks at Santana, before turning to the waiter boy who's just appeared beside them.

She gives him a fairly good tip, because his struggles were entertaining and Santana called Brittany's jealousy sexy. So it's all good now.

"Okay, um, are you ready to go?" She asks Santana, when they are private again.

Santana swallows thickly, before picking up her leather jacket from the seat. "Yeah, of course" She says, trying to hide her anxiety, but failing at it miserably.

Brittany nods, before standing up and taking the jacket from Santana's hands to help her put it on. The unusual gesture makes Santana smile, and they leave the restaurant holding hands, wrapped up in their bubble of sweet excitement.

_To be continued..._

* * *

**Thank you for reading! The second half is coming right up tomorrow!**

**If you have any questions or you wanna be freaking nice and just say hi, you can do it on my tumblr! Until tomorrow, bitcheees! **


	9. Firsts, Part 2

**Firsts **

_Part 2_

It gets worse in the car.

They barely talk, stealing glances at each other's faces while their handhold over the console couldn't possibly be more uncomfortable. It's just not the soft, tender, effortless touch Brittany's used to receive from Santana. Her hand lies on top of hers rigidly, and it makes Brittany feel awkward in her presence, for the first time. She is afraid they might be heading towards a catastrophe.

By the time they're turning on the street Brittany's living, Santana looks like she is about to climb out of the moving car, throw up and run away as fast as she can.

When Brittany stops the engine, parking on their driveway, Santana withdraws her left hand and clasps it with her other in her lap. She's chewing on the inside of her mouth and trying really hard to focus on every damn spot in Brittany's car, avoiding only her blue eyes.

"San, are you okay?" Brittany asks, with disappointment lacing into her voice. She is sad that Santana doesn't seem to trust her, but feels obliged to say yes to her offer. "It's okay if you don't come in. I could just drive you home…" She trails off, trailing her eyes all over Santana's strained expression.

Santana starts shaking her head slowly, still turned slightly away from her. It further confuses Brittany. She is about to tell her she shouldn't say yes if she doesn't want to, when Santana snaps her gaze to stare at her, eyes shining fiercely with determination.

"No, I want to be here." She says firmly, before grabbing the handle to open the door.

"Okay" Brittany breathes out with relief, exiting the car quickly and locking it so they won't get sick in the cold night. She ushers Santana up on the porch, and fishes out her keys from her beg.

She can barely get her way with the lock, because her hands are starting to tremble slightly. It should be the chilly weather, she guesses, but she shortly realizes she's never been more nervous to bring someone home before.

And Brittany is not even sure they're gonna enter _those_ territories with Santana tonight.

/

"So um we could maybe…watch a film. We have lots of good stuff…what do you like? I know you hate horror, but we have some funny films too." Brittany rambles, after they get off their shoes in the hall and in Santana's case, her leather jacket too. "But we should get some food, I think…yeah definitely. Are you hungry? I could make something, though I'm not sure you'd-"

"Brittany" Santana cuts her off, touching her elbow delicately.

"Huh?" Brittany jerks her head towards her, frowning deeply.

She just really hopes Santana won't leave now. Even though her mother banned her from cooking alone in the kitchen, she'd really try to prepare something for Santana. And she really does have a lot of good films, like the entire Disney collection. But why is Santana looking at her like she doesn't care for any of these things?

She looks like she's breaking up with her or something, even though they're not even together officially.

"Can't we just sit down…for a bit?" Santana asks, ducking her head lower as her voice cracks. "I need to talk to you" She says barely above a whisper, and Brittany nods, sensing the momentum.

She feels like a complete lunatic about breaking into a stupid monologue, when she could have noticed Santana wanting to say something important long before entered the house.

She leads the way into the living room, and turns the lights on, adjusting them so the room is dimly lit, the streetlights seeping inside through the light curtains. They sit down on the couch, Santana leaving a hurtful amount of distance between them, but Brittany doesn't slide closer. She needs to wait her out. Seconds pass by as Brittany is watching Santana, and Santana is staring at the carpet, while she is fumbling with her hands in her lap nervously.

"You can tell me anything, honey"

Maybe it's the sincere words, or the delicate tone, or the word of endearment Brittany's used for the first time, but Santana raises her head to look at her, eyes fiercely black and gleaming beautifully from the lights.

She clenches her hands together tightly, and releases a deep breath, bracing herself.

"Before we…" She blurts out then cuts herself off, expression troubled and full of doubt. "…uh, before we do anything, Brittany…you have to know something about me." She finishes in a hushed whisper, barely meeting Brittany's gaze.

Brittany is trying her best to act patient and sympathetic, but it's hard to be attentive without touching Santana. It feels like she is depraved of her best asset, her touch that always seems to help Santana's struggle, giving her comfort and courage.

"Yeah?" She asks quietly, trying her best to convey what she feels through her eyes.

Santana blinks away, boring her eyes into the carpet, burning a hole into it with the force of her stare. Her expression screws up entirely, the inner battle she is fighting with herself reflecting on her ever so soft features, ruining her gorgeous face.

"I was…" She stops for a sharp intake of breath "I was born different than most girls…shit, why is this so hard every fucking-"She peals, burying her face into her hands. Brittany's heart is ripping into pieces watching her and feeling for her, feeling the agony she has to endure for this confession. She is afraid to touch Santana, to startle her and ruin the silent moment she is in the need of to muster up her courage. She watches Santana's chest rising and falling, as she's taking deep breaths and she wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around her shoulder, and pull her into an embrace. But Santana slowly drops her hands, and tilts her head to look at her again, and she knows she has to see this through to the end, let her fight the demons. "What I want to say is…" Santana tries again, voice calmer and practiced this time. "I'm intersex, Brittany."

The words leave her mouth, and Brittany's breath hitches. She can only stare at Santana, trying to comprehend, while her heart is thudding in her ears. The amount of questions popping up in her head overwhelms her, and she shakes her head subtly to dispose of them momentarily. Seconds pass in heavy silence and she can see Santana's anxiety rise more and more, waiting on edge for a reaction.

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure what that means…" She blurts out at last, mouth turning into a painful little smile.

Santana nods, and squeezes her knees nervously, rubbing her hands on her jeans while she's trying to come up with the right words to explain.

"Well, it can differ I guess…but in my case, I don't…" She swallows thickly, clenching her fingers together, while she drops her gaze into her lap. "I don't have a vagina. I was born with…a penis and two testicles instead." She whispers, blushing in shame, and Brittany's eyes widen. She is not surprised, of course, she's known about the rumor for a long time, but she is stunned how much she doesn't care now that she knows it's true.

It doesn't make any difference for her.

"Okay" She nods, trying to adjust to the idea of Santana having a dick as fast as she can.

"Wh-what? Okay?" Santana snaps her eyes at her straightaway, a deep frown on her forehead. She is in utter confusion. She's probably never experienced this kind of a response and she doesn't seem to believe for her ears.

"Yeah, I mean…I'm totally fine with that." Brittany shrugs a little, lips turning into an encouraging smile.

"You don't think I'm a freak?" Santana turns towards her more, eyes narrowed in incredulity.

"Santana…" Brittany sighs sadly, and slides closer to her, sensing that the right moment has come. "No, honey, for me, what you have between your legs doesn't matter. It's not a big deal." She explains, touching Santana's hand on her knee gently, feeling her smooth olive skin burning under her palm.

Santana stares at Brittany's hand stroking her own softly, and she seems oddly distressed about her words.

"Well, it's kind of a big deal for me…" She murmurs lowly at last.

"I know, I didn't mean it like that, San" Brittany rushes to explain, squeezing her hand and Santana finally looks at her. "Believe me I have an awful lot of questions, but I won't push you about it." She shakes her head, smiling gently. "Thank you for telling me."

Santana reciprocates her smile, eyes glistening with relief and gratitude for Brittany's acceptance.

"I didn't really have a choice…" She shrugs a little, blinking to the side. "I mean I didn't want you to find out during…so…" She trails off, biting down on her bottom lip bashfully.

"Well that would have been a bigger surprise, yeah…" Brittany chuckles joyously, the heaviness of the past minutes lifting at last. "You're amazing. Come here" She tugs on Santana hand and she shoots her a shy smile, before sliding closer to wrap her arms around Brittany's neck.

Brittany pulls her into a tight hug, pressing impossibly close as her hands settle on the low of Santana's back. She buries her face into Santana's soft hair, smelling the distant scent of her coconut shampoo, enjoying the way her cheek brushes to Santana's bare shoulder. "You're so brave, Santana." She whispers to her, before laying the lightest kiss on her neck. She feels Santana's heart pounding against her chest, body unbelievingly warm and soft as she snuggles more into Brittany's embrace, pressing her face into the crook of her neck.

Being close to her has never felt more right.

The truth came out and the bond they're sharing got stronger.

This level of intimacy Brittany's experiencing with Santana for the first time in her life makes every word, touch and kiss feel like a new adventure, a wonder she's always only dreamed of and now she has the chance to explore. She treasures every little moment in her heart profoundly. She carves every word into her mind, burns every touch into her skin and savors every kiss like it was the first one she's ever received from Santana.

There's no better place in the world than the warmest and softest spot where Santana's neck meets her shoulder. She breathes into her, making goose bumps rise all over Santana's skin and kisses her shoulder tenderly. She can feel Santana smiling into her neck, plump lips brushing to her skin and it runs a shiver down her spine.

Santana pulls away, untangling her arms gently from Brittany's neck and adjusts the hat sitting on top of blonde hair. Brittany cuts her movements off and takes the hat off her head, dropping it behind her back, before shaking her head to fix her curly blonde locks.

They settle back on the couch, sharing a light chuckle before Santana's expression turns serious again, though her eyes remain warm and gentle. "You can ask anything, you know. I trust you, Britt" She says, voice calm and steady now.

"But I don't want to make you feel like you're just about that part of yours."

"I know, it's okay, I get it" Santana nods supportively.

Brittany wonders where she should start. She has an awful lot of questions, varying from perfectly serious ones about growing up as an intersex girl, through the naughty ones about how it feels for Santana to touch her boobs and dick at the same time, to the most pressing ones that might affect both their lives.

She decides not to beat around the bush and just come out with the most vital question.

"Well, this is more practical but I guess I should know…so um, is it fully working or…?" She frowns, trying to ignore the arousal pooling between her legs at the mention of Santana's penis. Just thinking about it makes her feel like a cat in heat.

"Yeah, one hundred perfect." Santana says with a forced smile.

Brittany rubs her forehead, while trying to grasp the situation. It's one thing to know that Santana has a dick, but it's a slightly bigger bite to swallow that it is working properly.

"So you could get me pregnant?" She asks carefully.

Santana's eyes widen at the prospect of them ever getting into a situation when that can happen.

"Uh…technically, yes." She blurts out awkwardly. "But whenever we…I…if we ever, Britt, I will make sure to take care of you. I promise you" She nods eagerly, eyes pleading for Brittany to believe her.

"I know, Santana" Brittany smiles gently, eyes speaking volumes without saying another word.

Santana bites down on her bottom lip, on the edge of cracking the most adorable grin. They're both thinking about the same thing; when somewhere in the future they're gonna take that last step in this journey. The thoughtful and loving way Santana's staring at her, Brittany is sure it's going to be the best thing ever happening to her.

She can barely contain her feelings, her mind dizzy with anticipation over how far they're gonna go tonight. Every step feels like a milestone with Santana, affecting her severely and she wonders how it's gonna feel to finally touch Santana and be touched by her, handled and cared for in her most vulnerable state.

The worship in Santana's eyes makes her certain the feelings blossoming inside her for Brittany are gonna pass into every touch and kiss she's gonna cherish Brittany's body with.

"Thank you for being so amazing to me…I was so afraid you'd push me away" Santana says gently, and Brittany feels like she's gonna drown in her brown eyes, feeling the undeniable force pulling her in more and more, until she feels like she can't come up anymore.

She is stuck.

She is sinking deeper than ever before, feeling her heartbeat getting heavier, carrying the substance of her feelings, pumping them into her blood until she feels it in her veins everywhere, reaching every cell in her body and nurturing her with the only thing she needs for existence, true love.

"I'd never push you away" She whispers to Santana, eyes begging, pressing every word like they are the most important ones she's ever expressed. "I really like you, every part of you, please believe me"

"I do" Santana declares simply, liberated from her worst fears and doubts. "Is there anything else you want to know?"

Brittany nods subtly, before gathering her thoughts. There's one question that's been nagging her and she can't quite seem to shake it off. She senses it might be the issue Santana has the hardest time dealing with and therefore, she can't ignore it. They have to talk about it.

"Um…I don't know how to…how did you decide that- I mean…have you always thought of yourself as a girl?" She stammers, not sure how not to sound horribly offending.

"Well, honestly, I still get a bit confused sometimes." Santana's shoulders slump, but she doesn't seem shocked by the question. "I wonder what I'm supposed to be, and I get a bit upset…'cause I clearly can't be like any other girl, even though I've always identified as one."

Brittany nods, since the conflict that's been shadowing Santana her whole life makes perfect sense. Even though Brittany doesn't think this question should define her.

"What makes you confused? Is it just your-?"

"No" Santana cuts in vehemently, before stopping herself to gather her thoughts. "I mean…that's a big part of it, yeah. But I mean…I love playing video games, but I suck at sports. I can't for the life of me figure out how to put on mascara without stabbing myself in the eye, and I love wearing hoodies and whatever, but I really enjoyed getting all pretty for you. And even though I see myself as a girl, I've always felt more comfortable around boys. That's kinda changing recently, but…I just don't know, I mean I'm a girl with a dick who loves girls. It just…sucks." She rambles, her eyes clouded with embarrassment as she reveals the details of the never-ending war between the parts of her.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, honey." Brittany taps her hand gently, and Santana's face light up with hope. "We all have different parts, see…I love Disney movies, but I love horrors, too. I'm probably stronger and run faster than lots of boys, and I always burp when I drink beer. I love fighting my little cousins and I don't care if I get all sweaty and gross. I used to do motocross, but there's nothing I love more than dancing. And I really like to be on top so…that's all me." She shrugs, enjoying how Santana's lips turn into a reserved smile. "I know it must be hard for you, but you should be proud of yourself, 'cause you're totally awesome, Santana." She declares with confidence, and Santana's smile widens, her dimples showing in the most charming way.

"I'm gonna kiss you now." She chuckles throatily, before leaning in to capture Brittany's bottom lip, sucking on it softly.

Brittany hums into the kiss, and lets Santana lead the dance they're starting on, lips working in sync to the matching beat of their hearts, heat growing and tempo intensifying as the desire every word, kiss and touch nurtured tonight overcomes them completely. It makes Brittany's hand slide to Santana's knee and tangle her other into the girl's rich brown locks, tilting her head to deepen the kiss even more, while Santana's hands sneak up on her waist, thumbs drawing circles over the fabric of her shirt, fingers digging into her flesh more as it's getting impossibly hard to control their lust for each other.

The kiss consumes the remnants of realism in Brittany, and it sets her free from every doubt she holds in her mind.

Her desperation is showing in the way she's holding onto Santana's neck tightly like it's the last thing keeping her grounded, and sane, and controlled, but the way Santana's tongue is caressing hers, matched by the fingers working on her back, so close to her bare skin that's burning with the flames of her need, it makes Brittany completely lose her mind.

Her hand slowly wanders upwards, until she can feel the muscles of Santana's thigh clench under her touch, and she is inches away from her groin, when she pulls away to catch her breath, panting heavily into the thick air that surrounds them. "Come up to my room?" She husks croakily into Santana's mouth, resting her forehead against hers, while her heart is speeding up impossibly fast, demanding to be let out of the ribcage encompassing it.

Santana takes a sharp breath, before her hold eases on Brittany's waist, and she gives her a tender squeeze.

"Okay" She rasps, ghosting her lips around Brittany's, and the simple word, the consent she's been longing for makes Brittany's heart burst with emotions.

She releases a wavering sigh, trying to keep herself from tearing up as she pulls away from Santana and takes her hand, trembling from the nerves that creep upon Santana again. She stares back at Brittany, eyes widened with curiosity and excitement, but there's not a hint of panic, not a hint of fear inside them. They're filled with the most profound affection.

They're gleaming with the best gift Brittany can get from Santana, the gift that's worth more than anything else, her trust.

/

They walk upstairs, their bare feet softly tapping the floor until they reach her room, and Brittany never lets go of Santana's hand as she locks the door, for making a statement rather than a practical reason and turns on the lights on her nightstand.

Walking them back to the center of the room, she faces Santana again, who looks small, even more than usual, withdrawing into her shell in the familiar, yet so mysterious and scary room of Brittany's that's locked and there's no way out. Brittany has to assure Santana they're not bound to do anything here. This is just a place of possibilities.

She covers the distance between them, bringing Santana's hands to her shoulders, and pressing into her gently, their chests meeting as she pulls Santana closer by her waist.

"Are you nervous?"

"Yeah, a little…you?" Santana asks shyly.

"Me too" Brittany nods with a smile tugging at her lips, but Santana doesn't seem entirely convinced.

"Why?" She murmurs quizzically, with a subtle shake of her head. "It's not your first time"

It's true, in a sense. It is not even the second or the third, but Brittany doesn't feel like all those times really counted.

"It is, Santana" She whispers, voice thick with the emotions overcoming her. "My first time with you"

"Britt" Santana sighs softly, fingers moving tenderly on the bare skin of Brittany's shoulder.

Her touch is magic, jolting electricity into Brittany's body, and the animal inside Brittany escapes from its cage, blood rushing to core as the consuming hunger takes over her body and commands her to act.

"Kiss me, please" She gasps out, fingers digging into Santana's back to merge their bodies together.

Santana complies with her wish, hands crossing behind Brittany's neck before she tilts her head to the side and guides her lips to find Brittany's, both their eyes fluttering closed from the precious contact. Brittany grants access to Santana, and she moans softly when Santana pokes her tongue out and licks inside her mouth, exploring it with delicacy. Santana twirls her tongue around hers, and her hips buckle on their own accord, bringing their centers together. It makes Santana pull her tongue out and gasp into the kiss, and Brittany fears she might pull away with her hips, but she doesn't. She stays there, though motionless, and dives back inside her mouth, gently stroking her tongue while her hands tangle into Brittany's locks.

Brittany's hands are slightly sweating on the fabric of Santana's top and the urgency to touch Santana's bare skin finally wins over her patience, making her act on impulse. She slides under Santana's top, touching the burning skin of her back, curves delicious under Brittany's palms that come to lay flat on them, pressing until Santana thrusts into her with her hips, letting out a high-pitched surprised moan from the act.

"Britt" She pants into Brittany's mouth, chest heaving against hers and Brittany is about to explode from her ache if she doesn't repeat the move of her hips.

She needs to feel Santana down there. She needs her to ease the ache.

"Please" Brittany whines, groping Santana's waist desperately.

"What do you need?" Santana asks in a hush, voice dripping with arousal as she starts grinding into Brittany gradually.

"You…just you" Brittany moans, before kissing her roughly, tugging at the hem of her top. She pulls it upwards, breathing hard through her nostrils as all the heat in her body gathers at her center, throbbing with arousal.

Santana keeps rocking into her while their kiss turns clumsier, the overwhelming lust parting their eager lips that fall out of sync, and Brittany, unable to exist without contact between them, starts nipping at Santana's jaw, laying wet kisses along the beautiful line until she arrives at her ear, licking inside the shell, which causes Santana to groan out loud. Her arms locked behind Brittany's neck, she is panting heavily as Brittany brushes her hair out of the way to kiss her neck, softly at first, then sucking on it forcefully, eliciting another throaty groan. She nips at Santana's throat then licks all the marks she leaves all over her smooth skin, until she arrives at her collarbone, knees bending to reach the place she's been dreaming of for so long, Santana's chest.

Santana's fingers pull on her hair, hips thrusting desperately to find friction while Brittany licks a path at the hem of her top, leaving saliva at the top of her firm breasts. Santana's head falls back, eyes rolling inside her head at the pleasure as she lets out a needy whine, almost begging Brittany to keep pleasuring her.

"What -?" She grunts in disapproval, when Brittany abruptly pulls away and they stop moving as their eyes meet, Santana's pupils fully dilated from the arousal, hunger oozing from her black orbs.

Brittany keeps staring into her consuming eyes as her fingers hook into Santana's shirt, halfway up her waist and the silent question hangs in the air until Santana gives her a timid nod, sucking her bottom lip inside her mouth.

This is it, Brittany tells herself, the moment she's been waiting for, as her fingers pull Santana's tight top upwards, stroking fresh skin along the way, until Santana's bra comes visible as the girl raises her arms to let Brittany remove the annoying barrier between their chests. The sight of the front-clasped, strapless black bra makes Brittany's mouth water, and she can't keep her eyes off Santana's breasts as the top falls from her hand to the carpet, completely forgotten.

"So beautiful…" She whispers, throat painfully dry from the intensity of their kissing as her eyes linger on Santana's chest, memorizing every little detail. She subtly shakes her head, incapable to believe such perfection exists in the world.

Santana's hands loosen around her neck, and the movement makes Brittany rouse from this dream, that might very well be the reality she can't quite grasp now.

"Can I…?" Santana asks shyly, eyes shining with hope as her fingers trace the hem of Brittany's loose shirt. The question makes Brittany's thudding heart swell with adoration. Santana's asking for her consent to undress her, the respect and care behind her request cause Brittany's eyes to burn with unshed tears.

She's never felt this way before.

"You can…anything" She whispers, voice cracking under the weight of her feelings and raises her arms, surrendering to Santana completely, feeling the most vulnerable, yet the safest in her whole life.

Santana's eyes melt with tenderness as her fingers find the hem of Brittany's shirt on her abdomen and she slowly pulls the fabric off her, gently guiding it over her head before she drops it on the floor, beside her own shirt.

For second, they just stare at each other, in complete silence apart from the sounds of their heavy breaths, chests rising and falling with every one of them.

To Brittany's great surprise, it's Santana who takes a step forward and settles her soft hands on the now naked skin of her waist. Brittany breathes in sharply from the touch, and her head falls to rest against Santana's, nose brushing to her warm cheek. She sets her hands on Santana's shoulder, thumbs tracing the marks she's left on the soft skin of neck, and her mouth pops open again as Santana kisses her jaw, fingers caressing her back.

Santana lays wet kisses all around her jaw and chin, teasing her with her plump lips until Brittany can't stop her body from pressing into her, their breasts squashing together, and their heated laps finding the other again, causing both to gasp out sharply.

Brittany's never felt so turned on in her life, her whole body filled with desire, every fiber electric from the touches of Santana's fingers, and the teasing of her luscious lips.

Her face screws up, pressing closer to Santana's head as the girl's hands wander to her abdomen, tracing the taut, defined muscles, years of dancing shaping and strengthening them. "Oh, San" She moans painfully as Santana sucks on her pulse point, fingers spreading on the low of her abdomen, dangerously close to her shorts, and the place where Brittany wants to feel them the most.

The need to feel Santana touching her center turns unbearable, and she has to pull away from Santana's teasing lips.

Santana's hands flutter open in surprise, hands stilling on Brittany's stomach, but before she can assume she's done something wrong, Brittany stares deeply into her eyes, conveying her wishes, while her hands find the button of her shorts. Her eyes stay on Santana, watching her swallow thickly as she unbuttons the shorts, and pulls down the zip, tugging the fabric down until it drops to her ankles. Santana's eyes snap down to her long legs, trailing them all the way up from Brittany's toes to where her thighs meet her hips, under the thin fabric of her thong.

Slowly, she raises her head, with a bit of apprehension of the next step they both know they're about to take.

She drops her hands from Brittany's abdomen, fists tightening as she braces herself to reveal what's under her skinny jeans for the first time to another girl. Brittany reaches out to take her slightly trembling hand and brings it up to her lips to kiss her knuckles softly. "It's okay, honey" She whispers, eyes shining with encouragement and Santana releases a deep breath.

Her hands come up to rest on Brittany's shoulders, as Brittany gently touches her abdomen, tracing the hem of her jeans until her clenched muscles seem to relax into her delicate touch. She keeps her eyes intact on Santana's face, monitoring her expression as her fingers snap the button of her jeans open and slowly pull the zip down. Santana bites down on her bottom lip, keeping a relieved moan in as the stretchy fabric loosens around her lap, and her fingers tighten around Brittany's shoulders, eyes flickering desperately as Brittany hooks her thumbs inside her jeans and tugs it down until they fall to Santana's knees.

Santana's fingers dig into Brittany's muscles on her shoulders like she's holding onto dear life as Brittany casts her gaze to her center, mouth turning into a soft smile as she takes in the sight of Santana's black compression shorts. So this is why she hasn't felt her hard-on bulging when they pressed close to each other, the shorts allowing Santana to hide how turned on she actually is. They way she's filling out the shorts offers a hint that Santana's keeping a hard-on controlled by the tightly fitting fabric and it only takes a glance at Santana's face to affirm her assumption.

"Can you…say something please?" Santana asks desperately, close to being completely exposed by her.

Brittany's smile widens, and her eyes tell a hundred words as she leans in to capture Santana's swollen lips in a chaste kiss. It's so soft and innocent, not like the ones they shared minutes before and it has an instant effect on Santana, calming her nerves. She sighs when Brittany pulls away to nuzzle her nose, and the death grip of her fingers on Brittany's shoulders loosen considerably. Brittany kisses her again, this time putting more force behind the moves of her mouth, gently licking Santana's bottom lip before diving inside her mouth, attaching their tongues together again. Santana moans softly into her, and Brittany's hands come up to press down on the low of her back, then sneaking downwards to cup her ass as she brings their centers together.

"Does this say enough?" She pants into Santana's mouth as her hips rock into her, arousal pooling between her legs as she feels Santana's throbbing cock through the fabric of her shorts.

"Uh, Brittany" Santana whines, face screwing up as Brittany keeps grinding into her, nails digging into the flesh of Santana's buttocks as her desperation to feel her without barriers rises to record height.

Their chests meet again, pressing impossibly close as they're humping each other, both wanting more but unable to stop and take action.

"Fuck…Santana, I need to…" Brittany shakes her head, unable to express her deepest wishes, and her swearing, coupling with the frantic move of her hips makes a throaty groan erupt from Santana's throat.

"Yeah?" Santana pants sharply, the thrusting of her hips matching Brittany's movement with more and more force by the second.

Brittany, instead of answering her with words, bends down to kiss her mouth roughly, demanding access with her tongue to dive deeply inside Santana, craving more as her fingers slide upwards from Santana's ass through her hips to the clenched muscles of her abdomen, until they find the clasp of Santana's bra. They don't stop kissing as the item slips from Brittany's fingers and her hands still on Santana's ribcage, rising and falling with every rapid beat of her heart. It gets softer though, the way they are caressing each other's tongue when Brittany's fingers slowly wander upwards, until she leisurely brushes them to the undersides of Santana's breasts, feeling the incredible softness of her skin there.

Everything seems to happen in slow motion, as Santana melts into her touch, letting Brittany explore further, fingers gently cupping her breasts, embracing them fully for the first time. She feels the weight of Santana's plush breasts in her palms, appreciating the blend of firmness and softness, the most perfect breasts in the world. Her fingers - eager than ever before now that they got the first taste – start squeezing them with more force and Santana's nipples, stiffened with arousal dig into her palms in the most pleasant way. Her touch turns more eager, until she's full-on groping Santana's boobs, squeezing them together and enjoying the way that Santana's hips start matching the rhythm she's set.

They're settling in a dance, a dance of tongues, lips, fingers and two bodies that are slowly merging together into one whole, two girls full of affection and desperate need, wanting to feel the other's heartbeat as close to them as humanly possible.

Their flawless dance is ruined when Brittany pushes Santana towards the bed, forgetting that the other girl's legs are still trapped inside her jeans and Santana almost stumbles backwards, their mouths parting with a wince, the contact cut off, but Brittany is there, steadying her with her hands.

"Thanks" Santana rasps out, before a little chuckle escapes her lips in embarrassment.

Brittany smiles at her, stroking her back softly.

"I think we should get rid of these…" She glances down at Santana's legs, still wrapped inside the tight fabric half-way up.

"Yeah"

Not wasting more time, Brittany crouches in front of Santana to hook her thumbs into the skinny jeans and pulls them down, gently guiding them through Santana's ankles until they fall on the floor, lying next to the items of their clothing that slowly disappeared one by one. Satisfied with her work, Brittany raises her head to look up at Santana, mouth turning into a sly smirk when she notices how close her mouth is to Santana's growing bulge. Santana's eyes widen with realization and she lets out a surprised high-pitched moan when Brittany subtly brushes her nose to her hard-on while standing up.

"Bed" Brittany husks to Santana, grabbing her hand to lead the stunned girl to her huge bed at last.

She stops at the side, letting go of Santana's hand and instructs her to lie down comfortably. When Santana does so, resting her back against the stack of fluffy pillows Brittany keeps on the bed, chest heaving with anticipation, making her impressive breasts rise and fall rhythmically; Brittany gives her a naughty look before she approaches the end of the bed, facing Santana as she falls forward on her knees.

She crawls up on the bed, on all fours, staring into Santana's eyes intensely until she comes down to straddle the girl's hips, their burning centers meeting again. Santana's eyes flutter closed at the contact, letting out a groan and she grabs the sheets beside Brittany's bent legs, fisting them tightly. Her face screws up almost painfully when Brittany expertly grinds down on her. Brittany's panties are completely drenched by now, her pussy aching to be touched, to be filled by Santana and her nipples are so hard, it hurts to wear her tight bra. In one smooth movement, she unclasps it, straps falling from her shoulders and throws the item far, enjoying the freedom at last.

Her hands reach for Santana's, detaching them from the sheets as the girl just opens her eyes to see her topless, leaning into her.

"Britt…" She chokes out, voice hushed in amazement as she stares at Brittany's perky breasts, pink nipples hard like rocks from being turned-on by Santana like never before. It doesn't even compare. Every fiber in her body craves Santana, her need so profound for her that it borders frightening. This girl under her, the sweetest, smartest, sexiest girl she's ever met makes her feel things Brittany's never felt before, both inside and outside. "You're perfect" Santana whispers and the words of worship makes Brittany blush, while she's setting Santana's hands gently on her bare thighs.

Santana gulps when Brittany lets go of them, allowing them to move freely, doing whatever she wants to her. Her touch is welcomed everywhere. But it's craved in one place the most.

Tentatively, snapping her eyes to Brittany's face once in a while to check if she's doing well, Santana starts stroking the pale skin of her thighs, lips pressing closed in concentration. Her fingers trace the outline of defined muscles, some of them twitching from the touch and Brittany's heart bursts from this magical feeling of being taken care of.

Her breathing picks up as Santana's fingers explore the inside of her thighs, ghosting near the fabric of damp panties that serve as the last obstacle between them in this wonderfully intimate sexual act.

Nobody's ever been so considerate of Brittany, tenting to her needs with patience and care. Santana seems like she was born to make her feel this way, to touch her with such delicacy that she's on the verge of crying.

It feels so good, it's almost painful.

Brittany's heart aches in the most beautiful way, and she needs to ground herself by cupping Santana's cheek, not to burst into tears. Santana looks at her, fingers stopping in motion as a frown creeps upon her face. Brittany shakes her head subtly, urging her to go on, but she doesn't let go.

"Are you okay?" She asks quietly, drawing soothing circles on Brittany's hips with her thumbs.

"Yeah" Brittany whispers tearfully, stroking her cheeks, trying to draw strength from Santana.

Her emotions getting the better of her, it's on Santana to decide how to proceed, and she stuns Brittany by sitting up in one smooth movement and sneaking her arms around Brittany's waist to pull her into a tight embrace.

She showers Brittany's collarbone with gentle kisses then turns her attention to the tops of her breasts, while Brittany tries her best to blink away the tears threatening to escape her eyes. She buries her face into Santana's hair, musky from their intense, prolonged foreplay and smells her, the familiar scent of Santana soothing her wild emotions.

Feeling Santana's soft lips laying feather-light kisses on her skin, while her fingers stroke her back comfortingly, Brittany breathes out with newfound power.

She overcomes the fleeting feeling of weakness and lets her desire command her body again, rocking into Santana's groin as her fingers tangle into her thick locks, guiding them to her chest while she bends her back.

Santana instantly catches on and licks a path in the valley between her breasts, cheek brushing to Brittany's hard nipple and the sensations make Brittany's head fall back, hips rocking into Santana with all they have.

A high-pitched moan falls from her tongue when Santana takes her right nipple into her mouth, slowly twirling her tongue around the sensitive bud and her fingers press down on Santana's scalp to urge her on. Santana takes more of her flesh into her warm, wet mouth and the tempo of Brittany's hips picks up, until she's desperately mounting Santana through the fabrics of their underwear.

Her nipple slips from Santana's mouth with one particularly hard thrust that squeezes out a grunt from Santana, and the animalistic sound snaps something inside Brittany, causing her to push Santana flat on the bed and kiss her roughly, pressing down until their naked breasts crush together. Santana tries her best to keep up with her penetrating tongue, while setting her hands on Brittany's ass to keep their centers pressed close together, bringing both of them relief.

Soon though, the moment comes when it's just not enough anymore.

Brittany pulls away from Santana, both their lips bruised from the searing kiss, and looks down at her, hands resting beside her head that's framed by dark, shining hair, while a question goes unsaid between them.

The nod Santana gives her is not comparable to the ones from before. It's assured completely, no hesitation, no fear, only trust behind.

It makes Brittany smile down softly at her, marveling at the sight of Santana exposing herself completely. She carefully lifts her hips, knowing that the move she's about to make will worth cutting the contact between their centers, and adjusts her legs to give room for herself, by kneeling on Santana's right side.

She leans down to kiss her softly, resting her left hand on Santana's lower abdomen, feeling her muscles clenching under her touch. Giving her another encouraging peck, she rises again and slides her hand down to Santana's hips, tracing the hem of her compression shorts for long seconds, trying to make her relaxed.

She tries to imagine how Santana looks like under the fabric, tries to prepare for the sight that is surely something she's never encountered in her life before. She shakes off her sudden anxiety for Santana's sake and shoots her a confident smile.

It doesn't make it easier for Santana.

She bites down on her bottom lip hard, eyes snapping to the ceiling when Brittany's thumbs hook inside her shorts on both side. Brittany tries to be deliberate, concentrating hard to cause the least trouble, but judging from Santana's contorted face, it might be better to just pull them down in one smooth movement.

The tight waistband of the shorts leaves a reddish line on Santana's waist, showing how uncomfortable she must have been inside them and her bottom lip slips from her teeth with relief when Brittany starts tugging the shorts down carefully.

Brittany's throat tightens by every inch of fresh skin revealed, and she presses her thighs together involuntarily.

Even though she's pretty experienced in this department and really takes her time, Santana's throbbing cock slips from the shorts and the head slaps her stomach with incredible force, causing her to let out a surprised yelp before she crosses her arms over her face in embarrassment.

Brittany can only stare for seconds, eyes unblinking, as she tries to comprehend what just happened. Her eyes take in the sight of Santana's penis, lying rock-hard across her stomach and her mouth turns into a satisfied little smirk. She quickly raises her hips to pull her thong down, dropping it somewhere on the floor, forgotten completeley as the knot tightens in the pit of her stomach.

Santana is impossibly beautiful naked.

Her cock, slightly darker than the rest of her body doesn't seem out of place between Santana's legs, with the pair of testicles, she still manages to look oddly feminine, even though her size is pretty decent. The sight of Santana being so ready for her makes a jolt of arousal shoot right into Brittany's core.

The sudden movement of Santana's legs snaps her out of her stupor as the girl brings her knees up to cover herself up, ashamed of the little mishap that happened when Brittany pulled down her shorts.

Brittany scolds herself for being selfish and not noticing that Santana in in the great need of her comfort. She slides down to lie on her side beside Santana, resting her weight on her elbow, and gently touches her forearm, causing Santana to jerk from her touch. The reaction makes her heart drop, but she recovers quickly for Santana's sake.

"Honey, please look at me" She tells her gently, but Santana shakes her head, pressing her thighs together even more. "It's okay…please don't be embarrassed!" Brittany pleads her. "You're so beautiful Santana…" She sighs, and the heavy silence following her words is excruciating.

It takes almost a minute of gently caresses and soothing words on Brittany's parts to get her arms off her face. Brittany cups her cheek to tilt her head, and her heart rips into pieces when a tear slides down Santana's cheek.

"It's me, Britt…" Brittany whispers to her, pressing her forehead against Santana's. "I'm here baby" She strokes her flushed cheek with her thumb, fingers tracing the graceful line of her jaw with the lightest of caresses.

Santana sniffs, before releasing a wavering breath and Brittany smiles softly when her knees unbend to rest her legs flat on the bed again. Her right hand comes up to still Brittany's hand on her cheek and she leans in to kiss Brittany softly as a way of saying 'thank you'.

When she pulls away, her eyes are glistening with tears, but they're warm again, showing that she is recovered from her little incident none of them will even remember tomorrow.

"Uh…where were we?" She rasps out, mouth turning into a bashful smile and it heals Brittany's heart back into one peace again.

She lets the lust she feels for Santana overcome her again, and she slips her hand from Santana's grip to cup her breast, while a coy smirk creeps upon her lips.

"Somewhere around here…" She husks to Santana, while squeezing her breast forcefully, eliciting a low moan from the girl under her.

The heavenly sound urges Brittany on and she quickly reaches down to tug Santana's shorts further, until they manage to get rid of the item, Santana kicking it away from her feet.

Brittany adjusts herself over Santana, parting her legs and straddles her left thigh, her drenched center wetting the smooth skin of Santana's.

"Britt...you're..." Santana chokes out, eyes snapping to her now naked center and her mouth hangs open from the sight.

"Yeah" Brittany lets out a hallf-chuckle, before hovering over Santana, blonde hair falling around her head, shielding the pair of them from the rest of the world and lowers her hand from Santana's chest onto her stomach, fingers scratching playfully until the heel of her palm brush to the sensitive head of Santana's cock.

"Oh" Santana moans, eyes rolling back to her head and she lifts her hands to press down on Brittany's lower back.

Brittany's head falls forward to rest against Santana's, both covered in a layer of sweat and panting lightly, and wraps her fingers around the base of Santana's penis. Santana hips thrust upwards, eager to get more friction as a grunt erupts from her throat. Seeing her searching so desperately for her touch, Brittany's arousal pools between her legs and she rocks down forcefully on Santana's thigh to ease her own ache, moaning loudly at the contact.

Santana's eyes snap open, hands stilling on Brittany's back and a second later, the world turns upside down and Brittany finds herself lying flat on her back, Santana hovering over her, elbows on either side of Brittany's head.

"What are you-?" Brittany frowns, shaking her head in confusion as her hands comes up to rest on Santana's waist.

Santana leans down to nuzzle her nose before she kisses her softly, the desperation from seconds before disappearing as she strokes Brittany's lips with her own. The kiss grows more heated though, intensified as their chests press together, Brittany's hands crossing behind Santana's back and Santana's penis becomes trapped between their stomachs, making both of them moan softly into the kiss.

"You first" Santana murmurs lowly when pulling away.

The two simple words make Brittany so breathless no kiss could ever make her, and she looks up at Santana in disbelief.

"Honey you don't have to-"

"I want to." Santana nods to her, sincerity shining from her beautiful face. "I want to do this right"

The words fall from Santana's tongue and they hang somewhere in the one inch that parts their faces, because Brittany can't receive them, comprehending the meaning of them and deal with the feelings behind them. She can't believe that there is someone who's putting their needs behind hers.

She can't believe that she found someone like Santana.

She can't believe that she's wasted so much time, slept with so many boys, searching for this desperately and now life is handing this gift to her.

Santana's giving her this gift she could only dream of since she took her first steps into adulthood and she's doing it like it's the most natural thing to do.

Like it's the right thing to do.

"Santana" Brittany chokes out, emotions blubbering up her throat and her eyes are searching desperately inside Santana's for power to pull herself together. Santana's eyes are boring into her soul and she feels like she's being tied to her in a bond she's never shared with anyone before. It unsettles her in a frightening way, and the desperation she feels for the safety only Santana's touch can bring her grows until she's left there, openly begging for her. "Please baby…I need you"

Santana's lips come crashing into hers, and she is kissing her with all she's got, pressing fully into Brittany, who tangles their legs together, the feeling of Santana's hard cock pressing into her lower abdomen making her clit pulsate with need.

She moans out loud, tilting her head to the side when Santana lifts her left hand to reach down between her legs and touch the inside of Brittany's thigh. Brittany's back bends and she tangles one hand into Santana's damp locks to push her head down, urging Santana to lay wet kisses all over her chest as she trails a path up Brittany's thigh, damp with her dripping arousal, and the world stops spinning when she finally touches Brittany for the first time.

Cupping her mound gently, Santana stops moving for seconds, and Brittany's mouth hangs agape, her brain trying to process the sensations Santana is causing her to feel. Santana's lips ghosting her breasts, breathing out hot puffs of air onto Brittany's damp skin, her cock twitching between their bodies, her balls brushing her navel and finally, her fingers, her warm and gentle fingers touching Brittany where she needs it the most.

Her hold tightens around Santana's back, and finally, her hips buck up to gain more of her touch, and Santana strokes her there, so softly it's almost painful to bear. Santana lets out a low murmur, breathing into Brittany's chest where her heart beats inside her ribcage like a wild animal, before she gently parts Brittany's folds to dive into her wetness, making Brittany cry out.

She is too sensitive.

She trashes under Santana, head thrown back, nails digging into Santana's ass to bring her even closer and ankles sneaking around her legs to simply feel more of her, to feel her skin touching hers everywhere, lighting her on fire.

Santana comes up to kiss her jaw, as she starts stroking Brittany up and down, coating her wetness with two fingers, circling her tight opening before she presses down on her clit.

Brittany's moans become uncontrollable when Santana starts drawing tight circles around her most sensitive part, her hips bucking up frantically to gain more friction and her lungs are burning from the intensity of her breathing as Santana is slowly pushing her over the edge.

She is close, she's been close for an excruciatingly long time now and her body is moving on its own accord, freed by any kind of control she can master over it. She lets Santana control her the way she wants to, but it doesn't even feel like she's being controlled.

Santana is guiding her, holding her hand while Brittany's slowly reaching her high.

She is almost there, head tilting to the side as she surrenders to Santana's lips, hips jerking into Santana's body above her desperately, her face screwing up in search of just that one last push she needs. And she knows exactly what she needs.

She needs Santana inside her.

She needs to be filled up by her.

Santana peppers kisses all over her neck, soft and wet kisses, then sucks on her pulse point and there's only so much Brittany can take. She spins them around, mustering up her last efforts, and crashes their lips together, a stunned Santana quickly catching up to her to find their rhythm. Her fingers return to Brittany's clit again, coated in her dripping arousal, making the whole room smell of sex around them. Santana's touch misses the force Brittany needs now, and she can't bear not to voice her secret wish.

"Inside…" She pants into Santana's mouth after pulling away to rest her forehead against hers, brushing a damp lock out of the way, while her hips keep searching for the desired contact, the closeness of Santana's cock escalating her cravings. "I want you inside me"

Santana's breath hitches, fingers stilling on Brittany's clit for a second, before she nudges Brittany's cheek to make her look at her. Forcing her eyes open, Brittany stares down at her, vision blurred by the vibrating sensations all around her body, inside and out, and the way Santana looks up at her, like she is honored by the request, makes it impossibly hard not to rip her heart out of her chest and give it Santana.

Their eye-contact never falters as Santana moves her index finger down, dipping into Brittany's arousal that gathers near her entrance, and ever so slowly slides inside her, everything slick, and warm and welcoming inside, and Brittany cries out with the greatest pleasure ever felt, eyes squeezed shut again.

Her tight walls embrace Santana's finger like Brittany was meant to be filled up by her, and her hips grind down on Santana to urge her on, head sliding down from her sweaty forehead, letting Santana launch at her jaw and kiss it feverishly, nipping at her throat, and leaving marks everywhere as her finger slowly pushes deeper inside Brittany.

"Oh, San…so good" Brittany moans, pulling on Santana's hair forcefully as the girl below her starts moving her finger, gently pumping inside and out, finding the fast rhythm Brittany is yearning for. Her pumps are deeper and harder, and she feels so fucking good that Brittany's writhing above her, head thrashing in ecstasy as Santana is fucking her with her finger. "More" A grunt erupts from her throat and Santana doesn't hesitate to add her middle finger, slowly pushing inside to let her walls adjust, and Brittany's back bends painfully from the pleasure, breasts hanging as her body lifts off from Santana's to come up on all fours, hips picking up their pace until she is grinding in circles frantically, thighs trembling as she is flying up to her high.

With one last effort, she reaches down to touch her own clit, but Santana brushes her hand away and presses down on it with her thumb while her fingers crook deep inside Brittany, and the loudest moan falls from Brittany's tongue as she comes undone.

Waves of pleasure wash over her, hips rolling to ride out her orgasm with the help of Santana's fingers, and she cries out with every jerk of her body, every muscle clenching and relaxing inside, until she stills completely, strength evaporating from her body, leaving her week and fragile in Santana's care.

Long seconds pass by as Santana's fingers stay inside her, offering Brittany the safety heaven she needs in the moment of complete vulnerability.

It is her, she realizes, it is Santana that she needs now, more than ever before. Brittany needs to be held by her to find her piece of mind. She needs to feel Santana close to her heart to feel that this is right.

When her eyes flutter open, weakly, and she takes in Santana's face, eyes widened with amazement, lips swollen and dry, she knows what to do. She leans down to gently kiss her, murmuring to her lips. "You're amazing, Santana" Her hands cup Santana's cheek, as she looks into her eyes. "Nobody's ever made me feel this way before…" She says tearfully, and the proud smile that breaks out on Santana's lips is worth the sincerity.

They stare at each other adoringly, Brittany putting the pieces of reality back into place after her orgasm turned her world inside out, twisting and bending it until she completely forgot who she was.

Now she feels like she was reborn.

"You look so beautiful Britt…" Santana whispers lovingly to her, her free hand coming up to brush Brittany's clammy hair from her forehead. "I can't believe this happened to me" She looks like she's been the luckiest person in the history of the world to make Brittany come.

Brittany lets out a soft giggle, grinding down on Santana's fingers playfully. "I can't believe you've never done this before" She teases her and Santana shrugs innocently, eyes shining with pride. Brittany kisses the tip of her nose, before her attention turns elsewhere, a _literally_ pressing issue at hand.

She looks down between their bodies to see Santana's swollen cock, rock hard as the impressive head presses to Santana's soft stomach, the vein on the underside pulsating with every beat of her big heart.

The sight makes Brittany poke out her tongue to lick her dry lips subtly and for a split second, she imagines it's Santana's cock stretching her pussy instead of her fingers now. But she quickly brushes the idea away and reaches down to pull Santana's fingers out of her, letting out a low wince when they slip from her, impossibly wet, and brings them to her lips, smelling her own cum before she takes them inside her mouth, sucking on Santana's fingers and eliciting a groan from her.

"You're so sexy…" Santana mutters, shaking her head as Brittany licks her own wetness off her fingers, moaning as she remembers how it felt when Santana crooked these very fingers inside her, so deep she reached the roots of Brittany's whole existence.

She shoots Santana a wicked smile when her fingers slip from her mouth, and she adjusts her body over her, Santana monitoring her moves curiously. Brittany's hand widens Santana's legs and she straddles Santana's left thigh, coating her in her cum while her chest comes pressing down halfway on Santana's , head resting beside hers on the soft pillow they share.

Santana tilts her head to look at her, and Brittany smiles at her as her right hand sneaks under her neck, while her left comes to rest flat on Santana's abdomen, gently caressing her tan skin that's covered in a thin layer of perspiration.

"I'm gonna make you feel good, honey…" Brittany whispers softly, watching the apprehension ease up in Santana's wide eyes, taken over by the desire she's been repressing for quite a long time to tend to Brittany's needs.

Brittany's fingers reach down to stroke her protruding hipbone, and Santana slides closer on the pillow to press her nose to Brittany's. She is so close Brittany could count her eyelashes, but she is rather focused on her eyes, every feeling Santana holds in her big heart displaying inside them, as she opens herself up completely to Brittany.

Her eyes shut tightly when Brittany's hand gently cups her balls, and she lets out a needy moan, hips bucking when Brittany strokes a path up her hard shaft, all the way up to the tip, drawing circles on the sensitive spot teasingly.

"Oh Britt" She husks into the heated air surrounding their faces, as Brittany grips the base of her cock and strokes her length, pulling on the flesh gently near the head, before her thumb twirls around it. "Britt, baby…please" She whines, hips thrusting into Brittany's hand to urge her on, searching for release.

Brittany obeys to her wish and starts pumping harder, gently biting down on Santana's bottom lip as the girl's left hand reach up to cup Brittany's breast, squeezing it deliciously as their dance goes on, Brittany's hand moving up and down smoothly on Santana's hard penis, thumb tracing her throbbing vein before circling the small opening on the tip, pre-cum leaking out from it as Santana is quickly approaching her high.

"Oh, fuck" Santana pants into Brittany's mouth, her swollen lip slipping from Brittany's teeth as the curse word makes Brittany shudder against her body, her nipple stiffening against Santana's palm. Brittany uses the fluid flowing from Santana's cock for lubrication, her smooth movements picking up their pace as she senses Santana's desperation, and she pumps her cock harder, squeezing near the top before sliding down all the way to the base.

Unable to control herself anymore, Santana turns her body more towards Brittany, head burying into the damp skin of her neck and her hands dig into Brittany's back to hold her close as she is working on Santana's penis, trying to match her frantic movements. "Oh, oh, oh" She moans into Brittany's skin with every thrust of her hips as she is fucking Brittany's hand and it's the most heavenly feeling, to see Santana's desire take over her body completely, her cock bursting at last, spurts of cum shooting onto Brittany's stomach as Santana comes.

"Brittany" She cries out, her nails digging into Brittany's back as her orgasm hits her hard and Brittany squeezes their cheeks together affectionately to feel her close while her hand squeezes every drop of cum from Santana's cock.

She goes on for seconds, coming all over Brittany's hand and abdomen until her hips still at last, hands slacking around Brittany's back.

Her cock softens in Brittany's fingers, covered in her semen, but Brittany keeps stroking her gently, out of affection more so than anything else. She tilts her head to the side, and starts laying soft kisses all over Santana's cheek until the girl's eyes flutter open, only half-way and her mouth turns into the most beautiful hazy smile Brittany's ever seen.

"Wow" She whispers quietly, in the cutest and most innocent way possible and Brittany kisses the corner of her mouth, before resting her head back on the pillow.

Santana slumps back on the bed, her flaccid cock slipping from Brittany's hand, and Brittany throws a leg around her waist, wanting to feel her close as they're showering in their afterglow. She snuggles up to Santana, sneaking her right arm around her neck and presses her nose to her temple, brushing the sweaty baby hairs away.

"Yeah…I guess we can say that" She chuckles into Santana's skin throatily, leaving the meaning of her words up for interpretation, but ever so curious, Santana pulls away to look at her.

"Huh?" She asks, smiling dopily with a cute frown on her face that's still shining from the first orgasm she's ever received in her life.

Instead of answering her, Brittany brings her left hand up, fingers sticky with cum, and Santana's eyes bulge out, ending her sweet day-dreaming.

"Oh" Her mouth pops open in surprise. "Is this all me?"

The innocent tone of her voice makes Brittany giggle, and she nods before kissing the tip of her nose. "Honey, look down" She says, biting down on her bottom lip to gauge Santana's reaction.

Santana's frown deepens, and she complies with Brittany's request, looking down between their bodies to see her semen covering the pale skin of Brittany abdomen. Her eyebrows shoot up in shock over how much she's spurted all over her, and she looks up to Brittany with an apologetic expression. "Sorry for being so messy…I should've told you when I was close" She says in a tiny voice.

"I love it, silly" Brittany laughs lightly, before tracing her index finger on her stomach, playing with Santana's cum. It makes Santana swallow thickly, and her dick twitches when Brittany brings her finger to her mouth, tongue poking out to taste Santana for the first time.

She hums, eyes fluttering closed for a brief second, the bitter and yet so sweet taste of Santana lingering on her tongue, even after she swallows the drop.

"Britt-Britt…are you actually trying to kill me?" Santana chokes out, her eyes widening comically as her hand grabs Brittany's wrist, stopping her from repeating the naughty act.

"No…I'm just trying to clean us up" Brittany winks at her, before leaning down to suck on her own fingers, swallowing more of Santana's cum while Santana's grip tightens around her wrist.

"Do you have to do that so soon?" She asks innocently, completely stunning Brittany, who lets her fingers fall from her wet lips. "Can't I just…hold you for a bit?"

Her wish makes Brittany's heart swell with feelings she can't quite place yet, and she rather buries them back inside the deepest chamber of her heart for now.

For now, there's only Santana, who wants nothing more than a chance to feel her close, skin against skin, heart against heart to cherish this night together, the night when two of their firsts happened, the night they'll always remember.

"You can Santana" She whispers to Santana, barely audibly as she comes to rest against her chest, their limbs tangling together, and she buries her face into Santana's neck, the softest and warmest place in the world, making her believe in this very moment that the words she utters are completely true.

"We can do anything"

* * *

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**_I know some of you might be disappointed that Brittany took it this far without telling Santana, but it does have a reason that I'm willing to share at the end of the story, if you don't catch on. And don't worry, it's gonna come out and everything is gonna be resolved by the end, in one way or another. Do you think they can make it? I hope you do!  
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	10. Dream on

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**_Naya totally stole my show with that surprise Superbowl commercial, but I brushed it away and here I am, posting this update. This is so not what I planned, but I just started writing and well, wandered off in a particular direction. This is a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!  
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* * *

**Dream on**

She hasn't even realized she's drifted into sleep until the softest sounds stir her awake.

Her dream continues when she realizes she fell asleep in Santana's arms. Santana is caressing her back, gently pulling her back into reality with her tender touch. The warmth Brittany feels piercing into her body from Santana's slowly gathers inside her chest, until she feels like her heart has been touched and locked into two small hands, caressing it with feelings that are bigger than she can possibly comprehend.

Reality feels like the best dream she's ever had.

"Britt" Santana keeps whispering her name, nose buried into Brittany's damp hair as she utters her name with so much affection Brittany's heart is on the verge of exploding. "Britt…baby" She breathes out almost soundlessly and the word of endearment makes Brittany's eyes flutter open for a second, a lazy smile creeping up on her lips.

She tilts her head a little, tightening her arms around Santana's body as strength returns into her muscles after the light slumber and she hums softly when her nose meets Santana's. She gently rubs her own to her cute little nose, enjoying how their lips are just an inch away and she can feel Santana smiling too.

"Sorry to wake you up" Santana breathes into her mouth, her tone the least convincing.

"Really, huh?" Brittany grins, nudging her nose before pulling away a little to take a look at Santana's face.

"Uh…okay, not so much" Santana smiles bashfully, eyes glinting with mischief before her expression turns earnest. "Though you're beautiful when you're sleeping" She says quietly, raising her hand to brush blonde hair out of Brittany's forehead.

Brittany feels naked under her stare.

In the literal sense, she is completely naked and exposed, but it doesn't compare to the feeling of stripping her soul bare to Santana. Her brown eyes bore into Brittany so profoundly that it feels almost impossible to run into the darkest corner of her being and hide away. She has to though, because if Santana saw the person Brittany truly is, the person who is capable of laying such an awful bet at her expense and lying to her, she would hate her. And Brittany has yet to come into terms with the consequences of her wrongdoing.

In time, she has to. She feels more compelled by every second that she spends lying to the one person she is developing feelings for. It is wrong.

As seconds pass by, Santana trying to connect with her on a deeper level than Brittany can allow herself to, words Santana uttered to her in the midst of their love-making echo in her mind.

"_I want to do this right"_

They corner her, pressing her to the cold stonewall of the darkest chamber inside her and they scream at her, louder and louder until Brittany has to close her eyes and crash her lips to Santana's, finding solace in her. She doesn't deserve to kiss her but she does it anyway, knowing that it's one of the final times. It's one of the final times she can feel her close, lips against lips, chest against chest, hearts beating in sync as they both melt into the kiss, slowly stroking each other's tongue until the kiss grows more heated. It's so, so hot everywhere and Brittany feels the urge to seek comfort in sex growing inside her.

It's her only chance to show Santana how she truly feels for her.

She might be not, but her touch is honest. It doesn't lie.

She doesn't hold back, the knowledge that everything will be over soon pushing her over the edge. While Santana tangles her hands into her hair, massaging her scalp delicately, Brittany lets go of her neck to stroke a path down on her body, trailing her fingertips over the curve of her perfect breast to her stomach until she arrives to Santana's thigh where her penis rests, slowly hardening and growing to reach its impressive full length again as Brittany teases her with her tongue. Pressing even closer, stiffened nipples digging into each other's chest, Brittany reaches down to cup Santana's balls, earning a surprised groan from the girl, and starts squeezing them, tugging on them gently, using just the right amount of force that makes Santana's hips lift off the bed and her cock to twitch with arousal.

"Uh, Britt" Santana pants into her mouth hotly when pulling away to catch her breath, and a break to collect herself. "You should stop before -"

"Before you get hard?" Brittany chuckles, nipping at Santana's swollen bottom lip playfully as she grabs the base of her cock, testing if her assumption proves right. She strokes her fingers up the shaft slowly, still stunned over how big Santana's addition is compared to her relatively small body and the move elicits a throaty moan from Santana. "We might be too late for that"

Unable to control herself anymore, Santana's hand slide down to cup Brittany's ass, spreading her fingers over her buttocks to pull her closer, hips bucking up to gain more of her touch.

"Baby…uh, fuck" She grunts when Brittany pumps her hard cock with more force, lips parting more and more as she is fighting to breathe, her senses overloading with pleasure.

Brittany takes advantage of her frenzied state and brings her lips to her throat, nipping and sucking while her hand works Santana up fast, until the girl beneath her is thrusting into her hand, fingertips digging into the flesh of Brittany's ass.

"You're so hot, Santana" Brittany husks, before licking along her collarbone, tasting Santana's sweat again. "So…so hot" She makes her way downward, brushing her cheek to Santana's darker nipple as she tilts her head to lick the side of her other breast, while her hand returns to tug at Santana's balls again.

Santana pushes her chest upwards, hands dropping from Brittany's bottom as Brittany slides down on her body until she settles beside Santana's belly button, laying wet open-mouthed kisses on her burning skin. Her free hand sneaks down to settle on the curve of Santana's right hip as she kisses her protruding bone, edging closer and closer to where her hand is working on Santana's balls, rubbing the base of her palm to her cock before wrapping her fingers around it and pump up and down before returning to her testicles, repeating her motions over and over again.

She tilts her head, and for seconds, she just rests her forehead against Santana's tight abdomen, enjoying the sounds of pleasure echoing in the room, louder and wilder as Santana is losing herself in her hand. Fingers grabbing Brittany where she can reach her, frantically searching for the parts of her strong body to hold onto as she gets completely wrapped up in their sex, turning from the slightly awkward self-conscious person she is to someone who is oozing sexuality, incredibly hot without knowing it, a person who can turn Brittany on like no one else before, who can pleasure her like no one else before.

She is thrusting into Brittany's hand relentlessly, faster and harder, working towards her high with Brittany. They are doing this together. Even in the midst of her pleasure, Santana doesn't forget about her. The way she is touching her, stroking her hair, her shoulders, her cheeks, it's full of appreciation.

Her moans are laced with emotions that are so strong they tackle Brittany right in the middle of her chest. They are full of worship, full of gratitude, full of…love that is blossoming somewhere deep inside Brittany too.

Every thrust of her hips is a signal of her trust, a signal that she is opening herself up and letting go the fears and doubts she's held in her heart for so long. She is trusting Brittany not just with her body, but her whole being. Their connection is deeper than the level of physicality. It exists between their hearts and Brittany's growing need to feel Santana as close on the outside as she feels her on the inside conquers her completely.

She raises her head and opens her eyes, taking in the beautiful contrast of their skins, Santana's dark cock and her testicles cupped in her pale hand, feels like black and white, yin and yang, complementing each other perfectly, uniting until Brittany can't make out the borders of their bodies.

It feels like they are becoming one whole.

But it's not enough.

She needs to feel Santana inside her.

Closing her eyes, she leans in slowly until her lips ghost over the skin of Santana's cock, breathing ragged from the arousal pulsating between her legs. Her hand stills on Santana's balls, holding them and appreciating the way they're throbbing in her palm and she feels like she's never done this before when her mouth brushes to the tip of Santana's cock.

"Brittany" Santana chokes out, a shocked moan getting stuck halfway in her throat as everything stills around them, the heavy air, filled with the smell of sex draping over them. "What are you doing?" She whispers sharply, fear and excitement coalescing in her voice as her body stays motionless under Brittany, hands still on Brittany's back and hips halfway off the bed in the motion of thrusting, her swollen cock pressing to her naval. It feels like not a muscle of her body is moving until Brittany snaps her eyes up to her face, blue eyes staring intensely into wide browns, conveying her one and only intention to feel Santana inside her mouth.

Their eyes stay locked as she very, very slowly leans in to lay a soft kiss on the sensitive tip of her cock.

Santana jerks away from her mouth, her whole body stiffening as she stares down at Brittany with panicked eyes. To calm her nerves, Brittany brushes her nose to her skin gently, but Santana pulls away again with a firm shake of her head.

"Britt, stop!" She pleads her with a frown, hand reaching down to clutch Brittany's wrist. "You don't have to…" She tells Brittany quietly, eyes dropping from her face in what Brittany senses to be shame.

But it can't be, not after Brittany told her she was so beautiful, not after she touched her, not after she made her come by her hand…or could it be that Santana is still harboring embarrassment about her body? Judging from the way her cheeks are blushing under Brittany's searching gaze, this must be the case. Their first time did bring them closer, burning down a bridge between them, but Brittany has to face with the truth now. Santana is still far from accepting her body, even though Brittany did everything to show her she likes her just the way she is. She still feels like that in a way, her penis is still a burden to their relationship. She still feels like Brittany is doing her a favor.

She doesn't seem to realize that Brittany doesn't want to pleasure her with her mouth out of obligation, out of favor, but she wants to do it because her heart tells her to. She wants to do it, because she wants her in every way. She wants to feel her everywhere. She wants to give everything to her.

Because this is the only way she can express her feelings for her.

"I want to" She says in a hushed whisper and their eyes meet again, Santana's filled with disbelief, but somewhere deep inside them, there's hope too now. "I do, Santana. I want to make you feel good like this." She tells her, and Santana lets out a heavy breath, trying to come into terms with something she is about to experience for the first time, to experience how it feels to be inside Brittany for the first time in her life.

"Are you sure?" She asks, with so much care in her voice that Brittany has to fight herself not to break into tears.

"Yeah" Brittany breathes out sharply, gently nodding with her head to Santana to assure her that she truly wants to do this to her, with her, but most of all…_for_ her.

Santana's lips turn into the softest smile, all the affection she holds in her heart displaying on her face as she lets go of Brittany's wrist to cup her cheek, gently brushing a strand of blonde hair away that escaped from behind her ear. She strokes Brittany's skin with her thumb, eyes gleaming from unshed tears. Her vulnerability is showing best in her voice when she opens her mouth, face contorting from the weight of her emotions.

"You have no idea…how much I…" She chokes out with a shake of her head, unable to squeeze the words she wants to say out and Brittany tilts her head to kiss her palm comfortingly.

She doesn't need to tell her anything.

Brittany knows exactly what Santana wants to say and she wants to answer so badly. She wants to answer with her mouth, but instead of coming up with words, she wants to use her mouth to give her answer in an entirely different way.

The only way she can be truly honest with her.

"Shh, San…just let me take care of you now" She whispers softly to Santana, giving a light squeeze to her balls in her palm, making Santana's eyes flutter halfway closed. "Trust me, please"

Her request is filled with meaning Santana can't possibly understand. Brittany is asking for more than just her trust in this moment. She wants to bear her trust forever. She wants her to believer her when the time comes and she tells her everything.

"I do" Santana replies in a whisper, yielding for Brittany's request and for now, Brittany believes that she truly does and everything will be all right.

She releases a deep breath, kissing Santana's palm forcefully again, squeezing her eyes shut.

When her lips part from Santana's hand, Brittany snaps her eyes up to her face, giving an encouraging smile before her right hand slides down from the curve of Santana's hip to press into her ass. Santana swallows thickly, feeling the moment approaching. Her hand tangles into Brittany's hair, then slowly her other joins to find its place on Brittany's scalp too, and for a second, Brittany expects to be pushed down. She expects to be urged to finally open her mouth. She expects Santana to take over the control.

She expects her to do the same thing as everyone else in her life has done, but Santana doesn't.

She is waiting for Brittany, resting her hands gently in her hair, thumbs drawing patterns into her scalp. Her eyes are warm, soft, patient and trusting, surrendering completely to Brittany's wish. They captivate Brittany so profoundly that she can't close her eyes when she leans down to slowly lick a path up Santana's penis, right from the base where the heel of her palm meets Santana's sensitive skin to the tip of its head.

"Oh, baby" Santana moans out, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth to keep herself somewhat controlled while her eyelids fall to shield her beautiful brown eyes from Brittany's for a second.

"Just relax, honey" Brittany whispers hotly, watching Santana struggle with keeping her eyes open, but her words cause Santana to shake her head with determination.

"I want to see you"

A rush of affection overcoming her, Brittany pecks the tip of her cock before pulling away to adjust their bodies.

"Sit up a little"

Santana voices her displeasure with a wince when Brittany lets go of her balls, but she does as Brittany says, sitting up and resting her back against the stack of pillows Brittany adjusts behind her.

"Much better" Brittany smiles, kneeling between Santana's parted legs and leans in to kiss her lips before dropping her body on the bed, stomach resting against the messy sheets as she comes eye-level with Santana's hard-on again.

"You're so sexy like this" Santana shakes her head as her hands return to the side of Brittany's head, keeping the damp strands of blonde hair out of her face.

Brittany shoots her a coy smile. "Bend your knees, honey" She instructs Santana and hooks her hands under her thighs to get in control again, the way Santana widens her legs furthermore stroking her ego, filling her up with just the right amount of confidence.

Her palms press down on Santana's hips to keep her on the bed, safe and grounded as she leans in, opening her lips wide to suck one of Santana's balls in her mouth.

"Brittany" Santana cries out, hips fighting to lift off the bed, but Brittany keeps her still with her strong hands as she pokes her tongue out to twirl it around Santana's testicle that fills her mouth up perfectly. She breathes out through her nostrils hard when she pulls away until her lips barely brush to the wet sensitive skin of Santana's.

She repeats her moves with Santana's other testicle and Santana's grip on her head tightens when Brittany pulls away to breathe out hotly into her sensitive skin.

"Oh, baby, you feel so good" Santana almost whines, eyes snapping open to plead with Brittany to continue. Her hands massage Brittany's scalp affectionately, showing Brittany that she wants this just the same as Brittany does now.

She wants to do this with Brittany really bad.

Too see how much Santana craves her shoots a jolt of arousal right into Brittany's core and she grinds into the sheets when she brings her tongue to Santana's cock to lick a path up her shaft. She hugs her thighs tighter than ever as she attaches her lips around the tip and slowly slides down the head, until she embraces it fully into her hot, wet mouth.

Santana, trashing her head to the pillows, thrusts her hips upwards, completely losing control. Her lips parted wide, chest heaving, a loud moan erupts from her throat when Brittany sucks down on the head of her penis, then twirls her tongue around it, playing with the small opening on the tip.

Her eyes widen in surprise when she tastes drops of pre-cum on her tongue, and her mouth turns into a satisfied smile – though it's quite hard when it's filled with the impressive head of Santana's cock - at the thought of Santana already being close even though she just started on her.

Brittany can't get enough of her.

She is so fucking sexy right now it hurts. Her long, dark locks are spread on the pillows, framing her flushed face, eyes shut tight and lips parted wide as she is drowning in the pleasure, her penis being embraced and cherished by Brittany's mouth. Her beautiful round breasts are rising and falling by the frantic beating of her heart and Brittany almost gets overwhelmed by the vision that she is.

Santana's hands tugging on her hair remind her where she is and she slides further down on Santana's penis until the head hits the back of her throat and her eyes flutter closed.

"Oh God" Santana grunts, hips jerking uncontrollably and Brittany's hold loosens around her thighs to let her do what she wants to.

For the first time in her life, she lets go of the control.

She gives herself to Santana in a way she's never given herself to anyone before.

She reaches down with her right hand to gently cup Santana's balls while she slides up on her dick, the sensitive skin wetted by her saliva and enjoys the way Santana's girth stretches her mouth, especially the head that she's already grown to admire. The moan breaking out of Santana when she sucks down on it again makes her eyes roll back into her head, the pleasure she causes Santana to feel duplicating as she feels it too, everything she does to Santana causing her to feel pleasure too. It's a game of giving and getting, and slowly she is allowing Santana to give and get as much as she wants.

She squeezes her balls, rubbing the wet skin with her thumb and Santana thrusts hard into her mouth, moaning wildly, unable to contain her desire anymore. She truly lets go for the first time, acting on her impulses, but her own move shocks her.

Her eyes snap open, her forceful hold slackening on the sides of Brittany's head as she tries to process what she did. She stares at Brittany, guilt creeping up inside her and before it's too late to save her, Brittany's lips let go of her penis with a smacking sound and she takes a deep breath.

"It's okay honey" She shakes her head and brings Santana's right hand down to her hip, interlacing their fingers tightly to give this perfect girl confidence and courage to take a step further in their sexual journey.

Her mouth returns to the head of Santana's throbbing cock, keeping her lips still around it patiently until Santana moves into her, eyes staying locked as she gently rocks her hips to make Brittany swallow more of her.

It doesn't feel like she is being invaded and used for pleasure. It doesn't feel like Santana is taking a part of her.

Not at all.

It feels like Brittany is giving it away, offering herself up for Santana to take and she takes her, with all the love and care she is harboring in the bottom of her beautiful heart.

Brittany keeps her eyes open, trying to memorize everything that is happening and bury the memory deep inside her mind to remember forever. She knows she will need it. Her eyes take in the way Santana's eyes are closed tightly, bottom lip sucked into her mouth as she moves sensually to fuck Brittany's mouth, hand gently holding Brittany's head intact.

It's the most frightening feeling to let someone search for her pleasure inside you, but she is not afraid of give herself completely to Santana.

Even when the head of Santana's cock bump into the back of her throat repeatedly, she doesn't pull away because she knows Santana won't ever hurt her. She just knows it.

She trusts her.

She asked Santana to trust her and Brittany does the same thing for her now. They are in this together.

As Santana's hips gyrate in circles, her cock sliding in and out Brittany's warm mouth, Brittany tugs at her balls, eliciting deep throaty moans from Santana. They are moving in sync, faster and harder as Santana's growing needs motivate both their actions until Santana's hips still in motion, fingers pulling on Brittany's hair frantically, trying to get her to stop.

Brittany glances up at her to see her eyes widening with dread.

"I'm gonna…Britt I'm gonna" She chokes out, voice uneven as she breathes in and out heavily between her dry lips.

_She is gonna come._

That's what she is trying to tell her. She is trying to tell her to pull away because she is gonna come. But it's the last thing on Brittany's mind.

She wants Santana to come inside her.

Keeping her eyes on Santana's face, she starts moving again, slowly bobbing her head up and down until realization dawns on Santana, who lets out a high-pitched moan when Brittany swallows her cock more, letting Santana invade her deeper than ever, heaving as she feels her hitting her throat deep, but bearing it relentlessly. She is giving it all, everything she has.

But Santana doesn't take it.

She pulls out, refusing to cause her discomfort and Brittany fears that she will stop entirely. She doesn't though, she only pulls away that the head of her penis stays inside Brittany's hot mouth, the rest of her cock gleaming with saliva in the lights and her eyes snap open as she starts thrusting with her hips, going in just inch, but oh so fast, losing control as Brittany's hand squeezes her testicles tightly, giving her the last push she needs to get over the edge.

"Oh my…" She trashes her head in the pillows, body jerking with every frantic move of her hips and she would lift off completely from the bed if Brittany didn't push her down with their clasped hands on her hip. "Oh my…uh…Britt…" She moans, face screwing up with the force of her orgasm as it hits her at last.

The moment when it does is the most beautiful thing Brittany's ever witnessed.

That one moment, that split of a second when something snaps in Santana's core and she lets go, coming undone inside Brittany, that moments is worth everything to her now.

"Brittany" Santana cries out, body stilling for that split second before she jerks into Brittany's mouth repeatedly, shooting inside her while she pushes in deep, Brittany swallowing every drop of hot cum spurting out of her twitching dick. "Oh baby….please…." Santana chokes out, tugging on Brittany's hair as she keeps coming inside her, and Brittany looks up at her to see tears squeezing out of the corners of her tightly shut eyes, the force of her orgasm shuttering her body into pieces.

She is falling apart completely, and it tugs at the strings of Brittany's hearts that she is the one holding her pieces together, gluing them back into one whole as she swallows the last drops of her cum and gently strokes her penis with her tongue, refusing to let only as one drop escape her eager mouth. Santana just tastes so, so unbelievably good.

Brittany brings her down from her high gently, her tongue lazily caressing the head of Santana's cock while the girl's hips return to the bed, her whole body slumping after the earth-shattering orgasm that shook her so deep that the tears keep gliding down her cheeks, the lights catching on them in a heartbreakingly beautiful way.

She only stops when Santana opens her eyes and whispers tearfully. "I need you" She chokes up, lips trembling and Brittany lets her cock slip from her mouth to tend to her needs in a completely different way.

Gently crawling up on Santana's body, she sneaks her arms around her torso and rests her forehead against hers, feeling the way Santana's heart is beating wildly inside her ribcage. They're pressed together closely, Santana's arms locking behind her neck as she weeps quietly, the experience affecting her in a way Brittany hasn't witnessed on anyone before.

"I'm here" Brittany whispers to her, nuzzling her nose in a calming manner. "Santana…you are okay. I got you"

Santana breathes out with relief, before sniffing in the cutest way that doesn't fail to make Brittany smile. "I'm…sorry…I don't know why I'm like this" Santana whispers, letting out an embarrassed chuckle and Brittany pecks the corner of her lips, feeling like a heavy weight just rolled off her shoulders.

She feels like she can breathe properly again. "It's okay…it was so beautiful, San" She shakes her head a little, the memory of Santana coming for her so hard replaying in her mind. The sounds, the smells, the tastes and the images fill her up again and they all remind her of the one thing she's managed to forget about for the last minutes.

That she is incredibly turned on right now.

Santana's flaccid penis brushes to her thigh and it doesn't help her case at all. She can't keep a soft moan escaping her lips.

"Britt, did you just…?" Santana pulls away questioningly and Brittany blinks away, biting down on her bottom lip.

She nods subtly, staring somewhere beside Santana's head to keep herself from grabbing Santana's cock to work her up again and guide it between her legs to feel her where she needs it the most. Now that she's experienced how it feels to have Santana inside her, her curiosity is piqued more than ever. But she knows that they are not ready for what she has in mind.

"I'm good" She laughs a little, dismissing her pressing need to be satisfied. She will take care of it later. "Come on, you should clean up!" She comes up to straddle Santana's waist and smoothes the damp hairs out of Santana's sweaty forehead before stroking her warm cheeks delicately. She wipes off her dried tears stains, smiling down gently at her.

A small frown creeps upon Santana's forehead, her eyes deep and thoughtful as she stares up at Brittany, trying to figure her out.

She gulps before her hand comes up to rest flat against Brittany's navel, an inch away from the patch of blonde hair. "I can…if you want" She tells her suggestively, stroking her skin with the soft pads of her fingers.

Brittany sucks in her bottom lip, eyes snapping down to Santana's tan hand on the skin of her stomach and her taut muscles twitch under Santana's touch. She can't hide how much she wants her with every fiber of her body.

But there is something blocking her.

She can't quite put a finger on it…or maybe she can, but it's hard to face the truth.

Something tells her not to follow what her body tells her now and rather listen to her heart.

And her heart tells her that she doesn't deserve Santana's touch.

It tells her that it's wrong and she has to stop.

This is the point where she can't go further. The point, where she has to recall what Santana told her and act accordingly…to do the right thing.

"I'm fine. Let's get you under the shower" She tells Santana instead of saying no, forcing a smile on her lips as she climbs from Santana's body, tugging her by the hand. She almost stumbles from the edge of the bed, but Santana catches her by the elbow and she shoots her a grateful smile over her shoulder. "Thanks"

Brittany makes her way to the bathroom, turns on the lights and she drops Santana's hand momentarily to dive into the cabinet to search for a fresh towel.

"Brittany" Santana shrieks all of a sudden and Brittany bumps her head into the edge of the sink when she jumps up.

"What?" She looks at Santana, rubbing the spot of her scalp where it stings with pain.

"Sorry" Santana winces, before grabbing her hand and motioning towards the bathtub. "Don't freak out, but I think there's something in your tub" She lowers her voice, like the beast breaking into Brittany's bathroom could understood her words.

"Oh…it's his favorite place" Brittany says nonchalantly, knowing very well who might be hogging her bathtub.

"Whose?" Santana frowns.

"Lord Tubbington's"

"Your cat's? It's your cat?" Santana asks incredulously, her hand letting go of Brittany's to cup her addition, shielding it away from the threats a cat could pose.

Brittany giggles at her manners.

"Yeah…and honey, if there is someone who couldn't care less for your junk apart from me, it is him"

"But it's weird…" Santana tells her with pointed eyes, refusing to drop her hand.

"Okay…just turn away while I bring him out" Brittany tells her, before stepping to the tub to shoot a wide grin to a sleepy Lord Tubbington inside. "Here you are, Mr. Tubby-Tubby" She picks him up, wiggling her eyebrows a little before she gets him out of the room, laughing loud when she catches Santana's bewildered eyes seeing her cat live for the first time.

When Lord Tubbington is in safe territory again, she returns to the bathroom and turns on the hot water, before facing Santana. "Just shout if you need anything, okay? There is this shower gel that smells like coconut…what a coincidence, huh? You can use it or anything in here…and there's your towel." She rambles before laying a peck on Santana's plump lips and leaving her alone in the room.

/

Locking the door behind her, she rests her back against it, letting the heavy silence settling around her. There's no sound apart from the water's seeping out under the door of the bathroom and the silence allows Brittany to gather her thoughts.

She takes a look around the bedroom and she can barely recognize it. Their clothes are lying everywhere around the bed, jeans, tops and bras, and everything is so messy in the best way possible. The whole room smells of sex, their sweat and cum, and it fills up her nostrils and makes her lightheaded, turning her brain into mush. The sheets are messy, the pillows bearing the print of Santana's back and it's glorious. It's everything a room should look like after sex.

But now that she is alone in it, she can't stop her brain from questioning her decisions through the night.

She doesn't regret being with Santana.

It's something she would _never_ regret.

But there is a part of her telling her that she should have told her when she had the chance. And hell did she have her chances through the night. She doesn't have an excuse, not a real one.

Being afraid is no excuse.

/

She is sitting on her bed cross-legged, dressed in Cheerios sweats when Santana emerges from the bathroom, wrapped in the fluffy towel, the white of it contrasting beautifully with her tan skin.

"Hey" Brittany smiles at her, tucking away her thoughts fast so that she doesn't burst into a fit of ugly cries in front of Santana. She can't let her see how bad she is feeling now. Being alone didn't do her any good. The revelation she made only caused her emotions to stir up and now she has to try really hard to pull herself together.

"Hi" Santana walks up to her, and snaps her eyes to the familiar folded clothes beside Brittany. "Are these mine?"

"Yeah"

"Thanks" Santana smiles gratefully.

Brittany nods timidly before she stands up, tucking her fists into the pockets of her hoodie. "I'm gonna go down for a drink…if you don't mind" She tells Santana, hoping that her smile doesn't seem too forced, hoping that for once in her life, she can deceive Santana by her eyes.

"Is everything okay, Britt?" Santana asks nervously and Brittany wants to shake herself. Of course she can't lie to Santana with her eyes. She would never be able to.

Her eyes, her body, her touch…they can't lie to Santana.

That's why it hurts to smile and shake her head dismissively, because they both know she is lying.

When she exits the room, leaving Santana behind, she hates herself for the hurt and rejection she saw in her dark brown eyes. It's just another thing on the list why she hates herself now. She feels so bad. She feels bad for ruining their perfect night by behaving in such a confusing way. After she let Santana so close to her, she shouldn't push her away now.

But she doesn't have a choice.

Or would it be easier to pretend that everything is all right? It might be…but it would feel so foul to act like nothing is wrong, when she feels like everything is and her world is falling into pieces because she is about to lose the one person that means the most to her than anyone after tonight.

When she tells Santana – because it's not an 'if' anymore – she will hate her.

It's one hell of a thought to forget about.

She tries her best to do it anyway, for the sake of Santana, because telling her tonight would be the cruelest thing she could ever do, and she rather feels like the worst person by acting like everything is okay than breaking Santana's heart, taking away everything she gave her tonight.

No, she will survive just one more day lying to the person she likes more than anyone else in the world.

/

The soft taps of feet on the stairs remind her that the person she likes more than anyone before is still in her home, still thinking that Brittany is the most amazing girl. She hates to make a fool out of Santana, letting her think that she really is amazing.

She isn't.

In some things she is, like dancing and stuff, but boy, she really screwed up here. She's never had serious feelings for anyone before and the first person in her life will probably hate her the minute she reveals what she did to her. It's so not fair, but she is the reason why this happened.

She can only blame herself.

"Hey…I'm ready" Santana's sweet voice snaps her out of her thoughts and she turns around to take a look at her.

Santana is standing in front of her, fully dressed, but anyone could tell she just had sex. Her dark hair is tussled, typical after sex and her cheeks are still flushed, no longer shielded by the layers of make-up. It's the afterglow, they say and Brittany smiles at how gorgeous it makes Santana look right now, so gorgeous that it hurts.

"What? It's still obvious, isn't it? Are they gonna notice?" She frowns, searching for the answer in Brittany's eyes.

"Well…" Brittany trails off, biting down on her bottom lip to keep a chuckle inside when her eyes travel down to Santana's crotch. "Nothing screams sex better than sporting an open fly" She raises her eyebrows pointedly, and Santana winces, rushing to zip her jeans up.

"God…way to get presentable, Lopez" She mutters to herself in embarrassment and Brittany wonders why is so intent on hiding the signs that she had sex with her.

"Can I ask something?" She rushes out, voice unfamiliarly high, signaling that she is nervous about the answer. "What's wrong with your parents knowing about us?"

"Nothing…please don't take it the wrong way!" Santana shakes her head firmly, stepping closer to her. "It's just…they taught me to…I don't know…respect girls and I don't want to disappoint them" She shrugs a little and Brittany knows where she is coming from.

But she shouldn't worry about it.

"You respected me…nobody's ever made me feel like you did Santana" She explains to Santana, grabbing her hand gently. "They would be proud of you"

"I'm just not sure they would understand…and I don't want anyone to ruin how I feel about it"

Her words make Brittany's heart swell with feelings and she can't keep herself from embracing her in a hug. "Tonight was the best night I've ever had." She whispers into Santana' ear, before burying her face into her warm neck, allowing herself to enjoy the comfort of Santana's body for one last time.

"Mine too" Santana breathes into her hair and for seconds, they just stand in the middle of the kitchen, embracing each other silently.

Brittany closes her eyes, smelling Santana and her heart bursts from the scent of coconut. She tightens her arms around Santana's torso, pushing her face into the spot where her neck meets her shoulder, her favorite spot in the world and she releases a deep breath.

Just for tonight, she allows herself to keep on dreaming.

* * *

_**Thanks so much for reading! **_

_**Next update seems possible at the end of the week and I promise to get back to the plot.  
**_

_**I hope you enjoyed the chapter!  
**_

_**Hit me in a review or on my tumblr! Love youuuuuuuuuuuuu!  
**_


	11. Shattered hearts

_**Dear readers!**_

_**Your constant support and encouragement gave me strength to write this chapter. This puts an end to the first section of this fic. The middle will be a bit shorter and I'm not sure about the third section yet, maybe I will drag that out for God knows how long because I grew attached to these characters so much. But I will post everything under this title, so don't worry about that!  
**_

_**The timing might be unfortunate for those who seeked comfort in this chapter, but this story was never meant to be easy. Love is never easy.  
**_

_**I don't have time to answer reviews anymore, but I read every one of them and they give me such a boost to write like nothing else. Enjoy this chapter and please leave a review! **_

_**I answer questions, post backinfo and sneak peeks on my tumblr.**_

*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***

* * *

**Shattered hearts**

The roles are reversed.

It's funny in the cruelest way how everything turned upside down in the interval of hours. These hours she spent with Santana were full of realizations. Things that she could keep in the back of her mind before they demanded to escape and defeated her. She lost the bottle with the part of her that was convinced she could keep the façade up forever. It was _so_ foolish to think that she could be truly happy with Santana.

Without honesty, everything is fouled between them and she can't let her lies infect the purity of their feelings for each other.

But can they even be pure when Santana doesn't know what she did to her?

Aren't they tainted in the roots of their existence?

Santana has feelings for her, every word, every touch, every kiss of her lips bespoke of what she holds in her heart - that beautiful, big heart of hers – for Brittany. Brittany could cope with the guilt, but not the thought that she is poisoning Santana's love for her. She betrays her with every second she spends acting like the person Santana thinks her to be. The sincerity of Santana's feelings is lost on her. She is leading her on; pretending to be the person Santana has fallen for. The image she's let Santana believe is her true self is rotten in its very core. She is not the person Santana has feelings for. Selfishly, she tried to pretend that underneath the web of lies, she was that person, but not anymore. She has to face the painful truth.

Santana might not love her if she knew who Brittany was.

That Brittany was a person who could hurt her like this.

The guilt was wedged inside Brittany's chest since she first kissed Santana and realized this could be more than just a stupid game, and she held it inside her, pretending it's not there until she couldn't breathe anymore. It spread until she felt like her heart was squeezed by a cold, metal fist, and everything felt so heavy and so fragile at the same time.

She was too weak to fight anymore.

"_I want to do this right" _

Santana's words hit her like a thunderbolt, shocking her so profoundly that she had to give up the fight.

There is no room to pretend now.

On the way back to Santana's home, the silence settling around them in the car allows Brittany's mind to dig deeper into the chaos she's made her life out to be. It's the worst thing she can do in Santana's presence. She shouldn't think now, because every time she does, she drowns deeper into depression. She is ruining their night.

But didn't she already ruin everything the second she made that _damn_ deal?

She tried to direct her blame on the others, mostly on Noah, but it was a weak attempt to liberate herself from this slaughtering guilt. She is the only one to blame here. If she was the person Santana thinks her to be, she never would have engaged in a game like that, a game that could ruin a person's dignity. It was never truly just a game. Games don't ruin lives.

Games don't shatter hearts.

But she will shatter Santana's heart and her own the moment the truth comes out. Brittany will lose Santana's trust, something she bore tonight on a level that she wanted to cry from the beauty of it. Coming to terms with the thought that she won't ever be able to reclaim Santana's trust is the hardest thing. Preparing to lose her is even harder.

She should enjoy these last minutes, prolong it until she can, her selfish part presses on, until she tries to detach completely. The noises inside her head, raised by the confusion can't seem to shut off. They are not clear and direct, they are muffled, hushed, disturbing this quiet piece she is sharing with Santana.

Brittany is rarely quiet in her presence and she knows Santana noticed.

It feels like they've swapped bodies.

Now it's Brittany who keeps her eyes away, avoiding Santana's stare that so easily pierces under her skin. She can't break down tonight, so she forces herself to focus on the road, fingers holding onto the wheel like she is leaning on a broken reed, saving herself from drowning in the river. She is so tense, muscles like stones, unable to loosen up even when Santana's fingers start moving on the inside of her knee, caressing her soothingly through the fabric of her sweats. It would feel nice, if it didn't make her feel like she is the worst person in the universe. Santana's tender touch reminds her that this person beside her is the best thing that's ever happened to her and she didn't deserve it.

She doesn't deserve it…_her_.

Her body reacts to the touch, heart speeds up and the icy fist starts squeezing with so much force it hurts to inhale and exhale. The grip on the wheel tightens, knuckles turning whiter, to keep her body from trembling, the pieces of her slowly parting, giving up to function as one whole anymore.

Santana's eyes are burning her cheek like flames, and it's not the usual warm, cozy feeling that makes Brittany flush. The scrutinizing gaze is too hot, burning her flesh, leaving a scar that will remind Brittany for a long time of her dishonesty, her betrayal.

A slap would feel better.

Real pain would subdue this hollow, stinging feeling inside her.

It worsens by the second Santana keeps looking at her, because it's the longer she has to keep it together and pretend that everything is all right. She should say something, something funny or silly – or both – to break her stupor, but the words are stuck inside her dry throat, like sharp needles pricking from the inside. The ease and comfort she felt being around Santana, the safety of being with her is exchanged for this twisted state, weird and nervous and she wants to escape from Santana instead of curling into her body to feel her warmth that always managed to calm her down, to set things right.

But even Santana can't set this right.

No one can.

This situation is irreparable. There is no solution, no calling the help line, no bullshit this time. This is real and she fucked up so badly like never before in her life.

Maybe she was out of luck that it happened with the one and only person she's truly fallen for in her life.

Or maybe it wasn't luck, but it was simply _her_, her capability to be so cruel and careless to play the leading role in this tragic play. If only she read the script afore, if only she knew where they would end up, in her bed, bodies tangled together and hearts so close to each other after their highs that Brittany felt like they became one, two lonely hearts finding each other and connecting on a level they've never experienced before.

She refuses to deal with that tiny part of her that just _knew _the moment her lips first touched Santana's. She repels the belief that she is a kind of person who knew this would happen and didn't stop.

She can't handle that now.

She wishes Santana would just say something – _anything_ – to stop her self-reflection, because the further she dwells into it, the more miserable she gets. She wishes Santana would work her magic and pull her out of the funk.

"Britt" Santana calls out to her like her sixth sense just picked upon Brittany's wish, but the genuine concern lacing into her voice is just another reminder of how unworthy Brittany is of her, all the attention, affection and care she's received from her in the short lapse of time they've really known each other.

It was too short, yet too long before the decision to come clean was made.

She doesn't want to think how long it would have taken for her to open her eyes if Santana hadn't with those words – so simple yet so affecting - that still keep echoing in the back of her mind. She would like to believe that it would have been soon even if it hadn't been triggered.

"Brittany" Santana repeats, louder this time, hand squeezing Brittany's knee firmly when she doesn't offer an answer or at least a simple acknowledgement that she heard Santana.

A second passes before the blindfold shielding her eyes - her whole being from reality - is pulled off and she can see again, eyes focusing, mind realizing that she stopped the car already and they've been sitting still for whoever knows how long.

Tilting her head to catch a glance at Santana, Brittany wonders how many times the girl's uttered her name and she failed to notice her soft, worried voice. A frown is carved into Santana's smooth forehead and Brittany forces herself to break loose of her turmoil and rise above before it consumes her entirely.

The tight smile creeping up on her lips is not good enough to deceive Santana, and Brittany knows she has to say something – _anything_ – even though opening her mouth proposes a great risk in her wacky, emotionally distressed state. "Sorry…I was just uh…thinking" she stammers, shaking her head subtly.

Santana shifts closer, stare unnerving as it keeps boring into Brittany, unconvinced by the weak words of excuse.

"Is something wrong?" She asks softly, palm settling further upon Brittany's thigh as she faces her. "You seem upset" The sadness she tries to keep out of her voice doesn't go unnoticed by Brittany and it expands the black hole inside her chest.

"No…no" Brittany argues, but it's an attempt destined to fail when she feels the tears quivering in the corners of her eyes. "I just…this night was really special for me, you know that, right?" She changes direction, desperate to assure Santana that tonight meant the world to her.

Her eyes are pleading with Santana to believe her. Santana does _so_ easily, frown disappearing and features softening as she processes the words Brittany's just said.

Her smile reaches her eyes, full of trust and Brittany would bask in her affection happily if she didn't know in the bottom of her heart that it isn't meant for _her_, but the amazing person Santana thinks her to be, a girl without any flaws, perfect in every way.

Santana spends seconds adoring her with her eyes, and Brittany can't keep her emotions from blubbering up her throat. Her chin trembles and she lets out a soft whimper when she can't keep her tears at bay anymore and they slide down her cheeks, only to be caught by Santana gentle lips that press to her burning skin.

"Shh, baby" She whispers, palms settling on Brittany's cheeks as she rests her forehead against hers.

The word of endearment makes Brittany gasp out a sob, her chest convulsing in the deathly grip of her guilt's fist, and she buries her face into the crook of Santana's neck, nose pressed into her warm skin, inhaling her scent deeply to regain the piece of her mind.

Santana stays still, stunned by the sudden outburst of emotions but her hands soon settle on Brittany's back, stroking along her spine soothingly. She lets Brittany cry in silence, waiting patiently until she stops and raises her head, grabbing the collar of Santana's leather jacket.

"You're so special to me" She whispers tearfully, eyes flickering between Santana's as she pulls her closer, daring her to argue, to push her away, to yell at her for what a liar she is.

She wants Santana to just know so she wouldn't have to tell her.

It's the greatest punishment that she has to.

So naïve and oblivious to the sad truth, Santana just keeps smiling at her, her mouth curling up in a way that brings the stars down to Earth for Brittany.

Unable to bear her gaze anymore, Brittany shuts her eyes and leans so close to her that she feels Santana's eyelids flutter closed. They breathe each other in, the smell of sex oozing from their pores and their night replays in Brittany's mind, from the moment she laid her eyes on Santana in awe of her beauty to the moment Santana came for her for the first time to the moment Brittany realized she wanted to do this right, too.

There is so much she wants to say now, but she can't and she lets her lips speak in the only way she can.

She brushes her lips to Santana's, so softly it's barely a kiss, but it's so full of meaning that it feels like the heaviest kiss they've ever shared.

She pulls away; releasing a deep breath when she opens her eyes, ready to return into reality with the strength Santana's magical lips gave her. It is just enough to pull herself together and survive the mere minutes until they part.

"Thank you for tonight - for everything really. You have to know that…nobody's ever made me feel like you did…like you _do_, Brittany" Santana's admission melts her insides, but it's merely a split second her mind lets her forget about the guilt. It presses upfront, pushing everything out of the way and kicks her in the gut, tainting Santana's touching words.

Even though she knows it's an unfair request, she opens her mouth to beg once again. "This was the best night of my life. Please don't ever forget tonight, San"

Her desperation takes Santana aback, but she doesn't ask, and Brittany is grateful for it.

"I won't" she declares with conviction, nodding to emphasize her words. "I could never"

The thought that tonight will always be part of their history offers consolation to Brittany.

She lingers close to Santana, the intimacy they share warming her up just enough that she won't get a frost-bite from the chilly feelings winding inside her chest. Her fingers loosen on the fabric of Santana's jacket as they keep staring at each other, both unwilling to put an end to this special night.

All of a sudden, something crosses Santana's features, her eyes gleaming with fear and uncertainty as she parts her lips but the words Brittany senses to be stuck in her throat are too dangerous, too painful and too _amazing_ to be heard tonight. She doesn't deserve to hear them, not tonight, not until the meaning of those words is based on false assumptions.

She doesn't deserve to feel them either, to feel Santana's love, so she pushes her lips to Santana's parted ones and swallows those three little words Santana wanted to tell her.

Their lips mold together, and Brittany keeps kissing Santana vigorously until she is sure Santana let it go.

When they part, Brittany takes a look at her gorgeous face and relief washes over her when Santana shoots her a peaceful, tender smile. She seems to accept that Brittany was not ready to hear those words. It's easier to make Santana believe that Brittany is afraid than tell her that she doesn't want to hear those words until she knows Santana can truly mean them.

And Santana can only mean _"I love you"_ if she knows the truth.

If she knows the truth, forgives Brittany and gives her a second chance to prove that she can be the person who deserves to be _truly_ loved by Santana. It is stupid to hope for this to happen, but Brittany does so anyway. She may be stupid but she won't ever give upon hope.

Santana's eyes are shining at her, showering her with feelings her words didn't get the chance to and Brittany swallows hard, bracing herself for the challenge to say goodbye. It's so incredibly hard to live with the thought that the next time she sees Santana, she will break her heart. The two halves of her are still at battle over the matter and her cowardice wins with the weak excuse of not ruining their perfect night.

She promises her other half that she will do it the next time.

The thought sends a shiver down her spine and she feels like a child about to be punished for their wrongdoings. But it's not a matter of children she has to bear with; it's too serious and too painful and just…too _adult_. She doesn't want to grow up if it feels like this. But maybe the reason why she did this to Santana was that she refused to grow up for such a long time.

She refused to take life seriously, to care for the consequences of her actions and this is how life punishes her, this is how life forces her to grow up.

There's so much she realized tonight about herself, so much to think about, to figure out, to truly deal with alone, without any help from friends, parents…anyone. This is growing up and it's freaking hard. She just wants Santana to hold her hand while she comes into terms with the truth about herself and her actions, but she has to do this on her own.

Brittany is not sure she is ready to let Santana go but she does it anyway, rising above her fear that she won't ever get the chance to feel loved by her. "Good night, Santana" Her voice is strained, carrying the weight of the whole world and the smile accompanying her words is equally weak.

Her wings are broken, and Santana's soft caress on her cheek doesn't save her from falling, it just reminds her how much it will hurt to hit the ground.

"Sweet dreams, Britt" Santana tells her, voice low and soft in a murmur and Brittany wishes she could just forget about reality and keep dreaming.

"Yeah, you too, San" She says in a whisper, before touching Santana's hand on her cheek to kiss the inside of her palm, drawing strength from her own action, the warmth of Santana's skin, the memory that she did the same motion before she first took Santana inside her.

She will remember that moment forever and this moment now, with everything else they shared together.

She has to remember for when it's over.

When Santana's fingers gently leave her cheek, cutting off the contact between them that she so desperately needs, she gets the first taste of how it feels to be left. Santana settles back into the passenger seat and shoots her a soft smile before opening the door.

"Call me later?" She asks over her shoulder, looking back at Brittany with hopeful, steady eyes.

Not sure how much longer she can keep it together, Brittany hushes a weak "yeah", before Santana climbs off the car and shuts the door. She leans down to wave shyly through the window and even though she is standing so closely, Brittany feels like a world is parting them now. The distance she feels between them is physically unbearable and somehow she feels the need to match it on the outside. She returns the wave, and Santana smiles at her, walking backwards a few steps before turning on her heels as she reaches their porch.

Brittany's eyes follow her, stinging from the pain of keeping her tears at bay, keeping her vision clear in these last second she can enjoy the sight of Santana tonight.

When Santana closes the door behind herself, disappearing inside, Brittany is left in the darkness of the night.

It's so cold, so frightening and she feels so lonely.

She drives away, but she doesn't get far before she breaks down, parking on an empty street as her vision gets blurred, body trembling like an earthquake is shaking her from the very core. Her face screws up as the first choking sob vents from the middle of her chest.

She doesn't feel her heart beating there anymore.

It's shattered into pieces.

/

Sleep doesn't come easily.

It barely comes at all.

The house is dark and lonely. Suddenly the space she loves so much just feels too much, the walls too far and they make the silence inside feel heavier, like a layer of dust is settled all around.

Nobody's at home.

The absence of her parents is not something she minds now, but the lack of human sounds, the lack of any kind of noise unsettles her. The night is hollow, empty and dark, matching the way she feels inside.

It's only Lord Tubbington who offers her some kind of a comfort.

He somehow wandered back inside, resting on top of the disheveled sheets when she entered her room. It was such a relief to see him, and feel him curling around her ankle when she bursts into a fresh set of tears, standing in the doorway.

They're sharing the bed now.

He is sleeping, his furry back rising and falling peacefully. Brittany wishes she could join him in the wonderland of dreams. But she remains conscious, eyes shut tight through her desperate attempts to drift into sleep. She is more frustrated by the minute, losing the hope of gaining some peace for her mind before she has to face reality in the morning.

Every time she inhales deeply to calm down, her nostrils are filled with the musky, sweet scent of Santana. Her small body is imprinted on Brittany's sheets, the smells and stains reminding Brittany of their lovemaking every time she tries to shut the world out and forget everything. She attempts to forget the unforgettable, the way it felt to have Santana pressed against her, to pleasure her, to make her come undone and embrace her when it was over.

Everything happened in this very bed, and the memory keeps haunting her, chasing away the dreams that would rest her mind.

She pushes her face into the pillow and pulls the sheets over her head, hoping that shielding herself in the safe, warm bubble might bring the relief of sleep sooner.

Minutes pass that feel like hours and she has no idea when she started to cry again, but it just hurts. Her eyes are puffy, swollen by the amount she's cried since they parted with Santana. She feels so pathetic. She is inconsolable, and it is just getting worse by every minute she spends thinking about what she's done and what she has to do. Her mind is cut into three parts, one living in the past, one in the present and one in the future, and sadly, not one is better than the other.

Each makes her suffer in a different way.

The past means regret, the future fear, but the present is the worst of all.

It is just heartbreak.

/

She has no idea how long she's managed to stay asleep when she stirs awake.

It might as well be hours, minutes or just mere seconds she spent unconscious. She has no sense of the time passed. She would guess it was still dawn if she didn't open her eyes and feel the rays of sunlight seeping through the fabric of her white sheets. It feels nice, and she lets herself simply enjoy the warmth just for a little while.

When something shifts on the bed, her heart speeds up with a thought that's too irrational, even for her. Hoping that it's Santana beside her is pathetic, and she tries to brush it off, but it's not that easy when she wishes it would be true with every beat of her heart.

She rolls on her back, pulling the sheets off her face and releases a deep breath. Colors dance behind her eyelids, reds, pinks, oranges as the warm rays lick her face. She keeps her eyes closed until she is forced to open up as a furry ear starts rubbing to her cheek.

It makes her smile softly.

"Hey Tubbs" She rasps, voice thick from the crying. "What's up?"

The cat yawns as an answer, brushing his soft, furry head to Brittany's face again. Brittany grabs the sides of his full stomach and presses a hard kiss on his nose before sitting up. Maybe it's the lights or the warmth, but she feels a slightly bit better than last night. She let so much out that she feels drained but she's at least put some things behind. She is over the part of revelation and she pretty much managed to digest her painful discoveries about herself, and even though they tasted really bad on her tongue, she forced them down her throat.

Self-reflection is so tiring.

She feels so restless, muscles aching everywhere as she pulls the covers off her barely dressed body and plants her feet on the ground. Lord Tubbington hisses disapprovingly that she cuts off their lazy morning cuddle, but she needs coffee, and she needs it _now_.

When she returns from the kitchen and shimmies back under the silky sheets, she tastes the coffee and a tiny part of her is disappointed it's not coconut latte.

/

The day is spent by distractions.

Not the usual kind though, because she is _so_ over alcohol, weed and most of all - boys. She doesn't need these anymore. She enjoyed them many times, used them to forget, to let go, but they mean the old way. They belong to her old self.

She doesn't _want_ any of them now.

But she still needs something to keep her mind off the touchy issues pressing her constantly. Her thoughts are directed on the challenge of cleaning her room out, which to be honest, has been long overdue. She's never thought organizing her stuff and tidying up would feel so good.

She wishes she could simply do the same with her mind.

/

She orders pizza for lunch.

Settling on the couch in the living room, she sets up her socked feet on the coffee table and smirks at the image of her mother's face that flashes up in her mind. She would be totally fuming. Brittany learned a long time ago not to act reckless around her, always behaving like a good girl she's never truly been. Sometimes it's hard to meet her mother's expectations.

They are not unreasonable, but it's hard because she is a carefree person.

She doesn't mind making a mess.

But she's had enough of her mother's scolding when she came home in dirty clothes from school or burped out loud when she drank too much coke. Her mother's always made her feel like she was not supposed to do these things. She was supposed to be nice and clean, simple, a daughter without any quirks.

But Brittany is just not that person.

She's wanted nothing more from her mother than acceptance.

When she came out – not that she really had to after marrying a girl in summer camp when she was five – it stunned her that she didn't have to face with her mother's wrath and disappointment. It made her realize what a decent person her mother truly was.

She is just so much different than her.

Her father stands somewhere in the middle between them, leaning to one side or the other, depending on the scenario. Even though it's a shitty thing to say that you love either of your parents more, it's obvious that Brittany's always been fonder of her dad. He is nice and funny, but he's always played the supporting role in their marriage with Brittany's mom. Their dynamic is way off the balance and sometimes it would make Brittany's case easier if he just man up. He understands Brittany so much better, her way of thinking and her actions.

Still Brittany can't confide in him about dance school, because she fears it would get to her mother and she would lose her chance to convince her too soon. So it remains a secret, until she makes sure she has a place in one of the best schools on the west coast.

She did confess her plans to Lord Tubbington though, who instantly claimed the spot to be her manager. She didn't find him perfectly adequate for the job and they had a pretty bad argument about it, but he got over the issue.

He is a loyal cat.

He's been following her around since she came home last night, never leaving her side. They watch cartoons together, while Brittany is munching on the slides of pizza, full of sticky hot cheese just the way she likes it.

She would gladly hang out in the empty house in sweats if it wasn't for Sugar's birthday party tonight.

As one of her best friends, Brittany is obligated to show up, even though she is in the mood for complete avoidance of other people. This rarely happens to her and she doesn't know how to deal with it. She is in such a funk, and she knows it will be hard to drag herself out of it and rise to the occasion, to be in her usual good spirit.

But she has to though. She has to act like a good friend, even though the muscles around her lips will ache from the amount of fake smiles she will dole out through the night.

She can't ruin Sugar's big night.

/

The makeover before the party does her good. Her confidence is boosted considerably and so is her mood.

The glittery gold dress she wears is perfect for the occasion, fancy but comfortable enough to dance her ass off. She struggled with directing the attention from her eyes, because they were still red and raising suspicions, but the red lipstick she applied does a fine job.

She is totally glamorous.

She wishes Santana could see her, but it's probably a really bad idea to think about her when Brittany tries to survive the night without breaking into hysterical tears in front of McKinley's royalty.

/

Her eyes bulge out, jaw dropping on the ground when the doorbell rings and she opens the door to see a huge pink limo parked in front of the house.

"Britt, holla!" Sugar cheers into the microphone in her hand and Brittany shakes her head, a fit of stunned giggles breaking out of her.

Mr. Motta really outdid himself this time, she muses as another familiar face appears from the window on top of the car.

"Come on Brittany. A party is not a _real_ party until you arrive" Quinn says coyly and her words make Brittany smirk.

She guesses this night might be a bit more fun than she first thought.

/

She never would have believed Breadstix could appear as the fanciest place in the world if she didn't witness it with her own eyes.

Everything is decorated with gold and pink, ribbons, balloons, stickers and glitters cover the surface, like so many glitters everywhere. It's amazing. Most chairs and tables are put out of the way, leaving enough space for a more than decent dance floor. The music is blasting, Ohio's best djs switching the place in the dj booth and mixing popular tracks for the pleasure of the eighty or so teenagers who showed up.

All the regulars are there of course.

The whole Cheerios team and the football team are present, and even some older siblings of the popular kids.

It's definitely the party of the year.

If it wasn't for what happened last night – or more so over the course of the last three weeks - Brittany would be already drunk, shaking her hips on the dance floor and flirting with every hot popular guy who had it in themselves to make a move on her. She would fool around with some of them, even fuck a luckier one and wake up in the morning without paying a single thought to it. It wouldn't mean anything so why care about it? Sometimes she would wake up being sore though, because it was too rough, too hassled in an abandoned upstairs bedroom.

Those occasions were harder to forget, but she always managed to brush this dirty, cheap feeling off herself.

Not anymore.

As she sits in the center booth, saved exclusively for the best friends of Sugar, she trails her eyes all over the crowd or teenagers, and picks on the girls and boys who dance just a tiny bit too close to each other, whose hands wander just a tiny bit lower than appropriate, whose bodies give into their kisses until they are humping each other frantically on the dance floor.

She winces, shaking her head subtly when she notices Matt and a young brunette being one of these couples.

That guy should seriously stay away from girls.

He should totally wear a stamp on his forehead as a warning.

"What's with the leering, Brittany?" A tipsy, slightly disoriented Quinn appears beside her in the otherwise empty booth, sitting down with unfamiliar clumsiness. "You really like Matt, hmm?" She raises an eyebrow playfully, but the assumption is so funny – tragically though – that Brittany lets out a sharp chuckle.

"God, no" She snorts, shaking her head. "I would rather sleep with –"

"The freak?" Quinn blurts out, and it freezes the blood in Brittany's veins.

It's the first time Brittany truly ever realizes how mean that word is. She doesn't want to laugh anymore and her expression hardens.

"It's Santana." She tells Quinn, voice stern and cold.

"Excuse me?" Quinn stares at her dumbfounded, eyes slightly unfocused and glassy from the alcohol she's consumed since the welcome drink they shared.

"I said her name is Santana." Brittany presses louder this time.

Quinn's eyebrows shoot up then a handful of emotions cross her face before she regains her usually controlled and calculated demeanor.

"Okay…whatever." She shrugs, totally dismissing Brittany's words. "So…did you manage to get into her pants?"

Brittany swallows, averting Quinn's eyes because even in her drunken haze, Brittany fears her best friend could see right into her soul.

"It's complicated." She says quietly.

Seconds pass in silence between them, the vibrant beats invading their private space as the party keeps going on. It gives Brittany a nice buzz and she actually managed to let go for most of the night.

"Well, I guess that's why you took her out on a date yesterday." Quinn says slowly, and Brittany's heart speeds up.

_So much about letting go tonight. _

"How do you know?" She asks Quinn when she can trust her voice not to crack from the nerves.

"Everybody knows." Quinn tells her, and Brittany hates the way her voice turns patronizing for a second. "Amy saw you. She described you two as lovesick puppies…I never thought you would make such a good actress." She chuckles mirthlessly.

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe not, but Quinn looks so trashed. Somehow, she looks older now. Brittany doesn't know what she missed. When did her best friend get to be like this? She looks like a butterfly with broken wings.

Brittany wonders if she looks the same.

All she knows is that sooner or later she has to come clean about Santana and this is a chance she can't let go. She musters up her courage, staring deeply into Quinn's hazel eyes as she braces herself against the consequences of her admission.

"Quinn…I need to tell you something." She says, piquing Quinn's curiosity and she is about to continue when the last person she wants to see shows up.

"Oh, look at 'em, my two favorite blondes in the world" Noah smirks cockily, leaning close over the table. "Drinks anyone?"

His question makes Brittany's blood pressure shoot off the scale and she can barely keep her fists from shoving him away.

"A Cosmopolitan for me" Quinn tells the boy sweetly, before leaning in to peck his lips. "Love you, babe"

"Brittany?" Noah looks at her when they part, and all of a sudden, Brittany wants nothing more but to direct all her blame on him.

"You know what Puck? Actually I think I will handle my alcohol just fine" She spats menacingly, eyes shooting bolts as the waves of fury wash over her.

"What did I do now?" He throws his hands in the air in what seems like genuine confusion, but Brittany can't let him fool her. He fooled Quinn and it's just enough.

"Just don't, okay?! I can't deal with you tonight" She says threateningly and he shakes his head.

"Fine" He hisses through gritted teeth before walking away.

When he is out of sight, Brittany realizes how pointless it was to turn against him. Especially in front of Quinn, it was plain stupid. She dares a glance at her silent best friend, and her assumption proves right, Quinn is pissed, but mostly she just seems disappointed.

"You promised Brittany. You told me you wouldn't be mean to him" She shakes her head sadly. "What is going on with you?" Her question is laced with worry, but the moment when Brittany felt ready to confess the truth is gone.

It's ruined.

"Nothing. I just…I need to cool down." She releases a shaky breath, before standing up. "I'm sorry, Quinn" She shoots her stunned best friend a painful smile before walking out of the restaurant.

/

She's never had a déjà vu before.

This is not a real one but this situation is awfully similar to what she experienced a week ago.

The chilly night air, the music reverberating from the building, the fancy cars parking around, the vomit near the entrance, they are all the same. _Every_ party is the same. She has no idea how many she's attended since she became the hottest new stuff of McKinley High, but they all seem so awfully similar in retrospect. It's funny how excited she was for all of them, she felt the buzz in her veins before she entered the scene, adrenaline rushing to her blood when all eyes focused on her, everybody yearning to get a piece of her. It gave her such a confident boost that she was the one they were always waiting for.

As Quinn said so, the party didn't really start until she arrived.

They started the same way and they ended the same way.

With Brittany alone in her bed, with the bitter taste of alcohol – and sometimes, cum - on her tongue, body bruised, bearing the imprints of rough lips and groping hands, wondering how it all happened.

Again.

And again and again...

She never truly got an answer, but maybe she asked the _wrong_ question.

It was simple really, _how_ it happened. She got drunk, she flirted, then husked words led to hard kisses, eager hands roamed around sweaty skin and she found herself naked, riding another boy who didn't mean anything to her. Even when she came on top of them, it was a distant feeling, like she somehow knew unconsciously how wrong it all was. She thought she experienced pleasure, and to a certain extent she did, but it was always limited. Sex always left her with an ache in her heart she didn't quite understand, or maybe she did, she just couldn't face the truth.

She knows it now.

Feelings make all the difference.

It hurts so badly that it took her seventeen years and even more boys she had meaningless sex with to find out.

When Santana's fingers curled inside her and she lost herself, _truly_ letting go for the first time, she just felt it. The rush of feelings to her heart shocked her as the waves of her orgasm washed over her, like the waves of the stormy ocean, tackling her and drowning her until she couldn't come up to the surface anymore. She couldn't fight it.

It was a force of nature.

She fell for Santana dangerously hard.

Santana gave her everything she's been desperately longing for; most of all, she gave an answer to her question. _Why_ it happened every time? It suddenly made sense. She wanted to find love so badly and she did it the wrong way for all those years. The pattern she's fallen into ruined her chances more by every failed attempt.

It's funny to think about it, even if it hurts too much.

Maybe if it wasn't for her reputation, Santana would have found her sooner. Santana would have told her she liked her because Brittany would have been a kind of person who could just like her back.

But she wasn't that person and it is the hardest thing to accept.

To face with her past and the person she was before Santana opened her eyes to the truth, is it the hardest thing she's ever done.

/

Her self-reflection is interrupted by someone sitting down beside her on the bench.

It's a lonely, cold bench in front of the restaurant.

She doesn't take her eyes away from the concrete under her feet, wishing the person would just go away and leave her wrapped up in her depressing thoughts, as alone on the outside as she feels inside. She can't pretend he is not there though because his shadow invades her vision, the shape magnified and distorted by the street lights. She can't make out exactly who it is, the tears in her eyes further damaging the clear sight.

She weeps quietly, feeling pathetic that her body is too languid, muscles slack and powerless to tilt her head and take a look at the stranger.

He doesn't cover the distance between them.

It's odd, because she would expect him to slide closer, wrap an arm around her waist, claiming her instead of comforting her, but he doesn't. He sits in silence as she sniffs softly and wipes her cheeks. Everything seems to stand almost still, the seconds passing lazily, like the slides of her life are rolling at an irrationally slow speed. It feels like she's never slept so soundly and never been more alive at the same time.

She's never been so in touch with herself, so aware of her rawest feelings, and she's never wished to just not feel anything at all.

When he shifts on the bench all of a sudden and she glances at him alerted, pushed back to reality from this weird subspace she entered, she meets his black eyes and gets hit by her own mistake reflecting in them.

Mike was one of them, though a rare exception.

It didn't make quite a difference to her back then, and it's still a thin condolence now, but he treated her in a way that was closest to what she's craved for a long time. He is one of the boys she could have fallen for but she just didn't. These occasions made her feel even worse in a way, because she thought something was wrong with her. She thought something was not functioning the right way, but she knows that it was just not the right way - and not the right person.

"Sorry. I didn't want to interrupt you." He tells her softly, dark eyes matching his velvety tone. "But it's freezing out here. You're gonna catch a cold"

His words rouse Brittany and she looks down at herself, the short sleeveless dress barely covering her thighs and goose bumps spreading everywhere on her skin. She is trembling, and the crying is not the only reason. She is numbed by the chilly air of this fall Ohio night. Slowly, her receptors awaken and she starts processing, the coldness sinking under her skin.

She wraps her arms around her torso, shielding her chest from the sharp, icy needles trying to stab her in the heart.

"Yeah, I just needed to – I don't know" She shakes her head, feeling lost as to why she needed to be out here.

She needed answers, but she is not sure she wanted to truly find them.

They hurt so badly.

"It's okay, just take my jacket." Mike discards his sleek, elegant jacket, holding it out for her to take, without any hidden intentions behind the action of a young gentleman.

"No, Mike, I don't" She rejects him, but he stares at her, eyes pleading, yet full of determination.

"Please"

Brittany gives in to him.

"Thanks" She whispers, before pulling the jacket on, the warmth of its owner's body instantly offering her a sense of comfort.

She lets it pierce into her body, and it feels nice, soothing on a physical and emotional level at the same time. She just wishes the smell wouldn't be familiar. She just wishes she'd never felt him so close before – too close if she was honest with herself.

She regrets sleeping with him, as she regrets every time it felt wrong. With him it was always a bit less wrong, but she still can't help the raw anger creeping up from the pit of her stomach when he opens his mouth, voice _too_ soft and laced with _too_ much genuine concern for her to deal with. "Did something happen to you?"

"Why do you care?" It bursts out of her with menace and spite she's never heard in her voice before.

She is shocked by herself.

She's never picked herself for a kind of person who absorbed their blame on others, and the revelation that she can do it so easily just makes it all the worse. He triggered a part of her that she's never known come out and confront her with the idea that she is _so_ not perfect again.

This part of her, the lost, angry, miserable, hopeless part of her breaks out of its bondage and takes over the reign of her body.

"Friends do" Mike utters simply and she almost chokes on the dry chuckle she lets out.

She snaps her eyes away, staring up into the glowing light of a street lamp, wishing it would be the light at the end of the dark tunnel she's fallen into, without any direction how to get out, loneliness her only company inside.

"I'm not sure I know who my friends are anymore" She whispers, broken as a sudden stagger of pain shoots into her heart.

"Oh…well, I'm just gonna sit here if you wanna talk" Mike's words barely register in her mind, as she falls deeper and deeper into her sorrow.

She feels her thoughts drift away again, her mind leaving her body, and the tears come yet again. She whimpers, trying to blink them away but she just can't help it. She releases a shaky breath, before she looks at him, trying to pretend it's not pity that gleam in his eyes.

"I screwed up so bad, Mike" She whispers, every syllable breaking out of her with a force that shatters the crumbs of strength left inside her.

Mike stares at her, eyes shining with more wisdom than a boy at his age should own, and tries to figure her out.

It's not that hard. They've been friends for a long time, even though she denied this obvious fact just now.

"Does it have anything to do with the bet?" He asks carefully, long seconds of contemplation later and she nods, bearing the contact of their eyes even though it's painful to be so blatantly honest.

"Yeah…"

Mike releases a deep breath, and a thoughtful frown creeps upon his forehead.

"Honestly, I thought it was a bad idea to begin with but you guys seemed pretty into it" He shrugs a little, voice smaller, like he is afraid to hurt her with his judgment.

The thought that she deserves it deepens Brittany's wounds.

"I was so stupid" She utters almost soundlessly, an admission for herself just as much as for him.

How could she not see it? He did, but why didn't she? She wishes she could have too.

"You made a mistake. I'm sure whatever happened, you can find a solution" Mike slides closer, laying a comforting hand on her back. His touch makes Brittany swallow hard and her heart starts thudding harder as he stares deeply into her eyes. "You always could, Brittany" He says softly and Brittany's gaze drops to his lips, an idea slipping into her mind, so _wrong_, but so tempting at the same time.

It would be so easy to be careless, to follow the pattern she set years ago. What's the point of changing it now that she already feels like she lost Santana, the only person she could love?

"I'm not sure this time…" She trails off, raising her eyes to stare at him intensely. "I wish I could just forget"

The meaning behind her words transpires between them and he parts his lips, something crossing his features as realization dawns on him. For a second he seems like he gives in to her silent request, leaning closer until she can almost feel his warm breath on her face, sweet and yet _so_ sour.

It's almost good enough to pretend that it's not _him_ who is about to kiss her.

The sudden rush of guilt causes her eyes to squeeze shut, and she wishes he would just grab her and push his tongue into her mouth, sucking out her pain and consuming everything that makes her heart ache.

He feels him inhale sharply and she braces herself, holding her breath when he cups her chin.

She pulls away just in time.

Shocked by her actions, she flinches away, eyes snapping open she is confronted with Mike, both of them aware of the mistake she wanted him to commit with her then refused to.

"I will walk you home, Britt" He breaks the heavy silence, a knowing smile dancing around his lips.

He doesn't seem angry that Brittany wanted to use him, but the pain doesn't sting any less.

The knowledge that she was ready and willing to cheat on Santana is enough to make her choke out a sob, before she wraps her arms around Mike's neck, pushing her face into his chest as she clings to him, tightly and desperately, an attempt to grasp reality and push it away at the same time. He lets her sob into his chest, stroking her back gently as she tries to come into terms with what could have happened.

She wants to believe it was not cheating. But wasn't it too late already? The thought was formed and it feels like betrayal. Could it be cheating? She is not sure of the definition. They aren't officially together with Santana, and a less decent person than Mike would have brushed away her doubt about it, making her forget everything.

But it does feel like cheating and so it is.

The realization that she feels like she cheated on Santana without even kissing anyone punches her in the chest, and she is breathless, panting heavily in Mike's arms. Is this how cheating feels like? To have your chest cut open and heart ripped out, bleeding and alive.

Is this how love feels like?

Like you don't own your heart anymore?

If this is love, then it sure hurts like hell.

/

Mike doesn't let go of her shoulder until they come to a stop at the front door of her house.

It wasn't a long walk, but she still feels like hours passed since they sat on that bench, defining the borders between them it the moment their lips almost met and instead of settling to be partners in crime, they rose above to have a chance at true friendship.

It's weird that she almost committed her worst mistake with him, but now she feels he is the best friend she didn't realize how desperately she needed.

He just got it.

In that moment when she pulled away, he just somehow knew that he shouldn't try going through with it this time, because this time was different than all those times they slept together. He's always been attracted to Brittany, but he put her in front of himself, put the promise of friendship in front of his unrequited affection and opened her eyes when she wanted nothing more than to close them and forget the image of the most beautiful face behind her eyelids, haunting her day and night.

"Thank you" She whispers, hugging him tightly on the porch. Both of them know she means so much more than just the walk to home.

"You're welcome" He smiles softly, the street lights dancing in his deep, black eyes beautifully. "Try to get some sleep, you look like a zombie" He chuckles after pulling away, and she playfully shoves him in the arm.

"I will" She laughs a little, rubbing the tear stains on her cheeks. "Good night, Mike"

He lets go of her, giving her waist a gentle squeeze – a purely friendly one.

"Good night, Brittany"

/

The night is not good, but it could be worse.

It could be so much worse that she hates to think about it. She could share her bed with Mike now, their bodies naked, covered with a layer of sweat, as she would be moving on top of him, rocking faster and harder until she was filled up and felt completely empty at the same time.

She could be fucking him in the very same bed she made love with Santana.

It is not a good night, be it could be so much worse that it's beyond her depth.

/

Morning comes with sunbeam, the distant ache in her chest that is almost too familiar now and a long list of missed calls and text messages.

She almost manages to convince herself that she is okay until she opens Santana's message and reads the word 'baby'. It's tragically beautiful.

But a painful reminder that _nothing_ is okay.

/

She can't force a bite down her throat.

Her hunger dissipates every time she thinks about what she is gonna do. Her hearts starts pounding, head dizzy, nauseous, and her insides twist and churn until she feels sick. She is still not sure she is gonna be able to do it, but she just has to.

When Sugar calls and Brittany opens her mouth to speak, the words taste so foul and bitter on her tongue she almost throws up.

She says she is sorry for leaving without saying goodbye and tries to direct the conversation on Sugar, who gladly shares her experiences. Brittany knows she has to tell about what happened later, but Sugar seems to sense her gloomy mood and lets her off the hook now.

Brittany couldn't be more grateful.

She feels just a tiny bit better when the call cuts off, Sugar's sweet laughter echoing in the background. She tries to find power in the knowledge that Sugar won't judge her when she tells her that she has feelings for Santana. Brittany just knows it. They will stay friends.

She can count on her.

She is not sure about Quinn though and it's a painful revelation.

That's why she ignores her call.

/

Brittany doesn't have it in her to answer Santana.

She probably should, because she gets another message around noon. Santana says that she doesn't want to wake her up, but Brittany should call because she misses her too badly.

Brittany throws the achievement of keeping her eyes dry out of the window and curls up on her bed, clutching the phone to her heart, wishing she didn't have to break Santana's heart today…or _forever_.

/

She did enough thinking, but could it ever be quite _enough_?

She came up with different words; different ways to confess the truth, but not one hurts any less than the others. Excuses and explanations, one more pathetic than the other, she fails every time she attempts to lessen the pain she will cause Santana to feel. She gives up trying to explain why she did what she did and focuses on the future.

When she looks into her mirror one last time before leaving to fight the greatest battle of her life, her reflection stares back into her eyes; a girl, who is ready to give up her pride.

Brittany is ready to give all that it takes.

If she has to, she is ready to beg for a second chance.

/

The walk to Santana's house is long, but still too short to play out every scenario in her head.

She wraps her arms around her torso, her jacket too thin in the windy fall afternoon, and kicks the rocks with her sneakers on the sidewalk as she gets closer to her destination by every timid step. She didn't make a fuss, wearing no make-up and worn-out jeans with a comfy hoodie, but it never took her so long to get ready.

But then again, maybe it was never really possible to get ready for this.

/

The smile she glued on her lips doesn't quite convince Santana's mother who opens the door.

It's just how mothers work, Brittany guesses when she is ushered inside the house.

They just always _know_.

/

"Brittany, maybe it's not my place to ask but you are scaring me. Did something happen, darling?" Mrs. Lopez asks - her deep voice laced with worry - lingering in the hall to give some privacy to Brittany.

Brittany swallows hard, pushing away the urge to hug Mrs. Lopez and burst into hysterical sobs, knowing that she doesn't deserve the older woman's comfort when she is about to break her daughter's heart.

"No…I'm fine, Mrs. Lopez" she says with as much conviction she can muster. She can barely stand the woman's stare when she continues quietly. "I just…need to talk to Santana"

The woman's features soften at the mention of her daughter's name, but the concerned expression is still intact on her face.

"Of course" she nods, then stills for a second, before she inhales deeply. "But if it's about her…you have to know that I've never seen my daughter so happy, so _alive_ when she came home yesterday. I'm not sure I want to know what you did to her…" Her mouth turns into a suggestive smile, and Brittany blushes from the top of her ears. "…but you are magic, honey. You have me sold already. If you ever need someone to talk to about my Santana, I'm here"

Her words touch Brittany, who gives up fighting and wraps her arms around the older woman's torso, enjoying her warmth and the lovely smell of her perfume.

"Thank you" she whispers into her, before pulling away. "I really like her…I've never felt this way before…she is just so amazing to me." The pride shines from the deep brown eyes or Mrs. Lopez and her smile is worth the effort Brittany's admission takes.

"I'm sure she feels the same way about you, honey" she says encouragingly, squeezing Brittany's arm before stepping further into the house.

Brittany follows her into the dining room and muffled noises sneak into her ears, coming from beneath. It's weird, but Mrs. Lopez doesn't seem to care.

"Um, Mrs. Lopez, is Santana's room upstairs?" Brittany asks with a frown.

Santana's mother turns to face her with a disapproving look. "If you ever call me Mrs. Lopez again, I'll kick you out of my house. It's Elena, comprende?" Brittany's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline and she mutters a tiny "yeah" before the woman's lips turn into a satisfied smirk. "To answer your question, she is in the den with the boys"

"The boys?" Brittany asks back in confusion.

"Artie and Sam. I'm sure she mentioned their Sunday afternoon tradition"

"Oh, of course. The noises make sense now." Brittany's lips turn into a soft smile, recalling when Santana told her about their video game contests.

"It's horrible I have to tell you. They used to play here but I exiled them to the den" Elena says smugly. "No more blood and ugly dead bodies in my living room."

Brittany chuckles at her manners, and forgets about the reason she came here for a split second.

It passes though, – too fast for her liking - and her fears find her again, cornering her until she makes a pathetic attempt to escape. "Maybe I should have called…" She trails off, knowing in the bottom of her heart that it's pointless to fight now. She will go through with this even if she dies.

"That's silly. She couldn't have a better surprise. Just go down, honey" Elena encourages her, opening the door to the steps leading to the room beneath them.

Brittany looks at her and tries to draw strength from her warm eyes. They give her the push she needs to take the first step but the power quickly evaporates.

She is pretty sure walking down on these steps is the hardest thing she's ever done in her life…_so far_.

/

As she takes the steps, slowly without rushing, she can make out more and more of the room.

The walls are dark, and she feels so warm, she is pretty sure a fireplace will welcome her with its flames crackling peacefully down there. The stairs are on the side, and she tilts her head to her left, roaming her eyes all over the fresh details that reach her vision.

The noises get louder, gun shots, detonations, screams; they seem to fit her mood quite perfectly.

The difference is that they are playing a game.

Brittany wasn't.

/

When she first lays her eyes on Santana, her heart swells with affection.

The girl is standing in the middle, dressed in overalls, and she somehow manages to be weirdly hot and cute in them at the same time. Her black glasses sit high on the bridge of her small, perfectly formed nose and her hair sways wildly around her head as she pushes the buttons of the controller furiously. She looks adorable.

It's not in Brittany's intention to disturb her.

She would gladly just stand here and watch her play with the boys, both dressed in comfy sweats, like they all shared this home.

But she can't control the way Santana's eyes gravitate towards her.

They lock eyes and Santana lets out a tiny gasp in surprise as she recognizes her visitor, falling completely out of the game. Sam seems to follow up on the opportunity and a loud blast later, he drops his controller and punches himself in the chest.

"Hell yeah" He cheers, eyes glued to the screen in disbelief. "Game over, Lopez"

Brittany chuckles, and even though she is totally 'Team Santana', she _really_ enjoys the blush creeping upon Santana's soft cheeks and the murmured Spanish curses leaving her mouth.

"I got distracted, okay?" She defends herself exasperatedly.

"Lame excuse, girl" Artie teases her, and she rolls her eyes at him dramatically, dropping her controller.

"Sorry to disturb you guys" Brittany apologizes for her out-of-nowhere visit, as she climbs the last steps and walks closer to the group of friends.

Santana shakes her head, raising her eyes on Brittany again. "It's okay" She says shyly, not quite able to cover up the affects Brittany's presence has on her.

It just worsens Brittany's nerves, and she is not sure how long she can bear it without bursting out her confession. She is desperate now, the horrible truth compressing her chest so hard that she can barely breathe.

"Do you think that…um, can we talk? It's kinda important…" She trails off, and doesn't miss the way worry flashes up on Santana's face. She stares at her with bewildered eyes, when Brittany turns to the boys, asking politely. "If you guys don't mind…?"

Artie picks upon the strange shift in the mood, and his face hardens, sensing the trouble, but Sam is his usual oblivious self.

"Nah, it's fine." He shrugs, a confident smirk tugging at his humongous lips. "It was enough of kicking your girl's ass for today. Let's go, bro!" He turns to Artie, who is staring at Brittany with clear, curious eyes and Brittany might as well be paranoid in her emotionally disturbed state but she is pretty sure Artie just sent her a silent warning.

Santana clears her throat awkwardly, cutting off their staring contest and Artie wheels over to hug her.

"See you tomorrow" She shoots him a wild smile, before he lets go to give room for Sam.

"Bye, chica" He says jokingly after kissing Santana's temple.

"God, you're pathetic" Santana shoves him away, but her lips curl into a smile anyway. "Just go" She ushers them away with pointed eyes.

"Bye Britts" Sam throws over his shoulder, following Artie who is wheeling further into the huge room to another exit.

Sam opens the door for Artie and waves back at the pair of them, before they disappear from sight, leaving Brittany alone with Santana, something that should fill her with excitement any other time.

Now it's pure dread she feels inside.

/

"So…um, you wanted to talk?"

Santana asks quietly after second passing in complete silence. Her question rouses Brittany from her reverie, and her heart speeds up when Santana covers the distance between them.

"You're acting all funny" Santana notes carefully, with a frown on her thoughtful face. "Did something happen at the party?" She asks, voice laced with worry - just like her mother's before – and thoughts wandering into a dangerous direction.

The reason is obvious, after Brittany confessed her what happened last Saturday.

"No, no…it was good." She lies, the image of Mike leaning in with his lips flashing up in her mind. She forces it to slip away, releasing a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I didn't call you"

"It's okay." Santana shrugs a little, relief filling her eyes as she takes a step closer, touching Brittany's hands. Her touch would be more than welcomed – craved even – any other time, but even that is ruined by the sense of betrayal. "You're here, so I don't have a right to complain" She says with a soft smile, before leaning in to kiss Brittany.

Her warm breath makes Brittany shudder and she jerks away, receiving the kiss on the corner of her mouth, hating herself when disappointment and hurt cross Santana's features, ruining her gorgeous face.

"Brittany" She searches for her eyes, voice sad and troubled, desperate to get an answer. "What is it?"

It feels so bad to push her away, but this is the only way.

"I…I just…I'm sorry, Santana" Brittany shakes her head, empty of explanations, desperately avoiding Santana's brown eyes that could break her completely. She can't do that here; therefore she musters up her courage to ask. "Could you please take a walk with me?"

She catches Santana nod from the corner of her eye, and feels her thumbs stroke the insides of her palm softly.

Her eyes flutter closed for a split second when she allows herself to enjoy it…one last time.

"Okay…okay, baby" Santana whispers quietly, before brushing her lips softly to Brittany's cheek.

Brittany doesn't know whether the word or the kiss hurts her more inside.

/

She keep her hands in her pockets, curled into fists, nails digging into her flesh to match her inner pain as they walk down the empty road, their steps offering the only sound in the late Ohio afternoon. The Sun started setting behind the rooftops and the colors dancing on the sky stand as a tragically beautiful background to the scene they are about to play out.

Santana's stare is burning the side of her head, but Brittany forces her eyes to stay on her feet, willing her legs not to buckle and give up.

They walk beside each other, so close their jackets brush together once in a while but Brittany's never felt so far away from Santana.

She is in a different world, a miserable world, where the hope for love is lost forever.

She ruined her chance.

But even though she doesn't believe in second chances, by every step she takes, she hopes just a little more to get another one.

/

"Where are we going?" Santana asks a minute or two later, voice anxious as she tries to keep up with Brittany's hurried steps.

"The park" Brittany tells her, speeding up even more, but Santana's fingers wrap around her elbow, forcing her to stop.

"Britt…you're scaring me" Sanata tells her, eyes brimming with tears, desperately trying to figure out what is happening.

She must have no clue.

How could she?

You don't just expect to have your heart broken by the person you first made love to.

"I'm sorry." Brittany releases a deep breath, trying to stop her twirling thoughts. She fails and her desperation drives her to act on her rawest need, and she leans in to lay a hard kiss on Santana's lips. She gaps into the kiss, and tilts her head, pushing her forehead to Santana's temple. "Please, Santana. We are almost there." She pleads with her, and she feels Santana nodding, before she pulls away.

She grabs her hand though - eyes staring at her pointedly - and Brittany lets her.

As always, she seeks comfort in Santana's touch, trying to forget how badly she doesn't deserve it.

/

Sitting on the wooden bench, shielded away from the others in a circle of trees, she wonders why she rushed so desperately.

It didn't get easier.

If anything, it is harder, to sit here in silence, with Santana beside her, listening how the light breeze is stirring up the fallen leaves. It is peaceful and quiet in the worst way. It feel like the lull before the storm. Brittany feels like dark clouds are gathering above her head and the wind is whistling to warn her that the storm is brewing.

She doesn't need a warning.

She knows exactly how the sky is going to fall down on them the moment she starts speaking, the truth crashing down and leaving their hearts shattered into pieces.

Santana's breathing is a lullaby to her ears, but the soft, soothing sounds are subdued by the turmoil inside Brittany, heart hammering, thought twirling, emotions demanding to escape. It takes a tender, barely there caress of Santana's thumb for her to realize that Santana still didn't let go. The bizarre bubble around her blows out and she becomes aware of Santana's presence, skin tingling under the girl's soft fingertips, cheeks flushing under her stare.

Santana is warm, patient, and caring, everything Brittany _needs_ her to be and doesn't _bear_ her to be.

The words Brittany came up with, practiced and clang to as her safety net drifted from her mind, leaving her completely empty. Nothing but the plain truth remained. There is no coating, nothing that would lessen the pain the sharp, stabbing truth would bring.

But it has to come out.

There is no turning back now. If she ever wants to have a chance with Santana, the moment of truth is now.

It takes a tremendous effort to force her eyes away from the ground and look up at Santana, unnerved by the care she finds in the bottom of those widened, dark eyes. Apprehension is written all over Santana's expression, but she doesn't seem to be fearful for herself, her worries are fully directed on Brittany. She is so selfless and so innocent. Brittany wishes Santana would just see into her and sense what is coming, to somehow prepare for the worst.

But Santana trusts her, with all her heart.

The one thing Brittany fought so hard for is what makes this the most painful thing she's ever done.

A shaky inhale of breath and a flicker of her eyes later, Brittany is as ready as she could ever be - not ready at all. But she opens her mouth anyway, unable to keep the truth inside. "Santana…." She breathes out, surprised how calm and solemn her voice sounds. "I need to tell you something" She says evenly, suddenly feeling like she's never been more aware of her surroundings, yet like her mind parted from her body, watching herself from the outside.

"You can tell me anything" Santana squeezes her hand and Brittany drops her gaze on it for a second, the beautiful sight of their contrasting skins ruined by the overwhelming sense of wrong in her.

The touch burns her and she gently places Santana's hand on the girl's knee, causing a hurt frown to creep upon her forehead.

"Please" Brittany whispers to her, shaking her head, physically incapable of bearing such level of intimacy. "I can't…just promise me that you will hear me out." She begs Santana, voice cracking for the first time, her hope that she would survive this without tears gone long ago. "Promise me, please"

The seconds Santana takes, staring right into her soul are the longest seconds she's ever survived.

"I promise" Santana whispers quietly, features hardening as the recognition dawns on her. She senses how crucial this moment is and waits for Brittany to take the first step, the hardest step on the way.

A lot goes unsaid between them; silent begs, wishes and promises find each other.

_Please believe me! Please forgive me! Please don't hate me!_

_Please…love me!_

Brittany's eyes bore into Santana wish the deepest wish she's ever held in her heart.

She holds it just one last second before she lets go.

"I did something stupid" She starts out and Santana winces quietly at her choice of words. "Two weeks ago…there was this football game. We had a halftime show with the Cheerios…it was really important for me 'cause -" She cuts off, trying to recall every detail, her thoughts fighting a bottle inside her head. "Anyway, there was a party the week before…my parents weren't home and the guys crashed in and it got out of hand." She shakes her head, wishing to turn back time "Stuff happened and…we got drunk and played a game - it all seems so stupid now" Her face screws up in pain as she watches Santana making a desperate attempt to follow her train of thought.

"What happened, Britt?" She asks in a hushed whisper, eyes wide with worries, agitated, Brittany's turmoil affecting her profoundly.

"I made a bet" Brittany gasps out as the first tears sting in the corners of her eyes.

Santana's expression darkens, and Brittany ducks her chin, yielding under her gaze.

"A bet?" Santana asks with a frown, her confusion bordering painful.

"It was…I wasn't thinking and I thought I would win" Brittany rushes out, the excuse the most pathetic she could come up with "I always win, Santana" she lets out a whimper, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"What was the bet about, Brittany?" Santana asks, voice low, the last syllables lingering on her tongue like she senses the answer is the last thing she wants to ever hear in her life.

"The game" Brittany chokes out, wiping her cheeks desperately. "If the boys lost, Noah would've had to join Glee club and serenade Quinn." She almost rolls her eyes, because it is all so stupid, so incredibly stupid and wrong now. "And if they won…I would…" She trails off, releasing a tearful breath, heart compressed from the weight of the truth crashing down at last.

"What?"

"I would've had to sleep with you"

The words leave her like the last breath of a dying soldier, stabbed, defeated, bleeding on the battleground.

She watches the words register in Santana's mind, the instant disbelief turning into denial, then desperation when Brittany doesn't come to her help. Santana falls too, lips parting from the shock, eyes losing their focus, glassy with unshed tears, and she sits beside Brittany, frozen by the ice cold knife stabbing right into her heart.

"No" She whispers shakily, barely a sound leaving her mouth, chin trembling as she stares into Brittany's eyes, begging her to revoke her words.

Her face contorts when Brittany shakes her head, choking out her apology. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Santana"

The words linger in the heavy air, filled with the rotten smell of betrayal. Santana refuses to accept them. She shakes her head bitterly, tears sliding down her beautiful cheeks, a haunted angel staring back at Brittany.

"I can't believe this is happening" She whispers in utter dejection.

Brittany chokes out a sob, shoulders shaking from the force of it. She turns towards Santana, opening herself up in a way she's never before. This is the only chance she has.

"Please…you promised you would hear me out -"

"I don't want to" Santana cuts her off, a spasm of anger crossing her face. It quickly turns into something deeper, piercing into her bones and turning her whole world upside down. "God, I should have known this would happen…a part of me did, but I got over my fears for you" She spits, shaking her head bitterly.

Her words tackle Brittany like a wave of the ocean, further damaging the remaining pieces of her heart.

The knowledge that Santana never believed her completely is unbearable. A punishment she is not ready to take.

"Please don't say that. Everything I feel for you is real, you have to believe me" She begs Santana, coming to life for one last combat, ready to fight until it is truly over.

"I believed you. I trusted you…." Santana chokes out, the grimace ruining her gorgeous face deepening with every syllable she squeezes out of her collapsed chest. "I wish I didn't" The words erupt from her, full of disdain and menace, fabricated, serving one and only purpose…_to hurt Brittany back_.

"Please, baby" Brittany reaches out take her hand, her touch being the only weapon she can count on.

"Don't" Santana flinches away from her, like she is afraid to be burnt by Brittany, afraid to bear the marks of her fingertips on her skin, reminding her forever of the night they shared together.

Brittany is nothing without her touch, depraved of the connection she so desperately needs with Santana. She's never been a person of words, but she has no other choice than to expose herself and the complete truth that lies within her heart.

"I gave up when I first kissed you…I gave up, you have to know that" She shakes her head, the course of events suddenly so clear like never before.

It was that moment, in her room when she felt it for the first time. She tried to deny it, to fight it, but it was _that_ moment she gave up. Her words - meant to be comforting - don't find Santana the way she hoped they would. They seem to make her suffer worse.

They seem to trigger a thought to emerge to the surface in Santana's mind, the heaviest burden to any kind of future in their relationship.

"But you wouldn't if…do you have any idea how it makes me feel to know that nothing would have happened between us if it wasn't for that bet?"

Her question hangs in the air, the words slowly sinking it.

Brittany's eyes flutter closed for a split second, heart aching from the shrill truth behind Santana's words as she gasps out, catching her breath that left her body in the moment of confrontation.

"It was a mistake and I'd do anything Santana…anything to prove that what I feel for you is real" She says with the last efforts inside her broken body.

Santana stares at her, hurt and betrayal tainting her expression and she refuses to hear her out. She promised she would, but why would she?

How could she?

"Nobody's ever hurt me like you did" She whispers, motionless for a second before she swiftly stands up, liberating her body from the burden of sitting still - beside the sole person who just broke her heart.

"Santana" Brittany chokes out, rising to face her, to somehow bear her to stay, but Santana takes a step away from her, head shaking in a sudden rush of panic. She looks like a caged animal trying to escape.

"I have to go…I can't – I can't be around you now" She whispers to Brittany, eyes black like the darkest night, full of regrets, blames, doubts and fears, all planted inside her by Brittany. "You hurt me too much" Her soft words linger in the air as they stare at each other, an invisible wall Brittany is not sure she could ever tear down parting them.

"Santana" She breathes out again, ready to reach out, to touch Santana, to stop her, to bear her to stay…somehow.

But she has no right.

"Goodbye, Brittany" Santana whispers in a breath, Brittany's name soft and broken on her tongue.

Every moment of their relationship replays in Brittany's mind through the last moment they share in silence.

When it's gone, Santana turns on her heels and walks away from her, steps hurried and clumsy, shoulders shaking from the sobs erupting from her very core, her beautiful dark locks swaying in the wind that can't quite match the force of the storm Brittany feels rushing over her on the inside.

It's a tornado that rips her heart out of her chest, leaving her to bleed out as she falls on her knees, hitting the ground, left behind by the only person she's ever felt she could fall in love with.

The only person who could ever heal her heart again.

* * *

**_Thank you so much for reading!  
_**

**_I truly think this is one of the finest chapters I've ever written. I did a lot of thinking before writing it, but a particular part still came out wrong at my first try. Tell me if you're interested what I changed. Tell me or ask me anything! _**

**_You know where to find me. _**


	12. Valentine's Day Special Edition

**My gift for all my past, present and future readers.  
**

******Happy Valentine's Day!**

******* emmanuelle-s . tumblr. com ***

* * *

Their lips separate – a smacking sound in the silence - when she reaches down to wrap her fingers around Santana, a habit she grew early on when Santana was reversed in their intimacy, reluctant to act before Brittany told her to, before her _body_ told her to, back arching, thighs trembling, parted lips panting out her only wish between uncontrolled moans of sensuality– _to be filled with her lover_.

Foreheads, bathed in sweat, claiming the other by their scents slide against each other until their noses meet, hot breaths mingling as Brittany's hand settles on the very skin she wetted with her saliva mere minutes ago as part of their foreplay that was the most intense since she remembers, prolonged until they border on bursting up from the deepest ache inside them now, her clit pulsating the exact same way as the vein on Santana's cock, both swelled with so much blood their minds get taken hostage by pleasure , losing control over the machines their bodies stand for, both of them slowly casting off their hindrances and acting on pure desire.

Her eyes open, an effort Brittany is willing to make to see Santana's face when she whispers "I love you". Santana's eyelashes flutter delicately like the wings of a butterfly and it is the only indication she heard her, until Brittany feels a kiss of the softest kind brushed to the burning skin of her cheek.

"I love you too" Santana whispers the moment her eyes snap open, in the deepest shades of brown and _so_ deeply filled with love that it almost hurts Brittany with the best kind of pain in this world.

It's the pain of her mind struggling to believe that this is true…Santana is in love with her.

They are _so_ in love with each other.

She wouldn't look away for anything when her left hand gently presses down on the low of Santana's back, urging her on to close the distance between their bodies while her right moves down on her girlfriend's penis, thumb gently brushing to the underside, eliciting a sharp intake of breath as Santana leans closer on instinct, their breasts squashing together until Brittany can't distinct the beating of their hearts, both so fast, yet so _heavy_ with the only content of their owners' heart, true love.

Her fingers squeeze around the base of the inches of beautiful dark flesh added to Santana's body by God - or whatever deity created this amazing person Brittany can call her _mate _- and it's the moment Santana lets go, ending her mission to work Brittany up until she doesn't know her own name, a mess of a human being only capable of begging to be filled, to be _fucked _in a way only Santana is able to fuck her, in a way that it turns from being a shame of a word to something sacred and spiritual, the purest connection existing between two souls.

Santana is always behind her, teasing, kissing, caressing, worshipping Brittany's body for the sake of bringing her to the sheerest pleasure, lasting 'till Brittany begs her to give in, to let go and just _be_ with her.

When Santana's hips follow Brittany's hand that slides down on her penis, settling around the head as her thumb brushes to _their_ favorite spot that never fails to make Santana jerk into her as pleasure courses through her body, she knows Santana gave in – to Brittany's need for her body and her own need for Brittany, to be inside her, uniting them forever.

Brittany guides Santana's cock to her opening, coated in wetness – richly dripping arousal and Santana's saliva that her nurturing tongue left – and everything stills for a moment.

It's the moment when Brittany feels the forces of _push_ and _pull_, their bodies - though motionless - gravitating towards each other, putting up a restless fight until they become one.

She swears she can see right into Santana's soul in that moment and witness the most profound feeling a human being can feel for another.

_A feeling that is for her and only her in the world._

She never really knows how the moment drifts into their past, their shared history that she counts the days of but it always does. She doesn't mind it, not at all, because the moments taking its place are the most special a person can possibly experience in their lives.

Brittany was blessed to find her mate and experience these moments together so many times since they fell in love with each other.

When Santana's flesh finds hers, the tip of her cock pressing to the warmest, wettest part of Brittany, they moan into each other, and the craving takes over, heads tilting until their lips attach again, wet tongues meeting in the middle to start the most sensual dance as Santana slides into Brittany's hand, her cock first embraced by fingers before it gets encompassed by tight muscles, squeezing and stretching until Brittany has to pull away to take a deep breath, handling the initial pain, a small discomfort she would brush off as _nothing_ if Santana didn't open her eyes – every time – to stare into hers, making sure that she is okay, showing Brittany that her well-being means _everything_.

The look in Santana's eyes says sorry.

"_I'm sorry it hurts you to be with me" _

It's the best pain Brittany's ever felt, because it's the distinction between a dream and reality.

She loves to feel Santana so much – almost _too_ much – inside her, to feel that Santana is forming her, shaping her body like she shaped her as a person. The ways she changed her couldn't be described with words, at least, Brittany wouldn't know how to.

She's never been good with words.

This time she doesn't need many though. The only words she can think of are imprinted on her mind, never to be erased, never to be faded into oblivion, never to be forgotten…

…never to not be _felt_ with every beat of her heart.

"I love you, Santana"

Santana moves into her slowly until they become one, filling her in the perfect way, and Brittany holds her breath until they both still for a split second, a split second that is enough for Santana to give her everything and the only thing she never knew she truly needed.

"I love you, Brittany"

* * *

**You have to hope they make it and this is how they spend their first Valentine's Day together!**

**This is how I imagine it and I wanted to share with you all as a special gift for today. This is not part of the fic, merely an insight as to how their future could turn out. This is a possibility. When I post the next chapter, I'm gonna take this one down, but I hope you'll remember.**

**I hope you believe in them. **

**I hope you all believe in love.  
**


	13. Helping hands

_**Dear readers!**_

_**I hope everyone read my gift for Valentine's, because I took it down. If you didn't, visit the fanfiction page of my tumblr!**_

_**So here begins the middle part of this story. **_

_**A lot of people told me how hard it is to read angst these times when Brittany and Santana are screwed over on the show, but the end will be much more rewarding if you stick by, I can tell you. If you decide not to read the story and wait for better times, visit my tumblr where I offer hints about where I'm heading with this story and what happens in the next chapters. **_

_**Enjoy the chapter and please review! I can't press enough how much it means to me to hear back from you. I love feedback!**_

_**For questions, background info and sneak peeks, visit me on my tumblr!**_

_**Update: Apparently I couldn't take down the Valentine's chapter, 'cause as it seems, fate has laid a hand. Enjoy! **_

*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***

* * *

**Helping hands**

She lost her sense of time.

She lost count of the seconds passed since Santana left her, the tears that left her eyes, the breathes that fell from her lips, the whispers that rolled from her tongue and pleads that stuck in her throat.

Hands wrapped around her torso, loosely as strength left her body the moment she fell on her knees, she embraces herself to keep the shattered pieces of her heart in her chest, somehow, as she stares into space, eyes unblinking, glued to the sole spot where she last saw Santana before her small, broken form faded into the scene, disappearing behind the old white oaks of the park.

Brittany is numb, letting the teardrops slide down on her cheeks and drop on her upper lip, then quiver as she whimpers, before she sucks them in, the salty water soothing the dryness of her throat as she swallows them, only to begin the process yet again, fresh tears stinging in her blue eyes before they escape, following the paths set for them on her burning cheeks.

Though it hurts, she doesn't close her eyes, not for a split second it would take to blink, because she is afraid she would lose the shade, the silhouettes of Santana that her mind defies to get rid of – the shadow like a haunting ghost of an angel whose wings she's broken.

She is afraid it would be over the moment she loses the vision.

All hope would disappear, leaving her with nothing but despair, the dreaded state of depression that started to creep on her back days ago. It would suck her in instantly. She is too fragile to fight it.

The vision keeps her from defeat, safeguarding her lucidity.

As she gazes into the darkness that slowly settles around her, a whispering breeze sweeps through the air, catching the fallen leaves from the ground only to drop them again, the never-breaking cycle helping her mind maintain the state of complete avoidance. For a long time, nothing occurs to shake her out of the stupor. She envisions the figure slowly turning back to face her, the faint features of Santana's face appearing more clearly by every step she takes towards Brittany, coming back to her.

But she never arrives.

The illusion winds up before Brittany can reach out to touch her, to hope that the shadow of Santana comes alive under the pads of her fingers, because vibration shocks her body, forcing her out of the frozen posture, eyes blinking unintentionally, breath hitching as she hastily opens up to see nothing but darkness in front of her.

Empty darkness, missing the sole source of false hope she held onto.

There's nothing but the contours of white oaks, standing strong and rising high into the darkening sky where stars come up to shine brightly as the night slowly surmounts the day.

She loses it, completely and irrevocably, every attempt to reclaim the illusion destined to fail. The vibration never stops, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her back into the harsh reality, mercilessly until she feels alive, _too_ alive as pain descends upon her again. She gives up regaining the vision that kept her in fond delusion and faces the brutal truth.

Santana left her.

Self-deceit is pointless, because this is the savage fact of life she has to come in terms with, later though, because she is too frail now, fragile, lacking the strength to bear the heaviness of it all.

Her phone keeps vibrating and the unrealistic hate she suddenly feels for the person calling is a salutary distraction. It takes a tremendous effort to reach for the item that popped her bubble, pushing her mind out of its safety heaven, and duck her head to see who it is, who the person she can direct her blame on is.

It's Quinn.

She wishes it wouldn't be. If there is one person she could never truly hate, it's her best friend. But it's foolish to think she could feel such extreme dislike towards anyone, hatred being a rare composition of human emotions she doesn't see herself ever directing on others, however warranted it would be.

Quinn is trying to reach her desperately, one call going to voicemail before another starts, the phone vibrating as it rests on her palm.

She is staring at the screen, where a picture of her with Quinn taken before last year's junior prom flashes up, reminding her of the old times when she felt like she ruled life, having everything that she needed, captaincy of the cheerleaders, friends, popularity and every boy wrapped around her finger, fighting to have her on their arms for the night – and have her in their beds when it was over, claiming the biggest trophy of McKinley High. How shallow and stupid she was, it hurts to think about it. The picture makes something inside Brittany snap, triggering a reaction that surprises even her. When the phone's screen flares up with the fourth call, it only takes a fleeting moment of second-guessing before her thumb touches the screen and ends it.

It doesn't make her feel bad, which is strange and kind of unsettling since she just dismissed her best friend. Maybe her heart is so full of guilt already that it's not able to take more. The last two days were a rollercoaster of emotions and she shoot off the scale many times, her heart swelling with more emotions she could bear.

She was overwhelmed with affection and care for Santana when they had sex, and now she feels a similar emotional extreme, only it doesn't send her flying up in heaven - it sends her down to hell.

The pain is so severe she thinks she might be bleeding internally, but she has to embrace it, because she deserves the punishment. This is life's punishment for her mistake – fate has laid a hand and she has fallen for her victim. Now she has to bear the consequential effects of her misguided actions. The fear that she'd lose Santana kept her from coming out with truth and now it all gets back to her.

She lost her anyway.

It was so silly to hope that she wouldn't, but she had to lean on _something_.

Brittany doesn't have anything to cling to anymore. Santana stole the only source of light in the darkness as she walked away, steps gathering speed as her need to escape from Brittany rose until she was full on running into the woods, the limbs carrying her disjointed, her movement lacking smoothness and grace as she tried to distance herself as fast as she could, her struggle aggravated by the sobs that shook her small body in waves.

It's a daunting memory Brittany is sure she will never forget. She will never forget that she broke Santana's heart and it'd be pointless to even try the impossible. This time, she surrenders to the impossibility she every so often insists on denying the existence of, and cuts off the series of her disastrous endeavors to pretend that Santana would come back and forgive her.

Acceptance is hard, but she takes the first small step into its direction as she stands up.

/

Somewhere on the way her tears stopped flowing, leaving her eyes dry and burning, cheeks smeared as she wiped the last ones off with trembling hands.

The crispy coldness piercing under her thin jacket fits the way she feels inside, empty and dulled by the straining act of crying that didn't seem to end forever. Somewhere on the way home, it did, but she doesn't feel better. If anything, she feels worse when her vision sharpens and she realizes where her feet are taking her, her body moving mechanically until it hits her.

Life is playing a sick game with her, she thinks bitterly, stopping in the middle of the street where Santana lives on.

But it couldn't be by chance that she came here.

It doesn't take a genius to find out why she did. As she discovered in recently, comprehension comes easily after a bit of self-reflection.

/

When she stood up from the ground, she contemplated a list of actions as to how to restart her life.

The strongest urge possessed her and she was a second away from calling Santana, wanting nothing else than to make sure she was safe and knew how sorry Brittany was. Denying it took the remaining strength from Brittany's body and it was terribly hard to walk away from the scene.

As it seems, the thought lingered and controlled her body without her consent.

She didn't want to come here, because it only reminds her of the afternoon she walked Santana home and the evening she came here to pick her up before their first date.

It seems such a long time passed since. So many things happened that Brittany couldn't even start processing them, every memory too raw and emotionally exacting to be possibly grasped and consumed so soon. It makes her heart ache to stand here and stare at the house Santana lives in, the white of the walls and the street lights helping her to make out the details better - but she came here anyway and this time she can't get rid of the noise in her head persuading her to call Santana.

She doesn't have anything to lose now.

There is no way she could possibly make this worse.

Spotting a bench opposite to the house, in a distance she deems respectful, she settles down and pulls her knees up to her chest as she releases a deep sigh. Thinking that it would be easier if she just did it, like tearing off a bandage covering an aching wound, she scrolls down on her phone until she finds Santana's name and sucks in a sharp breath when she pushes the phone to her ear.

It's excruciating to listen to the sounds and just wait, without any control over what happens on the other side.

Brittany's breath hitches when it stops, signaling the call is taken, and her eyes widen as she desperately tries to focus and make out the hushed whispers in the background.

Her face heats up in a mix of anger, disappointment and embarrassment when a voice that's not Santana's – a voice that Brittany didn't want to hear invades her ear.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to call, Brittany" Rachel scolds her, spitting out Brittany's name with a disdain that takes Brittany aback, a side of the girl showing itself that she's never considered to be existing before.

Of course, she would hate her, it's a natural reaction. Santana's friends all would.

But it doesn't stop her from trying to beg her not to. "Rachel, I -"

"Don't!" Rachel cuts her off, voice stern and merciless. "I don't care what you have to say for yourself. I'm sure it's just a dumb excuse anyway" She says menacingly and it shoots a jolt of pain right into Brittany's heart.

Rachel is mean, but she has a strong reason to be.

It's pointless to make an attempt to explain, to apologize, to try convincing Rachel that she's never meant for this to happen, because she would deny Brittany the chance. Brittany lets go of her hope to gain Rachel's forgiveness and focuses on the purpose she made the call on.

"I just wanted to make sure Santana is okay" She says dejectedly, but her voice is defensive in a pitiable manner.

This idea seems so ridiculous now and she regrets it wholeheartedly.

"You broke her heart." Rachel says through gritted teeth, emphasizing every word of the painful sentence, before she exhales through her nostrils hardly into the phone. "Do you have any idea how that feels?"

The question stuns Brittany, who wants to say yes, but the answer gets stuck in her throat. Maybe it's for the fact that she doesn't actually know. She has no idea how Santana must feel now, and she would go crazy if she thought too hard about it.

"I'm sorry" She utters the first and _only_ thing that comes in her mind.

"You should be." Rachel says boldly, in total resistance to sugarcoat the harsh reality. "You know what? The only good thing you can do here is to stay away from her, do you understand?" It's more of threat than a question and Brittany subtly shakes her head in irritation.

Rachel can hate her all she wants, but she doesn't have the right to tell her what to do. She doesn't have the right to keep her away from Santana.

"But I just want to apologize" She insists, voice rising to match Rachel's sturdiness.

Her words come out to be more of hysterical and she closes her eyes to calm her nerves.

"You've done enough here, Brittany" Rachel delivers the finishing stroke, and it's so painful that frustrated tears squeeze out of Brittany's eyes.

"Please" She whimpers in panic, making a last desperate attempt to fight Rachel before she cuts off the call, Brittany's only possible source of connection to Santana.

Rachel doesn't get to answer though, and muffled sounds invade Brittany's hearing, making her momentarily forget about her misery and causing her eyes to widen as a brawl plays out between Rachel and someone who seems to put up a decent fight.

'Someone' turns out to be Kurt, whose voice has never sounded more dramatic as he demands _"Rachel, give me the phone!" _

"What? No, she doesn't deserve to-"

"_Enough, Rachel Berry! You don't get to play the mighty judge here. Give it to me!"_ Kurt squeals, and an exasperated sigh later, Rachel surrenders.

"Fine"

"Hey, Britt, it's Kurt here" Kurt takes over the phone, voice gentle and slightly embarrassed that makes Brittany's lips turn into a brief smile.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry" she utters quietly, sniffing to pull herself together, stopping the flow of tears.

"_Don't be too nice to her!" _Rachel cuts in from the background in a shrill voice and Brittany wonders if she would ever redeem herself in the girl's eyes. Unfortunately though, it's not the most pressing thing on her mind.

"Rachel, leave the room now, else I'll make you!" Kurt threatens Rachel, whose answer is equally theatrical.

"_Kurt Hummel, you'll pay for this" _

"Now!"

"_I'm going!"_ Rachel yells hysterically, before she shuts the door with a bang.

"Thank God, she's gone." Kurt sighs dramatically. "I'm sorry, Brittany, she just tends to be overprotective and well, jump on every opportunity to play out her weird Showtime lesbian drama fantasies."

"It's okay. She is right, I guess…" Brittany mutters. "I don't deserve to talk to San, but I had to try."

"You'll talk. I'm sure she'll come around." Kurt's response swells Brittany's heart but her anxiety over Santana's state quickly dissipates the momentary nice feeling.

"How is she?"

"Ugh, she is a mess." Kurt admits, voice suddenly strained that scares Brittany. "But judging from your voice, you can't be much better."

It's surprising that Kurt cares for her welfare too, almost surreal after Rachel's reaction.

"I feel _so_ bad, Kurt. Like my heart's been ripped off my chest and my soul's been swallowed by a dementor." Brittany says, appreciating the relief of sharing how she feels with someone before the rush of guilt washes over her again. "But I know I did this to myself. I'm just – I'm so sorry that I did this to her. I totally broke her heart, didn't I?"

"I won't lie, you really hurt her." Kurt sighs, uttering the words she dreaded to hear.

Though she didn't expect differently, it still hurts like hell to know that she caused Santana so much pain.

"Can you just tell her that…I really am sorry for everything?" She asks tearfully.

"No"

"Kurt, please!" She begs, a whimpers cracking her voice.

"No, Brittany, it's not my place" Kurt explains. "When the time is right, you will tell her yourself. Just give her some space now, can you do that?"

Brittany swallows hard, calming herself as she tries to believe that she will have a chance in the future to tell Santana how she feels. "I'll try. It's just – it's so hard. I can't imagine my life without her now"

"You don't have to. She is here, but she needs to process what happened. You just need to wait until she figures it out" Kurt says with a smile in his voice and it turns Brittany in a new direction, piquing her curiosity.

"Why are you so nice to me, Kurt? You should be on her side like everybody else" She shrugs sadly as she tells him.

"There are no sides here, sweetie." Kurt tells her like it's the most obvious thing, but she fails to grasp the meaning of his words.

"But she'll be mad if she gets to know you talked to me"

"So what? I can live with that. I'm doing this for her, too. I'm on your side; I cheer for Brittany and Santana." His words make her smile - _really_ smile for the first time since Friday night as she gets what he means finally.

There're only the sides of Santana with her and without her, and there is at least one person who is in for them. It brings her a slim slice of happiness.

"You'd totally make a good Cheerio" she smiles softly into the phone.

"Well, thanks for the…weirdest compliment I've ever gotten." He chuckles awkwardly. "But I think it's time for me to go before Santana notices Rachel stole her phone. I'm _so_ not in the mood for that fight."

The sentence makes a strange thought creep upon Brittany and she can't stop herself as her curiosity wins over.

"Kurt, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"Has there ever been something between them? I mean – Rachel was her first kiss." She says timidly, the thought that Santana might have ever felt something for Rachel hideous as it rolls from her tongue.

"Oh, dear, that was the silliest thing." Kurt groans, before his voice turns serious. "Can't you see though? There's only ever been one girl for Santana since she came here"

Brittany blushes, realizing that he is talking about her. It feels nice to know that she's been the only one out there for Santana, though it doesn't help her case now.

"Oh, okay, thanks!"

"Anytime…" Kurt chuckles. "It was nice talking to you, Britt. But I'm afraid I really have to go now."

"You're the best person, Kurt."

"Oh, that's nonsense!"

"It's true. I wish I could be like you…" Brittany trails off sadly.

"You are. You just make mistakes – that doesn't make you a bad person. That makes you a human" Kurt explains.

"You just say that to make me happy…" She smiles into the phone, wishing she could hug him now. "But I'll take it."

"Oh, you better!"

"Thank you, again, Kurt, for everything!" She says gratefully.

"You're welcome, dear."

"And Kurt?"

"Yes, Britt?"

"You should make a move on Blaine. He totally has the hots for you…" She teases him, a smirk crossing her face.

"Oh, well, I don't know about that. I suck so badly when it comes to _my_ love life" he lets out an irritated sigh.

"I could help you. I mean obviously I totally screwed up just now, but I'm here if you need advice" Brittany shrugs.

"I'll definitely get back to you on that." He promises then takes a second before asking "Are you gonna be fine, Brittany?"

Brittany takes a moment to contemplate, and her gaze gravitates towards the house she wanted to avoid so badly before. It doesn't make her burst into sobs, a proof that she is slowly recovering. "Yeah, I think so. I'm much better now" she says softly.

She just has the feeling Kurt wouldn't leave if she told him else and this feeling makes her heart ache just a tiny bit less.

"Good. I'll see you later. Bye, Britt!"

"Bye, Kurt!"

/

She only stops for a few seconds in front of Santana's house.

Staring up to the first floor, she catches dark figures moving behind the curtain, their shadows reflecting on the fabric and she wonders what they might be doing.

What they might possibly do to make Santana feel better?

Brittany only knows a few ways to make someone feel better, things she does with her mouth or her hands, but she really doesn't want to imagine Kurt or Rachel doing that stuff with Santana. Brittany is jealous enough already, though it's irrational to wish she could be the one up there with Santana, comforting her in her time of need.

She is probably the last person Santana wants in her room and this thought is enough to send Brittany on her way. Catching a last glance at the house, she turns on her heels to finally head home in the chilly Lima evening.

/

It is probably the last person Brittany expects to see waiting for her at home.

Her mind is too scattered, eyes too glassy and unfocused to notice the familiar figure sitting in the dark, before Quinn actually stands up to face her when she walks up the steps leading to the porch. Her breath hitches, body tensing from the momentary shock.

They stare at each other in silence and it's the weirdest thing, looking at the person who's been your best friend for years and not recognizing the person who is looking right back at you. It's the Quinn from the party - though sober, she looks the same, like something has happened to her that affected her whole existence.

Strangely though, Brittany doesn't find the strength in herself to care.

She does, deep down in her heart, but she is also afraid for find out what caused Quinn to pay her a visit.

"I called you" Quinn finally cuts into the silence, voice hurt and condemning as her hazel eyes gleam with unshed tears.

"I know" Brittany nods, regret creeping upon her as a frown appears on Quinn's forehead, ruining the smoothness of her porcelain skin.

"Why didn't you take it?" Quinn's voice cracks at the end of the question and she blinks away for a second as a tear escapes from the corner of her eye.

She's always been too proud to cry in front of others.

"I can't-" Brittany shakes her head, feeling defeated by the events that took place today. "I'm sorry, but I can't deal with you right now, Quinn"

"Brittany"

"I just – I had the worst day of my life, okay? So whatever you have to say, let's just get it over with" She tells her, arms sneaking around her torso as she braces herself from the hurtful things she expects to be directed on her like last night.

She is not sure she would take them today, and it brings her both relief and dread when Quinn takes a deep breath.

"Can't we just go inside, please?

/

Of course she couldn't deny Quinn's request.

They are now settled at the kitchen island, sipping on the tea Quinn's made for them, the hot drink offering a nice distraction from the heavy, uncomfortable silence. There is a certain kind of tension between them that is hard to handle. Brittany can't put her finger on it, but she feels like the thin bubble around them will soon burst and not without consequences. It's a misgiving she can't get rid of since the party.

Maybe it's for the better.

Maybe it's time to get this over with, whatever it is.

"So…" Brittany raises an eyebrow, making a lame attempt to start the conversation they both seem to want to avoid and desperately have at the same time. "Will you tell me why you came here?"

She glances at Quinn whose blood drains from her face completely, and she averts Brittany's eyes when she sets her cup on the marble counter. Brittany watches a million emotions crossing Quinn's face as she gulps, then licks her bottom lip nervously. She is pretty sure she's never seen her best friend acting so oddly.

"I want to apologize" Quinn finally falters out, winning over her reluctance and Brittany is stunned by her words.

This is not something she expected, and she doesn't dare to believe she heard it right.

"Really?"

"Yes…I was so – I was such a bad friend these last weeks, but I hope you can forgive me…'cause the thing is, Britt, I really need my best friend now" She chokes up, begging her with her eyes.

"Quinn" Brittany frowns, taken aback by the outburst of emotions.

"Please forgive me" Quinn tells her again, leaning closer to her.

"Of course I forgive you." Brittany shakes her head, alerted by her friend's state. "What is it, honey?"

"I can't-" Quinn shakes her head, face screwing up in pain.

It's scary and Brittany grabs her hand in a desperate attempt to calm her down. "Shh, it's okay…" Her words make a sob erupt from Quinn's throat and Brittany slides from her stool to wrap her arms around her, stroking her silky blonde hair as Quinn sobs into her chest. She waits until Quinn lets it out before pulling away to stare into her glassy eyes. "You can tell me anything."

Quinn releases a wavering breath, before she nods timidly. She musters up the strength and Brittany gives her shoulder a supporting squeeze.

This is the moment of truth and Brittany wonders how this regular lazy Sunday turned out to be the day of confessions, a day that would change her life.

When Quinn finally seems to be ready, Brittany steadies her eyes on her best friend's face, tear-stained and broken, as she whispers. "Three weeks ago my parents went to - me and Noah - the condom broke and I was late for sixteen days" She chokes up, chin trembling as she utters the dreaded words. "I thought I was pregnant"

The air leaves Brittany's lungs from the shock and her hand freezes on top of Quinn's, blood pulsating in her ears as her brain tries to process what she heard.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asks in a hushed whisper, the first thing that comes into her mind.

Quinn's gaze quivers, then she blinks away, shaking her head in what seems like bitterness and self-loath.

"I thought you'd judge me. I thought I would lose you like everybody else apart from him…" She whispers, eyes closing as she breathes out the last syllables.

"Quinn" Brittany frowns in confusion.

She doesn't know why her best friend would ever think she would leave her. She doesn't know how to handle that. She just stares at the broken person in front of her and tries to comprehend everything.

Quinn could have gotten pregnant and she lived with this for days, for more than two weeks. Brittany can't even begin to imagine how it must have felt.

"I was so afraid. I'm so sorry, Britt" Quinn says tearfully, rousing her from the stupor and she gently shakes her head, rejecting her apology.

"It's okay" she says, stroking the back of Quinn's hand. "You're okay now. You don't have to apologize!"

"I do!" Quinn insists, jumping from her stool all of a sudden to turn her back to Brittany, walking to the window that gives a stunning view to the starry sky, a beautiful contrast of nature outside to the scene playing out inside. "Don't you see how horrible I was?" She tilts her head to look back at her, eyes narrowed in pain, the most beautiful profile Brittany's ever seen…appearing so broken and hopeless. "I wanted to - God, a part of me wished you'd fail at the bet and be an outsider with me" Quinn's voice cracks miserably as she delivers the punch right into Brittany's chest.

Tackled by the confession, Brittany has to steady herself by her hand on the kitchen island.

Such honesty is rare in life and she has a hard time processing it. The tension in the room is unbearable as Brittany is trying to deal with the fact that Quinn was afraid she would be an outsider if the news of her pregnancy got out, pushing her from the top of the social ladder and she wanted Brittany to screw up to fall with her into the mud.

"Wow" she chokes out after a minute passed in complete silence.

"I'm such a bad person." Quinn gaps out before burying her face into her hands, shoulders shaking from the sobs that blubber from her throat.

Brittany steps to her side, leaving a distance between them because it hurts what Quinn said and she is not sure she can trust herself now.

"I - I don't know what to say"

Quinn heaves into her palms that cover her face, desperately trying to calm herself down and Brittany wants nothing more than to stroke her back but she just can't bring herself to touch her. She feels betrayed on a level that she could only be betrayed by a best friend, a person she trusted with all her heart, and she can't pretend the pain doesn't sting.

It feels like a wake-up call, a harsh reminder from life that _nobody_ is perfect. Everybody can enter a rough phase and turn out of themselves. Everybody can make mistakes.

Nobody is perfect, not even her best friend.

Quinn stops breathing for a moment, and Brittany watches her closely as she drops her hands, expression solemn on her tearful face as she turns to her. "The truth - that you hate me!"

Brittany shakes her head, and the barrier she felt between them disappears.

It's the moment she feels herself letting go and moving on to be there for her friend in need.

She reaches out to gently set her hand on Quinn's back, stunning the girl "I don't. I would never hate you, do you hear me? Never"

Quinn's whole body shudders from the relieved sigh that leaves her lips.

"Can you forgive me?" She asks with hope lacing into her voice for the first time.

"I already did" Brittany shrugs a little, a painful smile tugging at her lips as her mind wanders to a dangerous direction that poses the threat of breaking her too. "But I guess I'm not the only one you should apologize to" She says sadly, with a lump in her throat as the image of Santana's heartbroken face flashes up in her mind.

"What do you mean?" Quinn clears her throat delicately.

"I mean Santana" Brittany says, the name rolling from her tongue like a stab in her chest. "You hurt her much more. I guess we both did…" She blinks away to stare out of the window.

Her words are welcomed by the silence, as time seems to stand still.

Quinn is stiff under her palm and Brittany is equally so, frozen by the millions of possible questions she is afraid to be showered with.

"Brittany, what are you actually…?" Quinn trails off, confusedly, and Brittany sighs, casting her gaze on her again.

She lets her hand slide from Quinn's back to clutch it with her other, bearing Quinn's questioning stare.

It takes an immense effort to open her mouth. "I told her today - everything" she chokes out; lips trembling form the weight of her confession. "Quinn, she is in love with me and I broke her heart"

This time it's Quinn, who touches her arm to give her a reassuring squeeze as Brittany's vision gets blurred by the fresh set of tears. She feels like she never runs out of them, shaking her head subtly as she wipes them off with her sleeve.

Quinn helps her, catching a teardrop with her thumb and gives her a soft smile.

"How do you feel?" She asks in a gentle voice.

"Well, pretty fucking shitty." Brittany says hoarsely, and much to her surprise, Quinn doesn't flinch from her cursing.

She just stares at her with warm hazel eyes that seem so open like never before.

Maybe it's because they are honest with each other in a way like never before.

"I'm sorry, Britt-Britt. But I mean, how do you feel _for her_?"

Brittany swallows, the answer on the tip of her tongue, but she decides against it. She is not ready. She knows how she feels for Santana but telling someone else seems so scary. It would hurt much more if it wasn't a secret anymore.

"I'm not sure" she lies, averting Quinn's eyes that bore into her soul.

"Um, you know this might not be my business but…did you - has anything happened between you?" Quinn asks gently.

"Yeah, she slept with me - kind of."

"Because of the bet?"

The question - such a simple yet so complicated question - pierces into her soul, into the deepest cavity and she almost crumbles on the spot as she answers.

"No"

Her face screws up as she feels her heart breaking again, ripping into pieces and she falls into Quinn's welcoming arms, clutching her close as she sobs, letting it all out at once. She is shaking from the force of it, but Quinn keeps her safe and grounded, her warmth and sweet scent offering a crumb of piece in Brittany's time of need.

"Oh, sweetie" Quinn whispers into her hair, hands never stopping to stroke her back and ease the quakes shattering her body.

"I fell for her too, Quinn" Brittany gasps in tears as she pulls away. "…she is different- I knew it the first time I kissed her. I've never felt this way for someone before" she confesses, and it's surprisingly effortless, rolling a heavy rock from her heart.

She feels like she can breathe properly again.

Quinn stares at her, emotions coalescing in her voice as she whispers "You should have told me"

Her words suggest so much more than she lets on, Brittany knows that. Quinn means that Brittany should have told her, because things would have turned out differently. Maybe they would have, but Brittany is pretty sure she would have fallen for Santana anyway.

And for that, she is not sorry at all.

"I tried" She whispers with a little shrug.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen. I was just too stuck in my own crap." Quinn says with remorse.

"It's okay…"

They fall into a short lapse of silence, before Quinn's eyes widen with realization. "Oh my God, she must really hate me!"

"Well, I'm pretty sure she hates me more…" Brittany replies dejectedly.

"I'm sorry, Britt. I wish I could tell you how much!" Quinn says with complete sincerity, her eyes gleaming with regret and empathy.

"I'm sorry, too! I should have been honest with you…" Brittany replies and they dwell into silence again, a comfortable and peaceful silence as they seem to understand, finally.

Of course, Quinn can't handle it for long.

"Ugh, look at us, like a freaking soap opera" she rolls her eyes.

Brittany chuckles a little, before shaking her head. "Yeah, I'm kinda fed up with crying. I was such a mess this weekend…"

Quinn's eyes snap back to her face, alarmed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Brittany really does think she wants to, but not now. She is too vulnerable. She needs everything to settle in her to be able to open up and let Quinn see into her.

"I just – I want some ice cream" she blurts out at last, and they both break into a fit of giggles from the absurdity.

It sets them even more at ease and it feels so good to discard all the awkwardness from before.

"That's actually a pretty lovely idea" Quinn says with a smile, and Brittany doesn't hesitate to bring out two cups and a jar of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream she keeps in store for emergency.

Well, because this is kind of the biggest one they've ever had.

/

An hour later, they're dressed in flannel pajamas, sitting on Brittany's bed – which is made up with clean sheets – and painting each other's toenails.

It's the biggest cliché from teenage dramas, but it feels nice nonetheless. It serves as a distraction from thinking about the swelling dark clouds above their heads.

There are still so many questions they want to ask from each other, so many details that are not clear and so many explanations they need to be able to move on. They need answers from each other. The conversation in the kitchen was just the beginning and they both feel it. They have unfinished business and it fills Brittany's dimly lit room with tension that rises higher by the second.

They can only avoid talking – _really_ talking - for so long.

Until Sugar arrives, that's what Brittany tells herself.

It just didn't feel right to ask Quinn to stay and not have Sugar with them; it felt like something was missing and now they're waiting for her to complete their trio.

It only feels right to have a Pierce sleepover with _both_ her best friends.

/

"Bitches! Holla!" Sugar bursts into the room minutes later, dragging a Louis Vuitton suitcase behind her.

Brittany breaks into chortles, and Quinn shakes her head fondly at the girl's manners. They are used to it, of course, but it's still striking how weirdly awesome Sugar is. Sometimes she exceeds even Brittany, though she is often called '_strange_' and '_quirky_' too. When you arrive at a sleepover with a fancy suitcase and huge shades on top of your head, even though it's actually total blackness out there, you kind of set the bar pretty high.

Sugar has such a distinct style and the most stunning thing is that she doesn't care the slightest bit for what others think about it.

Insecurities and inhibitions don't seem to exist in her world, which is quite enviable.

Sugar is an alien, a mysterious creature from another universe where judgment is unbeknown.

It makes her just the person Brittany and Quinn need now.

/

Repeating everything for Sugar is a must, and even though it's emotionally draining, it feels good to share. It feels good to be understood, and not judged. It's much easier to be completely honest.

A few minutes – and equal amount of Kleenexes later, they are done.

Everything is out in the open.

"Girls, I gotta say…" Sugar shakes her head, a smirk tugging at her lips. "…we would totally nail a reality like the Kardashians."

They can joke about it now and it feels nice to laugh at their own drama.

It releases a certain kind of heaviness, like the dark clouds would slowly dissolve above their heads, letting the faint light of the Sun seep in, warming them like no blanket wrapped around them ever could.

"Yeah, well" Quinn's chuckle dies down. "The difference is…I didn't actually wanna get pregnant to sell t-shirts with my baby's name written across the chest with golden letters." She says sarcastically, fumbling with the edge of her pajama pants.

Brittany shares a meaningful glance with Sugar, both alarmed by the sudden shift in the mood.

She clears her throat carefully "Quinn-"

"You know, I just don't get it." Quinn cuts her off, shaking her head in frustration, staring at the flowery sheets under them. "I can count on two hands how many times I slept with Noah and I almost got pregnant. How is that fair? I mean…" She trails off, the innuendo behind her sentences hurtful, though they make complete sense.

It makes Brittany blush anyways, and she doesn't really feel comfortable in her skin knowing that she gave herself to everyone who wanted a piece.

"We know what you mean…" Sugar shrugs, much less affected by their friend's words. "But life sucks. It's just the way it is. It's not fair. We fucked our ways through McKinley without any consequences, right Britts?" She asks, and they both turn to Brittany, who feels scrutinized by their gazes.

A tight knot forms in the pit of her stomach and suddenly she feels queasy.

She licks her lips nervously and tastes bitterness on her tongue, as she mulls over her sexual life. She can't lie to herself. Every time she slept with someone she didn't love, she lost a piece of her soul and it took her a night with the first person she's ever fallen for to realize how much she _truly_ lost.

What it did to her dignity and her self-esteem.

The truth is she feels cheap and dirty just thinking of sex, regretting every one of _those_ times immensely, wishing she could turn back time and say no. But she got a lesson from Matt what to expect if she says no.

The memory hits her without giving her time to prepare for the stroke delivered, and she zones out, living it all over again.

Being in that abandoned bathroom, back pressed to cold tiles, strong arms holding her intact as he lashed on her pale skin, marking her with bites, claiming her like a trophy everyone in McKinley wanted to win once. Back then, she thought she had it coming, since she let him kiss her, grind up to her on the dance floor, touching her everywhere, though it burned her skin like flames.

Her concerns about Santana overtook the concerns she had about _herself_.

She was thinking about what Santana would think if she let him fuck her, how she would disappoint her rather than living in the present and dealing with what was truly happening in that room. Maybe it was the drugs back then and her mind blocking the realization from hitting her later, because now it feels like she is tearing into pieces, all the air sucked out of her lungs, leaving her breathless as she makes out the puzzle of this horrid scene.

She gasps out, hand pressing to her chest as her eyes swell with tears, blurring the picture but it still haunts her inside, the feeling that she was almost taken advantage of tearing her apart, shaking her whole body as she heaves.

"Britt" Sugar's worried voice barely reaches her conscious in her frenzied state. "What's wrong?"

She doesn't know for sure. But it's scary and she wants it to stop. She wants to breathe again, but she can't inhale, and her lungs burn from the lack of oxygen.

"She's having a panic attack!" Quinn rushes out, and Brittany feels strong, steadying hands wrapping around her shoulders and gentle fingers tilt her head "Brittany, sweetheart, you have to calm down!" Quinn pleads with her, her features faint in Brittany's blurred vision.

She clutches a fistful of her shirt, trying to inhale properly to calm her frantic heartbeat, but nothing seems to help. Nothing seems to erase the memory she truly comprehends for the first time. It is a realization she was not prepared for, not today at least and she can't seem to deal with it, her body giving up in the battle.

"I – I can't" She chokes out with a sob ripping out from the deepest cavity of her chest, on the verge of fainting as she desperately shakes her head.

"Brittany, stay with me!" Quinn demands, looking straight into her eyes but the sight is too fogged to give Brittany strength to do so and she feels like she is free-falling without a parachute, until two warm bodies press into her, catching her and saving her from herself. "Hold her tight!"

The pressure makes her heart compress as they steady her, pressing impossibly close while uttering gentle whispers that remind her to breathe.

"We've got you, Britt" Sugar breathes into her hair and she feels warm lips press to her temple.

She feels safe in their arms, their closeness setting her at peace again and she inhales properly for the first time, air filling her lungs, then a rush of oxygen to hear heart rouses her up from the nightmare.

"Oh my God" She chokes out, silky blonde hair sticking to her wet lips and her body gives up, losing all its strength in her inner turmoil, weak and languid as it falls forward, her weight lying heavy on her friends' supporting shoulders.

They lay her down gently, and her eyes flutter closed from the sudden sleepiness that overcomes her body.

She just feels _so_ exhausted.

She just wants to fall asleep; every cell in her body craving to rest after the longest day of her life. She just wants to forget it…just for a little while.

The comforter is pulled over her body, warm and heavy and she clutches it tightly, humming from the cozy feeling.

"Do you need anything, honey?" Quinn asks delicately, hand brushing away the hair sticking to her damp forehead.

She shakes her head, pressing her nose into the pillow, hand sneaking under it to pull it closer to her face.

Her eyes snap open in shock when she touches the fabric of a towel, and she pulls it out from under, taking in the sight of the white towel that oozes coconut smell into the air. It's the towel that was wrapped around Santana's small naked body and the memories of Friday night wash over Brittany, squeezing the air out of her again until one quick movement later, her face is pressed into the towel, inhaling deeply to fill herself up with Santana.

The memories rushing back to her are heart-aching, but they are _still_ the best memories she's ever had.

/

Sometime through the night, she stirs awake, only to feel trapped between two soft bodies, limp arms thrown over her body, and incredible warmth surrounding her.

The hot puffs of air sneaking out between Quinn's parted lips hit her chin and Sugar's nose presses into her shoulder from behind. They are squashed together in the middle of the huge bed, three bodies pressing against each other closely, guarding the safety of their dreams.

Brittany enjoys it, her heart swelling with affection for her friends.

Though they are not perfect – because _nobody_ is – they are the best friends she could ever wish for. When it truly matters, they are always there for her. They can come back from anything; she is sure about it, because even though sometimes they hurt each other, with words or actions, there's always a kind of underlying care that never seems to disappear.

Their bond can't be broken.

Their trust in each other can be, but it can also be rebuilt in time.

Her friends make Brittany feel like everything is possible, and it only takes a lungful of Santana's smell from the towel under her face to make her hope that even the _impossible_ is possible after all.

/

When she wakes up the second time, she feels a bit uncomfortable.

Nothing's changed, her friends are still sleeping soundly on her sides, but it just feels too hot now, their bodies pressed just a tiny bit _too_ close. She tries to adjust her position, but she's trapped between them, her left arm and leg tingling from the lack of circulation. It's annoying and she tries to move as carefully as she can, gently untangling her body from her friends' tight embrace.

However careful she is, Quinn still stirs in her sleep when Brittany sets her arm down on the tiny space between them and creases her eyebrows unconsciously.

Brittany winces inaudibly, hoping that Quinn won't wake up when she frees herself from the comforter and gets up, but Quinn seems to sense her intention, her eyes snapping open, sleep vanishing as her whole body comes alive, tensing next to Brittany.

"What are you doing?" She asks, more of an accusation than a question and sits up all of a sudden, staring at Brittany's face quizzically.

"I just-" Brittany stammers, matching her position, which as a natural consequence, wakes up Sugar too.

"Britts? What's going on?" She asks dozily, eyes barely open as she tries to figure out what is happening.

Brittany's gaze flickers from her face back to Quinn's, the disapproving and worried expression still intact on her best friend's features and releases a deep sigh. "I just really gotta pee, guys"

"Oh, wow" Sugar lets out a hoarse chuckle, head falling back on her pillow.

Brittany watches Quinn's face soften, eyes blinking to the side, cheeks flushing with a light shade of rose as she shrugs nonchalantly, dismissing the fact that she just freaked out over Brittany wanting to leave. "Okay, fine, you can go"

"Well, thanks" Brittany says in an awkward chuckle, and pecks Quinn's flushed cheek softly.

"Just go" Quinn mutters, shoving her away by the arm, but her mouth turns into a faint smile anyway.

Brittany smirks, enjoying Quinn's mild embarrassment until Sugar kicks her in the calf.

"Go, Britts, wouldn't wants you to dirty these fancy sheets…" She mumbles sleepily and they all break into lazy giggles before Brittany crawls out of the bed and walks up to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

/

Turning the light on above the sink when finished, she stares into the mirror for a long time.

Sure she looks into the mirror every morning and every night, but not like _this_ – really taking in the details, how her features seem harder, somehow – older, like she's grown up all of a sudden. Heartbreak doesn't just pass without changing you, so it seems. There is just something heavy embedded deep in her blue eyes, something that makes her always so young and fresh face look older, care-laden and just plain sad.

Everything she feels inside is displayed on her features, unable to deceive those who truly know her with a forced smile or careless shrug. Her face is the canvas life paints on, every stroke of its brush perfecting the picture and portraying the way she truly feels inside.

Lost, shattered and hopeless, a butterfly with broken wings.

She wonders if she'd ever look like differently.

Heartbreak is not something that ever wholly disappears, because it leaves imprints, inside and out, reminders that fade as time goes by, but never completely. They linger, and maybe it is right. Maybe she needs to be reminded of what she did, never to forget the person she _was_ and realized she did not want to be anymore.

She wants to be a better person, a person who is not afraid to stand up for _both_ herself and others, a person with morals, integrity, a person who cares, acting with consideration and bearing the consequences of her actions.

This is the only way she can get a second chance.

She needs to be a better person for Santana.

But she likes to think she wants to change for _herself_ just as much. She wants to believe she can go through with it even if she won't get the second chance she wants more than anything else in the world.

She can only hope she will be strong enough to walk the path alone, if she has to.

"Brittany" Quinn's harsh voice filters through the bathroom door, stunning Brittany whose lips slowly turn into a faint smile, the thought that she will _never_ be truly alone lifting the heaviness from her shoulders.

Several hard knocks follow then Sugar's sassy tone invades the room "Britts, if you don't come out in five seconds, I swear we'll break in and we've seen enough in the locker room not to be embarrassed, comprende?"

Brittany blushes, letting out an awkward chuckle as she rushes to the door.

Two disapproving faces welcome her outside. They trail their eyes all over her body, inspecting her and she feels exposed under their stares.

"Oh, thank Jesus, see, she is fine." Sugar mutters a second later then lets out an annoyed sigh, glaring at Quinn. "I'm gonna go back to bed."

She walks away, slumping on the bed, but Quinn lingers beside Brittany, the worry in her eyes intact. "What did you do in there?"

The hidden meaning, the ambushed question behind her words makes Brittany shiver, blood draining from her head, and her voice cracks when she opens her mouth to ask. "Did you honestly think that I was doing something stupid?"

Guilt creeps upon Quinn's expression, but she doesn't waver "Brittany, do you have any idea how much you scared us?

Her hazel eyes swell with tears, and she blinks away to keep them at bay.

Brittany is shocked to see Quinn being so affected by what happened still, because she can't imagine how the experience would have felt like from their perspective.

"I'm sorry" she whispers apologetically.

Quinn sighs, and shakes her head subtly. "It's fine. But we have to talk about this sometime, you get that, right?" she pierces into Brittany, with a force that makes her swallow hard.

She knows she has to talk about it.

Hell, she _needs_ to talk about it to be able to let go of it, to move on, not to feel her insides twist and churn when she thinks of _him_.

She squeezes her eyes shut for a second, struggling to erase the memory that rushes to her again, and her voice is fragile when she attempts to speak. "I don't think I can…" her eyes beg Quinn to let go, just for now and a few excruciatingly long seconds later, Quinn sighs and reaches to touch her hand, softly caressing her palm with her fingertips.

"Okay" she whispers, nodding.

They dwell into silence, sharing a moment, until Sugar's hoarse voice hit their ears.

"Guys, don't fight please!" She whines, rolling on her side to look at them behind heavy eyelids. "Come back to bed!"

"I'm not sleepy anymore" Brittany mutters sadly.

"Yeah" Quinn agrees with a sigh, dropping Brittany's hand gently before she walks to the nightstand to check the time on her phone. "God, it's three am…Coach Sue is gonna be so pissed if we start yawning at practice" she shakes her head in frustration.

"Damn right" Sugar pushes her face into her pillow, mumbling. "I needs to get my beauty sleep on!" She whines pathetically.

"You can sleep in the tub with Lord Tubbington." Brittany offers, a smirk ghosting her lips as she stares at Sugar's slumped form. "He is like the best pillow…" she trails off with a shrug, and Sugar slowly raises her head to shoot her a glare.

"I think I'll pass" she says before rolling her eyes as her head falls back.

Brittany chuckles before stepping closer to the bed to sit down on the edge. She glances at Quinn who is still staring at the screen of her phone, wrapped up in her thoughts, expression darkened.

"Hey, Quinn" she calls out carefully, stunning Quinn without intention, who almost drops the phone as her eyes snap up.

"Huh?"

"What is it?" Brittany asks curiously.

Quinn gulps, cheeks flushing as two sets of eyes focus on her, the sudden turn of events piquing Sugar's curiosity too. She lets out a nervous little chuckle that gets stuck halfway in her throat and sets the phone back on the nightstand.

"Nothing" she says dubiously, and Brittany shares a skeptical glance with Sugar. "Just a text from Noah..." she says nonchalantly.

"Honey, you're not _that_ good of an actress" Sugar confronts her with the truth, and her lips part in shock, expression offended. "Why don't you tell us?" she asks simply, and Brittany is waiting on edge for Quinn's answer, her sixth sense telling her that something serious is gonna happen.

"I broke up with him"

Quinn says, staring into space as her words sink in, silencing both her best friends. Brittany is sure her heart skips a beat as she watches Quinn's flawless profile, trying to grasp her words. It is pretty hard, because it feels like a law of the universe has been broken.

She's been with Noah for years. They were the dream couple, the cheerleader and the football player, handsome, successful, ruling the school together.

A teenage love story every high school needs.

A love story that is over now, Brittany thinks sadly, brows creased in concern as she stares at Quinn.

Sugar's shrill voice cuts through the heavy air, stunning both of them with the bluntness of her words. "And you forgot to mention this?"

Quinn lets out an exasperated sigh as she settles on the bed, but her voice sounds regretful when she answers "I just - there were more important things, okay?"

"Still though…" Brittany whispers, still in the state of shock.

Quinn turns to them, eyes flickering nervously. "I wanted to forget about it, why is that so bad?" she asks defensively.

"Quinn, we are sorry!" Sugar says, crawling closer to give her arm a gentle squeeze. "We just want to say that we want to be there for you, but you kinda make it hard if you don't tell us" she explains apologetically, and Brittany nods in agreement.

She walks up to Quinn, settling beside her on the bed and Sugar adjusts to sit on her other side.

"It just hurts you know…" Quinn shrugs timidly, her voice thick with unshed tears as she stares out of the window, the lights gleaming beautifully in her eyes. "…like I lost a part that's been with me since forever."

Brittany reaches out to take her hand and shoots Quinn a pained, sympathetic smile when her sad eyes snap to her face, a tear escaping and rolling down on her gorgeously shaped cheek.

"You know I'm _so_ not the biggest fan of him lately" Brittany notes carefully, not to sound hurtful, but her words make Quinn blink away in embarrassment "But why did you do it?"

Mixed emotions cross Quinn's expression, before she wipes off her tears, trying to sound even when she opens her mouth, but failing at it miserably. "I'm not sure now" she chokes out before taking a second to calm herself down, Sugar's hand on her back and Brittany's on her hand giving her encouragement. "I guess I just – I realized that I've been with him for so long that I never questioned it. I never took a moment to really think about how I feel" she explains, her fragile voice being the only sound that breaks the complete silence. "Well, not before I –" she hangs up the sentence, but nobody has to wonder what she means. "I imagined myself with him…having a baby and I wasn't sure I wanted it, not just now - but _ever_."

It takes a few seconds for them to take in her words, words that sound so complicated, so heavy - so _adult_.

Love is complicated and Brittany is just starting to realize how much. A person like Quinn, who's been in a stable relationship all through her teenage years, has to deal with issues Brittany has never thought about in her life.

To have a baby with someone - it seems so far away, so distinct, an incomprehensible thing for Brittany who's never found a partner to even dream about this with, an innocent, silly, dream teenagers always have about having a big house with a pool, two cars, a cat and a _baby_. Her minds wanders off in the only possible direction and she imagines it - just for a split second it flashes up in her mind, the cutest baby on the planet and Santana's beaming face as he touches her warm cheek with his tiny fingers, giggling softly.

She feels a tug at her heart-strings, even though it's the _most_ ridiculous thing. She buries the vision into the furthest corner of her mind to set herself back into reality, where her best friend needs her support.

Sugar seems equally affected by Quinn's words, but as always, she finds the words inside her more easily. "Honey, of course you don't. We are freaking seventeen."

Quinn nods slowly, like she expected this kind of an answer. Brittany doesn't say anything, waiting in silence for Quinn to share her thoughts.

"I know, but I always thought this is what I wanted – more than anything else. But I realized that maybe I don't even know what I want in my life, because it's always been us – and never just _me_" she utters with a little frown, the only sign that she is not perfectly assured of her words.

The amount of self-reflection Quinn must have needed to discover such a deeply embedded, underlying aspect of life fills Brittany's heart with respect and pride for her best friend. It must have been hard to come into terms that maybe she's never been truly living her _own_ life, but a life that she thought she should be living.

But if Brittany truly thinks about, her case is quite similar.

All three of them have been vastly affected by the society around them, parents, friends, acquaintances, teachers, fellow students… _every_ single person around them in a way. Their ideas, beliefs, morals, their words and actions formed them to be the people who they are now, some changing them more than others - _and some holding them back from change_.

This is how her stories contrast with Quinn's.

Noah's always been a part of Quinn's life, as a friend than a boyfriend, and slowly, though it was not intentional on either part, their relationship took over their lives and she settled for him. And maybe it felt even natural, the _right_ thing to do in her parents' eyes, which has always been Quinn's obsession. Santana, though, she came into Brittany's life a thunderstorm sweeping over a rainy, dull Sunday afternoon, a life defined by habits and patterns, rather than decisions. She opened Brittany's eyes to the way she lived her life before and faced her with the truth about herself. And change felt the right thing to do, for _herself_, not for anyone else.

Deep in her rumination about life, attention fully grasped by her inner thoughts, Brittany is shaken out of her reverie when Quinn speaks again. "I just…I want to be by myself for a little while" she whispers, and it makes perfect sense for Brittany.

But it won't ever be completely true though.

Her lips turn into a soft smile as she stares at Quinn and Sugar, everything about them so familiar, yet laced with a sense of change that _finally_ makes sense.

They are not girls anymore.

They are young woman who have doubts, fears and insecurities; who make mistakes, fall in love, make love and break hearts, losing their innocence a long time ago, leaving their childhood behind to enter adulthood.

Together, lending a helping hand in the time of need.

She takes in the way Sugar's chin is set on Quinn's shoulder, the way their clasped hands rest in her lap, the way their eyes shine with peace and unconditional love only a true friend can feel for another. Slowly, their gazes lift and they stare back at Brittany, uttering a silent question.

"I'm sorry, Quinn" Brittany's lips turn into a soft smile. "But you won't ever be by yourself…we will always be there for you"

Quinn's blushes, the rush of emotions clouding her hazel eyes. She is rendered speechless by Brittany's words and she can only stare at her, longing to believe her.

"Damn right, honey" Sugar whispers into her ear, and it makes her lips turn into a shy smile, breaking the ice.

"Thank, you girls" she whispers, not trusting her voice.

Everybody knows what she means by _'thank you' _and this time, words don't matter. Only feelings do and Quinn doesn't hide behind the façade, love written all over her face.

/

When she settles under the covers again, enjoying her place in the middle and the way the warmth instantly pierces under her skin, Brittany is not afraid to face tomorrow.

She rolls on her side, Sugar snuggling up to her immediately and Quinn wrapping an arm around her torso, and she feels safe in this world. She can see the light at the end of the tunnel again. Her heart fills with hope, bearing the support of her friends and she is ready to face the reality of Monday morning.

In a few hours, she will be there, picking up the fight where she left it off. But she will have two friends fighting her battle with her, having her back against everyone.

Even when she catches the scent of Santana, the memory of making love to her on this very bed rushing back to her mind, she feels strong enough to bear it.

She lets it in and feels it with all her heart.

She embraces it.

And for the first time, she feels that she is slowly starting to let go of the memory.

Because even though she lost Santana today, she is ready to put up the fight to get her back.

And she won't let go of her…

_ever._

* * *

_**Thank you for reading as always! Please tell me what you think!  
**_

_**I planned to include much more into this chapter, but I dragged it out...like usual. **_

**_In the next chapter, we will see Brittany and Santana interact again. I'm really excited about it! Also, we will get to meet Brittany's parents._ **

**_Until then, tell me if you can't bear it without an update anymore! :) _**


	14. A new beginning

**Dear readers!**

**Some of you may know from tumblr that I struggle with finding time to write nowadays and lacking the energy to do so. I'm always full of inspiration, but yeah, life happens to me these days. The constant alerts I get from here about new readers and reviews makes all the effort worth it. Please continue being so awesome and I promise to never stop writing for this fandom! :) **

**Enjoy the chapter and please review!**

**For questions, sneaks peeks and everything else, please visit my tumblr! **

*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***

* * *

**A new beginning**

"Let's talk about sex!" Sugar drops the bomb in the car, eliciting a groan from Quinn.

They spent the drive from Brittany's home to the school in moderate silence so far, listening to the low tune of the radio and basking in the morning sunlight, all of them dopey from sleeping over their typical wake-up time. School and alarm clock completely forgotten, they woke up thanks to Quinn's ever so trustworthy sixth sense.

The morning involved a catfight over the right to use the bigger bathroom, which Sugar won in the end, mugs of coffee that failed to truly kick in yet and a lot of anxiety on Brittany's part over how she'll survive this Monday and all the hard days to come until Santana comes round.

Much to their luck and physical safety, she is still slow from sleeping too much and mildly distracted by her oppressive predictions of the day, and by the time her mind processes Sugar's suggestion, they are stopped in front of a stop-light and a familiar figure is crossing the street.

Hurriedly, she pushes her shades on the top of her head and narrows her eyes.

It is her.

Santana is walking across the street, her steps hasty, shoulders slump and gaze set on the ground as she hurries to the school, never to be late from class. She oozes a certain kind of insecurity that would make anyone pity her, but she looks also tough, someone better not be bothered in their loneliness. Her small frame arrives on the other side and she disappears, fading into the small crowd of students who don't get to school by car.

Unblinking, Brittany's eyes follow Santana until she can but her faded figure is still in her sight even when she's long gone. Frozen in her posture, Brittany stares at the ghost-like person she wants nothing more than to see in the flesh and blood today, to talk to her and apologize.

"Brittany" Quinn's delicate voice reaches her, coming from nearby but sounding remote, like Brittany's head is wrapped in a bubble.

She doesn't move, afraid to lose the vision of Santana, but she is thrown out of her reverie when Quinn touches her hand.

"Huh" she blinks at her, confused and anger quickly rising in her for the rough toss back into reality. "What?"

Quinn looks at her with the strangest expression, concern and incredulity mixing on her face. "It's been green for quite some time but you keep staring out at some girl-"

"It's not _some_ girl, it was Santana" Brittany cuts her off, the name of Santana rolling from her tongue with surprising ease in the heat of the moment.

For no good reason, she feels cornered, in the need to defend herself, and hates how Quinn's eyes stare into hers like her best friend is solving her like a puzzle, putting the pieces together before Brittany even has a chance to get the hang of the game.

Quinn has an annoying habit of unraveling her with her eyes.

"Sweetie, it wasn't her" she says ruefully.

Brittany doesn't know what to say and glances back to the spot where she lost Santana's figure. She can still make out the contours of her body, like they are imprinted on her mind and Quinn's denial of her reality perturbs Brittany. But it's the hint of doubt in her own mind that really unsettles her. Instead of questioning her sanity, she fights off the voice in her head whispering that it was her wishful thinking tricking her mind into believing it was Santana whom she saw, and clings to the illusion stubbornly.

"No, I saw _her_, she just crossed the street." she maintains, shaking her head in frustration. She wheels round to Sugar, but doesn't find solace in her support this time. Distressed by their denial, she keeps on going "She had a leather jacket on, and her backpack – oh my, god -" she halts in shock, recalling that the person she was staring at was wearing a handbag and the whole picture falls apart, leaving her in shame.

She let herself be deceived so easily.

It shows her weakness and she's not used to being exposed in front of anyone to this extent. But last night, something changed between the three of them and now it feels easier to bear the pity of her friends.

"Yeah, Britts, exactly…" Sugar says lowly, patting her shoulder.

Brittany keeps shaking her head, in disbelief now, over how scattered her mind is and how easily she fell for the trick of her imagination. She wanted to see Santana so badly that she saw her in a girl that bears scarce resemblance to _her_ girl. It shows how forlorn she is and it's troubling to think about the acts of despair she will commit throughout the next days, or even weeks she has to survive with Santana bearing her a grudge.

"I think I'm going crazy…" she mumbles, face heating up when the sole driver behind them blows their horn.

She quickly sets off, continuing their drive towards the school. Sugar doesn't handle the offense so smoothly though, and Brittany catches her turning around in the rear-view mirror.

"Hey, asshole" she shouts out, gesturing wildly. "We bitches own the street, you fucker"

She gives the guy the middle finger, and smirks in satisfaction when the car lags behind.

"That wasn't really necessary" Quinn scolds Sugar gently, but a smile sneaks into her voice.

Brittany, overwhelmed by a sudden surge, breaks into uncontrolled chortles and both her friends fall into line, filling the car with harsh, girlish laughter. People would find the shift in the mood bizarre, but this is normalcy for them. All of them fragile and bearing the effects of last night's events, they are in for raging emotions and similar mood swings for the day.

She feels a bit insane, and having no control of her life, which is hard but there are two people by her side.

Having mates in the wild storm with steadying hands that keep her on the ground, she is ready to face the day and the hardest challenges coming in her way.

/

The illusions keep weighing on her mind.

Santana appears everywhere, in a form of a shadow, reminding Brittany of the evening in the park. Fallen to her knees, she kept clinging to the vision of the girl, and a false hope it held. Now it feels more like a part of her punishment. Brittany wishes to see Santana so badly, to hear her voice, to catch any sign that she is well, that it's so easy for her mind to play this cruel game.

She keeps seeing Santana passing her on the hallway, walking in the garden when she stares out of the window in class, and sitting at the bleachers all through afternoon practice.

Every time she falls for the trick, she feels a pang in her heart. The way it aches in her chest at the sight of a heartbroken Santana pushes her deeper into despair every time.

She queries the hope of reconciliation with Santana.

The Santana of her imagination appears to be so hurt and shattered that the possibility of gaining her forgiveness seems painfully narrow. It makes Brittany's desperation of seeing her in real surge every time, because selfishly, she wants to mend herself with the knowledge that Santana is well.

Brittany wants to be able to believe that they will be all right in time but the light at the end of the tunnel dies out sometimes, leaving her in the darkness.

There is a hidden part of her that's bereft of hope, but it only comes forward when she is alone in her room after the long day.

The depression overrules her, and she curls up on her bed as the first tears squeeze out of her eyes. It's painful, but she doesn't make an effort to stop. She doesn't fight it, she lets the hollowness spread in her chest. She feels weakling for letting it defeat her, but the determination she held inside her heart in the morning is long gone, the hope that glued her together letting the pieces slip now.

Maybe if she'd seen Santana, she would have found the strength in herself to fight.

But life didn't give her that kind of relief.

She was unworthy of it, she knows that, but it still feels a tiny bit unfair. She has no idea if it was simply her bad luck or deliberateness on Santana's part that Brittany failed to meet her all day. It's further upsetting to think about Santana wanting to avoid Brittany at all costs, going out of her way just to shun Brittany. But the most painful possibility to think about is that Santana didn't even go to school at all.

Maybe the shame damaged her so much that Santana needed time to recover. It makes Brittany worry so badly for her.

Her conscience lies heavy on her and berates her for the harm she's caused Santana. She is suffering from the consequences, aching with guilt over what she'd done, and she doesn't know how to ease the pain.

It was a bad idea to decline Quinn's offer of keeping her company, but deep down she knows she needs to be alone and abide the punishment.

Her friends didn't let her relapse into depression through the day, staying by her side in classes and breaks, and shielding her from prying eyes. It felt comforting to have them beside her, and Brittany knew they needed it just as much, especially Quinn who couldn't escape Noah despite the best efforts she could put up.

When they passed each other in the hallway, Brittany shivered from the tension and her hand hurt because Quinn clenched it so hard.

Noah looked lost, his eyes clouded as they pierced into Quinn's and Brittany saw the _real_ him for the first time in weeks. It was the boy that owned a big heart, and Brittany has been a friend of for years, before they got wrapped up in the mess of adolescence.

He seemed just as heartbroken as Santana in Brittany's illusion, but there was an edge to his look that vexed Brittany.

It was a threat of revenge.

It was a dangerous kind of hurt in his orbs that made Brittany frightened of the future. She saw a wounded animal in Noah, raging and without restrains, capable of anything. He tended to act blindly on instinct oftentimes, and now it posed a threat for Quinn and everyone on her side.

Quinn stayed strong and Brittany admires her for it.

She doesn't know how she would have reacted if meeting Santana. Every practiced word would have sure escaped Brittany in that split second she laid her eyes on the girl she's hurt so much. The apology stuck in her throat, she would have been frozen on the spot and watching Santana pass her, all the hope slipping away as she faded into the crowd. But still, Brittany wished to see her like nothing else.

She needed to see her, to hear her voice or smell her scent, just something to hold onto.

When Quinn and Sugar left after cheer practice, she sneaked back into the nearly empty building and made a desperate attempt to find a tiny piece of solace. She tiptoed to the door of the choir room, and stood there for minutes, eyes shut tight as she tried to listen and catch Santana's voice, a unique voice that was the perfect blend of smooth and raspy. The most beautiful voice Brittany's ever heard and could distinct among thousands of sounds.

The way Santana uttered her name when Brittany made her come for the first time will forever be burnt into her memory and she would have given everything to hear her voice today.

But she couldn't make it out until the chairs started to creak on the floor and noises filled the choir room, signaling the end of Glee club.

Brittany could have waited. She could have stayed there and see if Santana was there.

Instead, she ran away.

/

Sometime in the midst of crying, she fell asleep and awakens to the sound of feet tapping in the hallway.

It makes her rouse in a haste because Lord Tubbington is sleeping sound at the foot of her bed and no one is supposed to be home until late night.

Groggily, she wipes her cheeks and untangles her limbs from the sheets, waiting on edge for the stranger outside her door to make a move. The sound disappears, but she feels the presence of them close by.

The mystery is quickly solved when the door opens and her father pokes his head in, smiling softly. "Hello, sunshine"

Brittany's stunned to see him so early, and blinks in disbelief. "Dad?" she asks hoarsely.

"We're home" he beams, widening the door to step into the room. "We caught an earlier flight."

He comes to sit on the edge of her bed, scratching Lord Tubbington's head before turning to her. He trails his eyes all over her, piercing blue and tired just like hers, and a frown creeps onto his forehead.

"Are you all right, Brittany? You never sleep in your uniform" he notes, voice rather worried than accusing.

Her face flushes under his inquiring stare, but she'd rather lie than confess him she cried herself to sleep. "I'm just tired. Coach Sylvester was pretty tough with us today" she shrugs, averting her father's eyes.

"Uh, I see." he hums, before clearing his throat. "We're ordering in for dinner. What are you up to?"

"Chinese, I guess" she replies on pure instinct, not paying much thought to his question.

Just the prospect of eating makes her feel sick now. She could barely force a bite down her throat at lunch, but she knew she needed the energy for training. It was one of the rare times she didn't enjoy eating at all and ate just out of obligation.

"Good" he smiles kindly, before leaning in to peck her forehead. It feels nice, and she melts under his soft lips. "Your mother and I really missed you."

Brittany snaps her gaze up, staring into his bright eyes. "You did?"

"Of course, beautiful" he nods, before tapping her chin playfully. "We even bought you a surprise." He winks, and Brittany's lips curl up, smiling at him in adoration.

"I missed you too" she says quietly, realizing just how much she needed the comfort of his father's strong arms and wise words.

She's never been in the need of him so much.

"It's good to be home" he leans in to lay another gentle kiss on her forehead, before standing up. "Dinner in an hour?"

"Sounds good" she nods, the smile intact on her face.

She doesn't want him to go yet, but she doesn't want to talk to him either. She doesn't feel ready for it and it's scary to think about how he'd react if he knew his daughter has fallen for an intersex girl. He is an open-minded person, living without judgment, but he is her father. He would sure worry over what a possible relationship would affect Brittany's life, but Brittany is even more anxious about him wanting to know how they got to know each other with Santana.

That's not a story she is ready to tell him either and therefore, she lets him go now.

"Right, I'll let you sleep a bit more now" he tilts his head a bit, looking at her fondly. "…though I'd change in your place. If your mother catches you-"

"Yeah, I know" she cuts him off, rolling her eyes inwardly. "I'll change, promise"

"Okay, sweetheart" he nods, before walking out of the room.

/

After changing into sweats, she doesn't go back to bed.

She feels pathetic for crying herself into sleep and decides that it's pointless to punish herself even more when life is doing a pretty fine job on its own. Today was one of the worst days of her life and pondering how it could have been even worse took a toll on her. She fights off her heavy thoughts trying to drag her back into the mud and gathers her strength.

She stops thinking about today and turns her attention towards tomorrow.

She settles down in front of her vanity and stares at her reflection in the mirror. Touching her cheeks, she wonders if she'll ever look the same as she did a month ago. Maybe it's just exhaustion, but she _does_ look older, her features harder like life happened to her.

She looks different and needs time to discover the ways she's changed, inside and out.

Santana changed her and it was meant to happen.

The impact of their short-lived relationship on Brittany's life cannot be measured. It's not a question of science, indescribable by equations and that's why she has a chance to understand it.

It's a question of the heart.

And she knows the answer.

Santana is the first and only person she's ever fallen for, and that Brittany will _never_ forget. She learned so much about herself and found out what it is that she's always wanted and failed to find. She's been desperate to be loved and experiencing it for the first time opened her eyes.

She realized she's never truly deserved another person's affection and sought it the wrong way, the worst way possible.

It scared the right person off, but life brought them together in the cruelest scenario.

When Brittany the least expected love to happen, it did. A game that was meant to be fun turned into serious. A relationship that was meant to be about sex turned into love.

She found love in Santana and lost it.

And Brittany would give everything to have her back and be worthy of her love.

/

She is staring at her laptop, when someone knocks on the door.

She couldn't keep away from Santana for a whole day and went on a stalking mission. Though memory is not her best asset, she is pretty sure she could repeat every message they've ever sent each other online now. It hurts of course, but it also mends her heart to remember those times.

It feels like everything happened long ago, because she barely remembers how it felt to breathe effortlessly, how it felt to live without pain in her heart.

Closing her laptop, she sighs, and snaps her eyes to the door.

The knocks are familiar, and she has just enough time to force a smile upon her lips when her mother comes in.

"Brittany" she smiles a little when her eyes find Brittany sitting on her bed. "I thought you were asleep and would've hated to disturb you."

Brittany watches her mother approach the bed and scoots away to let her sit down, but she doesn't.

"I had some stuff to do for school" Brittany shrugs, uttering an innocent lie with practiced ease.

"I like to hear that" her mother smiles pointedly. "How have you been, darling?"

Brittany doesn't know how to answer the question. There's chaos in her head. She is pretty sure she's experienced the best and worst moments of her life while her parents were gone. She wouldn't even know where to start, so she settles for the easy way again.

"I'm okay. Nothing happened, really" she shakes her head, managing to be convincing enough. "I just hung out with Quinn and Sugar – she had the best birthday party."

"Knowing Mr. Motta, I wouldn't have imagined otherwise" her mom chuckles. "I'm glad you had fun while we were away."

Brittany feels bitter hearing her words. She can't not feel neglected when they leave her at home and though it happens so many times she should've gotten used to it a long time ago, she never truly could.

She hates to be alone and they've never understood.

"I could have gone with you" she mumbles stubbornly, even though she's suggested the same so many times she couldn't even count.

She always gets the same answer.

"Brittany, we've talked about this – it was a business trip, not a holiday." Her mother explains impatiently, coming up with a practiced excuse. "We wouldn't have time to-"

"I'm a big girl, mom" Brittany cuts her off, irritated to be treated like an infant. "I'm pretty sure I would have found stuff to do in New York…or Chicago, or -"

"Let's not get into this now, shall we?" Her mother raises her voice, leaving no room for argument. "Dinner is ready in a minute. Please, let's just enjoy that we are together now!" she says, voice turning to pleading.

Brittany lets it go as always. "Fine" she mutters. "I'll be down in a sec."

Her mom leaves and Brittany rolls on her back to push her head into the pillows with a groan, cursing herself for always finding a way to piss off her mother.

/

It's weird.

That's the best word to describe how it feels to have dinner with her parents.

They are talking about the trip, mostly, but Brittany is abnormally silent. Those rare times when they eat together, she can't shut up about the smallest things. Now the memories of the past feel so distant. Most things she's been occupied with seems unimportant, a waste of time to talk about. Social status, cheerleading, popularity…boys – she doesn't care for these now.

She had such a shallow life.

But as it seems, heartbreak puts your life into perspective.

She's learned it just now.

Nothing else truly matters than love.

While stirring the noodles on her plate, she wonders if they notice that she's changed. She wonders if they see. She wonders if love can be seen on someone. She's seen it on Santana, but maybe that's different.

Maybe you can just see it on the person who loves _you_.

She hasn't figured out how it works yet. Deep in her heart she just wishes to see that look of love on Santana again and have another chance.

"I asked a question, Brittany?" her father's voice hits her ears and she jolts from her stupor.

She shakes her head apologetically. "Yeah, I'm sorry – I just" she halts, unable to come up with a plausible excuse - or maybe she is just exhausted of lying.

"What's going on with you? You've been playing with your food for minutes and you just seem so – different." Her mother frowns, staring at her suspiciously. "Brittany, are you sick?"

"No, I just – I don't know, okay?" Brittany blurts out with annoyance, dropping her fork.

"It's okay, darling. We just worry about you" her dad tries to ease the tension, but his attempt irritates Brittany.

She hates that he is always standing in the middle, like a mediator between her and her mother.

"Can we just leave it?" she directs the question at both of them, but they share a glance and insist on pressing her.

Her mother shakes her head defiantly. "No, you should tell us if-"

"Why do you act like you care now?" she cuts her off, and the air freezes in the room.

"Brittany, how can you say that?" her dad asks, offended by her accusing tone. "You're our daughter; of course we care about you."

She stares at him, trying to believe his words, but the neglected child in her comes to the surface and makes her question their sincerity.

"Do you?" she asks, voice broken as she fights the inevitable tears. "Don't you just care for my grades and my trophies? That I stay out of trouble and don't get pregnant before I marry some guy that you like? Isn't that what you care about?"

Her question hangs in the air, and the look of horror on their faces makes her feel a hint of guilt.

"No" her mother rejects the accusation with utmost determination. "What is wrong with you, Brittany?" she asks, staring at Brittany like she's a stranger she's never met.

It makes Brittany crack and everything she's kept buried inside erupts like a volcano.

"What is wrong with me?" she spits, angry tears escaping her eyes. "I've had the worst day of my life and you have no idea how much I – it hurts so badly and I can't even talk to you" she whimpers, crumbling in front of her parents.

The offended look dissipates from their faces as they absorb her words. It's dead silent in the room and Brittany can hear her heart thudding in her ears. For long seconds, she watches them, trying to stop her tears from sliding down her cheeks.

"You can tell us anything" her mother chokes out at last.

"I've fallen for a girl - and I broke her heart" Brittany replies in a hollow voice. "Are you happy now?" she asks angrily, directing all her pain on them.

"Brittany" her mother pleads, but her confused look shakes Brittany up.

"No, you don't get it" she jolts up from her chair, kicking it back with a loud noise. "Don't tell me it's okay, 'cause it's not. It's not okay." She stammers pathetically, before a sob blubbers up her throat. "I'm not okay."

Her shoulders convulse from another sob and she steadies herself on the table, her vision blurred by the tears that keep on falling.

"Sunshine, please calm down" her father stands up to touch her, but she jerks away.

She feels the urge to run again. "I can't – I'm sorry" she whispers brokenly, before taking off upstairs to leave her shocked parents behind.

/

An hour later or so, she is lying in bed, freshly showered and smelling like coconut.

She feels better, a tiny bit.

The hot water soothed her mind and she had time to think. She scolded herself for her outburst, and is scared of facing her parents again, but maybe it's for the better. Now it's all out and at least the pressing feeling inside her chest eased up.

It feels easier to breathe.

In the heat of the moment, she had the courage to tell them things she's been keeping secret for a long time but she knows she was harsh. She can't take her words back and has to deal with the consequences in time. When is a question though, because much to her relief, her parents seem to need time to process what happened just as much as her, before they attempt to talk again.

She doesn't know if it will be today or tomorrow.

She doesn't know how much more she can survive today.

Rolling to her side, she pushes her nose into the pillow and sighs.

Her mind wanders back to Friday night when she shared her bed with Santana. She thinks about the endless possibilities of their relationship, all the little things she wanted to do with her but didn't have a chance to. She wonders how it would feel to curl into Santana's body, to snuggle up to her and bury her face into her smooth locks. She would smell her, and pull her closer, wrapping an arm around her stomach.

She wonders how it would feel to fall asleep with her.

And then wake up to her in the morning.

And doing it over and over again.

/

They left her enough time to reflect, still when the door opens, Brittany's eyes snap open in alarm.

Returning to reality from her dreams of Santana, she feels fragile. She doesn't move as the person approaches her bed. She can't figure out who it is, as they slowly settle beside her, the bed dipping under their weight.

It only dawns on her when soft fingertips brush against her forehead.

"I'm so sorry" her mother whispers, and her tone makes Brittany roll over.

The regret on her mother's face stuns her and she sits up in fright. "Mom?"

Her mother, looking openly dejected, looks deeply into her eyes. "You have no idea, do you? Of how much I love you?" she asks softly, and the guilt squeezes Brittany's heart like a death grip.

"No, I didn't mean any of that" she pleads with her mom, whose hazel eyes are clouded with emotions deeper than Brittany's ever seen her displaying.

"You could have. I never told you" she replies quietly. "I never showed you"

"You did" Brittany argues stubbornly, but it's a pointless attempt.

Her mother smiles at her eagerness.

"No, not in the right way" she shakes her head. "I've never told you how amazing you are, because I've always been occupied with the countless ways you are different than _me_. You are different than anyone I've ever met. You are so much _better_ than anyone I've ever met, Brittany"

"I'm not – mom, I'm –"

"Yes, you are." Her mother cuts her off firmly, staring at her like she is the most precious thing in this world. "And you know it's hard for me to talk about this - but I have to, because you have to know why I do what I do."

Brittany stares at her in confusion, trying to grasp what she means. "Yeah?" she asks nervously.

Her mother gently takes her hand and Brittany's heart speeds up at the touch. It's been such a long time since she felt so close to her mother like now, maybe never like this before.

"I always push you, because you're gifted Brittany. You have talent." Her mother explains, and it makes Brittany fill up with pride while she's listening to her words. "Me and your father - we are good at what we do, but we're simple. We're black and white people, and you're all the shades of the rainbow, bubbly and naïve, and full of delight over the simplest things. And sometimes..." she shakes her head, voice hardening "…people don't like that and all I've ever wanted was to protect you. I wanted to force some kind of normalcy on you so they wouldn't hurt you and I'm _so_ sorry that I ended up hurting you the _most_."

She stares at Brittany, tearful eyes begging for her forgiveness and Brittany almost can't bear it.

Every child has the fixation that their parents are superheroes who can't ever show weakness. It's been broken for Brittany and she doesn't know how to handle it. She doesn't know what to say to her mother who feels like a person she's never _truly_ known.

"Mom" she chokes out the only word she could find.

Her mother keeps staring at her, chin held high to stay strong as she asks "Can you forgive me, Britt?"

"I –" Brittany shakes her head, confused like never before. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asks in a hurt voice.

She feels like she's been blind to the truth for years. She suffered from the constant pressure of never measuring up to her mother's expectations. She suffered from their differences. It was all pointless and that's the _only_ thing she is mad at her mother for.

"God, I was stupid" her mother chuckles without humor, shaking her head in disbelief. "I thought you wouldn't understand it, but I was so wrong. You always get these things – so much better than I do. You are so much better at the matters of the heart."

As the words leave her mother's lips, Brittany know the only answer she could give her.

"I love you, too, mom" she whispers, before pulling her mother close so she can bury her face into her neck.

It doesn't take long before their arms are wrapped around each other and they both cry in silence. It's the silence of complete understanding.

"My baby" her mother whispers into her hair tearfully, hands caressing Brittany's back. "I want to be a good mother to you more than anything."

Brittany sniffs into her shoulder before pulling away.

"You are" she says simply and her mother smiles at her. "Can you just always be honest with me, please?"

"I promise"

"Okay" Brittany nods, before laying her head on her mother's shoulder.

Her mother takes her hand and pulls it into her lap, caressing her skin with her fingers. Her hand is boney, and skin rougher than Brittany's, but it feels so nice to be touched by her.

They rest in silence for a long time, both tired after the emotional breakdown. It's peaceful and Brittany is close to drifting into a slumber when her mother cuts off the silence.

"Will you tell me about that girl?" she asks carefully, but it still unnerves Brittany.

"Um" she clears her throat awkwardly, not sure that she is ready to ruin the picture of her in her mother's head.

But mostly, she is just not sure she is ready to talk about Santana.

Sensing her unease, her mother quickly backtracks. "You don't have to, it's all right"

Brittany raises her head and looks at her. "I don't think I could without crying" she shrugs sadly.

Her mother smiles painfully, and cups her cheek. "It will get better, trust me. Whatever you did, I'm sure she'll forgive you in time. Just like you forgave me."

Brittany's lips curl into a soft smile and it feels the strangest thing that the first person who truly makes her believe that Santana will forgive her is her own mother.

And somehow, despite all these past years, it also feels natural.

/

Brittany is sure it will take some time to get used to the shift in their family dynamic.

When the smell of fresh omelet welcomes her in the kitchen, she almost thinks she sleep-walked into a neighbor's house through the night. But it's actually her father standing in the kitchen, holding a frying pan in one hand while he holds his phone in the other, talking business as always.

"Morning, sunshine" he mouths to her silently, when she hops on a chair at the kitchen island.

This is the weirdest morning _ever_ and she can't wait for him to hang up so she could question him.

She's used to cold coffee and dead silence in the house, and now her dad is making her breakfast.

Seconds later, her mother appears in the room, dressed in a nightgown and fancy slippers, and Brittany's jaw drops to the floor.

"What's going on?" she frowns, voice thick from sleep.

"We are working from home today" her mother replies, settling beside her and reaching for coffee on instinct. "It's only fair since we worked whole weekend - I swear they'd make us work even through the night if they could" she chuckles before sipping from the hot drink.

Brittany stares at her deep in thought.

"It's pretty crappy" she notes with a shrug. "I mean, why don't you find another place?"

"It's complicated" her mother replies quickly, but seems to regret it instantly. She sighs. "With you going to college next year, we need the safety, Brittany" she explains. "This is a good place, they take care of us. It is just that we have to work really hard for it."

She is reasonable, of course but without her intention she makes Brittany feel a tiny bit guilty, knowing that it's her that they have to work so hard for.

"I get it" she nods with a small smile. "Thanks"

"For what?" her mother asks, not really paying attention as she opens the morning paper.

Brittany shrugs, before clearing her throat. "Like – I don't know – doing all this for me."

Her mother snaps her eyes back to her. "Of course" she says simply, before her gaze settles on her husband. "But you might have to fear for your father. He seems to really dig this stay-at-home dad thing" she chuckles fondly.

Brittany giggles as her dad spins around and makes a funny face, before serving the omelet on their plates.

This very well might be the weirdest, but also the _best_ morning she's ever had.

/

They take her to school and it makes her feel like a child.

This morning made her feel taken care of and it's just what she needed. It's what a person needs from their parents.

Simply, love and care.

And Brittany felt it both very much. Last night and this morning, she felt like a child again, in the best way possible.

They give her strength to face the day.

/

Everything feels a tiny bit easier than yesterday.

Smiling back to her fellow students who greet her in the morning, walking down the hallway in the crowd, sitting in the classes and trying to listen, they all need just a bit less effort on her part. She doesn't feel so vulnerable that even a light breeze would shatter her into pieces. She feels steadier and stronger than yesterday.

Her head is clearer.

She doesn't have illusions.

But she doesn't even need them today.

/

The inevitable happens.

She enters the Spanish class room, arms linked with Sugar and the sight welcoming her is better than any illusion she could ever have.

It is also _worse_ when Santana's eyes snap up for a split second and burn her up alive.

/

Brittany is numbed by her look.

It feels like a stab into her heart, all the pain she's caused Santana reflecting in those eyes.

They are cold, empty and almost black.

Her look is merciless and scares Brittany. She almost can't bear it, but continues to stare at her anyway. Santana's eyes shoot back to the desk instantly as they connect and her face flushed under Brittany's unbroken gaze. Brittany knows she should look away but she can't.

She swallows hard, her heart breaking all over again.

Sugar nudges her gently, shaking her out of the stupor. "Are you okay?" she asks, and Brittany doesn't know the answer.

She doesn't know if she could ever be okay until Santana can't bear her stare.

/

She feels her presence more than ever.

Against all the odds, she tunes in with Santana and feels every vibration coming from her. Strangely, she can connect to her and feels just the right moment to tilt her head and look back at her.

It's the exact moment Santana's eyes rise from her book.

Their gazes meet in the middle like waves in the stormy ocean, slamming against each other.

Santana quickly averts hers, blinking away to stare into space, but like gravity pulling her in, she glances back at Brittany after a long second. It feels like she can't fight it, though she desperately tries. Brittany's heart speeds up as Santana gives in and lets her eyes bore into her. She puts everything into open display, all the pain, the hurt, regret and blame.

So that Brittany can see all the damage she's done.

It's the rightful punishment.

In these seconds of connection, Brittany feels everything that Santana does. It tackles her in the chest and leaves her breathless.

Santana is so close Brittany could touch her if she reached out, yet she is _too_ far.

She is familiar, but different.

The soft skin of her cheeks, the glasses sitting on the bridge of her perfect nose, the dark locks framing her round face, the big brown eyes – they are all familiar, but the look _in_ her eyes changes _everything_ about her.

It's a changed person behind them.

/

They only cut off when Sugar kicks her leg.

She snaps her eyes at her friend questioningly, and Sugar motions towards Mr. Schuester who is just approaching their table.

She gulps, afraid that he noticed something.

In a sudden rush of panic, she dreads that Santana told him everything and now she has to face his hatred too. Only the kind smile creeping up on his face saves her from the depressing thought.

He comes to a stop beside her, clapping his hands together in a familiar manner. "Guys, I suggest you work in a group with Santana again."

His words make Brittany shiver from the prospect.

"It's not necessary" she mumbles quietly, knowing that it's probably the last thing Santana wants now.

"Yeah, we have two books now, see Mr. Schue" Sugar motions towards their books on the table and bats her lashes at their teacher.

Unfortunately, the seductive trick has no use with him.

"I'm more than happy for that, but you were so good last week" he beams proudly. "I want to see you working with the same enthusiasm. Do you mind the girls joining you, Santana?"

His question hangs in the air and Brittany's heart skips a beat, time standing still around her as she is waiting on edge.

"It's fine" Santana mutters lowly.

Brittany releases a deep breath, but Santana's answer doesn't make her feel really better. She's probably only said 'yes' not to argue with Mr. Schuester.

"Great" he nods, before walking away to help another group.

Sugar throws a worried glance in Brittany's way before turning away to greet Santana. "Hey, S" she says airily, and Brittany knows it's the tone she uses when trying to leave all the emotion out of her voice.

"Hi" Santana replies awkwardly.

Brittany has still yet to turn around and it takes another kick in the leg from Sugar to break her bubble.

Carefully, she turns back in her chair and trails her eyes up Santana, gaze settling on her face. "Hi" she mumbles breathlessly, barely a sound leaving her mouth.

Santana simply nods in acknowledgement. It hurts Brittany that she completely refuses to talk to her, not even as much as a short greeting.

When Santana clears her throat and points at her book, asking "Shall we?" in a cold tone, Brittany is pretty sure she is in for the hardest fifteen minutes of her life.

/

It's uncomfortable.

The tension at their table makes Brittany's skin creep and she ducks her head to avert Santana's eyes as much as she can. Still, her close proximity draws Brittany in and she almost dies when she catches a sniff of Santana's scent. It goes straight into her head, making her feel dizzy.

It sets her day-dreaming into motion and she steals glances at Santana's face, imagining to gently touch her cheek and -

"Britts?" Sugar calls her name pointedly, tossing her back into reality.

"Huh?" she asks sluggishly, shaking her head.

"You zoned out. Can we turn the page?" Sugar asks with a significant smile on her lips.

"Oh, right – of course, here" Brittany snaps at the book, without realizing that Santana is doing the same and she accidentally touches her hand. "I'm sorry" she jerks away in alarm, and widens her eyes in horror, staring at Santana.

She doesn't exhale until Santana opens her mouth and whispers "It's okay."

Brittany breathes out only then.

/

It happens a few minutes later again.

Santana's hands are lying flat on the book while she explains a word to Sugar, but she reaches out for her pen the exact second Brittany wants to take it to mark a word she likes in the text.

"Shit, sorry" she groans in embarrassment. "I shouldn't have-"

"You can take it" Santana cuts her off, holding up the pen for her with a small shrug.

The offer makes Brittany's heart swell, but she gently declines, a kind smile tugging at her lips. "No, you don't have to-"

"Just take it, Britts!" Sugar chimes in, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "God, you kids are too cute for words, but you're going on my nerves right now."

"Sugar" Brittany frowns at her.

"It's true" she shrugs, before raising her eyebrows pointedly, directing her words at both of them. "Can we leave the drama at the door, please? I'm trying to learn some _Español_ here" she says sassily, and a soft giggle breaks out of Santana.

Brittany's gaze flickers to her face, and she melts from the sight.

It's the first time Santana truly lets go in her presence since Sunday and she basks in the warmth radiating from her as she softly laughs. It dies down, but a shadow of a smile stays on her lips as she catches Brittany staring.

As they stare into each other's eyes, Brittany reaches out to take the pen and brushes her fingertips to Santana's skin - deliberately this time.

She has no right to touch her but she needs to.

It gives her butterflies.

And judging from the flutter of Santana's lashes, maybe she feels them in her belly, too.

/

The hurt doesn't vanish in them completely, but the shade of Santana's eyes lightens, the heaviness easing up by the time the period ends.

Brittany's gotten more agitated by the second as the clock approached noon.

Her desperation rising to a new height, she turns back to Santana as the bell rings.

"Santana" she mumbles, ducking her chin in embarrassment.

Santana glances at her nervously, stopping in her tracks. "Yeah?"

"I want to – can we maybe – just talk, please?" Brittany stammers, fidgeting in her seat as she waits for Santana's answer on edge.

The excruciating seconds until she opens her lips almost strangle Brittany to death.

"I don't think I'm – I just need some -" Santana falters, dropping her gaze on the table as she sighs deeply. "I need to go meet my friends" she says lowly, returning to packing her stuff away.

"Please, I -" Brittany whispers, not caring for the attention they are receiving.

"No, Brittany" Santana cuts her off weakly, shaking her head in rejection. "Please don't!" she pleads with her, before standing up to leave.

Brittany gently catches her elbow. "I'm sorry" she says with the deepest sincerity.

"Me too…" Santana whispers before slipping from her fingers.

She walks away, leaving Brittany behind in the circle of odd looks and suspicious expressions. She wonders if anybody knows that she's done with the bet. The news about her and Santana going on a date has spread by Saturday and now it must be much worse.

Strangely – or maybe not so much - she doesn't find it in her to care though. Her reputation, her so-called social status means nothing now.

She only cares about Santana and it makes her feel like crying that she didn't get her chance.

"Come on, Britts" Sugar tugs at her arm, hissing between gritted teeth. "Let's leave, shall we?"

They quickly leave the scene, Brittany's pressing need to let her tears escape fastening her steps and they soon find themselves in a toilet stall, Sugar crouching in front of her as she cries.

/

"I feel so pathetic" she says hoarsely, after throwing the third Kleenex into the garbage can.

"Just embrace it, Britts. Let it all out" Sugar shrugs, patting her knees gently. "You two are adorbs, by the way."

"You're not helping here" Brittany narrows her eyes at her, but a soft smile creeps up on her lips anyway.

"Hey, she just needs time" Sugar explains, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "There's nothing wrong with that, right?"

"But I just wanted to-"

"You apologized for a million freaking times" she sighs exasperatedly. "Stop trying to make her forgive you before she is ready for it."

Brittany mulls over her words.

"Do you think she'll ever be?" she asks in a tiny voice.

Sugar smiles suggestively at her. "I saw the way she looked at you…"

"Yeah?" Brittany breathes out softly, curiosity piqued by her friend.

"I'm pretty sure you know that look…" Sugar says pointedly. "…'cause you totally looked at her the same way."

Brittany sighs, dropping her gaze on the tiles.

Of course she knows that look - _the look of love_. So others can see it, too. It makes her feel exposed, the same way she felt yesterday morning.

"I fell for her _so_ hard…." she whispers, bearing her soul to Sugar. "I want to be with her, for real and I want her to see that I am serious…that I've changed. I just want her to know that I'm here…"

Sugar cups her chin gently. "That's fine, but stop pressuring her, all right?" she shakes her head. "Just be there and let her come round when _she_ wants to."

"It's so hard - like how am I supposed to stay away from her?" Brittany asks hopelessly. "It's like I can't breathe properly. It's been two days and I miss her so badly…"

"You'll survive, honey" Sugar smiles sadly, dropping her hand from Brittany's chin.

Brittany exhales deeply, hanging her head low at the prospect of staying away from Santana for days or even weeks – or forever, if it takes that.

"I'm not sure" she whispers miserably, the tears stinging her eyes again. "You have no idea how it feels to sleep in the bed where we-"

The noise of a swinging door cuts her off, and she rouses from the toilet lid, alarmed by the sound. She has the worst misgiving.

"What was this?" she asks in a hushed whisper.

"Shh" Sugar silences her, turning around to unlock the door.

Brittany catches a peak outside and it feels like a bucket of ice-cold water has been thrown into her face. The feeling spreads into her chest, then seeping into her bones until she is completely frozen on the spot.

When Sugar opens the door wider and walks out, Brittany's feet are still rooted to the tiles.

"Santana" she whispers soundlessly, as brown eyes pierce into her soul.

She surrenders to Santana's gaze and lets her see everything that she feels.

"I'll be outside" Sugar says to no one in particular – or maybe _both_ of them instead of one – before leaving them alone.

Santana's eyes flutter as the door shuts behind Sugar. They are private now and Brittany has no damn idea what will happen. She is numb, knowing that Santana heard her confession. Santana has to make a move now.

And she does, crossing the room in fast steps until she's standing in front of Brittany.

"I missed you too" she whispers, then it's her soft lips on Brittany's and her small hands stroking her waist and she is kissing Brittany like it's the first time.

Except, it's _nothing_ like the first time.

It's so much better with feelings.

When Santana pulls away and touches her lips gently with her thumb, Brittany's knees almost give up.

"I miss you, but I can't…" Santana shakes her head, releasing a wavering breath into Brittany's face. "You hurt me too much, Brittany"

Brittany cups her cheeks, clinging to her from drowning in the ocean of her emotions.

"I'll do anything" she begs her.

Santana leans in to nuzzle her nose softly, wrapping her fingers around Brittany's wrists. "I just need time…" she whispers, slowly detaching her hands from her face.

"Anything for you" Brittany says desperately, sensing the end of their moment.

Santana lingers close for seconds that feel like eternity, holding Brittany's hands between their bodies as she breathes her in then out.

"Good bye, Britt" she whispers, before letting her hands fall from hers.

She turns on her heels and doesn't look back until she's gone, leaving Brittany alone – _but leaving her hope to hold onto_.

"Good bye, San" Brittany whispers inaudibly, but it doesn't feel like an ending.

It is a new beginning.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you think the chapter is worth it!  
**

**The next chapter takes off almost immediately from here.**

**Expect lots of drama and a scene that will have an impact on every character's life in a way. Stay tuned! :)**


	15. Searching for the answer

_**Dear readers!**_

_**Thanks for every new review, fav and follower! We already reached insane numbers and we're still far from the end. **_

_**This one is a pretty important chapter, finishing a few storylines and starting new ones. We're ahead of some pretty exciting times for a lot of characters, especially Brittany and Santana of course. I hope you find the development of their relationship realistic and both character relatable, because these are the most important things for me. **_

_**Enjoy this chapter and as always, I ask you to please review! **_

_**I encourage you to tell me what you think, because your opinion makes the story better and me very happy! :)**_

_**Thanks!**_

_**For anything else, visit my tumblr!**_

_*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***_

* * *

**Searching for the answer **

**/and finding it/  
**

"Hey, hot stuff, so how's it goin' with that girl of yours? " Holly asks cheekily when they are allowed to catch a break in dance class, and Brittany is rendered speechless.

It's the hardest question Holly could have asked, because Brittany herself is not sure about the answer.

She doesn't have an easy answer.

She is _so_ confused.

Today was simply crazy, causing her emotions to range between depressing and uplifting in a matter of seconds. She was still riding the never-ending rollercoaster and felt like falling off into the mud when Santana rejected her after Spanish class.

Then fate changed the course of events. She is pretty sure that's the only answer to why Santana was there when she poured out her soul to Sugar. It could have been anybody else, but it was _her_. Fate made Santana listen to her, even when Santana fought against it.

Fate made them connect.

In the chaotic mess Brittany's created for them, Santana stood there and listened then she just couldn't stay still anymore.

Brittany recalls what made Santana act out, and it causes Brittany to stand before Holly clueless, delving into her mind and trying to figure it all out. It was her words that Santana so stubbornly refused to hear out before that broke the ice in the end. It was the sincerity in them – the unpretentious truth about Brittany's feelings for her that made Santana face her and stare into her eyes again – boring into Brittany's soul and searching for proof.

She must have gotten it.

Santana must have seen it in there, how hard Brittany's fallen for her and how hard she is suffering from the consequences of her actions. Brittany let her, because she had nothing to hide. She surrendered to her – effortlessly and willingly, because she wanted her to see it. And she wanted her to feel it.

Santana must have felt it.

She gave Brittany hope by their kiss, but left her beset by doubts.

"It's complicated…" Brittany shrugs when finding her voice again, popping the bubble she's gotten into as she utters her lame response.

From the glint in Holly's eyes, she knows she just set an avalanche in motion.

/

She lets Holly in on the bet briefly after training, leaving out the disturbing details.

She tells herself it wouldn't be decent to share so much about Santana and rather keeps the fact that Santana is intersex to herself. She knows Holly Holiday is the last person on this planet to judge Santana for her anatomy, but Brittany wants to preserve Santana's right to tell people, if she wants to.

There's a selfish part of Brittany that craves her mentor's utmost respect and recognition, and fears to disappoint her, but she overcomes it easily, seeing the sympathy in Holly's wise eyes.

"Aw, you really like her, don't you?" she asks, when Brittany finished evoking the recent events of her life that changed her fundamentally - and irreversibly so.

She projected herself into the memories all over again and Holly can see the effect on her.

"I do" she sighs, and Holly's strong arms pull her in for a tight hug.

"Love's tough, sweetie" she whispers into Brittany's hair and _that_ word pulls on Brittany's heartstrings. "But you will get through this. Remember that you're strong and don't you dare giving up the fight for her! Do you hear me?" she asks, pulling away.

"Never" Brittany tells her, a soft smile ghosting her lips.

"That's my girl" Holly winks at her, eyes shining with pride.

Her understanding means the world to Brittany, who needs every bit of encouragement she can have for the next hour, and all the minutes, hours and days to come until Santana forgives her.

/

When Rachel is the first one to show up from the Glee club, Brittany is sure in the need of encouragement.

She actually rather needs an invisibility cloak or a similar kind of magical trick that always amazes her. In this weak moment, she damns her parents for being devoid of wizard ancestors.

She is simply horrified by the prospect of being alone with Rachel, who may be the most protective of Santana's friends, and one of the most stubborn and righteous people Brittany's ever known. She is pretty sure the dance hall is about to start echoing from Rachel's dramatic monologue, involving cruel banters and yeasty threats that would qualify the scene to be in a soap opera Brittany's aunts enjoy gossiping about at family gatherings.

Surprisingly though, when Rachel notices her in the corner of the hall, she doesn't lash out.

She greets Brittany with a tight-lipped – bordering regretful - smile before excusing herself to the locker room.

/

"So…" she mutters when they fall into the third minute of utter silence, sitting stiff beside each other on the floor.

It's weirdest thing to actually witness Rachel Berry existing in silence. Brittany's always thought noise is like oxygen to the girl, but as it seems, she can be put off too.

"Look, Brittany" Rachel turns to Brittany with a worn expression. "I didn't mean to hurt you – no, that's not true actually, because I_ did_ want to hurt you back for hurting Santana. I knew Santana wouldn't do that and I was _so_ mad at you. I am still mad at you. We warned you and you made us believe that you aren't one of those people who always hurt her…._us_. You had no right to do this."

Every one of her words is right. Oddly, her emotions seem completely human and for the first time, Brittany can see the genuine, caring and lovely person Rachel is behind the mask of a young Broadway princess.

She wouldn't expect a friend to feel differently. Rachel is reasonable and doesn't blow what happened out of proportions, which makes it easier for Brittany to handle her resentment.

"I'm sorry – for everything, Rachel" Brittany tells her simply, tired of the apologies. "I know you don't like me that much, but please believe when me I say this, I _really_ like Santana and –"

"I like you" Rachel cuts her off impatiently.

Brittany frowns at her questioningly, but Rachel just keeps on staring at her like it should be obvious. She perceives Rachel's words as the girl's poor attempt at offering some kind of a condolence, but Rachel sure choose a strange way to comfort her.

"You don't have to-"

"I do, Brittany" Rachel insists, raising her voice an octave higher as she dives into a fast-paced monologue. "I like you, but I just – you could have helped, but you let your friends bully us for years and you know Santana had it the worst since she came here. Then all of a sudden, you wanted a part in her life, a pretty huge one I must say and I just felt like – you had no right. I can't forget the past and what you did to her either – maybe _she_ can, because she loves you, but I can't just get over it. I'm sorry, but you have to–"

Somewhere in the last five seconds, Brittany stopped breathing and tuned out of Rachel's speech. Every cell in her body occupied with the same thought, as she asks in a hushed whisper "What did you just say?"

"I told you that I can't just get over it" Rachel explains, articulating every word like she's trying to teach a dog to not chew on her shoes for the hundredth time.

Brittany hates her tone, but doesn't have time to get offended. She still can't get her head wrapped around what she said before.

"But Santana _can_, because she lo-"

"Oh my God, no!" Rachel blurts out, eyes bulging out in horrification as she realizes what Brittany means. "No, no, no! I swear to God Brittany, if you tell her that I-"

Brittany shakes her head firmly to stop her rant. "How do you know?"

"I can't talk about this Brittany" Rachel forces out between gritted teeth, annoyed with her insistence.

"Oh, we're over that part, don't you think?" Brittany asks with an ironic smile, impatience rising inside her by every wasted second of Rachel Berry drama.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, you will be damned for this" Rachel mutters with closed eyes before turning to Brittany with the most solemn expression she can muster. "I know it from the most reliable source. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?"

Brittany's world slows down, until time seems to stand still around her. With every beat of her heart, the same words echo in her mind, over and over again.

"She loves me…she loves _me_?"

It's a question she doesn't ask herself for the first time.

Not even the second time.

It's the hundredth time, but now it feels so real. It's not just an assumption anymore, it's not a look, a smile or a touch from Santana – anything that could deceive Brittany and make her believe. It's a declaration from Santana's best friend and Brittany feels like a wave of the ocean has washed over her.

It's not just a dream anymore – to be loved by someone.

She snaps her eyes to Rachel, clinging to the answer that is so close between the girl's parted lips.

"Brittany, does it really surprise you so much?" Rachel asks after long seconds of tension-filled silence with a strange, almost pitiful expression.

Before Brittany can dwell on an answer, the door is opened and familiar noises seep into the room from the hallway, putting an end to the special moment she shared with Rachel.

Rachel throws her a meaningful look, before pushing herself off the floor.

It makes Brittany smile when she reaches out with her hands to pull her up.

"Thanks, Rachel" Brittany says when facing the smaller girl.

"It's fine. I was behind on my monthly charity obligations anyway" Rachel chirps then lowers her voice. "Just keep this between us, okay?"

"Deal" Brittany smiles softly.

She never thought she'd ever feel this way, but Rachel Berry is actually a pretty cool person.

Even with her hideous pigtails and pink foot-warmers, her shrill voice and judgmental attitude, Rachel is a good person and Brittany is starting to like her back.

/

Kurt and Blaine poke their heads into the room and her heart warms up instantly.

"Hi, Britt" Kurt says, before throwing a suspicious glare at Rachel. "Rach"

"You're late" Rachel scolds them, eliciting an eye-roll from Kurt.

"Sorry, guys, but we got wrapped up in – uh, history homework" Blaine stammers, averting their eyes and Kurt's ears turn into a light rose shade, disclosing their secret easily.

"Homework, right?" Brittany teases with a naughty smile. "Books can be a pretty big turn-on, I guess…"

Rachel chuckles beside her.

"Brittany" Kurt hisses, but a smile is lurking around his lips too, as he can barely hide his delight.

"Um, where's everyone?" Blaine changes the topic, drawing their attention to the fact that most of the Glee club is still missing.

But Brittany is only interested in Santana's where-about.

/

She is the only one still missing.

Everybody else has arrived, and judging from the smiles they've given Brittany – and the bear-hug from Sam – Brittany is pretty sure they are completely clueless about what happened. That's why they are all confused about Santana's absence.

Kurt, Blaine and Rachel look worried, but they are trying to hide it. Brittany feels like she is missing something they know and it makes her even more anxious.

"Um, should we wait until she gets here or start without her?" Artie asks when impatience is starting to overrule the mood in the room.

"Girl's never late. I don't get it…" Mercedes shakes her head, sharing a stunned look with Tina on her side.

"Yeah, she is like a walking clock" Sam rubs his chin with a frown.

"Well, I think it's best if we just call her" Rachel stops walking up and down all of a sudden and strides to her phone, every eyes in the room following her fast moves.

"Right" Blaine mutters, his expression displaying distress.

Brittany's heart is pounding in her chest as Rachel dials the number. Her mind is overridden by the worst scenarios and she tries to lock them up, paying close attention to Rachel's face as she puts the phone to her ear, face hard with trouble as she is waiting.

When the door suddenly opens, it takes a moment for Brittany to put the puzzle together as a beautiful ringtone spreads in the hallway.

"Sorry" Santana pants as she appears in the room, hair frenzied and eyes apologetic as she stares at them. "I was just – um, I forgot" she says meekly, blinking away, and it's the least convincing excuse Brittany' ever heard.

But she doesn't mull over it, her heart filled with relief to see Santana alive and healthy.

"It's okay" she tells her with a kind smile crossing her lips.

Santana is adorable when embarrassed and the sight never fails to tug at Brittany's heart.

"I'm gonna change. You guys can start if you want" Santana says with a shrug, pulling on the straps of her backpack.

"It's fine. Two more minutes can't hurt, right?" Mercedes shrugs and her words make Brittany think the girl would rather sit on the floor all along than dance.

"No, we're gonna start warming-up, so get up on your feet, guys!" Brittany instructs the little group. "Just come on in when you're ready" she tells Santana softly.

"Okay" Santana nods, staring into her eyes for a long second, before exiting the room.

/

They're dancing considerably better than last time.

Brittany tries to put them at ease by teaching them playful dance moves and they're totally in awe when she shows off her favorite cartwheel.

"Wow, that's insane" Artie mutters with wide eyes as her feet hit the floor again.

"Yeah, well, took a while to master it…" Brittany chuckles while taking in their amazed expressions.

"How can you be so flexible? Must be genetic…it's just so not fair" Rachel huffs exasperatedly.

"Um, it also took like twelve years of training" Brittany explains with a pointed look, before her lips turn into a suggestive smile as she casts her gaze on Santana's face. "But sometimes it's pretty useful, I guess…"

Santana's eyelids flutter closed for a split second in fluster and she stares at the floor as the attention focuses on her and Brittany. Brittany takes her time to enjoy the sight, before cutting off the moment, saving Santana from the prying looks.

"So, how about we do some real dancing now?" she turns to the group. "Did you manage to convince Mr. Schue about the idea of dancing in pairs?"

"He said yes!" Rachel blurts out with a proud smile. "I think it's fair to say he took it really well, because I sold it as _my_ idea" she explains smugly with her chin raised high.

"No surprise here" Brittany mutters, causing the group to break into light chuckles.

"Right" Rachel replies, unaware by her mocking tone. "He told us to try coming up with the choreography on our own. We should form pairs!"

"I can get it from here, thanks Rachel!" Brittany takes over the control, trailing her eyes over the group to decide who should dance together.

"Rachel, you're gonna dance with Kurt" She tells the girl, eyes narrowed in concentration.

"I knew it!" Rachel squeals in delight and share the most ridiculous high-five with Kurt.

"Tina and Artie, you're a pair." Brittany continues "And Mercedes, you're gonna be with Sam."

They smile at each other bashfully, and it's obvious it's the pairing they both wished for.

"So, we're a couple then" Blaine turns to Santana who's standing in the back row, with a wide smile.

"Yeah, apologies in advance…"she mutters in embarrassment while walking to Blaine's side with slumped shoulders.

"Don't be so pessimistic. We're gonna do it, okay?" Blaine pats her back encouragingly.

"Okay" she shrugs, raising her eyes from the floor to look at him appreciatively.

"I'm gonna help, too" Brittany tells her, and Santana snaps her wide brown eyes to her face.

"Thanks" she mumbles, fidgeting with her hands nervously.

"You're welcome" Brittany shoots her a wide smile. "Now, let's see what we can do here. I have some pretty kick-ass ideas, I think…"

/

"Brittany, I must say, you really are amazing" Rachel shakes her head when they take a break from dancing.

They tested some moves and built up a really nice choreography. Everybody was enthusiastic and happily followed her instructions. Overall, they were more productive than she expected and nobody questioned her ideas. It went strangely smooth.

"You really like it?" she asks, flattered by the compliment she didn't expect coming from Rachel.

Sure Brittany took a huge step with her before class, but Rachel Berry complimenting another person's talent must be a rare occasion and boosts Brittany's confidence considerably.

"I don't hold back when criticizing people, you know, because one has to get used to taking it when deserved" she shrugs simply, continuing "But I actually think you're _insanely_ talented. Here, I said it" she declares with a proud smile.

"Thanks" Brittany smiles at her.

She catches Santana staring from afar and rests her gaze on her.

Tired and sweating a bit in a grey shirt and training pants, she still looks gorgeous. It pains Brittany that she can't reach out to brush an escaped strand of hair behind her ear. She is longing to be close to Santana, after receiving a heavy reminder of how it feels in the bathroom earlier today in the form of a kiss.

It felt so good to feel her again and Brittany hated it when it was over.

It was over so soon and she doesn't know when she will experience it again – _if she ever does_.

Santana stands her stare, and Brittany wishes they could sit here alone and not leave until they figure it all out. She wishes it would take only so much, but gaining Santana's trust again is going to be the hardest thing she's ever done. She not only wants her forgiveness, she wants to get her trust back too. Maybe it's not a fair request, but she couldn't care less.

She wants Santana and is willing to fight for her 'till the end.

"Sorry for interrupting, but I have to be at home by 8." Kurt cuts off the quiescent moment. "My extensive cleansing routine takes quite some time" he lets out a high-pitched chuckle. "And we have a history essay, too."

Brittany snaps her eyes at him and shoots him a playful smile.

"I thought you've finished that with Blaine…" she tells him teasingly.

"Yeah, no actually" he replies, his powder-white face flushing under her stare.

The group throws him suspicious looks and Santana pokes Blaine's arm, staring at him questioningly.

"What's going on?" Brittany hears her whispering.

"Later" Blaine whispers to her, eyeing Kurt's blushing face.

"Can everybody please stop staring at me?" He peals and Brittany guesses it's time to come to his rescue.

"Right girls and boys, are you ready to continue?" she asks the group, directing their attention back on her.

"Ugh, hell no" Mercedes mumbles barely audibly.

"Hey, you're doing great" Sam tells her and it seems to break her resolve.

"Thanks" she replies with an infatuated smile.

She seems to have it really bad for Sam, but Brittany is not sure the boy reciprocates her feelings. He seems to be really oblivious when it comes to deciphering emotions and his behavior seems innocent, just simply nice in a purely friendly way.

But Brittany doesn't know him enough to judge and it is possible he is just shy.

She has no time to ponder, because Kurt is already on his feet, urging the others to follow him.

"Shall we?" he asks impatiently, walking over to her to pull her up.

"I can manage" Brittany winks at him, before jumping on her feet. "Come on, let me see those pairs! Here comes the harder part…" she trails off, before telling them to stand closer and touch each other's waist and shoulder.

Their nervous looks and fidgety movements make her sure this is gonna be quite a challenge.

/

It really is, even harder than she thought.

Rachel and Kurt work together just fine, although Rachel manages to somehow lead as a girl and it's quite funny how much more masculine she is than Kurt, who acts rather like a doll dragged around in the room.

But they are _fine_, considering.

Artie and Tina make the best in their special circumstances and they are even enjoying it. Brittany can see something blossoming between them, but maybe she is so love-sick, she is projecting her feelings into everybody else, too. Anyway, they are a good pair, in dancing at least.

The other half of the group lags behind.

Santana and Mercedes are not able to relax into the dance and the boys' attempts to ease their anxiety are futile.

To help the girls, Brittany proposes switching partners.

Artie doesn't mind to sit this out – literally – so she can join in. He is happy to help, taking over her phone to handle the music and Brittany really appreciates it.

Blaine takes over Kurt to dance with Rachel, and his demeanor makes him look more of an equal to the feisty girl. Kurt teams up with Tina, the best dancer among the girls. It leaves Sam and Santana for each other, a fact Santana accepts without much of a reaction. She looks lost, and returns Sam's crooked smile in a forced way.

"But who am I gonna be with? There's no other boys" Mercedes frowns, cutting off Brittany's thoughts about Santana.

"You're gonna dance with me" she replies quickly.

"Oh" Mercedes utters, processing her words.

"I'm gonna lead, don't worry" Brittany tells her, smiling brightly. "Just try to let go and enjoy it. It's not like sex – I mean, if you don't enjoy it, people will notice."

"That's like the weirdest comparison I've ever heard" Tina chimes in, and Brittany snaps her eyes at her.

"Yeah, well, it's true though" she shrugs, before noticing that Santana is trying to shield her smile.

It makes her chuckle coyly. "Okay, are we gonna do this or what?" she asks, focusing her gaze on Mercedes.

The girl shrugs, walking up to her. "Why not?" she asks, cracking a smile at Brittany.

"That's the right attitude, Mercedes" Brittany praises her.

"Call me 'Cedes" Mercedes smiles at her.

"Will do" Brittany returns it, before settling her hand on the girl's waist and reaching out to take her hand.

"This is strange" Mercedes tells her with a chuckle, when they take the starting position as the other pairs.

"Let's just try it, okay?"

"Yeah"

"Okay, Artie, give us some music, will ya'?" Brittany throws him a look behind her shoulder and Artie turns the music on, giving her the thumbs up.

She doesn't stop smiling through the song, even when Mercedes missteps and throws off their rhythm momentarily. After the fifth try, the girl's improvement is admirable.

"You're doing great, 'Cedes" Brittany whispers kindly in the short break. "You think you can do it with Sam now?" she asks with a supportive smile.

"Yeah, thanks Britt" Mercedes nods, before pulling away.

She turns towards Sam, and catches his eyes. Brittany's gaze follows her, but her attention focuses on the person standing beside Sam, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. The realization sinks in and Brittany watches her swallowing hard, before she points at herself then Brittany questioningly.

Brittany nods timidly, afraid that her silent request will be refused.

Mercedes leaves Brittany's side to walk up to Sam, and all the attention presses on Santana.

Hating the looks as always, she quickly crosses the room to stand beside Brittany, hiding halfway behind her back from their gazes.

Brittany feels her closeness and it's incredibly hard to control her voice when she tilts her head and asks nervously "Is this okay?"

Santana gives her a stiff nod then averts her eyes as Brittany turns to face her.

"Can I?" she whispers, afraid to touch Santana without her consent.

"Yeah" Santana replies quietly, eyes glued to the floor as Brittany steps forward, closing the gap between their bodies.

The electricity between their bodies makes Brittany's heart speed up and she is pretty sure she can hear Santana's heart matching hers in pace in the dead-silent room. She can feel the stares on her back, but she doesn't care for any of them now.

It's only her and Santana.

And slowly, her hand reaches out to touch the curve of Santana's waist, her breath hitching at the contact. Her eyes snap up from her hand to Santana's face and stunned to meet her wide eyes connecting with hers.

The melting chocolate pots are filled with a mix of emotions, as Santana can't hide how affected she is by Brittany's gentle touch.

Carefully, Brittany takes her hand and pulls it closer, holding it near her heart. Her eyes never leave Santana's and her heart beats so wildly Santana must feel it reverberating in the inch of space between them. Every beat calls out to Santana, longing for her.

When Santana raises her hand and sets in on Brittany's shoulder, her lips part to let out a sigh.

For seconds, Brittany gives into the feeling and she is only tossed back into reality when Artie clears his throat.

"Can we give it a go?" he asks.

"Yeah" Brittany answers and is disappointed when turning back to Santana, the girl's eyes are burning a hole into the wooden floor.

She lost it, but refuses to let go of Santana's stare. When the music starts, her grip strengthens on Santana's waist and she leads their dance, trying to manipulate Santana's body, fighting the girl's inhibitions.

"Look at me, please" she pleads her while dancing.

Slowly, Santana raises her chin and stares into her eyes, her face contorting in pain.

"I won't let go of you, San" Brittany whispers, conveying her purpose.

"Britt, please" Santana whispers miserably.

It only urges Brittany on, and she leans closer until her breath hits Santana's temple.

"Never" she whispers into her ear.

"It hurts…" Santana breathes out brokenly, her tone the most fragile Brittany's ever heard.

"Let me heal you, please" Brittany looks at her, while their feet never stop moving to the rhythm. "I can make it better"

"I don't trust you, Brittany" Santana snaps, pulling away and the moment is over.

It's ruined by the harsh reality.

Brittany and Santana keep on dancing, but they're dancing on their own – standing closed, but worlds apart as the wall of betrayal forces them to part.

When the practice ends, Santana is the first one to leave the room.

Some follow her steps with looks dumbfounded, while others - knowing the reason - stare at Brittany sympathetically. Nobody dares to ask as she picks up her stuff and quickly rushes out of the room, leaving the studio as fast as she can.

In her car, she lets herself recall what Santana told her and clutches the wheel to keep her tears at bay.

She can't let herself fall back again.

She can't let herself turn into a crying mess every time Santana pushes her away, rightfully so.

She wills herself to stay strong. She is reminded by how many people support her in the fight, when Kurt knocks on the window of her car.

Releasing a deep breath, she quickly turns it down, letting the cold air of the evening sneak into the car.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay" Kurt tells her with a painful little smile.

"Thanks" Brittany forces a smile on her lips. "It's just - I know how much I hurt her, but I wish she would let me –" she shakes her head in pain. "I don't even know what I really want…"

"I think you know exactly" Kurt tells her with a meaningful look.

"I just want her" Brittany sighs deeply, uttering her one and only wish.

"You'll get her back, but it'll take time, I told you" he shrugs his shoulders. "She'll come round, I'm sure of it"

"I know – I mean, I hope so" Brittany replies. "Thanks for looking out for me, Kurt! You really don't have to…" she trails off.

"Uh, stop it, silly!" Kurt chuckles. "It's what friends for, right?"

Brittany's eyes widen at his words, but she can't argue with him. Why would she, if it's so obvious. She found a friend in him, a person she's never expected to be friends with, a person from the absolute lowest part of the social hierarchy she cared so much for in the past.

But she doesn't anymore and it makes her so happy that he regards her as a friend.

"Good night, Britt" he smiles kindly, before pulling away.

"You too, Kurt" Brittany replies, and reaches out to catch his sleek jacket before he can turn away. "Kurt?

"Yeah?" he leans down to look at her questioningly.

"Congrats on Blaine! Nice catch" she smirks at him teasingly. "But you will have to tell me everything later, just so you know"

Kurt's eyes light up and he doesn't reject her. "Will do, I promise" he says softly, before throwing her a wink.

He leaves her alone, but sitting in her car, the memories find Brittany again and she counts the people offering her support – and she doesn't feel alone anymore.

If anything, she feels loved.

She screwed up, but these people love her despite her flaws. They love her for herself.

Recalling the look Santana gave her when Brittany touched her, she wants to hope that deep down in her heart Santana loves her too.

/

She has a good night actually.

She talks on Skype with Quinn while doing her nightly routine, brushing her hair and applying some lotion on her legs, so she smells like her grandma's garden on a spring morning.

The talk makes her feel good, even though it's exhausting to recount everything that happened today.

Spanish class, the kiss, the dance – everything Santana.

Brittany knows it's hard for Quinn to get over the fact that Brittany is getting to be friends with members of the Glee club and actually has fallen for one of them, because she is fixated on the idea that they are somehow different people.

Quinn is a bit uptight, but she is making a great effort to understand Brittany.

In their newfound trust in each other, Brittany decides to ask something she's been craving to get an answer to for a long time.

"Can I ask something?" she turns to the screen, watching Quinn take off her earrings.

"Of course" her best friend replies instinctively.

Brittany swallows, gathering her courage to ask "Why do you hate Rachel so much?"

Quinn looks at her, shock displaying in her hazel eyes. "I don't!"

"Quinn…" Brittany tilts her head, staring at her knowingly.

It breaks down Quinn's thick walls and the beautiful girl lets out a sigh, her expression hardening as she is struggling with her thoughts.

"I don't know" she repeats, voice low and head shaking slowly as she speaks. "It's just something about her that makes me feel-" she frowns, and Brittany hangs on her lips. "I get angry, you know, because it's _so_ not fair. How can someone like her be happy when I'm not? How can she be so confident and fearless when I sometimes think I'm the ugliest, and the weakest person in the whole world?" she looks deeply into Brittany's eyes. "Why are they happy all the time with their lives, when I had _everything_ and still hated myself sometimes?"

With a heart broken for Quinn, Brittany doesn't know what to say.

Finally, she gets it, but dealing with Quinn's self-loath is the hardest thing for a best friend.

"Quinn, honey" she tells her, unable to offer much condolence through the screen.

"I don't hate any of them, Brittany – but I can't tell you how much I envy them" Quinn lets out a strained sigh.

It's a shocking realization that takes time for Brittany to comprehend.

"Is that why you tried to – I don't know how to say this - hurt them, all the time?" she asks carefully.

"Yeah" Quinn shrugs apologetically. "It was easier to lash out than look into myself. I'm really sorry for all that, Britt"

"I'm sorry too, for not noticing. I should have asked a long time ago" Brittany replies, shooting her a pained smile.

"No, it's not your fault. I guess everything just escalated over time and with this pregnancy scare, I lost myself completely…" Quinn trails off, staring into space.

"You're over that, now" Brittany tells her comfortingly. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, but it's over now, Quinn"

"Yeah, but it didn't excuse my behavior. I have to accept that it was still me who's done those hurtful things to innocent people" she casts her gaze back at Brittany. "I owe them an apology, especially Santana"

"That would mean a lot" Brittany smiles at her. "But I think she'd need to see you've changed to believe it. I guess she works this way – with me, too. I have to prove myself to her"

"It's much harder, right - than just saying you're sorry?"

"It is" Brittany says quietly. "But I'm gonna fight for her, 'cause it's worth it."

"And I'm gonna be by your side" Quinn replies, and her words give Brittany enough encouragement to start another day fighting for Santana Lopez.

/

It happens when she is walking down the hallway of McKinley High.

Her steps are long and hurried as she hails down the familiar hallway, a bit late for meeting up with the Cheerios girls for lunch.

She is lucky that the crowd parts in front of her. It's still her realm, because the people don't yet know the queen has fallen. They still admire her, unbeknownst to her 'failure'. She knows it's just a question of time the news will get out about her and Santana, but she is ready to fall.

Her status wouldn't be the biggest thing she lost in this bet.

It happens when she is turning to the hallway leading to the cafeteria.

She notices a group of jocks standing in a circle, towering over their latest victim. In the past, she would pretend not to see it, but this time, she shivers from the misgivings and can't stop her legs when they take her closer.

Her heart thudding in her throat, she moves on instinct, pulling her books closer as she approaches the group.

"What are you doing?" she asks mutedly, voice weak as the nerves rise inside her.

Dave Karofsky faces her when turning around. "Wanna see?" he sneers, and she nods timidly.

He steps out of the way, letting her get a good look at the victim.

A shaking Santana appears in sight, eyes wide with dread and chin whimpering as she clutches her backpack like it's the last straw in the storm.

"Oh my God" Brittany whispers as their eyes meet.

"See how hot I look with her glasses?" Azimio chortles, pushing Santana's glasses on his nose. "Such a panty-dropper, aren't you lil' freak?" he asks then reaches out with his big hand towards Santana.

"Don't touch her!" Brittany steps forward, shoving his hand away as her voice shrills through the tension-filled air.

"I don't need your protection" Santana snaps beside her, voice cold even as she struggles to squeeze the words out.

"Santana" Brittany begs her.

"Sure you do" Karofsky cuts it threateningly, before he throws Matt a meaningful glance.

The look gives Brittany shivers, and her gaze flickers among the boys' faces, trying to find humanity in them. Puckerman stands on the side, eyes hurt and expression defeated as he takes part silently in the harassment. Brittany begs him to look at her, but he refuses to.

It happens when something red flashes in Matt's hands.

"Now you get what you deserve, freak" he laughs mercilessly before raising his hand.

It happens in a split of a second then.

Instinct takes over Brittany's body and she feels her feet shooting off the floor and she is flying to shield Santana from the attack.

In a split second, she gets covered in ice-cold slushie, her eyes burning and body shivering from the shocking feeling.

"Brittany" Santana yelps beside her, and Brittany feels her familiar touch on her arm. "Are you hurt?"

Brittany feels numb, the cold piercing into her bones. Eyes blinded and muscles frozen, she nods timidly. She feels Santana wiping her face and carefully, she attempts to open her eyes. She is welcomed by Santana looking at her with a mix of the sincerest affection and deepest worry on her face.

"It's just so cold" Brittany whispers, wiping off some of the red drink from her forehead.

Santana smiles at her painfully, and helps her clean up as much as she can, both of them forgetting about their audience for a second.

"Wow, look at that" Matt cuts off their moment with a sickly satisfied tone. "Red really suits you, Pierce" he snickers, stepping forward.

"Matt, dude, stop it" Azimio chimes in, gaining his attention briefly. "We should leave – this is Pierce, for fuck's sake! This is trouble, man" he shrugs, and Brittany has the urge to laugh at his so-called bravery.

Of course they are brave enough to bully Santana, but when it comes to her, they lose their shit.

"He is right, just leave it, Matt" Noah says quietly, and for a brief second, his eyes meet Brittany's.

Brittany wants to think he doesn't just horn in to save his friend's ass.

"She is just a _girl_, why are you freaking out?" Matt huffs, looking at the rest of his group, as half of it already left, afraid to get caught. "She is just a weak girl" he hovers over Brittany and she is numbed by the look in his eyes, the same blacked-out look from that horrible night she will never forget.

He reaches out to touch her cheek, and she braces herself against it, when it's suddenly jerked out of the way.

"Don't you dare fucking touch her!" Santana yells at him, stepping forward to shield her from Matt.

She shoves him in the chest, and he stumbles from the surprise attack.

"Get your freak off me, you stupid ho!" Matt points at Brittany warningly, while eyeing-up Santana. "Else I'll have to-"

"Enough, Rutherford!" Noah cuts him off, stepping forward with a threatening expression.

"If you ever touch her again, I swear to God you'll regret it!" Santana spats at Matt.

Hating to see her so angry, Brittany gently touches her hand. "Santana, stop"

She gives her a wild look, and Brittany can barely see _her_ behind the rage.

"What's going on here?" A familiar voice reaches Brittany's ears, and Mike's face appears suddenly.

"Freak's talking some bullshit" Matt dismisses him.

It boils Santana's blood and she tears her hand away from Brittany to point into his smug face. "No, he fuckin' tried to – he drugged her at _your_ fuckin' party" he turns to Azimio, shouting at him.

"What?!" He blurts out in shock.

"Is this true?" Mike asks in a hard voice, but Brittany can only stare out of her eyes and trying not to think.

She is trying not to remember and live it through again. But the present is not much better to live in.

"I just wanted to have some fun, man" Matt says, and it makes her crack.

Tears slide down her cheek as Santana returns to her side to wrap an arm around her back.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Noah asks in a hollow voice.

Brittany raises her chin to look deeply in his eyes.

"Don't act like you didn't know about this" she says quietly, and the horror on his face stuns her.

It makes her question what she just said.

"I didn't" he presses on, eyes begging Brittany and Santana to believe him. "You have to believe me, Britt!"

"Drugging her? You're fucking sick, man" Karofsky shakes his head.

"Wow, are you on her side now?" Matt laughs, and the sound makes Brittany shudder.

Santana's grip tightens around her as her chest convulse with another sob. In a split second though, she is forced out of her turmoil as Noah lashes out on Matt, closing the gap between them to grip the collar of his jacket.

"I'm so gonna beat the shit out of you, bastard" he yells into his face.

"Noah" Mike says threateningly, but it has no use.

Brittany's breath hitches as Noah punches Matt in the face, and a painful yell later, Matt is bending forward and blood is sliding down his hand cupping his nose.

"Oh my, God!" a familiar voice shrieks from afar and Brittany notices Sugar and Quinn rushing to the scene.

Not caring for the audience – or the consequences of his actions – Noah pulls Matt up and shoves him in the chest, until the boy's back hit a locker.

Santana drags Brittany away, shielding her from the trouble with her small body as Mike and Finn attempts to skim Noah's strong hands from Matt's half-conscious body.

"Noah, stop!" Quinn whispers, coming to his side when the boys manage to get him off of Matt.

She touches his arm and the pain in his eyes when he looks at her breaks Brittany's heart.

"I didn't know" he whispers like a mantra. "I didn't know it, Quinn"

"Noah…" Quinn shakes her head, and Brittany wishes she could open her mouth to say something.

But she is in complete shock, Santana's hand the only thing keeping her from floating away from reality.

It grounds her in the hurricane.

"You're gonna pay for this, Puckerman" Matt yells at Noah, trashing in Mike's and Finn's arms as strength returns into his body.

Brittany leans closer to Santana on instincts and meets her eyes, begging her to stop this mess. She just wants the violence to stop. She just wants Santana to hold her close and tell her that it's over.

She just wants to find safety in her arms.

But peace doesn't come easily.

Instead, Mr. Schuester finds them, walking up to the group with horrified eyes.

"What is going on here?" he asks with a deep frown, taking in the scene, his eyes shocked to see an injured Matt before they settle on Brittany. "What happened?" he demands an answer again.

Nobody says anything.

Nobody even moves as he is waiting for them to speak up. They don't and in the long seconds of silence, half the Glee club joins Mr. Schuester.

Rachel rushes to Santana's side, Sam and Kurt following his steps.

"Santana?" she gently asks Santana, before turning to Brittany. "Brittany, what happened to you?"

"I – I can't" she whispers, glancing at Santana's equally shocked face.

They are still under the effect of what happened - _they all are_.

"Fine" Mr. Schuester cuts into the heavy air, losing his patience. "Everybody goes to see Mr. Figgins, if you refuse to give me an answer"

"He just beat me up" Matt blurts out all of a sudden, setting an earthquake in motion.

"It's not true, you asshole!" Santana spits, and Brittany has to pull her back as anger rises in her again.

"Shut up, dyke!" Matt yells back at her, and eyes widen in terror.

"Oh my God, that's a horrible thing to say" Kurt whispers.

"You too, faggot – you're all gonna burn in hell! Puckerman too, you betrayed me dude, do you hear me?" Matt shouts at Noah, whose stare is still set on Quinn's sad face.

"It's enough!" Mr. Schuester cuts off Matt's rant and turns to Mike and Finn on his sides. "Boys, take him to the doctor!"

When they leave, it's a slightly bit easier to breathe for Brittany.

"Everybody, stop staring and go to your classes!" Mr. Schuester dismisses the crowd surrounding their group and slowly, the noises subdue and silence wraps around them again.

"Brittany, you're gonna be sick. Someone help her clean up!" He says, and Santana instantly tugs at Brittany's hand to start off towards the locker room. "Not you, Santana, you're coming with me" he stops her in her tracks.

"No, I'm going with her" Santana argues stubbornly.

"Santana, you don't have to-"

"I won't leave you" she turns to Brittany, eyes fiercely black and relentless.

Brittany smiles at her, heart swelling with love.

"Fine" Mr. Schuester sighs, looking at the pair of them. "You can go with her, but you're both expected in Mr. Figgins' office as soon as you're finished."

"Thanks, Mr. Schue"

/

They don't talk until they are alone in the girls' locker room, sitting on the bench in the middle.

"I don't know what to say…" Santana says quietly, still holding onto Brittany's hand.

"A 'thank you' would do" Brittany chuckles at her, feeling the pressure inside her chest slowly dispelling.

"Britt…" Santana shakes her head, scooting closer to her. "Why did you do that?"

The question is easy, but answering it is hard. Telling her is hard and Brittany is not ready to do it yet. She barely had time to get used to the feeling, and confessing Santana what she feels for her is a challenge she is not ready to handle.

"Don't you know?" she asks instead, trying to tell Santana with her eyes.

"You shouldn't have" Santana whispers, caressing her hand softly.

"It was the right thing to do" Brittany declares, determined about her rightness. "I wanted to protect you. I couldn't bear the idea of anyone hurting you, so I rather…" she trails off, referring to what she's done to save Santana from the attack.

"Thank you" Santana says quietly, a tearful smile appearing on her lips.

She seems deeply moved by Brittany's words, but Brittany doesn't know why.

"It's nothing" she shrugs, dismissing Santana's words of gratitude.

Santana's eyelids flutter closed for a split second and a tear slides down her cheek. She snaps her eyes open again, and Brittany drowns in melting chocolate, consumed by the love inside them. "It's everything, Britt" she whispers, before leaning in to kiss Brittany's cheek softly.

It makes Brittany's heart skip a beat, and she tilts her head on instinct, searching for her lips.

Their noses brush together, and she can feel the power of Santana's lips pulling her in, a force she can't fight.

She almost musters up her courage to kiss her, when Santana pulls away.

"You must be cold" she tells Brittany with a painful smile.

"A bit" Brittany whispers sadly, disappointed to be rejected by her again.

"How can I help you?" Santana asks. "You should get into the showers, I think"

"Yeah" Brittany nods, shivering from the cold that makes itself known again. "Do you have some clothes, maybe?"

"Yes, actually I always keep a set here" Santana shrugs, and Brittany doesn't have to wonder why. "Let me see!"

She drops Brittany's hand for the first time since forever to wander off to a locker.

"Um, they're just sweats, but I guess they'll do…" she tells Brittany, bringing a stack of clothes to her.

"They're perfect." Brittany smiles warmly at Santana, before standing up to undress.

"Um, I'm gonna turn away, while you…" Santana tells her nervously, fidgeting with her hands in front of her.

"You saw me naked, Santana" Brittany tells her in a hurtful tone.

"Still" Santana insists, turning away to show her back to Brittany.

"Will you ever be able to look at me like that again?" Brittany whispers dejectedly.

Her question hangs in the air, pressing on Santana like a dark cloud in the heavy air.

It's a question that Brittany yearns to get an answer for but dreads it at the same time.

When Santana turns back to her, Brittany is sure her answer will change everything between them.

"No, I don't think so - not like that" she whispers, and Brittany's heart breaks all over again. "I thought you were perfect – inside and out. But I realized you're not. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"No"

"It makes me feel like a fool" she shakes her head.

"I'm so sorry, Santana" Brittany tells her for the millionth time.

"I'm not. You opened my eyes" Santana explains and somehow, she seems fine with it now. "I know what I felt for you wasn't real – it was a childish fantasy"

Her words are harsh like a slap, and Brittany needs to take a moment to process.

She made a fool out of Santana, selling her an image that wasn't entirely her. It was an image of a perfect girl – someone who's never existed. Therefore, Santana's feelings for her weren't real and she can only hope they can _be_ real in the future.

That's the only hope Brittany holds in her heart.

"Do you think you could ever – I want to prove that I've changed, Santana…I want you to lo-"

"You just did" Santana cuts her off with a painful smile.

"Can you forgive me then?" Brittany asks weakly.

Santana nods, raising her hands to cup Brittany's cheeks.

"I already did" she whispers. "Is that enough for now?"

"For now" Brittany tell her, wrapping her fingers around her wrists. "But I told you – I won't let you go"

"I hoped so" Santana replies with an affectionate smile.

"Good" Brittany sighs, before dropping her hands.

They dwell into silence, as she starts undressing.

Santana watches her face while she discards her stained Cheerios top, and swallows hard when Brittany reaches back to pull the zip of her skirt down. She tugs it down her legs, then her spanx follow, leaving her in nothing but underwear in front of Santana.

She kicks off her shoes, and takes off her socks before reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra.

When the straps fall from her shoulders, she meets Santana's eyes and they stare at each other as the bra drops on her floor.

Brittany shivers from Santana's look, which never leaves her face to roam all over her almost naked body.

Not even when her panties hit the floor, she looks away.

Strangely, her rejection makes Brittany feel respected. It makes her feel safe that even though she is naked in front of Santana, she respects her so much that she refuses to look at Brittany in a sexual way.

It's strange – considering all Brittany wanted a few minutes ago was Santana to look at her _that_ way again.

But it doesn't seem to matter now.

It's not what she wants.

"I'm gonna wait here" Santana tells her, breaking her reverie.

"Thanks" Brittany replies with a smile, before walking away towards the showers.

She doesn't look back, but she is sure Santana's eyes follow her moves 'till they can.

/

Santana gets detention for a week.

She argues that it's not fair, but settles for it when asked why she pushed Matt. She refuses to tell Mr. Figgins the reason.

Brittany tells her she can, but she just shakes her head.

Her stare discloses everything. It says she can't talk about it.

Brittany thinks neither she can, but she has to.

Soon, with someone – she has to.

/

She learns the news that Matt and Noah both got suspended for a month.

Matt's parents came in to complain, which resulted in a heated argument, and later, the decision that he will transfer. Brittany doesn't know what to feel, or whether she feels anything at all. She tries to shut any feeling off when it comes to him.

She knows it will be easier to move on, if she doesn't see him every day – and it will be easier for Santana, too.

Noah's parents didn't come and Quinn tried to console him.

He was broken when he left the room and Brittany tried to tell him something, but she couldn't.

The memory was too fresh and she was still confused about what happened. She watched him walk away, shooting Quinn a tight smile as her best friend went after the boy she's been with for so long.

It left her alone with Sugar by her side.

"I'm gonna take you home" she tells Brittany firmly. "Don't even try to argue!"

"But my car-"

"I'm gonna send one for you in the morning" Sugar huffs in annoyance, standing up from her seat in front of Mr. Figgins' office. "Told you not to argue…"

"Thanks, Sugar" Brittany smiles at her warmly, before standing up.

Walking out of the school, she feels that everything is changed and she won't return here as the same person ever again.

/

The weirdest thing happens later.

She is resting on her bed with Sugar, watching the latest episode of _Gossip Girl_, a show Sugar is completely obsessed about when Brittany's phone starts ringing.

It's an unknown number and she takes it with a bit of apprehension, motioning for Sugar to stop the episode.

"But it's the best part…" Sugar does so, reluctantly.

Brittany puts her phone to her ear, and parts her lips in shock when it's none other than Santana's mother speaking.

"_Hello, Brittany"_ the familiar deep voice greets her. _"I'm sorry to bother you so late darling, but I had to call"_

"Hi, Mrs. Lopez" Brittany breathes into the phone and watches Sugar's eyes widen.

"_Elena, please"_ the woman asks Brittany for the millionth time.

"Yeah, sorry" Brittany smiles a little.

"_Santana told me what happened today"_ Elena says. _"Well, it was mostly the dear Mr. Schuester, but I managed to get the missing details out of her. Brittany, I don't know what to say – you're a gift from God to my daughter."_

"That's not true" Brittany dismisses her compliment.

She can't believe Santana told her mother what happened today but didn't tell her how much she hurt her before. She can't really get her head wrapped around it.

"_Oh, a mother always knows"_ Elena chuckles lightly. _"I just wanted to thank you for standing up for her!" _

"It was the right thing to do" Brittany repeats what she told Santana in the locker room.

"_You're a good person, Brittany"_ Elena declares and Brittany shakes her head silently. _"I know something happened between you and my daughter, but she refused to tell me really – so I just hope you don't give upon her – on you and her."_

"Never" she whispers into the phone.

"_I'll take your word on that!"_ Elena replies warmly.

Brittany glances at Sugar meaningfully, who immediately stands up from the bed and leaves her room, smiling softly as she takes Lord Tubbington with him.

"Elena, could you maybe give her the phone?" Brittany asks with hope in her voice when she is alone in the room.

"_Of course, darling"_ Elena answers, and a few seconds later, the worried voice of Santana fills Brittany's ear.

"_Hey, are you okay? You're not sick, aren't you?"_ she asks, and her selfless attitude warms Brittany's heart.

"No, I just wanted to ask you something" she replies, nerves creeping upon her about the question.

"_Yeah?"_

She exhales deeply, gathering her strength to ask "Why didn't you tell your mother about the bet?"

The silence is almost unbearable and she can only cling to Santana's short breaths. It makes her feel connected to reality.

"_What?"_ Santana whispers after a while.

"I know you didn't. You could have though…" Brittany tells her with a shrug.

"_She wouldn't understand, Brittany." _Santana explains with a painful voice._ "If we ever – I didn't want her to judge you"_

The meaning behind her words stuns Brittany, whose thoughts start twirling around in her mind.

She knows what Santana wanted to tell her before she cut herself off. If they ever get back together, she wouldn't want her mother to think badly of Brittany. It's something Brittany can't quiet process.

"Santana-" she starts, but she is instantly cut off.

"_I can't tell her. Please don't tell me I should"_ Santana pleads with her.

"I won't" Brittany sighs. "But one day, I want you to"

"_Maybe" _Santana whispers quietly.

"If we ever, Santana - I want your parents to know me and what I did" Brittany explains. "And I want them to know that I don't regret it, because I've fallen for you – and that, I don't regret at all"

"_I don't regret it either" _Santana replies after a while and a huge rock rolls down from Brittany's shoulders.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" she asks with rising hope.

"_I hope so" _

"What about – um, maybe we could go for a coffee after school?" she proposes the idea nervously.

"_I have detention, Britt"_ Santana sighs into the phone.

"Oh, right – I'm so sorry about that" Brittany curses herself mentally.

"_It's okay – it's just that I have to miss Glee club tomorrow and next Monday"_ Santana explains sadly.

"Can't you ask Mr. Schue to do something about it?"

"_He is not that kind"_ she refuses the idea. _"And I'm pretty sure I deserve it anyway."_

"You've done nothing wrong, San" Brittany argues.

"_I hate violence – what I did was wrong and should never happen again" _

"Well, it was a bit scary…" she trails off.

"_See, I scared you"_ Santana whispers with disappointment lacing into her soft voice.

"No, but it just hurt to see you in so much pain. I don't want you to get so angry ever again"

"_I lose it Brittany, when the people I love get hurt – I go completely mad"_ she sighs.

"Yeah, that's a thing I love about you" Brittany whispers.

"_You do?"_

"Yes, it's amazing" she smiles into the phone giddily. "You're amazing, Santana."

"_I'm not the one who saved a girl from a slushie today"_ Santana teases her, and her words make the butterflies erupt in Brittany's stomach.

"I never thought it would be so cold – and I'm pretty sure there's some in my hair still…" Brittany chuckles lightly. "Anyway, at least it tasted good"

"_You're crazy, but it's something I really love about you"_ Santana says shyly.

"So cute…" Brittany bites down on her bottom lip.

It is getting increasingly harder not to jump into her car and go over to Santana's so she could plant a hard kiss on her lip and it is getting increasingly harder not to voice her urge to do so.

"_I think it's time for me to go" _Santana breathes into the phone.

"I wish you would be here…"

"_Britt" _she sighs tiredly.

"What? It's true" Brittany insists. "Am I not allowed to tell you such things anymore?

Santana takes a moment, and Brittany doesn't expect to get an answer that will make her heart bursts with feelings. _"You know I want the same thing"_

"One day?" Brittany asks with a hopeful smile.

"_Soon, Britt"_ Santana replies. _"Soon…is that enough for now?"_

"For now" Brittany smiles softly. "Good night, San"

"_Good night, Britt-Britt"_ Santana replies softly, before finishing the call.

/

When Sugar returns to her room and asks what they were talking about, Brittany doesn't have an easy answer.

She doesn't have an easy answer at all.

So she just settles for the conclusion.

"I think I love her"

She says, and it's not complicated anymore.

* * *

_**Thanks so much for reading!**_

_**I hope you liked it! Tell me what you think in a review! I appriciate every opinion. **_

_**Next chapter, some things will be resolved and we will have the most romantic scene in the story I think. Hope you're as excited for it as I am! **_

_**Stay tuned, until then, try asking for spoilers on my tumblr! You might get lucky! :) **_


	16. A chance for true love

_**This chapter signals the end of the middle section of the fic. I hope by the end of the chapter you'll feel that it was worth enduring all the angst and struggle. ** _

_**It means a lot to me that I get so much encouragement from you. All your nice reviews, messages and the countless new follower make me smile every day. I hope you'll love this chapter as much as I do! **_

_**P.S.: Thanks ****ollieanders for serving as a beta for this chapter! She did an amazing job. :)**_

_**Please leave a review if the story is worth it! Enjoy!**_

******For anything and everything, visit me on my tumblr!**

*** emmanuelle-s. tumblr. com ***

* * *

**A chance for true love**

Everything has changed.

The three best friends step into the school, arms linked and steps in sync, and the whole place shuts down. The crowd is silenced, every eye focusing on Brittany and the two girls on her sides. It feels like the school's been waiting for this moment. It feels like everybody has been waiting for this moment and now that they are here; they all want a piece of them.

The news must have spread.

They must have been needled, exaggerated and spread into every circle of the school.

Brittany feels exposed under their stares.

As they stride down the hallway, hushed whispers sneak into the silence and it gets even worse. She catches some words and she wishes she didn't. It's strange that she's never cared before – for the talks, the looks and the gossip - and now it makes her feel exploited. Her privacy was taken away from her a long time ago, but it's the first time it disturbs her.

They must know about all the sensitive topics – the sore spots that make her feel fragile and her heart ache.

It's the worst thing that they so easily talk about the one thing she cannot talk about.

She wishes she could – Quinn and Sugar both asked her about that night – but she has yet to find the answer in her.

Most things she found an answer to, figured them out and moved on – but she just can't deal with this. She doesn't know what to think about that night. Maybe it's due to the fact that she wasn't herself that night – the memory is blurry and scattered, and sometimes she wonders if it ever happened at all. Other times it feels so real that she wants to escape from her conscious and forget.

It's impossible to find an answer if she is afraid to ask herself the question – she knows that. She also knows that she desperately needs closure. She just feels that she hasn't found the right place and the right time to see into herself and ask questions.

And she hasn't found the right person to talk to.

/

As the day progresses, it just gets weirder.

Everybody seems to hold a respectful distance and not bother her and that she is grateful for. But it does get strange when they don't even look her in the eye. They seem to be waiting for her to snap or break down completely and the tension is palpable everywhere she goes through the day.

Her presence shifts the mood as she steps into classrooms or enters the bathroom during her break. The girls inside freeze down for a second and avert their gazes, while trying to steal glances at her at the same time. She is let into the front of the line at the cafeteria without a word and the routine makes her feel uncomfortable today. She wouldn't mind to wait like everybody else.

She wouldn't mind to be like everybody else now.

But she is Brittany Susan Pierce, the so-called 'queen' of this school.

Or so she was.

She knows that era ended yesterday – or rather the moment she lost the bet and now everybody is anxiously waiting for a new era to start.

/

It takes her a few periods to make the realization.

Maybe they aren't waiting for her to crumble and break into tears in the middle of the hallway.

They are waiting eagerly to see where things are heading. They are waiting for her to start the new era of McKinley High – to set the new rules, the new order of the school.

Things, that in the past seemed impossible to ever happen, happened in the last few weeks. The McKinley football team beat Lincoln. Brittany S. Pierce lost a bet. She went on a date with the school's most bullied girl. The school's 'it' couple broke up. Brittany got slushied while taking the attack to save, Santana 'the freak' Lopez. And two jocks went against each other.

It is obvious that they can't go back to the past after such defining moments.

Everything is changing and she realizes just how much depends on her now.

/

Nobody pops the bubble she shares with Quinn and Sugar – not the Glee guys or the Cheerios girls who are all equally shocked by what happened, and not even Jacob Israel who is freakishly addicted to similar situations – until Santana is waiting at her locker during the last break.

When Brittany catches sight of her, her heart skips a beat.

She falls out of sync with Quinn and Sugar and feels their inquiring stares on her cheeks. They neither stop nor leave her side. They continue their way towards Brittany's locker where Santana is standing, anxiously fidgeting with her hands.

She looks exhausted, and worry has seemingly implanted itself into her features.

As their eyes meet, nerves crawl upon Brittany's spine. The giddy feeling is missing though – what she feels is rather anxiety than excitement. She is used to the nerves when it comes to Santana – she always makes her skin tingle, let it be by a gentle touch, a nice word or a special look saved for only her, or simply her close proximity.

This time is different.

She can't put a finger on what she feels exactly, and it unsettles her.

She thought she figured out everything about her relationship with Santana, but apparently not. It makes her anxiety rise as they close the distance and come to a stop before Santana.

"Hi," she rasps out quietly.

She looks a bit intimidated by Brittany's best friends and even though Brittany got used to their support through the day, Brittany knows she has to be alone with Santana now.

"Could you maybe let us have a moment?" she asks the girls, who both look conflicted.

"Please?" Santana clears her throat, her gaze flickering between their faces but settles on Quinn's in the end.

They stare at each other and it seems like Santana is waiting for Quinn's approval.

"Of course, yeah." Sugar cuts in and Santana shoots her a grateful smile.

Quinn seems to be frozen though, her lips narrowly parted – like she is on the verge of saying something, but a long second later, she sucks it back and wears off her daze.

"Yeah, we'll head down to room 207." She says with a tight smile, but for a yet unknown reason, she looks disappointed.

"Thanks!" Santana replies, and their eyes catch again.

Brittany frowns at Quinn's expression, but it slowly sinks in. It's remorse that is radiating off Quinn's face – hardening her soft features and clouding her hazel eyes. She has unsettled business with Santana and as Brittany can see, it is haunting her.

She feels sorry for Quinn, but a part of her is glad her best friend recognized her behavior and seems intent to apologize for it.

It needs to be done, but it's a matter of the future.

"Later, S." Sugar tells Santana, before reaching out to drag Quinn away.

Quinn shakes off the bafflement that pressed down on her. "Uh, bye," she waves awkwardly at Santana before they leave.

Brittany follows their figures for a while, before Santana takes a timorous step closer and becomes impossible to ignore. She looks at Santana and waits for her to speak, incapable to start a conversation herself. She doesn't know what to say.

She feels that she poured out her heart's content to Santana – everything that she felt and now the next move is hers.

Santana seems to come to terms with that as she licks her lips nervously before speaking.

"I just wanted to –" she halts to let out a sigh, before asking softly. "How are you?"

"Um, weird?" Brittany replies, frowning. "I don't know. Nobody is like talking to me, but I hear everybody talking _about_ me – it's just so not what I'm used to."

Her answer makes Santana's face darken and a mix of emotions is visible on her expression – her sympathy is subdued by something that resembles regret.

She shakes her head subtly. "It's because of me, isn't it?" she asks in a quiet murmur.

"No, what do you mean?"

Brittany doesn't understand why, but Santana's words stir something up inside her and the pressure inside her chest grows stronger. Santana stares at her, face contorting in a rush of guilt.

"I basically shouted out to the whole school what happened to you," she shakes her head in shame. "I mean what he did to you," she clarifies in whisper, but Brittany didn't need to hear that to finally get it.

It sinks in, the reason why she felt so strange a few minutes before. She didn't acknowledge the fact that it was partly due to Santana's slip-up in the heat of the moment that led here.

But it all makes sense now.

"Oh…" she mutters in realization.

"I'm sorry," Santana says in a sigh. "I shouldn't have – I wish I could take it back."

"It's okay." Brittany replies softly, the choking pressure easing up around her heart.

Santana doesn't seem convinced at all.

"No, it's not." She argues. "You never spilled my secrets and I spilled yours."

It is true, and it does hurt, but Brittany doesn't want to get stuck on this feeling. It's enough for her that Santana apologized. And there is a part of her that thinks it's for the better. If it wouldn't have been for Santana, Brittany may have never been forced to deal with this memory and move on from it.

"It was meant to come out sometime, Santana – it had to come out," she explains patiently. "I mean, think of all the other girls he could have…you know. I should have told at least a few people a long time ago."

Santana sighs, giving in to her reasoning. "Still…it shouldn't have been me to make that decision" she insists, and that Brittany can't argue with.

She doesn't want to, because it would feel like a lie. It does hurt that Santana was careless with her secret and Brittany wants to be honest with her about it.

"Yeah…" she nods timidly.

Her face flushes in embarrassment, because in the back of her mind she thinks she is not entitled to be piqued at Santana for something like this when she broke her heart. But Santana's sad eyes convince her that it's only fair.

"Can you forgive me?" Santana asks a while later.

It makes Brittany smile, and the answer comes effortlessly. "It's silly – of course I do."

"Thanks." Santana matches her smile, but hers is strained for a reason she reveals when she asks, "Um, did you talk about it with someone? I mean-"

"No." Brittany cuts her off, glancing to the side.

A few people are staring at them, but they quickly move on – granting her the needed privacy.

Santana clears her throat subtly, catching Brittany's attention again. "I think it'd be good if you talked to -"

"I know I should, okay?" Brittany replies defensively. "I wish I could…" she adds in a softer tone, and the sadness lacing into her voice makes Santana lean closer to her.

"I just want to help you Brittany – I'm sorry I didn't before." She says lowly.

"You did." Brittany argues, taking Santana's hand after a rush of adrenaline hits her.

Santana's dark eyes make Brittany want to desperately comfort her and the gentle touch seems to do a fine job. It is also just amazing to hold her hand again, and it makes Brittany feel warm everywhere.

"Not nearly enough," Santana insists, and turns her hand to squeeze Brittany's palm. "But I have an idea – you could talk to Miss Pillsbury. I know she can be weird sometimes, but she's helped me a lot since I came here. Just think about it, please?" she asks in serious tone, and Brittany surrenders for her request.

"Okay, I guess I can do that." She says with a shrug.

The prospect does make her feel anxious, but Santana's soft caress makes her doubts momentarily drift away.

"All right." Santana nods and shoots her a relieved smile.

Brittany lets herself enjoy Santana's touch and the fuzziness spreading in her body. She wishes she could muster up her courage to hug Santana – or just ask her if she could. The way Santana leans into her makes her feel that she wants the same thing.

But Brittany is not sure she could hold back if they got that close, therefore she settles for a question.

"And how are you?"

Santana hesitates for a bit.

"I'm good – okay, I'm a bit sad that I can't go to Glee club today" she shrugs. "But I'll live…"

Brittany smiles at her sympathetically. They meddle into a short silence, before something comes up in Brittany's mind.

"Did you hear the gossip about us secretly dating for months?" she blurts out before she can take a second to think.

Santana's face flushes and she lets go of Brittany's hand instantly. The move makes Brittany regret that she spoke up without her mind filtering her thoughts again.

"Yeah, Kurt told me…he always knows about these things somehow," Santana frowns. "Whatever, um, I'm sorry people talk about us being together - I mean, I guess it causes problems for you," she says quietly, her gaze dropping to the floor.

Brittany's lips curl into a soft smile – though it pains her that Santana thinks so negatively, as always, she is charmed by her shyness.

"I only have one problem with it," she leans closer to whisper to Santana. "It's silly…'cause I would never date you _secretly_.If you ever date me again, I want everybody to know that I'm with you."

"Really?" Santana's wide eyes snap up.

"Of course," Brittany nods confidently, the smile spreading into a grin.

Flirting with Santana never fails to make her feel giddy – a lovesick fool actually. But she does find a match in Santana whose eyes light up and the smile crossing her lips is softer than Brittany's favorite blanket she likes wrapping around her body while sitting on the porch on cold fall nights.

"Oh…um, okay," she says awkwardly and it makes Brittany chuckle that Santana still can't handle her affection. "I kinda have to go now – I can't be late from my class. See you later?" Santana asks with hope.

"Yeah, of course," Brittany says, and reaches out to squeeze Santana's hand once more. "Bye, San."

"Take care, Britt." She replies, and takes a moment before turning on her heels.

She walks away and Brittany's eyes are glued to her body. She is relieved to witness that nobody crosses Santana's way with a slushie in hand and nobody throws a hateful comment towards her, even though jocks are gathered in a smaller group nearby. Some stare at her, but they leave her alone.

It makes Brittany hope that things are heading in the right direction.

/

The tension is palpable in the locker room before Cheerios practice.

Brittany is quick to change, trying to avoid looking anyone in the eyes. It's almost impossible in such a small space, but she does a damn well job of ignoring the girl-talk and the curious glances that find her once in a while. She tries to shut the voices off and concentrates on putting her sneakers back on.

The girls still don't ask anything, but Brittany senses their desperation growing. It's obvious that the tension is escalating between her and her teammates by every second spent in ignorant silence. Quinn and Sugar are the walls that part the two sides and guard Brittany.

When they escape the room and jog out to the field, Brittany inhales deeply.

The fresh scent of grass fills up her nostrils and she tries to relax, shutting her eyes closed.

After a short while, someone jogs up to her.

"Is everything okay?" Quinn asks her worriedly.

She snaps her eyes open, feeling much better. "Yeah, let's stretch!" she says with a smile.

They walk to Sugar who is already trying to stretch and loosen up her muscles.

"Jesus, my thighs are still so sore." She whines after a while.

Quinn frowns at mildly suggestive sentence. "What did you do again?" she accuses Sugar.

"Nothing! I was horse riding, emphasis on _horse_, okay?!" Sugar shots back, eliciting a chuckle from Brittany. "I was not riding the D this time."

"God, could you be any trashier?" Quinn asks exasperatedly.

"What is your problem, Quinnie? I'm just being honest here." Sugar replies, but Brittany quickly loses track of the conversation.

Someone talking about sex always makes her think about sex and she zones out, digging up the still vivid memories of getting intimate with Santana and thinking about the numerous things in bed she didn't have the luck to experience with her.

"Hey Britts, where's your head gone?"

Sugar's voice cuts off her day-dreaming and Brittany instinctively licks her lips.

"Nowhere." She blurts out, but feels her face heat up.

Her body always betrays her, and shows off what she is trying to hide. It makes her even more embarrassed, knowing that they can see.

Quinn smiles at her cheekily while eyeing her up. "Britt, you are blushing."

Well, that's not good news, Brittany muses while fussing with her Cheerios skirt. But it's only so long she can avoid their eyes. When she glances up, they are actually staring at her with silly grins on their faces.

"Aw, she was totally thinking about her." Sugar teases her, referring to Santana.

"Shut up!" Brittany hushed them, but she is unable to keep a chuckle inside. "Okay, I did. Happy now?"

Her two friends share a meaningful glance and break into a fit of giggles.

"Okay if you're done laughing about my sex life, could we get back to stretching?" she scolds them, but the smile on her face is intact and it kind of ruins it all.

She doesn't care that much, because talking so openly about her and Santana with her friends make her feel accepted – and there's only so many better things in the world than sharing something so precious with friends.

"Only if you tell us everything." Sugar raises an eyebrow challengingly.

It makes Brittany shake her head at her stubborn friends, before her eyes catch sight of their teammates entering the field.

"Well, I guess not now…" she smirks before jogging away to do a lap around the field, leaving her slightly disappointed friends behind.

/

Even Sue seems different.

Of course she is yelling at the team constantly – but she doesn't seem enthusiastic to shatter their pretty little hearts into pieces this time. She is faking the rage and Brittany can tell so.

She knows the woman.

She even likes her to some extent, and she is definitely grateful for the numerous opportunities Sue's given her since she made it on the team in freshman year. She is also grateful that Sue has always pushed her to be better – to never settle for being almost perfect, instead, to always aim for perfection.

Brittany knows Sue Sylvester cares for the members of her team, and has a special spot for Brittany in her infamously cold heart.

Maybe her mood today is due to the fact that she heard what happened, or maybe it's not. Either way, Brittany doesn't like it. It would bring her some sense of normalcy if Sue went crazy over every mistake or insulted their flawless flips just for the sake of self-entertainment.

When she lets them go and they head back to the locker room, Brittany feels Sue's eyes on her back and wonders what else will be different today.

/

The answer finds her soon enough – too soon for her to prepare for it.

Her teammates approach her in the locker room, forming a circle around her and she feels her anxiety shoot off the scale.

"Brittany?" Amy clears her throat uncomfortably, trying to catch Brittany's gaze.

She looks up at her from her seat on the bench and wants to believe she won't regret it as she stands up.

"What do you want?" Quinn stands up faster, taking a step forward to shield Brittany from the other girl.

Amy's eyes widen and she quickly explains. "We are just worried. Britt, we want you to know that we are on your side and we're sorry." She says seriously, looking Brittany in the eye.

"She doesn't need your pity, am I clear?" Quinn asks coldly.

She acts like a mother tiger guarding its kid and it makes Brittany's heart swell. But there's no need for fighting now.

"Quinn." She says gently, but Amy ruins her attempt to calm her friend down.

"It's not like you are different than me – you both knew about the bet," Amy looks at Quinn and Sugar accusingly. "You hurt that girl just the same."

Sugar huffs dramatically. "Oh please! Don't talk such enormous crap, will you?" she asks, her tone disgusted.

Their argument disturbs Brittany, because the memories of another fight are still too fresh and she hates violence – both in words and actions – whole-heartedly.

"Guys, stop it, please." She pleads with them, taking a step to stand beside Quinn.

"But she-"

"Quinn, I said stop!" She shoots her down and Quinn stares at the floor in embarrassment. "I appreciate it, Amy – I really do, but all I want is some peace, really. I want peace in this school."

Jess frowns. "What do you mean?"

It's an unimaginable concept really, but peace is Brittany's greatest wish.

"I don't want you to bully anyone in the future – it's wrong and I won't allow it anymore." She tells them confidently, and they all stare at her in astonishment.

A moment passes by as nobody says anything. It's truly a defining moment and Brittany feels the weight of it.

"Oh, well, that's pretty cool actually." Jess shrugs and the relief Brittany feels can't be possibly be measured.

"Yeah I only did that because I thought you wanted us to – like doing your dirty work or something…" Nicky says quietly, and some of them nod in agreement.

It makes Brittany feels sad that they felt pressured into bullying. She recognizes her responsibility now.

"No…I'm really sorry I haven't realized that before but I want the bullying to stop now."

"I'm with you, Britt." Amy smiles at her.

"Yeah, me too. I was so afraid I would get slushied when I broke up with Dave…" Jess sighs.

"I don't want that to ever happen. I know I can't do wonders alone – _we_ can't do wonders, but we can always try." Brittany says and feels Quinn's eyes shining with pride.

She looks at her, and Quinn's lips curl into a smile. Their hands find each other consciously and Brittany squeezes Quinn's tightly.

A wavering voice cuts off their special moment.

"I don't know, Britt…sure, it would be nice to actually talk to the cute guy from the AV club I have a crush on-"

"You do?"

"Yeah…anyway, I don't know about all this. What if we become the outsiders?" she asks fearfully.

"Please, that's impossible!" Sugar snorts.

Brittany doesn't see into the future. She only knows that she doesn't want to ever be afraid to have a crush on someone – or hold their hands, or kiss them on the hallway, whoever they would be and she doesn't want anyone else to experience it too.

And she doesn't ever want to see Santana or anyone else get harassed.

"So what? I'd rather take a slushie every day instead of letting someone bully a person I like." She tells the girls, determined to lead by example.

"You totally have me." Jess nods eagerly.

"Yeah, me too." the other girls all seem to agree with more or less enthusiasm – but they _all_ do and that's the most important thing.

"I'm Team Brittany all the way!" Sugar yells. "Woohoo!"

The room fills up with laughter and Brittany's is one of the loudest, because all she feels in this moment is real, untouched happiness.

/

Friday goes down uneventful.

Most people seem to have moved on and are occupied rather with the party on Saturday night or whatever else they want to do through the weekend.

It's more peaceful than ever.

When she meets Kurt in the cafeteria, she hugs him. He is shocked, to say the least. But as he relaxes into their embrace, it feels really nice for Brittany and he smells so good – no boyish smell, only the scent of fresh skin and a fancy perfume.

Brittany smiles into their hug and doesn't care for the confused glances around them.

She knows it will take a long time for everyone to get used to this. It will take some time for her too, but she can't wait for the time when this becomes normal.

And she only cares for the look Santana gives her from afar – a look that's filled with worship and pride.

A look that gives her hope to succeed in the plan she has in mind.

/

There's a familiar car parked on the other side of the street when she gets home.

Of course it could belong to anyone, but her sixth sense tells her that the red truck's owner is a person who came here to see her. When she stops her car and climbs out, a familiar figure appears from the truck – and yet again, she is proven right.

Noah walks up to her, his steps purposeful and Brittany is too shocked to move. She didn't expect him to come here – not today or in the near future.

She just _hoped_ it would happen.

But she doesn't know how to react when he comes to a stop and they are facing each other, completely alone after such a long while.

"Hey, uh…" he smiles tightly, with sad puppy eyes.

Brittany feels her throat tighten and she can barely squeeze a word out. "Hi."

"Can we talk?" Noah asks tensely. "Or is it a bad time? 'Cause I can go, if you-"

"No, no please!" Brittany tells him, knowing that it's the chance she has to take before Noah crawls back into his hard shell. "Do you want to come inside?"

"Sure."

/

"I like this – my mom used to give me milk every night when I was a kid. She told me I'd be the strongest one and beat all the other kids on the field. I still kinda dig it. It's stupid, really, I mean who likes milk at seventeen?" he asks with a deep chuckle, but the humor is missing.

"I like it too." Brittany smiles softly.

Sitting in the kitchen, they take sips from their drink, and Brittany likes the taste of warm milk spreading in her mouth. It does remind her of her childhood too and she always gets calmer by drinking milk.

She enjoys it, and the silence is quite peaceful until Noah speaks up.

"I screwed up so bad, didn't I?"

Brittany looks at him and takes in his hard features – only his soft eyes show what he is truly feeling. But Brittany doesn't know how to deal with his guilt – she doesn't know how to lessen it, or if she wants to at all.

"I don't know what to say."

"Just tell me you believe me," Noah pleads her openly. "I know I fucked things up with that bet and with Quinn and everything – but I would never let anyone hurt you."

"Noah…" Brittany shakes her head.

It's not good enough and she doesn't know how to tell him what she needs. She doesn't even know what she needs to hear from him.

"I have nothing to lose here, Britt," he tells her seriously. "I own up to my shit, see that? I would tell you, 'cause I have nothing to lose now – I lost _everything_, I lost you and Quinn and my place on the team. I'm not lying, Brittany. I would've never let him hurt you."

"But I saw you whispering in the kitchen and I thought-"

"He told me he had the perfect plan how to seduce some girl, but it was nothing about drugs - or any of that shit. And I had no idea he meant _you_!" he explains, shaking his head in frustration.

His words tackle Brittany right in the chest for a reason. A reason she hasn't thought about so far.

"Can you tell me something? Honestly?" she asks Noah after some contemplation.

"Yeah."

She asks a question she is not sure she wants to hear the answer to. "Is it me or…is it the fact that he drugged a girl and wanted to have sex with her?"

"What do you mean?" Noah frowns.

"Which one bothers you?"

The question hits Noah hard, and he seems disturbed by it.

"I guess both," he blurts out after a while, but his eyes lose their focus as he gets lost in search of a real answer. "I don't know…" he adds quietly.

"What if that happened to anyone else? I mean, would anyone even care?" Brittany asks him and she doesn't even know why she ask _him_.

It is a question he is not obliged to answer. It's not his question – it should be everyone's question to answer to. But he is the one here and she can't hold back her thoughts about this.

"Britt…" he says pleadingly and she knows it's unfair to direct her sense of injustice on him.

But he is partly guilty and she can't ignore that now.

"Do you see how wrong that is?" she asks him carefully.

She pierces into him with her eyes and finds decency inside – and humanity that she failed to find on his expression on Thursday.

"I'm sorry. You are right" he sighs.

"You shouldn't let anyone be hurt, not just me or someone you like. Nobody deserves things like that to happen to them." She explains, and he nods.

"I know that. I'm sorry that I hurt so many people – but it was just like something we always did and thought it was fun. But it never made me happy, ya' know? I never enjoyed it." He shrugs.

"Can you promise me that you'll never let anyone hurt another person?" Brittany asks him seriously.

He stares at the table for a long second, before a crooked smirk creeps upon his lips.

"Do you forgive me if I do?" he asks with puppy eyes.

"I may…" Brittany smiles playfully.

"Then I promise."

His eager response makes her chuckle. "Good, 'cause I forgive you."

"Wow, first on the list down…" Noah murmurs in relief.

"How long is the list?"

"Well, not long. I mean it was just you." He says, avoiding her eyes.

"Um, I think you could put-"

"I know I could apologize to half of the school, but I don't even know what to say like-" he halts, shaking his head. "Like what's the point?"

"It's okay. I don't think they would believe you anyway – they don't know you like I do," Brittany tells him, thinking realistically. "They don't know me either, so I think we just have to show them."

Noah contemplates her proposal.

"I guess I can do that." He nods in agreement.

Brittany smiles at him saying, "It would be great."

Silence enwraps them and it feels peaceful, amazing actually after they hurt each other so badly through the last weeks.

"Hey, do you think we can be friends again? Maybe?" Noah asks nervously all of a sudden.

"Definitely." Brittany grins at him.

She is sure they can be – nothing happened that they couldn't come back from in time.

"Oh, nice," he says, matching her foolish grin. In a rush of confidence he asks "Actually, are you up for some bowlin'? We're heading out with Mike and Finn a bit later, if you want to join. No pressure though," he adds quickly.

Brittany considers his invitation and she can't find a reason not to hang out with them.

"I think I'd like to."

"Really?" Noah asks incredulously.

Brittany nods, confident about her answer. "Yeah, it's been a long time – and I want to see your face when I beat you," she teases him.

"Oh, Pierce, don't get ahead of yourself," he smirks. "It's the Puckster on the other side."

"God, I missed your lameness so badly." She giggles.

"Shut up!" he pokes her arm and the move makes her eyes snap up to his face.

The giggles get stuck in her throat and she acts on her heart's wish when she stands up to hug him.

"Oh" He mutters quietly.

It's clumsy and awkward- a half-hug really, but she's never felt so good in his presence for months, or years really. He untangles his arm and wraps it gently around her back. There is no purpose behind the touch – not like sometimes in the past.

She is safe in his arms.

It's peaceful – and she feels happy that she got her friend back.

/

She gets picked up a few hours later and they head towards the mall.

They are blasting hip-hop in Noah's truck and Brittany impresses the boys by beat-boxing to the rhythm. It's a skill she learned to master when she used to hang out with the kids in the neighborhood over the summers she spent at her grandma's. It was a long time ago but she still likes to do it sometimes.

When Finn tries it though, she almost dies from giggling.

He is ridiculously bad at it, and Puck is not much better. Mike is a slight improvement, but still far from her level.

She smirks inwardly, waiting for the moment when she gets to wipe the floor with them at bowling too.

/

Pairing up with Mike, they leave no chance for Finn and Puck.

They pretty much slaughter them, and of course there's rivalry, but they all have a great time playing and joking around. They drink so much soda that they start burping, the boys taking it to another level and actually competing who can do it louder – horrifying a an older group of people nearby.

Brittany is the judge and she declares Finn as the winner.

They eat a ridiculous amount of pizza after they finish the game and talk with their mouths full. Brittany doesn't mind – actually, she feels comfortable just being herself and not caring for common courtesy now. The boys make the badass side of her show up and she is a partner in everything.

_Almost_ everything.

"So...will we talk about the elephant in the room here?" Noah asks after taking a bite, his mouth covered in tomato sauce.

"Huh?" Brittany looks at him in confusion.

Mike and Finn match her expression.

"You and nerdy girl…" Noah clarifies.

Brittany rolls her eyes, dropping the rest of her slice on the plate "Her name is Santana!"

"Are you serious with her?" Mike asks carefully.

Brittany doesn't have to think about the answer for long. "It's complicated, but yeah."

Noah hums, wiping his chin. "And how far have you actually gotten with-?"

"Don't finish that question, Puckerman!" Brittany cuts him off threateningly.

"Okay, just curious." He looks at her bewildered and shakes his head, dropping the topic momentarily.

Finn stares at her frowning. "But did you get to see if she has a -?"

"What is wrong with you?" Brittany asks, standing up from her seat.

Everything has been so smooth so far, and she's had a great time – until now when it is all close to get ruined in a minute.

"It's no big deal, dude," he throws his hands up in the air. "I was just curious."

"I'm not talking about her genitals…" she sighs.

"It's all right, you don't have to." Mike says gently, and shoots a glare at Finn.

She settles back into her seat, but she is not let off the hook just yet.

"But you would if she was a boy?" Noah asks her, and the question makes her unnerved.

"That's different." She replies on instinct.

"If you say so…" Noah shrugs, not nearly convinced – but he lets it go.

She is still under the effect of his question and tries to shut off her twirling thoughts. She is not sure it's really different. She feels kind of like a hypocrite to claim that and to make a distinction between boys and girls – or rather boys and Santana.

She tries to explain what she is feeling and it requires a great effort to come out with her feelings about Santana.

"I just really like her and no, if I'd ever feel this way about a guy, I wouldn't talk about their junk either." She says quietly, and hopes that she makes sense.

"Fair enough…" Finn answers with a shrug, dropping the topic.

They get back to munching on the pizza, and she is struck by the oddity of this scene. They don't seem fixated on Santana's extra appendage anymore – or so she wants to believe. She is pretty sure she'll get some comments about Santana and her member in the future, but she'd get those if she dated any other girl or boy, because Puck and Finn are just like that. They are rude and insensitive, but lacking the intention to hurt her.

But at least it really does seem that it's no big deal for them anymore and Brittany is really happy for that.

Recovering from the strange conversation, she decides to raise a topic she is curious about.

"So, let's talk about your love lives instead!"

Mike and Finn freeze in motion, stunned by the proposal, and Noah buries his face in his palm.

"Ugh," he groans miserably, rubbing his forehead.

His agony is both insanely comical and quite tragic if one knows what he and Quinn went through the last weeks. Brittany does, but she is interested in his point of view.

/

The night is a nice mix of playful, careless fun and seriousness.

Brittany really enjoys it all till the end, apart from that little mishap earlier when she got offended by their questions. But she has a great time with them, and makes the realization that she greatly missed them from her life – she missed those old times when they could hang out without all the teenager drama.

Maybe this night signals the end of that era.

Maybe they really are growing up and they are growing out of the rivalries and complicated love-wars, the nihilistic world of chasing pleasure without caring for anyone but themselves, the parties, alcohol and sex – everything that could ruin a friendship.

Brittany is hopeful for the future.

When the night ends, and she is dropped off at home by Noah, she realizes that she had such a good time she didn't notice her phone was missing all along. She must have forgotten it at home.

Her mother welcomes her with a slightly irritated face, and she is fairly sure _that _happened again. "Brittany-"

Brittany sighs, foregoing her mother's scolding. "I know- sorry, it won't happen again."

"You know we always worry about you…" her mother explains, her tone gentler but still chastising.

"I know, Mom," Brittany replies. "I promise I won't forget next time."

"Okay," her mother smiles, and the smile turns mysterious. "I didn't know you liked Adele that much by the way…" she trails off, and Brittany doesn't quite get what she is talking about.

"What?"

"Your ringtone..." her mother shrugs with fake nonchalance and Brittany's breath hitch in anticipation. "Someone called – well, not someone, _San_ called to be exact. I don't know any of your friends who's named San."

Brittany feels her cheeks heat up at the mention of Santana.

"Oh…uh, she is not a friend," she blurts out awkwardly, not sure how to explain. "I mean, she is, but she is different. Santana is the girl I've-"

"That you like?" her dad chimes in, his interest piqued by the conversation.

"I guess that's kind of an understatement now…" Brittany mumbles.

"You should call her back then," her dad replies with a kind smile. "Though we can't wait to get to know her, she is more important than your nosy mother now."

"Hey, watch your mouth!" her mother huffs, but can't hold back a smile that tugs at her lips.

"Then I guess I'll do that." Brittany releases a deep breath.

"Good luck, Sunshine!" her dad says encouragingly.

Their support means a lot to Brittany, and she gives them each a little hug to show gratitude.

"Thanks!" she tells them with a soft smile, before rushing up to her room.

/

Lord Tubbington is hogging her bed as usual, showing off his furry stomach almost proudly.

She drops her bag, and jumps on the bed, rousing him from his slumber.

"Hey Tubby" she says, stroking his head. "You didn't smoke again, did you?"

He starts purring, and it makes her smirk knowingly. "Don't try to bribe me, Lord T!"

Her cat shakes his furry head, but she is still not convinced. She lets it go for now, because her mind is too occupied with Santana to investigate after her cat's secret wrongdoings.

She finds her phone on the nightstand and immediately calls Santana back, wasting no time. Brittany is disappointed when she doesn't answer for several long seconds, and almost gives up when the ringing cuts off and substituted by a cute, hoarse voice.

"Hey…" Santana breathes into the phone sleepily.

"Oh, hi," Brittany greets her awkwardly. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up…"

Though it's insanely adorable to hear Santana's slow breathing and her dopey voice, she feels guilty of waking her up.

"It's okay," Santana says, clearing her throat to even her voice. "You couldn't know I was asleep already"

"Why are you though?" Brittany asks curiously.

Santana sighs. "We're going to my grandma's in the morning and I can't sleep in cars…" she explains with a hint of annoyance.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Brittany says sadly. "You can go back to sleep, we can talk tomorrow," she suggests with a shrug.

"No!" Santana blurts out eagerly, and it makes Brittany smile. "I mean, we can talk now if you want…"

Brittany scoots lower on her bed, trying to imagine Santana's position and matching it. She rolls to her side and adjusts the pillow under her head to get comfortable, while listening to Santana's breathing.

"Why did you call me?" she asks her when she's settled.

"Just wanted to ask how you were…" Santana replies softly.

Brittany's not sure how her heart is able to contain so much affection as it does now.

"You're way too cute."

Santana lets out a little, and the sound makes Brittany smile so widely that the muscles of her face almost ache.

"Ugh, you still bring that out of me." Santana admits quietly.

Brittany's heart skips a beat from the confession, and she can't fully control her excitement when she asks, "Still?"

"Yeah," Santana sighs softly, and Brittany can almost _feel_ her warm breath hitting her face. "I can't fight it and um…I don't think I want to anymore."

Brittany tries to swallow her nerves. "What do you mean, San?" she asks in a whisper.

"I just - I don't know exactly what I want. I still have a lot to figure out, and I'm not sure how much time it will take but um, I want to maybe start again…with you."

"Oh," she exhales, her eyes widening from the meaningful words of Santana. "That's – that's amazing," she tells Santana, her lips turning into a smile.

It's not amazing – it's wonderful, out-of-this world, insane and just so freaking perfect. It's the one thing she wished to hear.

"Yeah, but I can't guarantee anything, Britt," Santana warns her, but her happiness cannot be ruined now. "And I don't want to drag you into my-"

"Santana, stop," she cuts her off, because it is a waste of time for Santana to try averting her from this path. This is the only right path. "I wish I could tell you how happy I am…" she whispers into the phone after a short silence.

"You can…"

She smiles tenderly, wishing Santana would be here with her. "I don't think words are enough now…"

"I miss you." Santana says tenderly, and it touches Brittany's heart.

She knows how hard it is for Santana to make such an admission so openly – the wounds are still fresh on her big heart, yet she is able to open up and confess her deepest feelings.

It makes Brittany want to shower her with affection.

But mostly, she just wants her to feel safe and let her know that she feels the same way.

"I miss you too," she tells her, a sigh leaving her lips. "Like _so_ badly…"

The silence signals that her words affect Santana deeply and it feels amazing that no more words are needed. It's a peaceful silence, a silence that makes Brittany feel understood on a level she's rarely experienced before. Despite the distance between them, she feels Santana close to her heart – maybe closer than ever.

"Do you think that um -"Santana starts speaking again, but doesn't get too far, causing Brittany to wait on edge for what's about to come. "Could we maybe do something together next week?" Santana asks bashfully, and Brittany has to bite down on her bottom lip to keep the silly grin off her face.

"Yeah," she giggles softly, and hears Santana releasing a breath. "I actually have a plan for next week."

"Really?"

"It's a surprise for you…" she tells Santana, while trying to imagine how her plan will turn out.

She came up with it sometime in the past two days, or maybe in her dream last night – she is not sure anymore, because it feels like this idea has been lurking in the back of her mind for a long time. It just came to the surface - triggered by recent events – and Brittany is fairly convinced it's the perfect plan.

It makes perfect sense.

"That's not fair, Britt" Santana whines adorably. "Now I'm too excited to go back to sleep!"

"Sorry," Brittany chuckles. "I hope you'll like it though."

"I'm sure…" Santana replies softly and her unbroken conviction warms Brittany's heart. "I can't wait for it."

Neither can Brittany. To be honest, she almost jumps out of her skin from the excitement every time it comes into her mind – and it does come a lot. She always gets dizzy by trying to imagine how it works out.

"Yeah…" she replies quietly, hoping that it is indeed a surprise Santana will love. "Now, I'll let you get back to sleep."

"Okay."

She smiles, a rush of affection overcoming her. "Sweet dreams, honey – oh, I mean San-"

"Shh…you too, Britt," Santana says tenderly, cutting her off. "See you on Monday."

She shuts her eyes, and exhales deeply.

Santana didn't mind her display of affection and it makes Brittany's insides coil in the best way possible.

"Yeah, see you too, San," she whispers, almost sure she will see Santana sooner than Monday.

She is almost sure that after the call is finished, she will fall asleep and dream about the girl she is falling in love with.

/

She dreams about Santana.

But it doesn't do justice to the way Santana made her feel last night.

A dream could never feel so real and make her fall in love even more.

/

At breakfast, she can feel the eagerness radiating off her mother.

She gives up pretending that she doesn't feel it.

"You can ask, mom." She tells her, when she is done preparing a peanut butter sandwich for herself.

She takes a huge bite, while waiting for her mother.

Her mom sips from her coffee, before clearing her throat. "Well, I want to know everything about your girl."

"She is not _my_ girl…" Brittany shrugs sadly. "I mean, I hurt her really bad and now I'm trying to get her back. I need to show her that I've changed"

Her mom smiles sympathetically. "She must mean a lot to you, if you put up a fight…"

Brittany nods, meeting her kind eyes.

"She does – I've never felt this way before" she confesses. "She is just amazing – so beautiful, both on the inside and outside."

"What is she like?"

She doesn't know how to answer that – one word comes into her mind and that is 'perfect'. Nobody is perfect, but Santana is perfect _for her_ with all her quirks and flaws and the bruises she got from life.

"She is really shy – well, she has reasons, but yeah, I just try to make her feel good about herself, 'cause really, she is kind of perfect," she explains to her mother. "She is smart and witty, and so gentle. She is really protective of the people she loves – she has the biggest heart and um, always makes me feel loved…"

"Wow, she is really special, isn't she?" her mother asks in amazement.

"Yeah," Brittany sighs. "In more ways than one…" she trails off when Santana's special anatomy comes into her mind.

Her mother is confused by her words.

"What do you mean, Britt?"

Brittany clears her throat "Um, not sure I'm allowed to tell you."

It would be good to share it with someone, but she has no right. It's not her decision to tell anyone about Santana being intersex, but she wants her parents to know. She doesn't want to hide it like a dirty secret she is ashamed of, but guesses that Santana is not ready for them to know – considering they've never even met.

"Oh, that's fine…" her mother shrugs in acceptance. "Whenever you are ready."

"Thanks for handling this so well!" Brittany smiles at her.

"What?"

"Um, like me with another girl."

"Brittany, I thought we settled this when you came out," her mother shakes her head. "We love you, okay?" she asks, taking Brittany's hand to squeeze it.

"I love you too," Brittany says, her lips curling into a playful smirk. "Even if you're nosy."

They break into giggles, and when her dad appears from the doorway to check on them, Brittany is pretty sure she hasn't seen him so happy in years.

/

Sugar and Quinn comes over Saturday night.

There's a hidden intention behind her invitation and that is to share her plan with them. She tries to relax and convince herself that they'll support her – but still, she is quite nervous when the time comes.

She tries to elaborate the numerous reasons before telling them – stealing some more time - and they get frustrated by her reluctance to just say it out loud at last.

They demand her to tell, and she feels the pressure erupting inside her, when she finally blurts out her plan.

"I want to join the Glee club."

/

They are shocked – but it wears off quickly.

Sugar actually finds her plan pretty genius and Quinn is more than accepting as well. They assure her of their support.

So it goes smoothly, until she tells them that she would like them to join too.

Their jaws drop, and eyes widen in surprise. Brittany can see the wheels turning in their heads as they are trying to process her suggestion.

"Excuse me?" Quinn blurts out after the nagging silence.

Sugar stares into space, voice airy as she mutters, "Wow, now that'd make a crazy cliffhanger, Britts…"

Quinn recovers from the shock faster and chuckles in bewilderment.

"You're joking right?" she asks hysterically. "I mean – that's um, I'm not sure that it's a good idea to say the least."

"Why not?" Brittany shrugs. "We can kick anyone's ass at dancing and we're cool with singing, too."

"Well, obviously – but I didn't mean those," Quinn explains firmly. "I mean they probably hate us all – or at least _me_ for sure."

"Maybe…but this is the perfect way to make peace with them," Brittany replies, but Quinn still looks troubled.

"She sounds kinda right, Quinn…" Sugar says, but it's not helping.

"I don't know, girls," Quinn says in a lower tone. "This would be so weird," she mutters, seemingly sad to disappoint Brittany.

"Hey, I won't pressure you into anything" Brittany says comfortingly. "Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay" Quinn nods.

"Huh, it does sound a lot of fun actually," Sugar muses, turning to Brittany. "I'm totes in, just so you know." She declares with a confident smirk.

"Thanks"

A moment later, she hears a groan escaping Quinn's lips.

"God, fine, let's do it!" she shakes her head, in relief and irritation at the same time. "Like what the hell, I'm in too."

She slumps on the bed and hides her blushing face.

"Aw, come here!" Brittany giggles before jumping on the bed to attack her with a bearhug.

/

She calls Kurt the next day to let him in on her plan.

His reaction is way over the top, squealing in excitement and yelling _'Oh my God'_ into the phone countless time in a row.

He dives into a rant about the perfect audition song she should choose, and is quite disappointed when she cuts him off, telling him she has the perfect song already.

When she tells him which one it is, she is almost sure she hears him swallowing a whimper. He is completely convinced that she'll be welcomed with wide arms into Glee club. She admits that she isn't planning to join _alone_ and he is taken aback by the news, but supports her anyway.

He even helps her come up with a beautiful arrangement that she rehearses with Quinn and Sugar through the afternoon hours.

It's a bit easier to go to sleep at night, knowing that she already won someone over in Glee club.

/

They visit Mr. Schuester's office before first period.

Quinn has managed to get hold of his schedule – Brittany rather didn't ask how – and they found out he starts his day the same time as them. So as soon as they stepped into the school, they are walking to his office and Brittany is pretty sure she would faint if Sugar wasn't holding her hand and steading her raging nerves.

Quinn knocks on the door, and a few seconds later, Mr. Schuester's surprised face appears in the doorway.

"Um, girls, are you lost?" he asks awkwardly, and Sugar snorts.

Quinn glares at her meaningfully, and it instantly silences Sugar.

"No, Mr. Schuester," she turns to the man, mustering a sickeningly sweet tone. "We came to talk to you."

He is stunned to say the least, but his face quickly lights up. He seems flattered that they would want to talk to him for any reason.

"Oh, well – I should go to class soon…" he says, glancing at his watch.

"We're gonna be fast, please!" Brittany blurts out in desperation.

Mr. Schuester looks at her, and she swallows in anticipation.

"All right, come in!" he says finally, and relief washes over her.

She takes a deep breath as they step into his office. Sugar gives her an encouraging look and it feels a tiny bit easier to walk without her knees buckling under her.

Mr. Schue settles in the chair behind his desk and offers seats for them, but they politely decline as planned. It was Quinn's idea of course. She claimed they would be more intimidating if they looked down at him, and Brittany realizes she was right.

He looks up at the three of them and his confusion is apparent.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

Quinn glances at Brittany, and she nods, urging her to do the speaking. "Well, let's get straight to the point, shall we?" the confident girl turns to Mr. Schuester.

"Sure"

"We want to join the Glee club." Quinn declares arrogantly.

Brittany is not sure it's the right approach to scare him, but Quinn must know better. She is the master of manipulation – a skill that's really useful right now. He takes time to process the declaration – too much time for her to be exact.

Her palms are sweating from the stress and it's increasingly hard to breathe the more time he stays silent. He is keeping them on edge – especially her.

"Wow, girls – I didn't really expect that." He chuckles finally, but has little time to consider their wish.

"And we want to audition as soon as possible - meaning _today_." Sugar says, causing him to let out a strained sigh.

"I'm really happy for that, but sadly, I don't think that's possible," he shakes his head, and Brittany's heart sinks, losing the hope. "We only take new members in the beginning of the year."

She feels the strength leaving her body, and Sugar's worried stare boring into her. She can only hope Quinn finds a way, but she always does if she wants.

"Look, Mr. Schue" she shoots him a cheesy smile. "You're a wise man. I'm sure you realize how much potential we have to offer your club. I would say it's an offer you shouldn't refuse."

She manages to sound sweet, but threatening at the same time – Brittany has no idea how she does that, but she is too occupied burning a hole into Mr. Schue's face.

"Hmm, that's true…" he muses, and Brittany's heart speeds up in anticipation.

"We just want the best for you and the Glee club, really," Quinn shrugs.

"I guess it would be nice if we didn't have to hire background dancers this year…" Mr. Schue says, rubbing his chin in thought.

"See, it's a win-win then" Sugar nods eagerly.

"All right, you got me" Mr. Schuester chuckles, giving in. "You can audition this afternoon –if you already have a song ready"

A huge rock rolls off Brittany's chest and she is insanely happy.

"We have the perfect song," she says, barely able to control her voice and keep herself from hugging the man.

"Fantastic!"

"Um, there's another thing actually…" Sugar clears her throat, and Brittany is reminded that an obstacle is still ahead on their way.

"There is?" Mr. Schue asks with a frown.

"Look, our song was specifically chosen for one of your members," Quinn explains slowly. "Namely, Santana"

"But she is-"

"Exactly," she cuts him off easily. "She has detention, but we _kindly_ ask you to talk to Mr. Figgins to let her go today."

"I'm not sure about that…" he murmurs, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He seems rather conflicted.

"Please Mr. Schue, it would mean a lot." Brittany begs, feeling that they are close to complete success.

"Also that's kind of our condition for joining." Quinn adds confidently, placing him in a hard position.

He takes a moment to contemplate. "Uh, well I guess I have no choice then," he sighs finally and Brittany's heart flutter with excitement.

"Thank you, Mr. Schue," she grins at him. "Promise you won't regret it."

"Fine, be at the choir room by four!" he smiles. "Then I'll let my kids decide."

"Perfect!"

"I knew you'd be so generous." Quinn shoots him a smile that is almost not appropriate and it makes him flustered.

"Yeah, no problem," he shrugs awkwardly. "Now go, don't be late from your class!"

"Thank you, Mr. Schue!" Brittany repeats, before they start walking out.

Near the door though, Mr. Schuester calls her name and she stops in her tracks. "A word please," he says, as they all turn back to him. "Would you girls mind?"

They look at Brittany and she nods, assuring that they can go.

"No, of course." Quinn says, before leaving with Sugar.

Brittany walks back to Mr. Schuester's desk, asking "Yes, Mr. Schue?"

He takes a deep breath, and she wonders why he looks troubled all of a sudden.

"Remember when Miss Pillsbury and I gave you a lift a few weeks ago?"

"Ugh – I totally forgot your jacket, I'm gonna –"

"It doesn't matter now, Brittany," he shakes his head. "I wanted to make sure you know my offer still stands – if you need someone to talk to, Emma and I are here."

"Oh, um, thanks," Brittany replies softly, grateful that he cares. "That's really nice of you. Actually, I did think about making an appointment with her this week."

"It would be great."

"Yeah, I'm definitely gonna do that," Brittany nods. "Thanks Mr. Schue, for everything!"

"You're welcome, Brittany."

She smiles at him for one last time, before rushing out of his office to find her best friends.

/

The excitement is buzzing in her veins through the day.

For once in her life she is thankful she doesn't meet Santana, because she is pretty sure she'd be an ugly mess if she had to talk to her. Santana would think she's gone insane and Brittany guesses she might have.

She feels crazy for coming up with this plan.

As the day progresses, she starts questioning it more and more.

It will be the hardest thing she's ever done, that's a fact.

But in the end, Santana is worth it.

/

They are the last to arrive at the choir room.

Everybody is staring at them as they step into the room – and the noise instantly dies down, until silence fills the space completely. Brittany feels their gazes on her face, all of them stunned and confused, but her eyes are set on one person in the front.

The one and only person she came here for.

Santana is sitting in the front row, lips parted and the familiar cute frown intact on her forehead. Her eyes find Brittany's and slowly the realization dawns on her – Brittany can see her expression changing, a wave of emotions rushing over her.

She shakes her head in disbelief, and Brittany nods to her, trying to tell her without words.

But soon, she has to speak – she has to _sing_ to her.

When Mr. Schuester enters the room, clapping his hands together in excitement, her moment has come. She feels the weight of it – but instead of pulling her down, it is lifting her up.

It is filling her with courage.

For a brief moment, she catches Kurt's eyes and his smile gives her hope, and Blaine's make her sure that he knows what's about to come, too. But not everybody does.

"Mr. Schue," Mercedes asks, puzzled by Brittany and her two friends standing beside their teacher. "What is going on?"

"Guys, I'm sure you're all pretty curious now," he chuckles, looking at their baffled faces. "Brittany, Quinn and Sugar are auditioning today!"

"And you didn't tell me? Brittany?!" Rachel yelps, jumping from her seat in shock.

"Rachel!" Kurt hisses between gritted teeth.

"But I'm the captain of this club, I'm entitled to –"

"Rachel, please," Brittany cuts her off, too nervous to deal with the girl's antics now. "I know this might be shocking for all of you, but we do want to join Glee club – if you want us to, that is," she says, casting her gaze back at Santana.

She is still staring at her in silence, her small hands clenched together in her lap. She must be feeling how special this moment is, Brittany muses. It the look in her eyes is any indication, she must be.

"Yeah, we wanna do all the drama, the singing and the gay-dancing – and I have lots of money to buy us fancy clothes, just sayin'…" Sugar announces, and it brings a few chuckles out of the group.

"Is she kinda crazy?" Sam asks Artie, his voice loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Yeah…" Artie murmurs, barely able to hide his adoration for Sugar.

"Guys, please!" Mr. Schuester hushes them. "Give the girls a chance and you'll all have a say in the decision after, all right?"

"Praise!" Mercedes says, and everybody seems to agree.

"Rach?" Blaine clears his throat, touching Rachel's elbow.

"Fine…" she sighs, sitting back down on her seat.

Brittany shoots her a grateful smile, and surprisingly, Rachel's lips slowly curl up to match hers. She gives her a tiny nod, and it feels a tiny bit easier to stand here knowing that she got her approval.

"Girls, are you ready?" Mr. Schue asks then, and her heart almost jumps out of her ribcage.

Quinn subtly touches her hand. "Britt?" she whispers and Brittany knows it's the last moment to escape, to run away and never look back.

She looks at Santana, the girl who's changed her to be a person, who is not afraid to show how she feels, a person, who cares for others, who takes responsibility for her actions – and Brittany feels that she is meant to be here and do this for Santana.

"Yeah, I am ready."

She smiles softly, and feels like she's been ready for a while now.

"Then let's hit it!" Mr. Schue tells the band.

Brittany steps forward, her heart beating so loud she can barely hear the first notes of Melissa Etheridge's _'Come to my window'_ filling the air, but when the time comes to part her lips and utter the first words, her voice is calm, purposeful – and with every syllable, she is connecting with Santana's heart.

"_I would dial the numbers  
Just to listen to your breath"_

She sings, her eyes never leaving Santana's and she is melting into the look, forgetting about everyone in the room.

"I would stand inside my hell  
And hold the hand of death  
You don't know how far I'd go  
To ease this precious ache"

She touches her chest where her heart lies beneath, and beating for Santana – and takes another step as the refrain comes. They drift into a different world as the words roll from her tongue – richly filled with meaning and she can see Santana taking it in, the precious gift that she is giving her.

"_Nothing fills the blackness  
That has seeped into my chest" _

Her voice cracks, as the memory of heartbreak tackles her and the wound that hasn't fully healed yet aches, while tears sting into her eyes.

"_I need you in my blood  
I am forsaking all the rest"_

She lets them fall and tries to smile through her tears to give strength to Santana who is crumbling in her seat, her brown eyes filled with such sincere affection, so much love that Brittany almost chokes on the refrain.

The need to be close to Santana defeats her and she can't hold back anymore. She walks up to her and crouches – a few inches parting them and looks at her closely, _deliberately_ as she sings.

"_I don't care what they think  
I don't care what they say" _

She shakes her head, expressing that she doesn't care for what anyone thinks about them – she only cares for her.  
_  
"What do they know about this  
Love anyway" _

Santana's tearful eyes consume her completely, and her rawest instinct drives her to gently take Santana's hand, and hold it as the last part comes.

Her voice weakens, her last strength leaving her body as she pours her soul out, but Quinn and Sugar are backing her up, helping her to finish and give the world to Santana – everything Brittany has and more.

"_Come to my window  
I'll be home soon" _

She whispers the last words and the notes echo in the silence that follows. The silence is killing her with every passing second. Santana shakes her head slowly, and a whimper escapes her.

"Please say something!" Brittany begs, squeezing her hand.

She feels the tension in the room, everybody waiting on edge for Santana to say something.

She sniffs, and shakes her head again. Brittany can see that the song she sang to her touched her deepest roots, and shook her from core.

"Brittany…" she chokes out, and reaches for Brittany's other hand.

She brings it up, and their hands tangle together, squeezing hard but with great care.

"This is everything I-" Brittany falters, searching for the right words. "This is what I feel for you and I wanted you to know. I want you to know everything I feel, Santana."

Santana nods, another teardrop sliding down on her cheek. "I know, baby."

"But I need you to hear it," Brittany insists, taking a deep breath and mustering up her courage for the confession. "I need to tell you how sorry I am – I'm so sorry for what I did, Santana" she apologizes again and Santana wants to cut her off, but she gently puts a finger on her lips. "I should have never made that bet and lie to you for so long, but…" she trails off, and Santana tilts her head, her eyes patient and full of adoration. "I wish I could tell you I regret every minute of it, but I don't. I don't regret it, because it's been the best I've ever felt in my life," she confesses, and feels Santana's breath hitch under her finger. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't regret falling for you," she whispers, her voice soft but sure. "Because it's true…I've fallen for you so hard, baby."

Santana shuts her eyes, and tears squeeze out.

Brittany drops her finger from her lips and touches her wet cheeks, holding her face - her soft skin meeting her fingers – like she is holding the world in her hands.

"Me too, Britt…" Santana whispers, snapping her eyes open.

"You have such a big heart, San," Brittany tells her, caressing her cheeks. "And you gave it to me so easily – but you don't have to do that this time. I'll be waiting for you, as long as it takes."

"I can't promise anything," Santana sighs, and touches her hands. "But all I want is you…I want to be with you, Brittany."

Her words make Brittany's heart burst with love and she leans closer to Santana, whispering to her.

"Can you give me another chance?"

"I already did – can't you see?" Santana asks with a tearful smile.

"Honey…" she breathes into her, and she is pretty sure she heard someone sniffing nearby.

But she only cares for Santana now, her soft cheeks, her sweet breath and the warmth in her eyes – and her beautiful heart that she feels in her hands again.

She only listens to her, taking in everything that's made Brittany fallen in love with her.

"Can you kiss me, please?" Santana asks in a whisper.

A smile tug at her lips, but it can't match her happiness – _nothing_ can.

Only the kiss she lays on Santana's lips.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading! **_**_I'd appriciate it if you left a review and please do so, if you have time!_ **

**_Didn't want to spoil the song in the beginning..._**

**_As it was mentioned in the story, it is Melissa Etheridge's epic song "Come to my window". Hope I did the scene justice! I've always wanted to include that song into one of my fics.  
_**

**_Thanks again for everything! _**


	17. The future starts now

**_Dear readers!_**

**_Those of you, who are too eager to skip this part I can only say: Enjoy! :)_**

**_For those of you, who are patient enough to read my words, I have something to say. :) Thank you for not giving upon me, the story and my characters! I am having the busiest time of my life, and I literally couldn't find it in me to write in the recent weeks. When I gathered my motivation and the opportunity presented itself, I sat down to plan the rest of the story in detail and started to write. I was afraid that I would be rusty and it'd feel awkward after such a long time, but I really hope you will all be happy with the chapter. I truly did my best here. _**

**_It feels so good to be back, and I promise I will try my best to update again soon, let that be one or two weeks from now. _**

**_I appriciate any kind of feedback, here or on my tumblr! Enjoy!_**

**_Yours truly, _**

**_Emmanuelle_**

*** emmanuelle-s . tumblr. com ***

* * *

**Part 14: The future starts now  
**

She feels peace again.

The storm that's been raging in her for days settles down the moment her lips touch Santana's. For the first time in days, she can breathe again – she _could_, if it wasn't impossible. The kiss takes her breath away. The craved feeling of the soft, familiar lips on her own consumes her completely. She drifts into a state of mind that makes her believe she entered heaven with Santana.

Because reality just can't feel so good.

When they part and she opens her eyes, she realizes it _can_.

It can, because the way Santana is looking into her eyes – so tenderly through her tears that it almost makes her heart stop – brings her heaven to Earth. It's the best kind of reality she has ever experienced – the feelings in Santana's dark melting eyes, so real they are almost tangible. Brittany wants to wrap them up in her hands and bury them inside her heart forever.

It feels like hours that they are staring at each other in silence, until the bubble around them pops with abruptly, making her realize they were only minutes not hours, and they are not alone but surrounded by a dozen of people who are witnessing every second of the most intimate moments she ever experienced.

She feels naked all of a sudden, exposed as she struggles with the thought that the contents of her heart are on open display now. Her eyes depart from Santana's and take in the faces in the choir room, some expressions confused, some proud but every one of them touched. It makes her settle again to see them looking at her with sympathy, but it doesn't compare to the way the soft caress of Santana's thumb makes her feel.

Santana regains her gaze with the touch, and Brittany's lips turn into a soft smile, only to be matched by the girl in front of her – the best person she's ever met and the _only _person she's ever fallen for.

"Thank you," Santana's mouth utters the words quietly, only for her ears to hear.

Before she can say anything – not that she would know how to formulate words now – another loud sniff captures her attention. She tilts her head to see Rachel clenching her hands together and shaking her head as her tears fall, while managing to put up a Tony-award winning drama performance.

"Applause, Brittany," she starts clapping with her hands, lifting from her seat to stand. "I never thought you had such an excellent dramatic vein running through you. Actually, on Broadway, with years of practice of course, your talent would -"

"Oh God," Kurt rolls his equally tear-filled eyes, his shrill voice cutting off his bemused friend. "Rachel, we just witnessed the most romantic freaking performance in the history of Glee club and yet you still can't shut up about Broadway. What is wrong with you?"

Rachel stares down at him with shocked eyes, before regaining her annoyingly confident tone. "But I just wanted to point out she-"

"Guys, stop!" Blaine speaks up in a firm tone, trying to discipline the two misbehaving friends. "You are ruining their moment."

Realizing her mistake, Rachel drops to her seat and looks guilty just the same as Kurt looks on her side.

"It's okay," Brittany looks at Blaine gratefully. "Nobody can ruin this now."

They share a meaningful smile, before Brittany turns back to Santana, who doesn't seem to care for any of their friends, only Brittany.

"Thank you, Britt-Britt," she repeats softly.

Brittany shakes her head, because it wasn't a favor she's done, nor was it a gift. It was just an act of honesty, a confession she owed Santana after the series of mistakes she's committed. She failed to come out with the whole truth before, but now it's out in the open – to be processed, interpreted, understood and dealt with.

Santana doesn't need to say thank you, it's her who has to be thankful here.

"Thank _you_, San," she replies with a gentle smile. "For giving me another chance."

Santana nods, before her lips turn into the warmest smile, the happiest Brittany's ever seen on her gorgeous face.

"I am so happy," she says in the cutest tone, bashfully and a bit unbelievingly, yet to completely process what just happened.

"Me too, honey."

Brittany leans in to kiss the corner of her mouth and giggles when she feels Santana making an attempt to kiss her. She fails though, and blushes when Brittany pulls away.

"I have to go now, I think," Brittany mutters lowly, giving an explanation as to why she didn't want to kiss her again.

She looks at Mr. Schue, who is staring at them dumbfounded. He recovers quickly, but confusion is apparent in his eyes as he clears his throat.

"Thank you, girls, for the performance! It was very, um, emotional so to say," he laughs a little awkwardly, but it's mostly to hide how moved he is. "As I said, we will discuss your audition and let you know later."

His words are followed by disbelieving frowns and noises of disagreement. It makes Brittany feel warm inside that the members of Glee club she's come to know and like so much seem to be on the same page about their case.

To her surprise, Artie wheels forward to Mr. Schuester and motions towards her with his gloved hand.

"Mr. Schue, have you seen what we have?" He asks in an unfamiliarly desperate voice, irritated by their teacher's words. "These girls are sent from heaven," he says with a groan, and it draws a giggle out of Brittany.

She glances at Sugar and Quinn, and catches the confident smirks gracing their lips.

"Artie, this is a group decision. In Glee club, we decide together." Mr. Schuester explains, but his resolve is close to succumbing seeing the group's determination.

"I'm with you, bro," Sam stands up, and joins Artie to give him a pat on the shoulder before he turns to the man in the focus of attention. "Mr. Schue, we would be crazy to say no."

"Mr. Schuester, as the leader of the Glee club, I have to wholeheartedly agree with the opinions voiced beforehand– though told in a simplistic manner," she squeaks, offending the boys as second nature, "they were actually true. I think it is safe to say we would all like to have the girls."

"Guys, please!"

To save Mr. Schuester from further embarrassment, Quinn clears her throat.

"We appreciate your enthusiasm guys, but we can wait for your answer," she says in a sincerely sweet voice before directing her words to Mr. Schuester. "Thank you Mr. Schue for giving us a chance! You are the best teacher this school has."

Brittany inwardly rolls her eyes at Quinn's blatantly obvious sucking-up, and how easily it finds Mr. Schuester's soft spot.

"Oh, no, I did what I had to really," he laughs nervously.

"Still." Quinn gives him a smile that would magically discard the pants of every male on this planet, and not surprisingly, he gets flustered by it.

"It's all right, girls," he tries to brush it off, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "Now, if you don't mind, we would like to continue class."

His words alert Brittany, and she turns back to Santana to see her soft and vulnerable eyes boring into her.

"Of course. Girls?" Quinn asks, and Brittany smiles at Santana painfully, knowing they have to leave. "Britt?"

She strokes Santana's small hand softly, hating that they have to part now. "Um, honey, I have to go now so -"

"No!" Santana says in an adorably stubborn voice, refusing to let go of Brittany's hand.

The manner makes Brittany smile at her tenderly, and she leans down to whisper into her ear. "We will talk later, okay? I promise you, honey."

Santana glances at her, and seeing the sincerity and reassurance in Brittany's eyes, she replies quietly. "Okay…"

"Okay, honey," Brittany whispers, and lays a soft little peck to Santana's warm cheek before standing up.

With a last squeeze, she lets go of Santana's hand and this time the girl lets her. Brittany walks to the door where Quinn and Sugar are waiting for her, and turns back to the group.

"Thank you, guys, for giving us a chance!"

As a reply to her words, the wide smiles and playful whistles coming back their way make her assured they belong here in this group.

And the loving look in Santana's eyes makes her believe that second chances do exist and when two people belong together, they can make it no matter what – and Brittany S. Pierce sure as hell belongs to Santana Lopez.

/

She breaks down seconds after leaving the choir room, the repressed fear that her plan might go wrong and the killer nerves tackling her once they are alone now.

Quinn and Sugar hold her tight in their hug, and she finds her peace in her friends' arms again.

"Do you want us to go home with you, Britts?" Sugar asks attentively, while Quinn's hand never stops stroking along her spine in a calming manner.

She considers the offer, but a sudden idea retracts her from accepting it.

"Thanks, but," she sniffs before giving them a brief smile, "I have one more thing to do now."

Her best friends share a confused look, but they don't ask her. Brittany knows it's a question of time when they will, but she is grateful for their silent acceptance now.

They part ways, and with slow, hesitant steps, she makes her way to the one place she hopes to find the rest of the peace she needs for true happiness.

/

"Brittany," Miss Pillsbury's gentle but obviously stunned voice welcomes her when she opens the door of her office. "I was hoping you would come soon."

Her surprise is apparent, just as much as her satisfaction of Brittany's arrival.

Brittany tries to match her smile, but it's hard while her insides churn in a way that makes her mouth turn wry. She is incredibly nervous coming here and facing this small doe-eyed woman – but it's because she is about to face the past she's had, and hopes to fold up forever.

"Come on in!" Miss Pillsbury encourages her.

"Um, I would like to make an appointment," Brittany mutters lowly, when standing in front of the woman's desk.

"That's good," the woman smiles at Brittany kindly, before glancing at her calendar. "Let me see…hmm, what do you think about Wednesday afternoon maybe?"

A cold shiver runs down Brittany's spine at the near-by date and she considers her possibilities. She could easily say no, claiming she is busy and win more time for herself – or she could be brave and just say what she has to do. It makes her dread the upcoming Wednesday, but she knows this is the right thing to do.

"Yeah, okay," she replies almost mutely.

"I'll see you at four then?" Miss Pillsbury asks with a reassuring smile.

Brittany gulps to ease the dryness in her mouth. "Uh, okay, I'll be here."

Sensing her bewilderment, Miss Pillsbury lifts from her seat and walks up to stand beside her. "It's all right, Brittany. I am here to help you, not to scare you."

"I know."

She nods at Brittany with a smile, before her eyes light up with a seemingly brilliant idea. "Here, take these pamphlets with you!" she says enthusiastically, picking up a handful and pushing them into her palm. "They might help you get into the mood," she laughs a little suggestively, and Brittany's eyes widen at the sexual innuendo.

This woman is even crazier than she thought.

Somehow, it makes her feel safer. She will just think Miss Pillsbury is an alien from one of her dreams, when she gets scared. They are her best pals, and Miss P totally looks like one of them with her overly dimensioned eyes, freakishly white skin and out-of-this-world way of thinking. But now that Brittany thinks about it, she is not that much different from her. It makes her feel more at ease now that she realized she and Miss Pillsbury are one of a kind. Maybe next time she should speak the language she made up with Lord Tubbington and test her theory on the woman.

The idea makes her excited and she wears off her nerves.

"Thanks, Miss P!" She shoots the redhead woman a considerably more confident smile, and she quickly returns it.

"See you on Wednesday, Brittany!"

"See you, Miss P!"

/

Brittany reads every pamphlet after she gets home, each more ridiculous than the last but bearing tremendous entertaining value. Her favorite is called '_When cheerleaders attack: How to save yourself from the dark magic of high-school cheerleaders_'.

She makes up a drinking game, but decides to try it later in case Santana calls.

She wants to be sober when she talks to her.

Actually her phone is lying on her stomach as she is sitting on her bed while reading the pamphlets to distract herself from the anxiety she feels about the prospect of a call from the girl she adores so much.

She is in the middle of reading a brochure titled, '_How to avoid becoming the next Lindsay Lohan of Lima, Ohio?_' - which is pointless anyway, since she is much more talented than poor Lindsay – when her phone starts vibrating. Her heart speeds up, and she drops the paper on the bed to take the call as fast as she can, because the picture on her screen signals that she is about to speak with the most perfect girl in the universe.

"Hi," she says breathlessly and blushes from her obvious desperation.

It gets much worse when instead of Santana speaking alone, she can hear a mix of familiar voices greeting her back.

"_Hey, um, Rachel had this amazing idea to call you together…"_ Santana tells her, embarrassment and irritation lacing into her soft voice.

Brittany swears to her life she could strangle Rachel with her bare hands now, but she has to control herself. She will definitely plan a bloody revenge for later and judging from her voice, Santana might be her partner in crime.

"Thanks, Rachel!" She replies, barely covering up her frustration. "So, um, why did you _all_ call me?"

"_We wanted to - I mean Rachel wanted to announce our decision together."_

"Oh," Brittany blurts out, her nerves rising as the best and worst scenarios enter her mind.

"_Isn't it a brilliant idea? The Glee club is a group after all,"_ Rachel explains and Brittany can just see her shooting a silencing glare to her misbehaving mates. She hangs on the girl's words and hates that Rachel is deliberately killing the time to raise the dramatic tension before she speaks again. _"Brittany, I am honored to announce that we voted…and from this very day, you can be proud to call yourself a member of Glee club!"_

"_Yay!"_

"_Congratulations, Britt!"_

"_Praise!" _

"_You go, girl!"_

Her phone explodes with a storm of noises, yelled words, whistles and claps and she feels the giddiest smile creeping upon her lips.

"Really?" she asks disbelievingly, trying to suck back a silly giggle. "You're not just kidding, right?"

"_No, Britt, we all want you here," _Kurt's calming voice enters her ears and she believes it at last. _"And we want Quinn and Sugar, too."_

"That's so amazing, guys!" She shakes her head, trying to find the appropriate words, but they fail her. "I just – I don't know what to say. Thank you!"

"_Nah, you three deserved it," _Artie tells her gently.

"_Totally."_

They all seem to agree, and though it is a great feeling to be appreciated by them, Brittany is still waiting for one person's reaction.

"_Yeah, you were perfect," _Santana says softly at last, and Brittany knows she doesn't just mean the performance, but the aftermath too.

It makes her want to jump up from her bed, hop into the car and drive back to school to find Santana in the choir room and kiss her hard, not caring the least for the audience.

"Um, guys, thank you for calling me, but could you maybe give me a moment now?" she asks carefully, craving to talk to Santana in privacy.

"_Lovebirds…" _Sam coos in the background, making Brittany's cheeks color and her smile grow until it reaches her eyes.

"_Shut up, idiot!"_

"_Sanny is in love!"_

"_I hate you, Froglips!"_ Santana's response makes her giggle softly, and she scoots down on her bed as the girl on the other end of the line sends her friends away._ "Just go, all of you, now!"_

When she can only hear Santana's soft breathing in the phone, she suddenly doesn't know what to say. She feels like she told everything she wanted to when she knelt down in front of Santana to pour the contents of her heart out to the girl she's fallen for.

"_Hey, um, congratulations again, Britt!" _Santana speaks up after the short silence. _"Everybody voted yes, but it wasn't much of a surprise really…" _she laughs delicately.

"I am really happy," Brittany declares, before asking. "Are you too, San?"

"_Yes, you are all very talented and will help us a lot," _Santana replies, but it feels like she is hiding the real truth behind her explanation.

"Is that the only reason?"

The brief silence following Brittany's question assures her that the answer is no, but it may be hard for Santana to admit.

"_Well, it's also maybe for the reason that we could spend more time together…"_

"I feel the same way."

The understanding between them makes Brittany feel safe and hopeful for the future. She wishes Santana would be lying beside her on the bed and she could kiss her now, but she settles for listening to the pattern of the girl's breathing, a lullaby to her ears.

"_What you did for me today, Britt…" _Santana rasps into the phone, and Brittany knows she is close to tears. It makes her want to wrap the girl up in her arms and hold her tight forever. _"It meant so much to me, you have no idea."_

"I do, honey, because it meant a lot to me too," she replies tenderly before the most obvious question breaks out of her. "So, um, what does this mean for us?"

"_I don't know…um, what do you want, Brittany?" _

"I asked you," Brittany replies patiently, a small smile ghosting her lips. "You know what I want, honey, I told you - a second chance, that's all I want."

"_I would like that too, Britt." _

"I don't wanna rush anything, because this time, I want to do everything right."

"_Me too," _Santana replies without hesitation, before asking nervously._ "So how do we do that?"_

"Maybe we could just wait and see for a bit?" Brittany asksher with hope in her voice. Secretly, she wants to continue from where they left off, but that's impossible. Everything's changed now. "Spend time together and talk, and just enjoy ourselves without pressure?"

"_It sounds perfect."_

"You really think so?"

"_Yes, Britt," _Santana says, with solace in her soft voice. _"I truly mean it. I miss you…just being with you." _

"I miss you too, San," Brittany sighs. "I miss going to the Lima Bean, walking you home and learning Spanish and just being near you… and kissing you and -"

"_Britt"_

"I'm sorry, I know," she mutters, regretting to take this conversation too far and cross the invisible line that defines their fragile relationship now. "We don't have to do any of these if you don't want to."

"_I do, just - we will see?" _

"Yeah, of course," she shakes her head subtly, recovering from her momentary weakness. "I am really happy just to be with you again, San."

"_I feel the same way, Britt."_

"I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"_Yeah, me too." _

"I won't bring my book, so I will get to work with you in Spanish class…"

"_Aw, you are too cute Britt," _Santana giggles. _"There's no need though. I will volunteer to work with you, how does that sound?"_

"Perfect."

"_See you tomorrow, Britt!"_

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, San!"

/

They get to sit together in Spanish class.

Sugar is out with sickness and it means that Brittany doesn't get to simply work with Santana, but enjoy sitting beside her for a whole period.

There's nothing better than sitting beside the girl she likes, so close to her that Brittany can count her long eye-lashes or see how her pupils dilate as she glances down at Brittany's lips while they talk. They are sitting so close Brittany's thigh almost touches Santana's jeans and their forearms brush together occasionally, making Brittany tingle everywhere.

She missed being close to her so badly.

She cherishes the feeling as long as she can.

When class is over, she has a strong urge to grab Santana's hand and never let go of it. Before she can act out and make a fool out of herself, the girl beside her clears her throat to catch her attention.

"Can I walk you to your locker?"

Santana's shy question makes Brittany forget about her crazy fantasies of kidnapping her and she gladly swings her bag on her back.

"Yeah," she smiles at the bashful girl as they turn towards the door.

On the way to Brittany's locker, they share small smiles when their hands lightly brush together and Brittany can't help herself from grabbing Santana's fingers as she once leans in to whisper to her. "You are too cute, San."

"Am not," Santana replies stubbornly in a murmur, before pulling away to regain the distance between them. "People are staring at us."

"So let them stare!" Brittany chuckles, but seeing Santana's apprehension, her smile falters. "Or is it bothering you?"

Santana's face falls at the question and her embarrassment grows even further. Brittany regrets asking it instantly and gives an encouraging squeeze to Santana's small hand.

"Hey, it's all right," she tries to reassure her quietly. "They will get used to seeing us together."

"I just hate to be in the center of attention," Santana explains. "I always have this feelings that they know everything about me and…I'm afraid that now they know everything about _us_."

The words hit Brittany right into the chest and the shame written all over Santana's face makes her stop in her tracks, pulling them away to a locker to talk in privacy. Santana follows her, though their hands parted just as the painfully honest words left her mouth.

"Nobody knows," Brittany says in a cracking whisper, her tone affected by the turmoil she feels inside. Her words are false this way though, and she rushes to correct herself. "Nobody knows the truth about you…and about us."

"Maybe they don't," Santana shrugs. "But they believe the gossip and judge me anyway."

She is right that it doesn't make a difference in the end. Whether they know the truth for sure or just assume, Santana fears their judgment and feels it on her skin every day, whether it's expressed by words or actions. But the forever-hopeful side of Brittany, the one that believes in the purity of people, breaks through, trying to defeat Santana's demons.

"They don't, not all of them. Why can't you believe-?"

"Because the last time I dared to hope people wouldn't, pictures of me ended up on Facebook and I got bullied all the way here from fucking Newark."

The harsh, forceful words uttered in a hissed whisper feel like a death grip around Brittany's heart. She's been longing for Santana's trust for so long now, longing to know about the struggles of her past, to see her scars and touch them, so she could heal her. But she's never thought she would have to face such cruelty and incomprehensible malice of people their own age that haunts Santana till this day.

"I will never let that happen to you again."

"That's not what I want," Santana raises her voice. "I don't want you to protect me."

It upsets Brittany that she doesn't understand Santana and her confusion seems to irritate the girl. She wants nothing but to understand her and give her what she needs, and she feels useless without Santana's help.

"Then what do you want, Santana?"

The question draws a strained sigh from Santana.

"It's pointless, Brittany, to talk about some fantasy. Some dream world that will never exist."

"Please, honey," Brittany pleads with Santana, urging her on to trust her with her secret wish.

It seems to deflect Santana's dismissal, and at the expense of painful struggles, Santana finally pours her heart out.

"I want – secretly I want people to know me Brittany - to know the truth about me and still not judge me. To like me for who I am, to accept that I am different, but -"

Her voice cracks miserably, and she starts shaking her head as if it expresses everything she can't with words. Indeed, her utter despair is visible for everyone who knows her as much as Brittany does.

Santana stares into empty space, dwelling into her misery, but Brittany won't let her succumb to the demons.

"But?"

They both know the sentence that will roll from Santana's tongue in mere seconds, but Brittany wants her to say it out loud so she gets to argue with it, to convince Santana that she has to always see the good, find hope and never surrender to the bad in the world.

"It will never happen."

"That's not true, and you know it, San," Brittany tries to argue gently. "Just think of all the people who accept you as you are! Your parents, your friends in Glee club, me..."

"I try, I really do, Brittany," Santana snaps her eyes up, and they gleam fiercely, almost threateningly. "But it's just so hard to forget."

"You mean us, too?" Brittany asks in a painfully weakling voice. "How we started?"

Santana's eyes could tell tales and Brittany knows she touched the scar _she_ left on her heart, the scar that's hurting her the most now.

"I'm sorry," Santana blurts out after a silent moment, and it makes Brittany realize she sank into her own pain for too long.

"No, honey-"

"I want to forget so badly, and just…move on, you know?"

"I don't expect you to forget, Santana," she sighs, at the limit of her capability to deal with their turmoil now.

She tries her best and it doesn't seem enough. She knows she is the one who has to gain back Santana's trust and deal with her issues, but she feels so tired sometimes, so useless while she is trying to deal with her own hurt too.

"Then what?"

Santana asks quietly, and it cracks something in Brittany. With her last effort, she delivers a confession, hoping her words will be enough to soothe the storm in Santana's heart.

"I just want to prove to you that I have changed and what I feel for you now is real. That's all I want," she says tearfully, her emotions crushing her resolve. "All I want, is you to know that I accept you as you are, and I'm falling for _you_, Santana Lopez, with all your little quirks and differences and all the awesomeness that you are. I want you to remember how we started…and how far we've come, honey."

She stands Santana's stare, even though tears are prickling the corners of her eyes, and watches the eyes of her beloved girl melting until she could drown in the pool of her love. Her words seem more than enough and as the tears finally break through the bay, Brittany finds herself enwrapped in small arms she seeks solace in.

"Thank you," Santana whispers, tilting her head to find Brittany's wet cheek to lay a soft kiss on it.

The feel of her lips linger on Brittany's skin, and intimacy of their embrace calms her raging emotions, bringing both of them the peace they longed for, the understanding and the delicate foundation of rebuilt trust.

After a moment of enjoying the pure bliss their tight hug brings to Brittany, she gently pulls away to grab Santana's hands as she looks deep into her eyes.

"You don't owe me anything. It should be me who-"

"But you are so amazing, Britt," Santana cuts her off, squeezing her hands firmly. "Thank you for being so patient, and understanding!"

A smile tugs at Brittany's lips and she lets herself believe that they can work it out. Her hope is stronger than ever now, and it makes her want to pull Santana closer and kiss her lips gently, but instead, words move her lips and roll from her tongue.

"You deserve everything, Santana."

That's all she wishes to say with a kiss, but she can't – _not yet_.

"I don't want everything," Santana returns her smile with a voice tender like a lullaby. "I only want you."

She tugs at Brittany's heartstrings, and a soft, disbelieving giggle erupts from her, followed by a shining beam that screams with what she feels inside. Unable to keep her emotions in control, she raises Santana's hands to her lips and kisses her knuckles, making Santana's lashes flutter as the girl's eyes speak of the precious love she holds in her heart.

No more words are needed, where every look, every miniscule move and every intake of breath carry the weight of their feelings for each other.

Brittany feels settled, and content with where they stand now in mutual understanding. She sniffs, and lets go of Santana's hands to wipe her tears that feel out of place in their shared happiness.

"Can we?" Santana asks after helping Brittany clean up.

"Yeah," Brittany replies with a small nod, before they start off again towards their destination.

They maintain the same distance between them before their interlude, but how close Brittany feels to Santana now doesn't really compare to before. She doesn't need anything now, just to walk beside Santana and look at her, and see her own feelings reflect in Santana's deep brown eyes. When a mysterious glint appears in them, Brittany's heart speeds up in anticipation.

It's impossible to anticipate the move that makes her heart bursts.

Santana tangles their pinkies together and swings their hands between their bodies like it's the most natural thing in the world.

It causes the silliest grin to appear on Brittany's face, and she almost jumps out of her skin from the giddiness she feels inside. She feels restless as they walk down the hallway, and her steps skip, making her look like a dancing clown in front of everyone.

She doesn't care the slightest for the attention.

The best thing is that Santana neither.

/

Her mind dazed by only focusing on Santana, she doesn't notice Quinn leaning on her locker.

She only does when Santana comes to a stop, and her gaze wanders off from Brittany's eyes.

When Brittany takes in Quinn, the first thing she notices is a small, sincere smile gracing her best friend's pretty lips, withheld by the girl whose eyes betray the depth of her true happiness while looking at Brittany and Santana.

"Hello, girls," she greets them sweetly, before catching another glance at their pinkies that still wrap tightly around each other.

"Hi," Brittany beams at her friend, before settling her eyes back on Santana.

She doesn't know what to expect from her and it is unnerving, though it brings her some much needed relief that Santana still hasn't let go of her pinkie.

"Hey," Santana finally answers, giving a small nod to Quinn.

"I can leave if you want," Quinn tells her, pulling up an eye-brow. "I didn't know you would come together."

Brittany pays close attention to the pair interacting with each other, and she is mildly surprised when Santana musters a tight smile in Quinn's direction.

"No, it's all right actually. There is something I wanted to tell you, too."

"Yeah?" Quinn asks with a frown planting itself between her perfect eyebrows.

Santana's announcement makes Brittany blush guiltily, as she knows she ruined Santana's surprise last night when she couldn't contain her excitement over the decision of Glee club. She clears her throat to interfere, glancing nervously at Santana.

"But um, I already told her that she and Sugar can join Glee, too."

"I thought so," Santana says softly and shrugs her shoulder as if to brush Brittany's comment off.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't keep it inside."

"It's fine, Britt," she giggles, squeezing Brittany's pinkie, before she turns her attention towards Quinn, her tone changing accordingly. "What I wanted to say is - well, actually Rachel wanted me to tell you, um, is that you and Sugar should come to our dance class this afternoon, if you could."

"I'll be there," Quinn replies without hesitation. "Sugar too, even if I have kick her sick ass all the way to the studio."

"But if she is really sick then-"

"She will deal, that's all," Quinn puts an end to the conversation.

"Um, okay," Santana says with an amused smile.

"Perfect."

Unable to stand as a silent witness anymore, Brittany wiggles her pinkie to catch Santana's attention like a restless kid.

"That's so awesome," she blurts out enthusiastically. "I so can't wait."

She makes both Santana and Quinn giggle, before her best friend's features stiffen all of a sudden, signaling the change of mood.

As she clears her throat, the tension rises.

"Brittany, could you maybe give us a moment?" She asks carefully, glancing at Santana for approval. "If that is all right with you?"

"I guess," Santana mumbles with a subtle shrug, but Brittany can feel her demeanor changing with apparent anxiety.

"Sure thing," Brittany says after a moment of hesitation, giving Santana an encouraging squeeze before letting go of her at last. "I'll be close by if you need me."

"Thank you," Quinn nods, before her eyes settle on Santana and Brittany can see the remorse instantly.

She knows what Quinn wants to say and it's not meant for Brittany's ears.

Her apology is only meant for Santana to hear.

/

"So?"

Of course it doesn't mean she wouldn't try to pry the first chance she gets. Santana stares at her with a blank face as she returns, while Quinn shoots off in the other direction after sending a wave her way.

"So what?"

"What did she say?" Brittany asks impatiently, eager to get to know the details of Santana's conversation with Quinn.

"She said sorry," Santana shrugs. "And stuff."

"Stuff, huh?" Brittany frowns, searching in Santana's eyes for the whole truth. "Did you talk about me, too?"

"Um, yeah," Santana nods, and a faint smile crosses her lips. "Well, she seems like a pretty good friend to you and um, she is really good with words, have you noticed that?"

"Yes, honey," Brittany giggles. "She really has a way with words."

"Yeah," Santana replies bashfully. "Um, she told me I could maybe hang out with the three of you sometime…"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"And what did you say?" Brittany asks with wide eyes, stunned to hear about Quinn's proposal.

"That sometime, maybe we could," Santana replies shyly, fumbling with her fingers. "If you want it too, that is."

She glances up at Brittany nervously,

"Of course I do, silly," Brittany giggles, touching Santana's hand gently to untangle her fingers and find her pinkie. "We should totally go have ice-cream, or maybe have a girl's night at Sugar's or go to the -"

"Britt," Santana cuts her off with a loving smile.

"What?"

"To be honest, I would rather hang out with you first," Santana replies softly, taking a timid step closer to Brittany. "Only you."

The proposal makes Brittany's heart skip a beat and she can barely believe her ears.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," Santana nods firmly. "Are you free on Thursday after Glee? We could do something together if you want to."

"It's a date!" Brittany blurts out, too excited to filter her thoughts. "I mean, not a _date_, but like –"

"It's just us, hanging out."

"Yeah," Brittany nods with a smile, thankful for Santana's help. "And it's perfect."

Her statement is not an exaggeration. Just her and Santana hanging out together, that's pure perfection for Brittany Pierce right now.

/

She meets up with Quinn after classes to go on a mission.

It should qualify as a scene in _'Mission Impossible' _since Brittany is convinced what they are heading for a catastrophe and there is no way they could survive this without getting actual physical injuries.

She is too nervous to talk to Quinn about Santana, stepping beside her friend with frightened eyes as they approach the room that is the most feared place in the building of McKinley High. Her fingers are slightly trembling and her heart is thudding in her throat as the particular door comes in sight before them.

Brittany knows her role will be limited in the following minutes.

All her trust is placed in her best friend. Quinn doesn't show a single sign of anxiety, not even a sharp intake of breath as they come to a stop in front of the door. But she is the uncrowned queen of manipulation after all, mustering an impeccable poker face as she knocks slowly on the door.

The tension rises to unbearable heights as they are waiting for an answer.

When a throw-away word finally hits their ears from inside, Quinn glances at Brittany.

"You ready?"

Brittany gulps, recalling all the best moments of her life before going into war.

All the moments that were worth living, before Sue Sylvester buries them alive.

/

"Traitors!" Sue yells, shooting off of her seat to rage at them. "You besmirched the name of Sue Sylvester. You betrayed me and now you come begging, how dare you, you ungrateful scumbags of this horseshit pile of a high school?!

The blood freezes in Brittany's veins as Sue continues yelling, sweeping off the contents of her desk in fury. Brittany glances at Quinn, who not only seems completely unaffected by their coach's sudden rush of anger, but actually seems rather entertained by the scene.

Brittany looks back at the furious woman and tries to appreciate the entertainment value of the scene. She realizes Sue roughly resembles a dragon and imagines the fire coming out of the woman's mouth as she throws insults in their face.

They watch her silently until she stops, panting from the effort and her eyes shooting sparks. Using the momentary pause to their advantage, Quinn speaks up delicately.

"We are truly sorry, Coach Sylvester," she repeats in a brilliantly deceiving tone. "But you are the smartest woman we know. I'm sure you understand we need all the extracurricular activities for our bright academic future. That's the only reason why we are joining Glee club."

"Of course," Sue replies menacingly. "I hope you realize with your remaining sanity, that Schuester and his horde of gay-dancing losers have nothing to offer for any of Sue Sylvester's cheerleaders."

"We do." Quinn nods before shooting a meaningful look at Brittany as to urge her on to do the same. "And I can guarantee you that as soon as Glee club seems to threaten our results with the Cheerios, we are leaving immediately."

"Yes, Coach Sylvester," Brittany says eagerly, "we would never threaten our success with the Cheerios."

"I see we understand each other then," Sue smirks with satisfaction. "I allow you to join Buttchin and his bunch of shameful wannabes, on the terms that you report weekly about your participation."

"Thank you, Coach Sue!" Quinn says with a sickeningly sweet tone. "We knew you would understand and of course we will fulfill your wishes the best we can."

Sue nods, pleased with the outcome of the conversation. Knowing that the hard part is still ahead, Brittany takes a deep breath to brace herself against the outcome before she speaks up.

"Yes, we will do everything," she assures their coach. "But there's a problem with the, um, schedules of our trainings and we would like to propose a small change."

"A small change?" Sue asks, trying to control her voice the best she can as she bores a hole into Brittany's head. "As the captain of my team, Brittany," she spits her name angrily. "You should know that the schedule of the Cheerios is intact since I started this program way before you were even a shameful thought in your parents' pretty head. So please, help me out. How the schedule of Glee club is my problem!"

"Of course it isn't, Coach Sue," Brittany shakes her head desperately. "But we should turn this situation to the advantage of the Cheerios. With a few small changes, we could easily add an extra training which I'm sure you'd appreciate."

She glances at Quinn, who nods approvingly and stays silent as Sue considers the words.

"This is unheard of," she hisses, but it's obvious she is intrigued by the offer. "What do you want?"

"We would like to add an extra practice to Wednesday afternoon," Brittany starts carefully. "And well, shift the Thursday practice to Friday morning."

"Now I'll tell you what I think, Pierce," Sue spits, taking a step forward to tower over them. "Your skinny asses don't honestly think I'd let _you_ decide _my_ schedule, or do you?"

Brittany gulps, fearing to say another word that might cause even more trouble for them. Luckily though, she can always count on the calm and composed attitude of her best friend.

"Of course not, Coach Sylvester," Quinn interferes in a careful, but firm tone. "This is merely a proposal on our part. We couldn't possibly judge as well as you can."

"Well said, Fabray," Sue nods, before turning her back to them to take a long minute in silence, deliberating her options.

Brittany uses the break to look at Quinn and communicate soundlessly as they learned way back in middle school. The anticipation is growing in the room with every second, and even Quinn seems slightly disturbed by the silence on Sue's part. Brittany tries to calm herself with the thought that Sue needs them, all three of them with Quinn and Sugar on the team. They are the best, with their places untouchable on the team and it's the strongest reason why she hasn't suffered a nervous breakdown so far in Sue Sylvester's office.

But Sue can hurt them in numerous ways without crushing them, and Brittany knows they are in for a punishment.

When their feared coach finally turns back to them with a wicked smirk on her face, Brittany knows they are screwed for the rest of their stay at McKinley High.

/

The outcome is a sacrifice Brittany would gladly take any day for joining Glee club.

The idea of practice on Monday morning, Wednesday and Friday afternoon will sure shock their fellow Cheerios, but Brittany is sure they will all manage. It's a test of engagement, and of course, a punishment on Sue's part for the 'blasphemy' she, Quinn and Sugar committed.

Sure, Sugar will whine like a bitch that she'll die without her beauty sleep on Sunday, but she will deal like the rest of them.

Blissful with relief, Brittany strides fast towards the parking lot. Quinn laughs at the silly grin on her face, and they hug while saying goodbye.

"Thank you, for standing by me," Brittany whispers into her ear, affected by events of the day. "And being so nice to San, too."

"It's nothing, really," Quinn chuckles softly. "It would be nice to get to know her, if you guys are going to be together."

Brittany pulls away to look at her, and gives a grateful smile in return. But her doubts subdue the joy for a moment, and she can't contain how afraid she feels of the future.

"I really hope we will, Quinn," she says quietly. "Cause I am pretty sure I love her."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Brittany says, and it shoots a rush of adrenaline to her heart. "I love Santana."

"That's so amazing, honey," Quinn replies in the sweetest tone, before pulling her in for an embrace. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," Brittany whispers into her ear, and finds peace in her best friend's arms.

"And I'm sure she feels the same way," Quinn whispers.

"Do you really think so?"

"I do."

Because her best friend says so, Brittany S. Pierce finally believes that she not only is madly in love with Santana Lopez.

But Santana Lopez is in love with her too.

* * *

**_Thank you for reading!  
_**

**_Please tell me what you think either here or on my tumblr! I welcome every message and try to answer all the questions! :)_**

**_In the next chapter, we will see their dance class and how Britt and San will hang out...and if it turns out to be a date. ;) _**


	18. Don't stop believin'

_*** emmanuelle-s . tumblr. com ***_

* * *

**Part 15 **

**Don't stop believin'**

_A tribute to Cory and all the people who never stop believing in love_

It is bizarre.

Or maybe this scene is just unfamiliar to her eyes, but heart-warming in a way that makes her feel complete, like for the first time in her life she doesn't have to hide a part of herself to please people.

Because the people she tries to please, now they are the same kind of people.

They are a group now.

With all their _differences_, in popularity, image and all the shallow indices people seem to measure each other's value these days, the people in this room are the same kind now, working towards the same goal, with _equally_ admirable willpower.

Even though their dancing is far from perfect, Brittany can't have enough of it.

She is watching them moving to the rhythm – all trying, but not all succeeding - and she doesn't think she's seen something more perfect in all its oddity.

There is just one flaw in the scene.

It isn't the fact that Sugar has to stop to blow her nose every other minute or that Rachel is wearing her hair in pigtails. No, unfortunately the problem is much harder to overcome than sickness or a missing sense of style.

The flaw is impossible to ignore for anyone who knows the basics of mathematics. Brittany's never been a fan of the science of numbers and figures, but she does know that seven girls and four boys equal eleven, and when the time comes to make pairs, the disappointed frowns in the room tells her one thing – they all see the flaw now.

It's just a question of time before someone voices it – saying it out loud even though nobody wants to ruin the mood as they stand silently deliberating how to solve the problem at hand. Of course, if she had to bet on who the person will be, she would put all the money in her cookie jar on Rachel Barbra Berry.

If Brittany is honest with herself, she is even a tiny bit happy that she doesn't have to take the role of the mood killer.

"Brittany, may I?" Rachel speaks up carefully, and Brittany nods, letting her say what has to be said. "I'm not sure you see – um," the girl shoots her a pained smile and Brittany feels her face heat up in humiliation. "But we can only make four pairs."

She states the obvious – which she apparently doesn't expect someone like Brittany to notice – and the silence in the room fills up with tension at her words.

Before Santana can defend her honor and lash out on Rachel with Spanish curses, Brittany pockets her pride and replies to Rachel.

"I may not be the brightest bulb on your pink Christmas tree," she says, her voice unable to hide the irritation and hurt she is feeling. "But I can count, and believe me I've been trying to think of a solution for twenty minutes now."

"I didn't mean to -" Rachel starts apologetically, but Brittany doesn't have time to waste on the matter now.

She knows Rachel – and most people – believes she is challenged in intelligence, but there is a more important problem to handle right now.

"It's fine," she cuts her off. "But it's obvious we need three more people."

"Three more boys to be exact," Blaine joins the discussion with a careworn expression. "We need to win over three more boys."

Gender matters now, it is one of those cases. Since everybody in the school seems to think Glee club is the gayest thing in the history of McKinley High, convincing boys to join will be incredibly hard.

Brittany doesn't want to think of the word _impossible_ just yet.

"So how the hell do we do that?" Mercedes finally asks the question that proposes a huge challenge for the group. The first they have to overcome _together_.

"Well, I know the perfect way to win over boys."

"Sugar, no!" Quinn hisses, embarrassed to chastise her friend in front of the whole group.

"Why not?" Sugar shrugs. "It's not like it would be the first time."

"You won't whore yourself out to gain new members," Quinn shoots her down, leaving no room for argument. "Forget that idea!"

Sugar rolls her eyes, but doesn't anger Quinn further.

"Just to make it clear, what exactly were you talking about?" Sam asks.

His innocent question makes Sugar smirk.

Santana nudges Sam's arm and shoots him a meaningful look, and his eyes widen. "Oh…wow, no, you can't do that!" He looks bewildered and strangely hurt by the realization that Sugar is ready to sleep with boys to win them for Glee club.

Brittany has a wild guess why he takes it so personally and she can't hold back a soft smile at the realization.

"Calm your ass, she won't!" Mercedes shoots the blonde boy down, before letting out a calming sigh. "Guys, we gotta find out something real fast. Sectionals is next Saturday."

"Cedes is right," Santana says in a thoughtful tone. "And we can't just put up a paper on the bulletin board that we are looking for new members, like the last time…"

The meaningful silence in the room signals that something really bad happened the last time.

Sugar is seemingly unaffected by the dark cloud hanging above their heads. "What happened the last time?" She asks in her comically nasal tone, clueless to the answer.

Brittany wishes she hadn't, because she already knows the answer, much to her shame.

"Uh, you and –"

"We tore it down and put up a slightly different version," Quinn says, avoiding eye-contact with everybody in the room.

"Yeah…"

Slightly different version meant drawing a mustached version of Rachel Berry on paper and changing Glee club to 'Gay club'. Surprisingly, Rachel doesn't seem deeply affected by dragging up this sad and humiliating memory of the past, but others seem to dwell on it.

Brittany knows they can't allow themselves to get stuck on the past. They have to look forward. Luckily, she is not the only one who thinks so.

"Look, can we just put the past behind us now?" Kurt joins the discussion, his high voice in contrast of the low point they arrived to. "We are in need of a solution here, everyone."

"Kurt is right," Rachel nods up and down, the fierce glow in her eyes signaling she is determined to find a solution. "We have to come up with a plan."

"It better be a damn good plan, else…" Artie trails off, and there is only one way to interpret his words.

If they don't come up with a plan, the dream they share will fall apart. They can't let that happen. Brittany won't let that happen, but she also won't let them waste their time on something they can't solve at the moment.

"Guys, we will work something out," she tries to direct the attention away from the pressing issue, angered by her own inability to offer a solution. "But there's choreography to learn and practice, because frankly, we are just not good enough now. We gotta improve; else there is no point in finding three more boys to lose with us at Sectionals."

The blunt words that leave her mouth come as a surprise even for her. The whole group is dumbstruck as she makes them face with the harsh truth.

"Wow," Artie cuts off the nagging silence. "Yeah, Brittany is right people; it would be stupid to waste our time on this now. Let's just do some dancing and deal with it later!"

"Right," Rachel nods, shaking off her stupor to regain her ferocious demeanor. "Everybody, use your brains after you go home, and we will brainstorm about it later. Now...shall we get back to dancing?"

"Yes, let's do it!"

They are all on the same page now.

Brittany forms pairs, leaving Tina and Rachel to sit out this round alongside herself, so Quinn and Sugar can learn the choreography. With years of Cheerios training, it doesn't take much time for them to pick up the steps, and by the end of the session they dazzle everyone by their talent.

It makes Brittany feel proud, but the big question doesn't stop bothering her.

When they take off in Quinn's car to go home after class ends, she voices it to her best friend.

"Quinn, how the hell will we find three guys?" She asks hopelessly, staring out the window to watch Santana leaving. Santana sends her a shy wave, and she musters up a smile in return. When Santana disappears from sight, the smile freezes on her lips and she turns back to her best friend with a miserable expression. "Three girls sure, we could convince the Cheerios, but three guys?"

Her mind scattered and gloominess dragging her down, Brittany doesn't notice the mysterious smirk dancing around Quinn's lips until the girl turns to face her and winks playfully.

"I have the perfect idea."

/

It's incredibly hard to keep it secret.

When Santana calls her before going to sleep, she almost slips up. Her mind is dizzy by the adorably sleepy voice of Santana and the approaching date of their undefined afternoon program, which in her most secret fantasy will turn out to be a date.

Santana stubbornly refuses to cut the call, until she is rambling in a way that makes Brittany giggle as she has no chance to make out the words.

She wonders how Santana would talk when drunk, and puts this point on her imaginary list of life challenges – amongst inventing a time machine, and getting Lord Tubbington to give up smoking. Maybe she should make a whole new list for the things she wants to do with Santana. She has countless plans already.

But then again, she is reminded of the fact that they are not together.

In her hopes, just not _yet_.

"I can't wait for Thursday afternoon," she admits bashfully to a half-sleeping Santana on the other end of the line.

"_Hmm…yeah, Britt_," Santana mumbles in the raspy voice Brittany admires so much. It makes Brittany want to snuggle her under a warm blanket and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ear all night. "_Me neither…_"

"Sweet dreams, San," Brittany whispers, smiling.

"_You wanna know a secret?_"

"Yeah."

"_I'm already dreamin' about you, Brittany…_"

"I'm dreaming about you too, Santana."

Maybe they don't mean it the same way now, but Brittany doesn't mind tonight.

In the land of her dreams, she is together with Santana.

/

As the morning rolls around, she returns to reality.

In the hopes of a morning text from the girl of her dreams, she rolls to her side and grabs her phone from the nightstand. Instead, a handful of texts and notifications welcome her, vibrating aggressively on the screen, screaming for attention.

She knows it means nothing good.

Unable to start the day just yet, she drops her phone and pulls the comforter over her head.

"I'm fucked," she groans grumpily, and curses the moment her alarm went off and she was cut out from her nighttime fantasy.

She wishes to return and soon, the wish of her heart is too strong for her body to deny.

/

She oversleeps, _of course_ she does.

It just has to happen on the day that is already expected to be pretty hard to survive. She would rather stay in her warm bed all day than go to school to face everyone – the Cheerios, Sue Sylvester, Miss Pillsbury…

Just thinking about everything makes her nauseous. She wants to hide under the comforter all day, like it is a safe and warm nest, where she can indulge herself with day-dreaming.

She almost stays.

But she can't surrender to life's challenges.

/

She can't catch a break all day.

Her fellow Cheerios demand an answer, storming up to her between every period to bug her with their never-ending questions. She knows she owes them an explanation. It was in her plans to hold a team meeting today, but of course Sue Sylvester had to take revenge and screw it up.

Now that Sue's email, which was written in questionable tone, has been read by the whole team, Brittany can barely quench the fire.

She gets quite tired of it by her last period.

She tried to avert their questions all days, but she knows it would be much worse if the Cheerios got to know the truth from gossips.

That never ends well.

Mustering her courage to stand up and announce the news to the Cheerios, she calls for a team meeting first thing in the afternoon. She and her friends have to face thirteen more girls and tell them they joined the club they all hated from blind obedience, just days ago.

/

She would still rather face them, than her own self.

Standing in front of her teammates and watching the confusion turn into judgment on their faces, was still easier than sitting down in Miss Pillsbury's office to face the truths about herself.

She has to deal with her past to move on in the present...and she needs to do it to have a better future. She knows she has to dig deep, because just scratching the surface won't be enough now. She has to open up, and talk about the sensitive subjects, the scars that never truly healed and the issues nobody would ever think she is dealing with every day. She knows it deep inside why she is here right now in this office, sitting in the chair for minutes which seemed like hours, holding the cookie Miss Pillsbury gave her in her hand.

She knows it, but there is a block and it's pretty damn strong. She can't even answer the first question and it makes her feel dumb.

"I just…I'm sorry," she mumbles, her eyes set on the table that distances her from the woman. "I don't know what to say. I'm not sure why I am here."

"That's all right, Brittany. We are all confused sometimes," Mill Pillsbury says encouragingly. "What matters is that you realized you want to talk to someone. That's a great start, right?"

Brittany nods, and flips the cookie in her hand while sorting her thoughts.

"I guess I'm a bit confused," she says, deliberating out loud. "But that's not why I – um, I think I'm more overwhelmed maybe."

She glances up to make eye contact with Miss Pillsbury for the first time since she entered the room.

"I thought so," the woman replies delicately. "But I am here to help you. I hope I am not scaring you." She chuckles.

Brittany doesn't want to tell the woman that an innocent doe in the forest would scare her more than her. But Miss Pillsbury is right; she shouldn't act like she is scared shitless. She shouldn't succumb to this challenge in her life. She shouldn't chicken out.

Not now, when she has come so far, from sleeping with a different boy every weekend and letting the bullying going on in the school, all the way to the office of the woman who rescued her on the worst night of her life.

Miss Pillsbury is here for her and she does need someone to talk to.

She can't pass up on this chance.

She won't.

"I just don't know where to start," she frowns thoughtfully, her mind racing through all the memories that seem important. "I'm not really good at this, um, I just -" she shakes her head a bit, trying to organize her thoughts. She feels like she has too many and she can't seem to find where to begin.

"Just take a bite from that cookie," Miss Pillsbury says with a smile. "And try to think about why you came to me on Monday, and why you haven't before."

Brittany snaps her eyes to the piece of chocolate chip cookie in her hand and tries to figure out the reason behind her actions. She glares at the cookie like it could answer all her questions, and she swears it does. When she is sure of the reason, she brings the cookie into her mouth and takes a bite.

It's delicious and so is the feeling of being closer to figure out everything.

She swallows the bite and licks her lips. "I am here, because I want to change."

Her purpose couldn't be any simpler, and it couldn't be harder at the same time.

Miss Pillsbury nods, sensing she is not finished.

"I feel like I changed a lot since I -" she stops to contemplate how much she wants to put out there in the open. She decides it's silly to go half-way now and tries to trust her instincts. "Um, I got to know Santana."

For a split second, a smile passes on Miss Pillsbury's lips and Brittany is quite sure the woman knows about them. It makes her feel exposed, but that feeling is strongly attached to the process of opening up so she tries to not get hang up on it.

"She changed me," she continues, but realizes it sounds wrongs. "I mean, being with her changed me. I feel like I'm on the right track now, but I want to make sure I don't fall back…even if we -" she sighs, because saying this out loud is the greatest challenge and requires her strongest effort. "Even if we won't be together."

She struggles to stand Miss Pillsbury's stare, but she does, shooting a pained smile to the woman who's watching her closely. There's something in the big brown eyes of hers that makes Brittany feel like she said the right thing.

"That's very good that you want to change for yourself," she nods reassuringly after the silent moment. "It always has to be about you. Sometimes we want to change for our partners, get better for them, but it always has to come down to us."

Her words are wise, but they are not something one can learn from the books – or pamphlets for that matter. They sound like they come from Miss Pillsbury's heart, from real experience. The look in her eyes is enough proof of that.

"Have you ever tried to change for Mr. Schue?"

The second she utters the question, she damns the fact that in certain situations of her life she can't filter her thoughts. It is one of her flaws that makes her feel slightly embarrassed, but the expression appearing on Miss Pillsbury's face is worth it. Her doe eyes widen impossibly, lips hanging in shock, as the blush easily colors the fair skin of her cheeks.

Brittany has an urge to giggle, but it would be rude to make fun of the woman. She clears her throat awkwardly, breaking Miss Pillsbury's frozen demeanor and the woman lets out a flustered little chuckle.

"Um, sorry, Miss P," Brittany mutters. "I didn't mean to be rude. I just sometimes say stuff I don't really mean to."

Miss Pillsbury shakes her head. "No problem, Brittany," she says and smoothes her hair nervously.

"You don't have to answer of course."

"It's only fair, right?" She asks casually, but her voice can't hide her sense of discomfort. "I'm just not used to students taking an interest in my private life." She shoots a tight smile to Brittany.

Brittany doesn't want to enlighten her that they actually have bets about how long it will take Mr. Schue to ask the woman to marry him and invite everyone in McKinley to their wedding. She can't wait to give them a collection of toddler-sized vests as a wedding gift.

She is quite sure Miss P would die in humiliation if she got to know what kind of dirty gossiping is going on behind the teachers' backs in the school. Because if it got through to any of them, she is pretty sure an apocalypse would break out in the hallways and rooms of McKinley High.

"Yeah, well, it's just me being stupid," she says. "Sorry again."

"It's fine," Miss Pillsbury dismisses her apology and stares down into her lap. "Truth to be said, the answer is yes. I am trying, but I like to think Will just helped me realize that I need to get better for myself."

"The same thing happened to me."

"How did you change, Brittany?" Miss Pillsbury asks curiously, casting her gaze back on Brittany.

"It just happened, like naturally," Brittany replies with shrug. "I just started realizing that the way I lived my life was wrong and that I want to do things differently."

"Can you tell me how you lived your life before?"

The question was inevitable, she knew that, but it tackles her even so. Trying to ease her nerves, she eats the remains of the cookie before taking a deep breath to evoke the way she's led her life for all those years.

"I'm not sure I can explain, but I think I was just maybe…careless. I didn't really think about what I was doing."

"And what were you doing, Brittany?"

"Um, partying," she replies nervously, knowing she has to go into details soon. "Pretty hard I guess."

"Well, that doesn't come as a surprise," Miss Pillsbury says. "You really scared me and Will that night we found you on the street alone in the middle of the night. In that state…" she trails off, as she recalls the memory.

Brittany does the same, but her memory is much harder to live through again.

"I was so stupid, Miss P," she shakes her head. "I didn't care for anything, not even myself…I just went with stuff."

"Went with what kind of _stuff_?"

"Alcohol"

"Well that's not something any adult in your life would hear happily, but for teenagers like you, anything illegal is a temptation. Teenagers break rules, so they can feel grown up," Miss Pillsbury smiles tightly at her. "Can you describe one of those parties you used to visit?"

Brittany nods, trying to find the right balance between being honest and not making Miss P horrified.

"Um, I would go with my friends," she starts off. "We would go to one of the jocks. Everyone would be there, I mean…everyone that was cool enough."

"Who are cool enough?"

"The football team, the hockey team, the cheerleaders, um, people who go to college," she counts. "Well everyone except the nerds, and…Glee club."

"Oh, I see," Miss Pillsbury clears her throat, before a knowing smile creeps upon her lips. "But I have a feeling you don't think these people are exceptions now."

"Yeah," Brittany smiles subtly. "I've never really thought that…I just, I've never tried to stand up for them. I've always just gone with what people believed to be the right way."

"Good thing is that you realized you were wrong," Miss Pillsbury nods. "It means a lot to plenty of people I am sure."

"I guess, yeah," she replies, deep in thought. "I really think I can make a difference now. That's what I want to do."

"That's a very honorable goal, Brittany. Have you ever thought about going for senior class president?"

The question draws Brittany from her thoughts to a yet unfamiliar territory. To be honest, that possibility has never entered her mind. She is not good at public speaking and manipulations, so she isn't sure she would make an adequate candidate to be a politician.

"Um, no, I'm not sure it is for me," she mutters. "It is more for Quinn."

"Just think about it, all right?" Miss Pillsbury encourages her. "You still have some time. I happen to know from a source that shall not be named here, that there are only two candidates so far."

"Thanks, Miss P, I will see."

"Good," the woman's eyes light up. "Now, let's get back to those parties."

"Right"

"What would happen when you arrived with your friends?"

"Well, we would go straight to the kitchen and um, make drinks. Or the boys would make us some. We would have shots, and sometimes we would even drink off of each other's-"

"Okay, um, I think I know enough of that now, thank you," Miss Pillsbury says with a grimace. "So you would drink; what else?"

"We would dance a lot. I love dancing," Brittany says fondly. "I always dance a lot. Nobody can really keep up though." She pouts.

"You are really talented," Miss Pillsbury says, before lowering her voice. "Will believes the Glee club has a really good shot at Sectionals with you."

"He does? That's awesome," Brittany replies. "I'm really happy I can help our chances a bit maybe."

"So you would dance a lot, right? Would you spend the whole party on the dance floor?"

Brittany gulps, hesitating to answer for a good reason.

"Um, not the whole party," she mumbles quietly, her face heating up as she takes a moment for herself in silence. "I would probably spend some time with a guy somewhere."

"With a boy?" Miss Pillsbury asks, almost fearfully. "Your boyfriend?"

"I've never had a boyfriend."

The silence following her statement is uncomfortable to say the least. There aren't many ways to interpret it, but Miss Pillsbury takes her time.

"I see," she smiles tightly, a faint blush appearing on her face. "Would it be the same boy though?"

"No. Yes - uh, sometimes," Brittany mumbles in shame. "But usually, no..."

"Why do you think that is? I am sure a lot of boys want to date you."

"Yeah, I've been on dates," Brittany sighs. "But I've never really felt anything with those guys. I've never felt this way before."

"How do you feel now?"

The tender eyes of the woman make Brittany utter the words smoothly, like honey melting into a cup of warm tea.

"I'm in love."

"That's amazing, Brittany," Miss Pillsbury says, her face lighting up in awe.

Brittany truly thinks it is more than amazing. It is better than anything else she's ever experienced.

"Yeah," she returns her smile. "I want to be together with her, but it's um, really complicated."

"Love always is."

There is eternal wisdom in these three simple words.

Love is complicated, because it is twisted. It is in every human's nature to fight the sense of solitude that comes with being an individual in this world and to seek company, to find their true mate and be _together_. But at the same time, the strongest instinct to defend one's self – one's heart – against the harm only a loved one can cause makes one harbor fears and doubts forever. To open their heart and let someone take it while it is at its most vulnerable state is the hardest thing to do in a human's life.

Therefore, being in love doesn't always mean that two people can be together. Love is complicated, but so is being in a relationship with the one our heart has chosen.

Love is about one's individual feelings – though it is selfishly craved to be reciprocated. But a relationship always takes two. It is about sharing, devoting, opening up and surrendering completely to the eternal force that is love. It is a choice two people make together, to be together. To stop fighting their own selves, stop the fears and doubts tainting the purest feelings and just give in.

Love is not a choice; it happens against one's will and conquers everything.

But a relationship takes will. It is a choice.

It takes effort, sweat and tears and blood. It takes two people giving up their pride, selfishness, cowardice – and giving _in_.

"So is a relationship, I guess."

"Yes," Miss Pillsbury nods thoughtfully with a kind, sincere smile on her face. "But the question is, are you willing to work on it?"

A relationship takes hard work, a tremendous effort on both sides. And it may seem to be a hard question, but the answer comes easily.

It rolls effortlessly from her tongue, like an intake of breath to keep one's heart going.

"I am."

/

The session takes its toll on Brittany.

She feels tired but restless at the same time, shaken up by having to reveal so much about herself and the effort sucking the energy out of her. It is hard to cast off the mood she fell into after she left Miss Pillsbury's office, gloomy and unsettled as the deeply daunting sense of loneliness dwelled on her. It is the kind of loneliness that is not caused by the lack of fulfilling relationships in a person's life, but the state of being alone, alone with thoughts, feelings and problems only one can solve, even though many would be willing to help.

Driving in her car, she is wrapped up in the words that left her mouth and the particles of thoughts she wasn't ready to share yet. They died away even before she could contemplate uncovering their existence.

But she will get there.

If the two hours she spent trying was worth anything, it is the will in her heart that only got stronger.

Brittany knows she will get there. It is a long and hard way, but she will.

She has faith in herself.

But she still needs to stop for hot chocolate at the Lima Bean to feel like her true self again.

/

Maybe the most popular café in Lima is not the best choice though.

The place is crowded, but Brittany feels alienated from the people sitting at the round tables and chatting about their lives in a casual tone over a cup of coffee. These conversations are light and people are not worried to be overheard by strangers at the next table, not alike Brittany's thoughts that are meant to kept hidden somewhere deep inside, for only a few chosen to hear.

She tries to keep a low profile, minding her own business as she steps to the counter, ordering the biggest possible sized hot chocolate for takeaway. She is waiting in silence, trying to block out the noise around her but still being wary of people. When she receives her order, she is intent to quickly leave, without anyone noticing she ever made an appearance in the Lima Bean this afternoon.

What she doesn't expect though is to meet two familiar faces who won't let her get away in a hurry as she planned.

Oh boy, she was so close.

"Brittany," Kurt's cheery voice gets her attention as she is halfway out of the door.

She stops in her tracks, and inwardly rolls her eyes. She really doesn't want to be rude, but this is one of the rare times she wants to be alone, in the silence of her room, separated from the outside world. She could pretend that she didn't hear Kurt calling her name, but they are friends and he deserves better, after everything that he's helped her with.

She surrenders to the thought that she has to forget her plan about watching a sappy chick flick while drinking the finest hot chocolate in Lima, and has to actually act like a grown person who can handle herself.

She turns around to see Kurt emerging from his seat to hunt her down, with a slightly embarrassed Blaine remaining still at their table near the door.

They meet in the middle, and Kurt gives Brittany a peck on the cheek, which comes as a surprise but not displeasure at all.

"Why the rush, Britt?" He asks, while Brittany tries her best to act nonchalant. "Come join us!"

"I wouldn't wanna disturb you, Kurt," Brittany replies, catching a glance at Blaine. "You guys are obviously in the middle of something."

Kurt gets flustered at her words, but shakes it off quickly to argue.

"Blaine doesn't mind," he declares, shooting a look at the other boy who gives him an accepting smile. "Come join, just for a bit please! I heard the most delicious gossip about Coach Beiste. She was seen with a mysterious man at the local chicken wing eating contest. I smell romance!"

"How do you even know these things?" Brittany giggles at the absurdity, letting him lead the way to their table.

"Oh honey, I know everything."

/

Somewhere in the middle of their conversation, Brittany realizes how silly it was wishing to be alone and laughs at herself for even contemplating to ignore her friends who have a wonderful way to make her feel settled, and bright again.

Being alone is against her nature.

Isolated, only her thoughts keeping her company; that is not how she wishes to be. It was her dark side commanding her, and its voice whispering to her to be alone, and it deceived her sense of what her true needs are.

She needs people around her that love her. She needs their help.

And she will take it.

/

When Kurt invites her over for sleepover at the Hummel residence, her hesitation only lasts until Blaine shoots her a warm, encouraging smile.

"The three of us?" she asks.

"Just me and you, honey," Kurt replies with a sigh. "Blaine has to make an appearance at a family dinner. Apparently everybody has to be there when his sister introduces her new boyfriend that she met, um, how long ago was it again Blaine?"

His irritated voice freezes the air around them, and Brittany is slightly confused about the sudden shift in the mood.

"Kurt, please," Blaine turns to him, his voice almost whining. "Just let it go. They don't matter."

"For me, they do," Kurt argues. "They are your family. And it is just not fair."

The hurt in Kurt's ever so perky voice and the resignation in Blaine's eyes tell of a sad tale Brittany feels is not meant for her ears, or anyone's here to hear. She feels uncomfortable witnessing the scene taking place in front of her, while it is a matter that deserves to be dealt with in privacy.

Blaine tries to melt him with a comforting smile, but Kurt is not inclined to look at him. When he touches the boy's hand though, Kurt's demeanor softens, and they share a look that is more telling than a thousand words of love. Brittany has to cast her gaze away, because she feels undeserving and wrong to invade their privacy.

The silent, heartfelt scene at their table is in contrast of the noisy crowd, and the sense of isolation is starting to overcome Brittany again. She starts to feel like she doesn't belong here, but suddenly, Blaine touches her arm and it's such a relief to be included again, her presence to be wanted while she started to feel like a burden just now.

"We are sorry for this, Britt," he says apologetically, working his charm on her.

"It's fine," Brittany shrugs. "Should I leave you two alone?"

"Oh, no, you stay here with Kurt, I have to go anyway."

Kurt shoots Brittany a smile that is laced with sorrow that easily breaks through his attempt to hide it. He is an honest person, unable to hide his true feelings.

"Are you sure?" Brittany turns to Kurt.

"Yes, I'm fine Britt," He chuckles, trying to shake off the tension. "How could I be, when the number one girl at McKinley will sleep at mine tonight? That's one big score for a gay guy."

They all laugh at the joke that works like magic.

Brittany knows her friends have a lot to deal with, but this is not the right time and place. She trusts them to work it out, because if looks could tell, she is pretty sure Kurt and Blaine are in love.

If two people are in love, what else is there?

She smiles at them, but her mind is elsewhere now.

She is thinking about Santana.

/

Packing up for the sleepover at home, she has the weird, but not so unusual sense that something is missing.

Maybe she forgot her panties again, or to feed Lord Tubbington. But that wouldn't be such a huge tragedy considering her cat's size. The habit of forgetting about stuff like this is not unbeknown to her; on the contrary, she masters it. She has a long list of things she likes to forget, some of them causing trouble for her, like Math homework or taking the pill.

And of course, forgetting her phone tops the list.

She has no idea how long ago she checked it last. It may have easily been hours, since her attention wandered from Miss Pillsbury's office and the reminiscence of her past to the Lima Bean and the person who in one symbolizes her present, Santana Lopez. In the storm of her thoughts it was easy to forget about the practical.

Digging deep into her bag, she fishes the phone out, unread messages and missed calls flood her.

She is guilty of making people worry all the time about her safety.

In the overwhelming chaos, her eyes get caught up on one name that always makes her heart beat faster and her cheeks to burn as excitement flushes her.

What Santana does to her is a true wonder.

Nobody else can make her feel like ascending into the bright blue sky to fly among clouds made from fluffy cotton candy. She is pretty sure if Santana was a superhero, she would bring happiness to everybody in this world.

But Santana is just her superhero now.

Her short message, sweet and heartfelt, is like a wave of the ocean hitting the coast, only it slams Brittany's heart in the middle and her blood carries the sizzling feeling to every cell in her body.

Santana is proud of her and that is worth every effort she made today and will make tomorrow to be a better person.

/

The Hummel residence, warm and unpretentious as its owner, quickly makes Brittany feel at ease and strangely fast, _at home_.

Being introduced to each other, Burt's jokes and his welcoming smile have an immediate effect on her. He is a charming man, and a great father to Kurt, that much Brittany is sure of.

But not every parent is as accepting as Burt Hummel.

/

"So can we talk about the elephant in the room, or should I just pretend it's not there?"

They are sitting on the floor in Kurt's room, surrounded by pillows, silky blankets and aromatic candles, drinking strictly virgin pink mojitos which all remind Brittany of her early teenage years, the innocence she lost in the first trials of adolescence.

Kurt's eyes are shining in the candle light, his face an attribute of never-fading youthful innocence that is so rare to find in this world.

His question surprises Brittany, because so far the night has been about fun, light chats and soap operas and it is turning serious all of a sudden.

"Um, I don't think an elephant would fit in here, Kurt," Brittany blurts out, trying to lighten the mood.

She makes Kurt smile, and his gratitude doesn't remain hidden. He can't hide anything from her, and it might be the bravest thing in the world that he doesn't even want to. They both know what he meant by the elephant in the room, of course, and it is a heavy topic and Brittany would hate to see him sad now.

"Are you sure you want to talk about it?" She asks quietly.

"Well at some point, we are gonna talk about you and Santana, so I am entitled to have my own dramatic moments too."

They chuckle, and Brittany sips from her cocktail before raising her eyes on her friend's face.

"So, what was that between you and Blaine earlier?"

"Oh, an unexpected question," he chuckles ironically. "I'm sorry you had to sit through that, Brittany. Blaine's dad is not exactly like mine, and honestly, I am just sick of his ignorance sometimes."

"Does he know about you two?"

"When Blaine came out, they didn't talk for an entire week," he says bitterly. "You go figure."

"So I guess not."

Kurt's miserable look is enough proof of her assumption.

"He is afraid, and I get it, I really do," he sighs. "But I'm done pretending. It's so hard to take it sometimes…You know, I've always dreamed of shared Hummel-Anderson family dinners, and discussing the latest issue of House & Garden with his mo hi m, or babysitting his little sister together, but obviously I am not welcome anywhere near his family."

"Maybe he will warm up," Brittany tries to comfort him. "Sometimes it just takes time."

It's a weak condolence to ease his sufferings.

"Yeah, maybe," he smiles painfully. "Until then, I am taking the role of the secret lover."

"That sounds so fancy," Brittany chuckles.

"I know, right?"

They share a warm smile and the mood lifts up considerably, much to Brittany's relief. The last thing she wanted was to ruin the night with her questions.

Kurt sips from his drink then slowly, a mischievous expression appears on his face. "So Miss Pierce, are you ready for a classic Hummel fashion house makeover?"

A second later the boy is already rushing behind a wall, where there is a secluded area in his room, only to appear with a gorgeous, sparkling gold dress, covered with thousands of rhinestones. It is truly breath-taking, and Brittany is amazed by the talent that can make something so wonderful that is, after all, just a piece of clothing.

"Totally," she whispers in awe, never taking her eyes off the dress.

There is no need to ask her opinion about the dress, her reaction is telling enough for Kurt.

/

"Brittany, you are like a living doll, all my clothes fit you perfectly," Kurt squeals in excitement, then a second later his eyes bulge out like he's been electroshocked. "Oh my god, genius idea…you have to be the face of my brand. This is perfect, gosh!"

Standing in front of the tall mirror, Brittany admires the golden dress on herself. Kurt is overreacting, which is not unusual for the boy, but Brittany has to admit, she feels pretty damn good in his creation. She hopes she really does look so amazing to be worthy of Kurt's gushing, because she just got an idea in mind.

Carefully, wary of a disappointing answer, she looks at the boy.

"Kurt?"

"Yes, sweetie?" He asks, his expression changing as she hesitates to continue. "Oh my God, you don't like it!" He yelps, mortified.

"No, Kurt, no!" Brittany stops him. "I just wanted to ask something."

"Oh, of course," he clears his throat in embarrassment. "Anything I can do for you?"

"I'd like to borrow this dress for tomorrow," Brittany says quietly.

Kurt's mouth open, confused by the request, but it only takes him a split second to realize what is going on. A smile tugs at his lips as he steps closer to Brittany, squeezing her hand as they stare at each other in mutual understanding.

"I thought you'd never ask."

/

Two hours, a delicious Hummel-Pierce dinner and an extensive beauty session later, the two friends are sitting Indian style on Kurt's king-size bed, laughing about each other's funniest stories, the most embarrassing Glee club moments and the greatest cheerleading catastrophes.

Each takes a turn in telling stories, one after the other, and soon enough Kurt ends up reminiscing about his first crush, and the moment he realized he was gay. Brittany feels she ought to tell him about her journey too, and minutes later, they leave the past behind to talk about the present.

"I should get honors for ignoring this topic as long as I could, but Britt honey, how is it going with Santana?"

She couldn't have avoided this question all night, she knows that, but it still catches Brittany off guard.

"I really don't know Kurt," she sighs, taking time to gather her thoughts. "Sometimes I just feel like we are so close and we can work it out," she confesses quietly, staring at a group picture on Kurt's nightstand where Santana's smile is the brightest of all. She drops her gaze as her voice turns weaker, her breaths shallow as she whispers, "then other times I just feel…" she shakes her head, "helpless, like I will never earn her trust back and - she will never believe we can be…something, together."

"Aw, sweetie," Kurt shakes his head, sliding closer to hug Brittany. "You can't lose hope just yet. Things are still so fresh, and she needs time. You two just need time, because it will happen…eventually." He smiles at her, with such infecting confidence and conviction that Brittany has to believe his words. "You two are meant to be together."

"Is that enough?" Brittany asks, knowing the answer already.

"No, it's not," Kurt says. "You still have to make it happen."

"And how do I do that again?" Brittany chuckles, not even truly meaning her words.

But if she is honest with herself, her wish is to be with Santana, whatever it takes. She promised herself she would settle for friendship too, because she just can't lose her, she can't lose Santana. She tries to believe it could be enough, and sometimes when she is down, and hope is shattered by her dark thoughts, she tries to get used to the idea that she will never be together with Santana; that she will never hold her hand and kiss her again, and make love to her for the first time.

Brittany is fighting against the idea however she can, feeding herself with false hope and maybe delusion too.

And she tries her hardest to find a way to make it happen, against all odds, to be together with the person she loves.

Even though she promised herself she would settle.

She promised Santana, too.

She promised patience and acceptance, everything Santana deserves. Brittany wants to give her everything, but what if she can't?

What if she just wants to give Santana love? What if love is all Brittany has for her to give?

They are in love with each other.

Isn't this feeling, stronger than everything in Brittany, worth a fight?

"There is just one thing I know for sure, Brittany," Kurt whispers into her ear, gently. "Nobody could deny you in that Kurt Hummel dress."

They both break into a fit of giggles, and somewhere along the way, Brittany finds the answer to her question.

She will try to get her love back, because Santana Lopez is worth it to put up a damn good fight.

/

Brittany sees her for the first time tomorrow in the hallway, in morning haste, her form sliding through the crowd distinguishable for Brittany even from far away.

Her long dark curls swaying after her, as she tries to rush, her steps determined but still bearing a nervous edge, like she is afraid to find herself facing an enemy all of a sudden.

She used to have a lot of enemies here, but Brittany hopes that chapter of Santana's life is over, for good.

As if life was following her thoughts all along, she notices Azimio ambling in the direction of Santana, whose body suddenly twitches at the sight of him, as if she had sensors in it. They are detecting danger. Her demeanor changes, all of a sudden she is not rushing, but stepping in line with the other students, slowly and nonchalantly, merging into the crowd as if she is not even there, as if she has never even existed.

Heart ramming in her ribcage, Brittany numbly follows the figures closing the distance between them, and she is waiting for the moment of the two worlds crashing.

It never comes.

They pass each other, Santana, as if meeting the devil in disguise, trying not to look into Azimio's eyes, who seemingly is more concerned with picking something out of his ear than picking on the girl who used to be his favorite target to bully in the morning, as a kind of sacred routine before the rest of the day comes.

It is too soon to tell, but maybe his routine has changed.

The surprise and relief on Santana's face pull on Brittany's heartstrings, and she wishes for the millionth time that she'd stepped up sooner for them, the nerds, the gleeks, the losers…whatever name they are called around here.

She wished she'd done a lot of things, and _not_ done some things, but she can't change the past.

She is trying to change the present though, and the signs for a better future are in her favor.

She hopes Santana will be able to believe it too.

/

They talk for the first time at lunch, when Brittany stands up from the Cheerios table, her teammates barely recovering from the news of yesterday, narrowing their eyes at her move, and crosses the cafeteria to get a word with Santana, who is sitting in the circle of her friends.

"Hey guys," she greets them all, before focusing on the girl whose shampoo she can smell from this close distance. "San," she says quietly, her mind dulled by the coconut scent which is so distinctively _Santana_ for her that she indulges in the whiff whenever she can.

"Britt, hi," Santana smiles, looking up at Brittany from behind her long lashes, that shield away those magical brown eyes. "What's up?"

"Can I have a sec with you?" Brittany asks; her question stirring confusion in Santana.

"Sure."

Santana stands up from her seat, the others trying to get on with the conversation out of respect for them. They take a few steps, to stand near the corner where their words are protected from the unwarranted ears.

A few silent, slightly awkward seconds later, Brittany can't find the reason in herself why she even walked up to Santana, only to place them in the center of attention.

"I saw you this morning," she blurts out, desperately wanting to say something, and coming up with a meaningless, irrelevant fact of today.

"Um, yeah?"

Santana is trying to show interest even now, and Brittany finds that endearing.

"Yeah, sorry, that was random," she chuckles finding it hard to believe she is making a fool out of herself in front of half the school.

"No, it's fine," Santana says, and skips a few seconds until she asks in a slightly weaker, alerted voice. "So, is there something you want to tell me?"

Horrified by the realization that Santana might think she wants to blow off their plan, Brittany loses against her better judgment, saying "I'm still in for our date." From the corner of her eye, she catches quite many people showing interest in their conversation, and tries to lower her voice. "I mean our non-date date thing, sorry."

"Uh, Brittany, can't we talk about this somewhere else?" Santana asks bashfully, her hands fidgeting in front of herself, easily showing off how uncomfortable she is.

"Yeah, just one thing," Brittany rushes to say, touching Santana's hands to get her full attention. "Thank you, for your words yesterday. It meant so much."

"Of course," Santana says shortly, but her eyes speak of her emotions, deep and clear in the ocean of brown.

Brittany can see how Santana is trying to be present in this conversation, her eyes never leaving Brittany's blue ones, still she is concerned with a hundred different things, a hundred little, maybe miniscule things that others wouldn't trouble themselves over, thinking they are not even worth caring for.

These hundred things are a hundred persons, each with their own judgment and opinion about Santana.

These people in the cafeteria, they are there with them in their privacy, never leaving Santana alone.

But she shouldn't care about them, Brittany thinks so.

As if trying to prove herself that she is right, she leans in to hug Santana, the move so surprising and to Brittany's heartbreak, so unwelcomed here that the girl stiffens in her arms and Brittany can almost hear Santana counting inwardly before it's over.

When they part, Brittany can see the relief washing over Santana, the same relief she must have felt when Azimio passed her this morning without as much as a nasty look.

"Was this okay?" Brittany asks when there is no point in asking anymore.

She is trying to validate her own move, even though it is no use to mend the mistake.

"Yeah," Santana whispers and it can't be a bigger lie.

The hug was meant as much to prove Santana that things have changed as to say thank you to her, and it tainted the sincerity of Brittany's display of affection.

Before she could say something, anything to rescue the situation, Santana gives her a forced smile. "Is it okay if I get back now?"

Brittany nods without a word, disappointed in herself more than anything.

"See you at Glee club," Santana says, before leaving her in humiliation.

She is humiliated by her own stupidity to try to force Santana into believing something that she doesn't quite believe herself yet. She pushed her into a situation that was uncomfortable for her, and just made it a whole lot worse by the hug.

Returning to her table, Brittany hops down beside Quinn.

"That seemed a bit, awkward?" she whispers, while the other girls don't even put a pause to the conversation.

"Yeah," Brittany mutters dejectedly. "Quinn, what is wrong with me?"

"What do you mean?" Quinn's hazel eyes catch hers.

"I'm screwing this up, I can feel it."

"Sweetie, you are not," she says, with such determination Brittany almost believes it.

"I just made a complete fool out of myself," Brittany argues, flushing at the fresh memory. "And gosh, that hug? Why the hell did I have to do that?"

"She seemed to like it," Quinn tries to console her, but a look in the eye later, she settles, "Maybe not."

"She was stiff like a virgin first seeing the-"

"Okay, I get it," Quinn clears her throat, her cheeks slightly blushing. "Why did you even go there, Britt?"

Her question is the same as the one Brittany is trying to answer since her body rose from this seat, mere moments before.

"I don't really know now," she murmurs, watching Santana from the distance. "I guess I'm trying to prove things. I'm trying to make things happen."

"That's good."

It's a friendly condolence from Quinn, but fragile as a leaf in the fall storm.

Maybe trying to make things happen is not such a good idea as Brittany thought so.

/

Glee club takes her mind off the forthcoming evening which she is set to spend with Santana.

Strangely, the program she so eagerly awaited before is now making her anxious, so she desperately tries to stay in the present, where Mercedes is dazzling the group by belting out an Aretha solo with such groove as if she was brushing her teeth in the morning.

Undoubtedly, the girl is filled with exuberant talent, and they need this natural, earth-shattering energy she can bring to their set to make up for their dancing skills.

Not only Mercedes is gifted with such enormous talent here, though to call it gift may sound unfair to their owners, since talent is not a privilege they were born with. It takes hard work and the will to do so, more than anything, to master their talent.

They share the same passion in Glee club, the same will, to improve, and to contribute with everything they have to offer. This is a group they are part of now, and Brittany couldn't possibly be more proud as they give a standing ovation to Mercedes, who bashfully receives the compliments they shower her with.

She looks at Quinn, who is smiling with childish joy and her hazel eyes, clouded with a cavalcade of emotions, showing everyone how happy she is to be here. As unsure and reluctant as she was before about the idea of joining this club, she is as much as a proud member now as Brittany. It is truly heart-warming, and exactly what Brittany needs to see, and feel right now.

Her eyes leave Quinn's face, gravitating to the front, where Santana is sitting.

Their gazes meet, and Santana's smiling softly, _knowingly_, as if she is seeing right through Brittany, like nobody else ever could. She nods, up and down, the smile spreading on her face until it conquers her, and she is beaming at Brittany, who giggles out loud, charmed completely by those lips, those eyes, everything that is Santana.

The moment they share helps Brittany fight off the demons, and they leave her be for now.

When Mr. Schuester puts an end to the class, her insides grow narrow again.

"Hey, Britt, I have to talk to Mr. Schuester. I will call later, okay?" Quinn dashes off, leaving her side in haste to stride up to Mr. Schue in the front to catch a word. He is surprised, but not unpleasantly.

They walk out of the room, and others follow them, after saying goodbye to their friends.

Brittany picks up her bag, and takes a deep breath before walking down the stairs to approach Santana.

Kurt catches her elbow gently. "Good luck, sweetie," he says, before leaning in to whisper into her ear. "But I know you won't need it." He lets her go with a wink.

"Thanks, Kurt," Brittany smiles at him.

"Call me with the details?"

"Sure," she chuckles, before leaving him with Blaine.

Santana is fussing with her bag as Brittany comes to a stop beside her and the girl quickly finishes up, looking up at her.

"Hey, San," Brittany shoots her a smile. "Just wanted to talk about the plan for today."

"Hi, yeah, what is it?"

"Is it okay if I go home to change, then we meet up?"

"Uh, of course," Santana says with a nod. "I will pick you up at 6, okay?"

"Perfect," Brittany replies, then driven by her instincts, she leans closer to Santana and catches her wrist. "I can't wait," she whispers, leisurely giving her skin a soft stroke.

"Yeah," Santana whispers, her voice shallow as she is completely succumbed to Brittany's effect on her.

Brittany is pleased to see that she still owns that.

"See you, San," she says, pulling back her hand so that it trails a path down to Santana's fingertips before departing from her skin.

She leaves goose bumps, and a star-struck Santana behind, knowing well that the girl's eyes follow her steps as she strides out of the class room, with working just the right amount of sway in her hips.

/

"Hola, chica!"

"Sugar!" Brittany yelps in surprise, as entering her room she is welcomed by her sick friend hogging her bed. "What are you doing here? And how did you-"

"Don't question my brilliance, Britts! This girl has got the moves," Sugar says, dropping the latest issue of Teen Vogue on the sheets. "Now close your pretty little mouth, and let's get to it!"

"It?"

"Please, why do you think I'm here?" She asks exasperatedly, before she is seized with a fit of coughing. "Sorry, this stupid sickness is so not fancy. Anyways, as my sources told me, Hummel boy did his part, so now it's on me to finish this fine piece of work."

"You mean, _me_?"

"Duh," Sugar rolls her eyes then scoots to the edge of the bed. "You will look so hot, S won't be able to keep it in her pants."

Sugar's hint makes Brittany blush but there's no denying that it would be the dream scenario if they ended up in one of their bedrooms. It's too soon to even wish for that to happen, but Brittany has to admit, she wants Santana the same way, if not more than before.

She misses her, her smell, her taste, her bare skin, her noises of pleasure, her fingers inside Brittany and the weight of her body on hers – they all left a vast space behind, and Brittany can't wait to fill that void with fresh memories, maybe tonight.

Is it too much to wish for? Maybe, but oh, a girl can dream.

Her resolve to cajole Santana and conquer her yet again is stronger than ever.

"We don't have much time," she says at last. "Let's do it!"

"Now that's my girl," Sugar smirks, before picking up her tool bag and ushering Brittany into the bathroom.

/

"God, you look perfect," Sugar sighs, watching her work of art standing in front of the mirror.

Brittany is impressed, beyond question, but she can't turn the sound in her head off, saying this is too much.

"Isn't this too much?" she voices her doubt to her friend.

"No, Britt-Britt, listen to me," Sugar says patiently, taking a step closer to wrap an arm around Brittany's waist. "You are pretty, and she will appreciate it. Your look doesn't scream '_I wanna get laid in the back seat_', but that you made an effort to look gorgeous for her. She will love it."

Staring at her reflection, Brittany wonders why it is that everyone seems to be sure about the future of her and Santana, apart from the two persons involved. But she brushes her worries off, taking in the picture, her curled locks fitting the golden dress, her make-up, and the bracelet on her wrist Quinn sent her for luck.

This should be the big night, everything says so.

And she looks the part.

She will play the part, too.

"Thank you, for all this," she tells Sugar, squeezing her hand as the tender moment overcomes her. "You shouldn't have."

"Hush, sweetie, just go and rock that girl's socks!"

"I totally will," she smirks, bumping Sugar's hip with hers before they break into giggles.

/

It's one of those rare occurrences she is not running late.

Maybe it's due to the nerves, or Sugar's punctually executed make-over plan, but she is ready before time and waiting for Santana in the kitchen. The window offers a great view to the street, so she can see every car passing, her heart flipping when she hears another getting close, and dropping when they finally get in sight and Santana is nowhere to be seen in them.

She checks her phone, over and over again, to see what time it is. It feels like the minutes are rolling so slowly the time almost seems to stand still.

She is on the verge of losing her patience and opening her father's whiskey to take a shot, when she hears a horn being blown close by. Her stomach flips, heart thudding louder and louder as she walks back to the window and stares out, only to see Santana's car parked in the front.

"Pull it together, Jesus," she hisses to herself, before taking a deep breath.

She stays motionless for a few seconds, closing her eyes, and repeats the same words in her head again and again.

Tonight is gonna be perfect.

/

"Wow," Santana whispers, giving Brittany a respectful, but obvious once-over when she enters her car.

Brittany lets her take her time, dark eyes lingering on milky thighs, bare shoulders, and a decent cleavage until they meet blue ones, pupils dilated and lips parted in a rush of arousal. It's good to see Brittany is not the only one missing this.

"Good evening to you, too," she smiles at Santana, more than pleased with her reaction.

"Right," Santana licks her upper lip, before clearing her throat. "Should I go back and change?" she asks half-jokingly, and it's obvious she is slightly embarrassed to be underdressed, at least compared to Brittany.

"No, silly," Brittany brushes her question off. "You're perfect like this."

Brittany truly thinks she is perfect in her red top and black jeans, but Santana doesn't seem to believe her.

"So…here we are," the girl mumbles after a few seconds.

"Yes, here we are…" Brittany chuckles at her awkwardness, which she finds adorable. "Where are you taking me?"

"I was thinking the movies," Santana says, unsurely, "If you are up for it."

"Only if you buy me popcorn and we will sit in the back row."

"Why the back row?"

"The sound is better and nobody is looking," Brittany says suggestively, but it takes a second for the meaning to dawn on Santana.

"Oh, sure, we can sit anywhere you want," she says carelessly, but her behavior is easy to decipher.

She is nervous, but Brittany can only hope that will ease up once they are sitting in the back row in the dark theater, where nobody is looking.

/

After long and careful consideration, they decide to watch '_Spring breakers_', though Santana claims the critics have torn the film apart.

Brittany doesn't care and as per usual, Santana is easy to win over.

After buying a huge bowl of popcorn to share and one coke for each, they enter the room and take their seats in the last row. Santana, holding the popcorn in her lap is expressing her dislike for the commercials shown before movies. Brittany is too busy staring at her lips to really care about what's on the screen.

"Britt?" She is thrown out of her reverie by Santana raising her voice. "The film is starting…"

"Oh, thanks," Brittany smiles bashfully, before making use of the situation. "Though I'd rather watch you all night," she whispers into Santana's ear.

Leaning back into her seat, she notices Santana clutching the popcorn like she's hanging onto dear life.

She reaches out to grab a piece and puts it into her mouth, swallowing before she says, "Yum." She slowly licks the salt off her lips, the purpose of her staged move so obvious, it is almost desperate. But Santana seems to like it, judging from her expression. "Want one, you?"

"No, I'm fine," Santana clears her throat, and reaches for her coke to sip from it but it doesn't seem to be enough to ease the dryness in her throat.

Brittany winks at her, before turning to the screen. From the corner of her eye, she follows Santana's gaze traveling down her body and she adjusts her legs in a careful move to show off more of her naked thighs. The result goes as expected; Santana's eyes linger on her bare skin, before returning to her face, trying to figure Brittany out in silence.

But it's one of those rare occurrences when maybe she just can't.

/

Halfway through the film, Brittany decides it's time for some fun and lets Santana in on her plan.

"This is crazy, Britt," Santana whispers, and it's clear she's always been a good kid. "What if they notice it's us?"

"They won't!" Brittany replies confidently, patting Santana's knee to assure her. "Just remember to duck until the air's clear!"

"Okay, fine…" Santana gives in reluctantly, a bashful smile spreading on her face as Brittany's hand lingers on her jeans.

Brittany gives her another squeeze, before letting go. "I like the sound of that answer," she smiles at Santana. "Now, on the count of three…"

They both grab a handful of popcorn and keep steady until Brittany counts to three. Tossing the popcorn as far as they can to the front, they duck their heads to hide behind the other row's seats and break into a fit of giggles.

"Just imagine their faces, San!" Brittany whispers to Santana, their faces so close she is drawn to the girl completely.

"They must be pissed off…." Santana shakes her head, another soft giggle escaping her lips.

"Wanna do it again?"

"Maybe…okay, yeah, definitely."

"At three, now aim at the annoying old couple at the right!" Brittany instructs her, doing her best not to speak and laugh too loudly.

When she gives the signal, they do their best to send the package of popcorn to the old couple and dive again, this time Brittany falling onto Santana's shoulder and giggling into her warm neck.

"Sorry," she whispers pulling away, when she can take a breather again.

Santana doesn't reply, just stares into her eyes, the same, confused look on her face as before the film started. Brittany stares back at her, almost daring her to ask, but Santana remains silent and still.

She only moves when Brittany's eyes drop to her lips.

Her gaze turns away, shunning Brittany, and it is crystal clear she doesn't even want to leave any room for consideration. She blows Brittany off, the first time Brittany could take this night further, crossing the border of friendship to explore more dangerous territories.

Though it hurts, Brittany quickly recovers.

"Wanna get out of here?" she asks, driven by a sudden idea.

"Yeah"

Brittany offers Santana her pinkie, and they quickly escape the room, searching for a new adventure.

/

"So I guess it's safe to say I took your popcorn attack virginity?"

They're walking down the street, ice cream cups in hand, when Brittany blurts out the question. She enjoys the way it makes Santana flush.

"Yeah," the girl on her side admits with a shrug. "I've always been too much of a coward to do these things."

"Boring," Brittany whispers teasingly.

"No!" Santana huffs, "…okay, maybe I'm a bit."

"I was kidding, silly," Brittany shakes her head, taking a bite from her coconut ice cream. "You're awesome, and nah, don't even try to argue, cause I'm a genius."

"True, that you are."

"Duh," Brittany's smile spreads until a chuckle erupts from her. Staring at a beaming Santana, she takes a chance again tonight. "Hey, San, wanna hang out at mine?"

"Um…"

"No pressure, just…my parents are not home, and I was thinking," she pauses, asking herself what she _really_ was thinking. But she doesn't want to backtrack now, so she settles for repeating herself. "We could just hang out, for a bit."

She doesn't dare to look into Santana's eyes while she is desperately waiting for an answer, preferably a yes. But as seconds pass in silence, she gets used to the idea that she will spend her night alone, with the taste of failure on her lips, instead of Santana's.

When the answer finally comes, she doesn't believe her ears.

"Okay, yeah," Santana shrugs, trying to downplay the importance of her answer and acting casually.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?" she smiles at Brittany, and her question is a poetic one, not meant to be answered by anyone.

But life does it anyway.

/

It's funny, how quickly heaven can turn into hell.

How quickly things can fall apart.

How long things – or _feelings_ - can build up, without the people involved even noticing; only to reach a point where they burst out, crashing down on them, and all of it happening so quickly, so unexpectedly that there is no way to prepare for them. In the course of a split second, one wrong decision is made, and it sets an avalanche in motion. It is so bitterly funny, so pitiable that one has the urge to laugh out of their minds, and cry hysterically at the same time. To not even see it coming, it is truly a mortifying feeling. Because if one could know the consequences, they would never decide that way…right? They would never make that mistake that torn apart everything, maybe for good…would they?

Most wouldn't.

One can rarely play safe with the matters of the heart and Brittany Pierce refuses to. If only she had seen it coming, they would say. But even if she did, she would take her chance.

She would make this mistake, over and over again, because she is a fool in love.

"We shouldn't," Santana utters in a shaky whisper, so faint that it barely came to existence.

They are sitting so close, Brittany can feel the warmth radiating off Santana's skin, the familiar scent oozing from her pores, every shallow breath leaving her mouth. They were laughing a few seconds earlier, carelessly, and now Santana's lips are so close to Brittany she can almost taste them. She couldn't even conjure up how it happened. It just did, and it feels like coming to this point was inevitable.

It was meant to happen, Brittany _almost_ believed it.

Almost, until Santana pulled back, in the last second from their kiss and said the words that Brittany wishes to have never heard. Not quite accepting the truth in these hurtful words, she searches, desperately for a reason to go on.

"But you want to-"

"We shouldn't, Brittany," Santana repeats, louder with a hint of anger and tries to strangle Brittany's effort in its awakening.

In the moment of panic that Santana's rejection caused, the reason dawns on Brittany, and she feels silly for not realizing sooner. All Santana needs is reassurance.

"San, people can't see us here. They don't care anymore," she says with great empathy in her voice. "You don't have to be afraid."

All Santana needs to do is closing her lips, and Brittany knows something snapped in her. Her words triggered it, but she has to wait brutally long seconds to find out what.

"I'm not afraid of them," Santana says at last, and its implication would be inextricable for Brittany, if it wasn't paired with a look that rips the remains of hope out of her heart.

"What?" She asks, because she has to. It's the instinct to save herself from heartache setting into motion.

"I'm afraid of you, Brittany," Santana clarifies, and the sinking feeling in Brittany's heart can't be mistaken at her words. "I'm so afraid you will break my heart again."

"Santana, please," Brittany begs, trying to regain the closeness but Santana distances herself again.

"No, no, Brittany, you can't promise me, can you? You can't promise you will never hurt me again."

"I can't," Brittany whispers weakly, settling for the truth and unable to fight it. "You gotta take that risk for love."

Santana's dark eyes narrow and the person emerging in front of her is yet unbeknown to Brittany. This is a different side of the girl she is in love with. This is an intensely dark and deeply hurt side of her that Brittany's refused to notice before, love blinding her from the shaded corners of the picture.

"That's so easy for you to say," Santana mutters bitterly, snapping away her gaze.

She makes Brittany confused, burning another bridge between them by refusing to look at her. Her eyes are the entrance to her soul, and she took the key away from Brittany.

"What do you mean?"

Santana shakes her head, slowly as if she wouldn't want to believe her own thoughts.

"You could have anyone, Brittany, anyone, if we don't make it. You are the American dream girl," she says, her voice shallow but bearing an edge that glides right through Brittany's chest to tackle her heart. "…but what about me?" She snaps her eyes to Brittany, with anger rising radically in her voice. "There is no one out there who'd want me. I am a Latina, and a lesbian. And on top of that, I have a fucking penis. I'm the definition of minority in this stupid world."

The last syllables still echoing in the silence, Brittany needs time for the initial shock to evaporate. Like waiting for a splash of ice cold water in the face to dry up, she needs the stabbing pain to ease, so she can breathe again without her lungs collapsing.

"So you think this is all easy for me?" She asks in a broken whisper, horrified by the course this conversation has taken. "You think I could never understand someone like you?"

"Maybe you really can't," Santana replies, and it feels like as if behind the mask of anger, hurt and self-loath, she felt truly sorry for giving upon Brittany and in a sense, on _them_ as a couple too.

But it's not the time to give up now, and so Brittany refuses to.

"I am trying my best," she says, close to begging as her tears break through the barriers. "I do want you Santana, and I'm here."

"And you broke my heart," Santana erupts, with such force it makes the teardrops quiver on Brittany's cheeks.

"Why are you doing this, Santana?" Brittany asks in a shaky whimper, and Santana's look, though clouded by tears as her own, could stand as punishment for all her sins.

"Why am I doing this?" She asks in a storm of indignation. "I'm not the one trying to turn time back, wearing this dress and flirting and acting like this is some kind of a stupid first date. We've been there, remember? And see how that turned out."

Her vengeful tone is demolishing for Brittany, who can barely find the strength in herself to stop crying, just to say "I just wanted to be pretty for you."

"That's not true and you know it," Santana shoots her down. "You promised me, Brittany. You promised to be patient with me, and all you keep doing is forcing me. I thought we were on the same page."

"I was just trying to-"

"What? Un-break my heart?"

"I thought we were over this," Brittany cries out, all the frustration exploding from her at once only to be followed by sobs, heart-ripping desperate sobs from deep down inside her.

"Over this? How could I ever be over this?" Santana shouts, jumping from her seat to stand as Brittany looks up at her, seeing a stranger staring back at her. "This feeling that the only person I've ever loved never would have even talked to me, if it hadn't been for a stupid bet. Nobody's ever hurt me like you have, and that's fucking saying something. So no, I'm so not over this, Brittany."

"What about my hurt, Santana?" Brittany stands up, influenced by a force that is so strong and erratic, it is scaring her. "Huh? What about my heartbreak?" She shouts, stepping closer to Santana.

"Don't act like you have any idea how I feel!" Santana shouts back hysterically, pointing her finger at Brittany with vehemence, so closely she is almost touching her. "You are not the victim here, Brittany. I am! You lied to me, you betrayed me, and now you are trying to make me forget the past and act like we've never been on a first date, and like you've never made love to me in your bed after, only to break my fucking heart the next day!"

The words are louder, the feelings are rawer, but it's still about the same damn thing. It all comes down to the one thing that made them find each other in this world, two lost souls uniting and then set them apart, so apart they can barely recognize the person they are in love with now, even though that person is standing right in front of them.

The truth out in the open, there is no condolence for Brittany, no hope whatsoever that could have survived these last hell of minutes in her life. With the flames in her heart dying, she is succumbed by the vast, consuming feeling of losing a loved one.

"You'll never forgive me, will you?" She whispers, feeling numb as she tastes the defeat on her tongue for the first time.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I'm not ready?"

"But you said…" She shakes her head, unable to finish her sentence as her last effort to not let Santana slip from her fingertips fails.

"I said, I said - but I didn't feel it," Santana murmurs, held back and tormented by her own inability to forgive and move on for once and for all. "I'm not ready."

Two people in love, both wounded by the other and their scars bleeding, they stand silently like soldiers after a battle, trying to stomach the harm they've caused. Once feeling connected even by as much as a look in the eye, now they can't even bear to stand each other's sight.

It hurts too much.

Everything hurts too much, the ground crumbling beneath their feet as their world is changing, so rapidly and shockingly that it almost collapses completely.

Feeling the need to bring order to the chaos again, Brittany cuts into the ice cold silence.

"So what now?" she asks in the faintest of whispers, mustering a last effort to cast her gaze at Santana.

What she sees, a broken, lost person staring back at her, with eyes so empty as if death has implanted itself inside them, is like a last stab in the heart.

"I honestly don't know," Santana replies, unable to offer any assurance that there is a future to this, _them,_ and that's what hurts Brittany the most.

The thought that maybe, this is the end.

She can't take that, not tonight. Not the night her world fell apart into miniscule parts. No, she can't accept that there might be no way to glue them together ever again.

"Maybe it'd be best if you leave now," she says, before any of them has a chance to say any more words that would take their relationship beyond repairable.

Santana nods, as a sign she processed Brittany's words but she doesn't move, not for seconds. Her eyes bore into Brittany's and they connect again, both of them frightened by the impact this fateful night will have on their relationship. They search for condolence in each other, through all the heartache the other's caused them.

The most fragile piece of hope is brought to life as Santana's lips open, and Brittany is praying she won't say the death sentence, but instead mend all this, somehow. Her foolish heart hopes, until Santana's lips close and the light in her eyes disappear, yet again.

"I'm out of here," she says simply at last, and then she is rushing out of the room, as fast as her weakling legs can take her.

Brittany can barely process what is happening, until Santana reaches the doorway and the instinct of fighting for her only love kicks in again.

"Santana," she calls her name, and Santana freezes in motion.

Their heartbeats reverberate from the walls in the silence, as Santana slowly tilts her head, her teardrops glistening in the dim light.

"Yeah?"

"I've never lied to you about how I felt for you," Brittany says, her voice cracking from the weight her words carry. "Do you understand? Never…"

"Me neither," Santana sighs, so softly as if life is slipping right out of her with every syllable. "Good bye, Brittany."

And then she is out of the door, running down the stairs and Brittany has no idea where she gathers the strength from, but she is running after her, out into the dark night.

"You have to forgive me once, Santana," she yells after her from the porch, as Santana's broken figure crosses the yard, twitching with every sob that erupts from her body. "Do you hear me? You have to forgive me. Forgive me, please forgive me! Please forgive me!"

Brittany begs, and begs for seconds until Santana's car is finally brought to life and the engine roars, shutting out her voice,

but never quite silencing the voice in her heart that keeps on begging.

"_Please forgive me!_"

Minutes after Santana's departure, she is still begging, until her knees give in.

And then there is nothing, only blackness.

All there is,

is blackness.

/

"Brittany!"

A hysterical scream awakens her and she feels like the life that's been sucked out of her is now returning into her body. The pain is sweeping through her dulled senses, sharp needles stabbing her everywhere and soon her mother's face appears as she opens her eyelids.

Where she is, and what is happening to her, she has no idea.

"Brittany, oh my God, what happened to you?" Her mother yelps, disturbed and her eyes wide with terror. "Robert!" She screams, and her shrill voice makes Brittany wince. "My darling, my darling Brittany," she kneels down and they are eye level with Brittany, whose mind can barely register the panic on her mother's face.

She is elsewhere now, but not too far though.

Her mind is in the living room, where she is sitting on the couch with Santana and their lips are so close, Santana's breathing life into her body. She stays in that moment for a while, before it all turns rapid and her mind is spinning with the memories of the night.

It all comes back, at once.

All the words, the fight…and the heartache, sending her back into reality.

"Mom," she whimpers, before breaking down completely, her mother's arms wrapping tightly around her to hold the pieces together.

"Brittany, darling, I'm here, I'm here…" her mother whispers into her temple, and cradles her, the rhythm perfect to slow Brittany's heartbreak and bring a sense of peace into the chaos. Closing her eyes again, it is blackness everywhere, and she doesn't have to see her father to feel him there, too.

"Sunshine," he says, his voice laced with a hint of dread. "Let's take you inside."

For a split second, Brittany is depraved of the warmth of them, but soon enough she finds herself in her dad's strong arms, being carried into the house.

Once laid down on the couch, she can smell Santana's scent that lingered in the air.

She gets sick.

/

Later in her room, they are staring at her, monitoring her closely as if she was to empty her stomach any second, or break out crying again.

Neither would be a surprise, so she can't blame them for expecting the moment.

But she knows it won't happen.

She doesn't have enough strength left in her body to vomit or cry. No strength for speaking either, but she has no choice than to say a few words.

"I'm sorry," she speaks up finally, alarming her parents who sit on the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry for scaring you and ruining your night."

They share a glance, as if silently conversing, before her mother shakes her head. "All that matters is that you are all right, sweetheart."

Brittany doesn't want to argue that she is not. There is no need, because they know it anyway.

"You just rest now, Brittany," her father says with a worn smile. "We will talk tomorrow."

Oh, tomorrow, she wishes it would never come.

"Okay," she whispers plainly, before sleep overcomes her.

She doesn't know whether she is dreaming already when a kiss is planted on her forehead.

/

The morning comes too soon.

More disorganized than ever, she has troubles getting ready for school. Doing the most trivial morning activities, she is disturbed by the fresh memories of last night.

They words echo in her mind and Santana's looks, as if they've been burnt into her memory, haunt her in this early time of the day. Maybe they will fade, she is yet to know.

But today, it will be harder than anything.

/

When she appears downstairs, fully dressed and carrying her bag, Brittany hears her mother conversing with someone, and it doesn't take much time to find out whom.

"Quinn," she whispers to herself, before peeking into the kitchen to confirm her assumption.

As Brittany makes some noise with her sneakers on the tiles, her mother and her best friend stop talking and turn to look at her.

"Britt," Quinn trails her eyes all over her, before shooting her a smile.

Brittany knows she is measuring up the damage.

"Hi," Brittany says, stepping further into the kitchen, embarrassed by the thought that her mother and her best friend talked about her behind her back.

"Here, sweetie, have a seat," her mother says, standing up from her stool. "We have coffee, chocolate croissants or whatever else you want."

"I want Lucky Charms," Brittany blurts out, and after all the drama, it's such a release to be able to laugh again.

The three of them chuckle at her wish and Brittany hopes today will be bearable after all.

"That's so grown-up of you," Quinn teases her and Brittany is grateful her best friend is not walking on eggshells with her.

"I know, right?"

She hops down onto a stool beside Quinn and her mother puts a bowl of Lucky Charms in front of her.

"Thanks, mom," she looks up at her. "For all of this."

Her mother smiles tightly, knowing exactly what her daughter means. The support of her best friend, the person who knows her and _gets_ her the most is what Brittany needs now.

"Of course, sweetie," her mom says. "Have a nice day at school, all right? I will go pick up some papers from the office now."

"Okay," Brittany says, returning her smile. "Love you, mom."

"Love you, too, darling," her mom replies and kisses her temple, before exiting the room.

Brittany looks at Quinn, who is waiting patiently for her to say something. When she doesn't, Quinn gets it.

"So, can I get some too?" she asks half-jokingly, and Brittany pushes the box towards her. "Well, why not?"

So the two best friends eat in silent understanding, until a familiar ringtone starts playing in the room. Quinn quickly digs her phone out of her bag.

"It's Sugar," she says, before putting the call on speakers. "Hey, Sugar!"

"_Guess what happened_!" Sugar huffs in her nasal tone, still not recovered from her sickness. "_My mother had the nerve to not tell me Britt's mom called, because she thought I was too sick to go over._ _Did you talk to her? What's going on?"_

Quinn glances at Brittany, who is way too entertained by her friend's dramatic approach to calm her down. Subtly rolling her eyes, Quinn tries to explain the situation.

"Actually, I'm-"

"_How bad is it, Quinn?_" Sugar asks darkly, cutting her friend off. "_And don't bullshit me, else I will kick your fine ass, you can bet on my mother's Chanel!_"

"I think she will live," Brittany says, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing.

"_Brittany Susan Pierce!_" Sugar yelps, shocked. "_How dare you, bitches?!_"

A giggle breaks out of Brittany, and Quinn can't contain herself either.

"Sorry, Sugar," Brittany says at last. "It's just…my date didn't turn out so well."

The mood shifts at her words and she knows the questions will come now. She owes them an explanation, but she already feels tired before starting to talk.

"_What happened?" _

"Honestly, I don't know," Brittany says quietly and Quinn strokes her hand. "We were almost kissing, and then…it all just fell apart. We had a fight and then she left," she shakes her head, pained by having to recall the events. "I kinda begged her, but…I think it's over between us."

"_Oh no, Britts,_" Sugar sighs, disappointed by the news.

"It was awful."

"We are sorry, honey," Quinn furrows her brows, smiling sympathetically. "Maybe it was too soon."

"Yeah, I pushed her," Brittany nods, regret overcoming her. "Until things just…exploded, I guess."

"_This can't be the end, Britts," _Sugar speaks up, forever the optimist. "_You two are meant to be together, like Chair, Merder or Brangelina! You are cutest puppies in love Sugar Momma's ever seen."_

"I know," Brittany sighs. "But I guess, sometimes love is just not enough."

"_Bullcrap,_" Sugar argues and Brittany knows she won't let her give up the fight so easily.

She doesn't want to either, but what is the point anymore? Last night, they reached a new low with Santana, a point, from where coming back and repairing their relationship seems simply impossible.

They can't go back to who they were after this.

It is impossible.

"Sugar, leave it for now, please," Quinn tames their friend on the phone, and Brittany is grateful for the intervention.

"_I'm sorry, Britts," _Sugar sighs. "_What if you guys ditch school and come be awesome with me at my house?"_

"We won't, Sugar, we have Cheerios practice too," Quinn rolls her eyes. "And you are sick, last time I checked."

"_Fine, then we'll meet at Berry's party…I can't wait to get 'em all drunk," _she laughs before breaking into a fit of coughs. "_We will have a blast!"_

"Shit, the party…" Brittany whispers dejectedly. "I can't go there. I just can't…"

"Honey, you don't have to come," Quinn tries to soothe her. "But I'm sure there will be room for both of you there. And you will have us at your side."

"_Quinnie's right,_" Sugar agrees. "_This sucks ass, Britt, but we should get our party on with the Glee kids. It will be fun, promise!"_

"Yeah, I think, maybe I should ask Rachel?" Brittany shrugs nervously. "It's her party after all…"

"Sure."

"_It will be fine, Britts," _Sugar says. "_I gotta go take my meds girls…call me later?"_

"We will," Brittany replies with a faint smile. "Thanks for calling, Sugar!"

"_Hush, just survive school today, and we'll meet soon. Love you, chicas!"_

"Bye, Sugar," Quinn says with a chuckle before the call cuts off and she turns to Brittany. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Um…"

"Silly question, I know," Quinn smiles bashfully. "We should get going though. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I guess…"

Brittany is ready, at least as much as she can be, to face the day…and Santana again.

She wonders if Santana will look like differently after last night. She wonders if she'll ever recognize her love again, or…

if she'll just see a beautiful stranger with a black backpack and wide brown eyes, like on that fateful morning in the hallway, where their story sprang into life.

/

She does see Santana, first in the morning.

They are standing at her locker with Quinn, when Brittany notices her approaching in the hallway with Mercedes and Artie, on the way to class. Her heartbeat speeding up rapidly, she turns to her locker and feels like an idiot for praying they won't notice her.

"Britt…" Quinn whispers, while Brittany pretends to be searching for something in her locker. "It's gonna be all right."

Brittany shakes her head, her stomach churning from the nerves.

Soon, the familiar figures reach them and she can see from the corner of her eye as Quinn musters up a perfect smile to welcome them.

"Hey guys," Quinn says and it's noticeable for Brittany, even in her frenzied state, how her best friend doesn't even have to pretend too much to be kind now.

"Morning, ladies," Artie says brightly and Brittany is surprised by his tone.

She dares a glance at them and her eyes find Santana's instantly.

There is a kind of regret in them, reflecting back at her, like she's never encountered before. It makes her swallow hard.

"Hi," Mercedes says too, and it all turns awkward as they dwell into silence in the loud, buzzing hallway.

Artie subtly nudges Santana's leg and shoots a wide smile at Brittany. "Um, Santana here would like to say something to you, Britt…"

All the eyes focusing on Santana, the girl is shaking like a thin leaf in the wind. Knowing how she hates the attention, Brittany can't help but feel sorry for her.

"Yeah," she mumbles at last, looking at Brittany. "If you don't mind?"

Brittany nods and after the usual rounds, their friends leave them alone.

"So…"

Santana shakes her head, for seconds, with a grimace on her face that tells of the disdain she feels inside.

"I shouldn't have left you like that last night," she says at last, her voice trembling. "In that state…I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. I'm sorry, Brittany."

Standing right here, and hearing her apology that comes right inside her heart, is answering Brittany's question. After all that happened last night…all that ended between them, this is still Santana, the person she is in love with. Something changed forever last night…but not _them_. It will change them, define them…but they are still Brittany and Santana, in love.

"I forgive you," Brittany tells her and it doesn't quite require an effort. "But…Santana, I know it all started because I pushed you, and for that I'm really, really sorry, too. I'm sorry for everything…just, everything."

Everything from the moment she said yes to the bet, to the moment she tried to kiss her last night, Brittany is truly sorry, but she is done begging for forgiveness.

Santana nods, accepting her apology. She can't say that she forgives Brittany, of course, that would be the lie and there is no point in denying the truth anymore. Time needs to mend their heartbreak now.

"Uh, about the party tonight," she mutters, subtly shrugging her shoulders. "You should go, and I will stay away if you want. It's _your_ first Glee club party, so…_you_ should be there."

Brittany sighs and a soft smile creeps upon her lips.

"Don't be silly," she says quietly. "We should both be there…if that's okay with you, of course."

The relief in Santana's eyes is obvious, and so is the change in her posture.

"Yeah," she returns Brittany's smile. Though it's weak and tired, it's still so beautiful that it lights up a flame again in Brittany's heart that died down last night.

"Thank you," Brittany tells her. "It means a lot…"

"Of course," Santana says shortly, and her eyes bore into Brittany in the short silence. They've never been so dark and mysterious, so full of feelings, intense and raw emotions that she can barely contain in her big heart. "See you then, Brittany!"

"Yeah, see you too!"

They depart, but the light keeps on burning in Brittany's heart.

Last night ended something…but it's the first time she thinks it might have started something too. Something that is maybe more real and honest than anything she's ever had in her life.

/

It's much easier to breathe, to exist after their talk.

The afternoon hours roll around and she finds herself in the Cheerios locker room, getting ready for training with her teammates.

"So, who's going to the party at Jackson's tonight?" One of the girls throws in the question.

It's a usual topic before and after every practice, but this time, the weight of this question presses down on Brittany's shoulders because she knows the answer she'll give won't satisfy. She shares a meaningful glance with Quinn, but truthfully, they share much more. They share the concerns, the doubts about their decision to join Glee club and how life will be after this. They just joined, and have yet to grasp entirely what a big challenge it will be.

Questions like this remind them it will never be easy.

The majority of girls say yes, _obviously_, and with the more of them answering, Brittany's silence bears a heavier meaning.

She is waiting on edge for the moment she'll be directed with a question, and have to choose between honesty and a petty lie.

Quinn doesn't wait around to be interrogated though, with cool and perfectly collected demeanor, she turns to the girls and grabs their attention immediately.

"Girls, sad news is," she sighs, and even Brittany can barely see through the façade of disappointment on her face. "We have to sit this out with Brittany…sleepover at Sugar's. You all know how important loyalty is for the team, right?"

It's funny, and _brilliant_ how after a few wisely chosen words, she is the one questioning them now.

"Of course."

"Yeah, true."

They all surrender, and life goes on.

"Thank you," Brittany whispers carefully to her friend later when no one's listening.

"Nah," Quinn brushes it off. "Just make sure there won't be photos of us all over the internet."

"Oh, that's a shame," Brittany sighs, the downside of Quinn's lie just dawning on her. "People should see how much fun we'll have with the glee kids."

"Yeah, right…" Quinn snorts, skeptically. "Like Berry has any idea of throwing a decent party."

"It'll be fun anyway," Brittany says with a shrug.

"Yeah, maybe…but we need to get her drunk," Quinn smirks, her head seemingly full of ideas on how to achieve that.

"Duh," Brittany deadpans, her mouth slowly turning into an evil smirk, matching her friend's.

Rachel Berry's party will be indeed fun.

They will make sure of that.

/

As they run the last lap after Coach Sue's straining practice, Brittany recalls her hectic week.

There's something she's been meaning to tell Quinn, ever since Miss Pillsbury planted the idea in her head.

"Hey," she says, raising Quinn's attention. "Have you ever thought about going for senior class president?"

Quinn lifts her eyebrows, considering her question.

"Not really," she says at last, slightly panting. "Why?"

"I could see you as president," Brittany tells her. "I'd totally support you."

"Uh, okay, maybe I thought about it once or twice…" Quinn confesses bashfully, and it's such a rare moment to see her unsure of herself. "Do you really think I'd be good?"

"Of course," Brittany declares without any hesitation.

"Thanks Britt," Quinn shoots her a smile. "I'll think about it."

"Cool," Brittany nods. "There are two candidates so far, Miss P told me."

"Any idea who they are?"

"No, but I'm kinda curious…maybe Kurt would know," Brittany's eyes light up.

"Would be fun to make bets on it," Quinn wonders with a smirk.

For a few seconds, they both dwell into silence, until Brittany turns back to Quinn.

"My bet's on Rachel," she says in a serious voice, and they stare at each other for a long second, before bursting into a fit of harsh giggles in the middle of the track.

/

Soon at home, Brittany's mom is far from being joyous when hearing about her daughter's plans.

Brittany tries to explain that this is a different kind of party, so she shouldn't be worried. Of course, in the heat of the conversation Brittany's mother lays down her strongest card.

"Brittany, you haven't said one word about what happened to you last night," she says, her voice heated by irritation, and deeply rooted worry for her daughter. "Not one! You can't expect me to just let it go without any explanation, and stand aside when you go out for the night, just one day after you scared me and your father to death again!"

Chastised by her mother's words, Brittany yields.

"I'm sorry, mom," she sighs. "It's just…it's so hard to talk about it."

Melted by her daughter's words, Brittany's mom steps closer to her, touching her arm gently.

"I know honey," she says with a pained smile. "Just trust me, please!"

It's a request she can't refuse, and soon the words come, easier than she's ever expected them to.

/

Her heart is lighter after the talk and a motherly hug.

It was just what she needed and didn't know she did. She's horribly late though, and welcomes her mom's help in getting ready. Her dad arrives home just as she is about to leave.

"Sweetheart, wow," he says, blown away by looking at her daughter. "You are the prettiest girl in the world."

"Dad, don't be silly," Brittany says bashfully as her dad leans in to give her a peck on the forehead.

"So…going out for the night, I see," he says, while a question is apparent in his tone.

"Yeah, mom said yes," Brittany rushes to say, as if her mother's approval is enough justification.

"Oh, right," he smiles. "I sense you two had a talk, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Brittany smiles back at him. "Is it okay if I go now? I'm kinda late already…"

"Sure," his dad nods. "Just call me, if you need me to pick you up later, all right?"

"Thanks, daddy," Brittany says gratefully, giving him a hug.

"Have fun, sunshine!"

"Will do!" she says, before stepping out the door.

The familiar car is waiting for her already and tonight's adventure officially begins when Sugar's head appears out of the roof window.

"Get your pretty ass in here, Britts," she shouts. "Sugar Momma's champagne's getting warm!"

And so the fun begins.

/

"Brittany, Quinn, Sugar," Rachel squeals, when opening the door she is faced with the three Cheerios. "You girls made it! Come in!"

Quinn glances at Brittany and they both have trouble containing their giggles. It's amusing how tipsy Rachel appears to be already.

"Rach, I must say, for once in the four years we've been all victims of your hideous style choices, you actually don't look like a fetish girl from one of the hard core sections of adult baby porn websites."

The air freezes for a split second, when Sugar's words register in Rachel's head and Brittany secretly expects her to throw them out before they even stepped into her home.

But, maybe tonight will surpass all her expectations.

"Why, thank you!" Rachel finally says with the widest smile, before clutching Sugar's arm to drag her into the house.

"Oh my God, this is gonna be embarrassing…" Quinn whines, before reluctantly following them.

"Totally," Brittany nods, with a smirk ghosting her lips.

She steps into Rachel Berry's house, closing the door to the outside world, and marvels at how among all people, she, Brittany Pierce, head Cheerio, the most popular girl in McKinley High and her two best friends ended up in here on a Friday night.

And why there's no place else where she'd want to be more.

/

The glee kids are all tipsy smiles and rosy cheeks as they welcome them to the party.

Sam fixing them drinks in the kitchen, they soon start feeling at home.

Artie's serving as the DJ, and soon enough, Brittany finds herself in the living room, dancing with Kurt and Blaine, while her eyes remain intact on Santana, who's chatting with Tina and Mercedes on the couch near the dance floor. They're watching each other, brown eyes connected to blue ones, boldly and intensely as the alcohol makes its way into their blood flows.

They create a bubble, shielded away by the outside world as they can't fight the force that pulls them together.

As the beats make her heart pump the blood faster, every cell buzzing in her body, nothing else exist for Brittany, only Santana's dark eyes, and she is dancing for her, for _her_ pleasure.

"Get your ass over there," Kurt pants into her ear, always so observant to what's happening around him. "What are you waiting for? Just go, talk to her!"

"And what am I supposed to say?" Brittany whispers, clutching his silky shirt.

"Just compliment her looks or anything for God's sake!"

"I'm not sure this is a good idea…"

"Brittany, don't make me –"

"I'm going…shit," she hisses, because apparently, in the five seconds her eyes left Santana, the girl managed to disappear. "Where is she?"

"Try the kitchen," Blaine dives in, with a knowing smile on his lips.

"Oh, my wonderguy!" Kurt squeals, grabbing Blaine by his belt to bring him closer.

"Thanks, Blaine!" Brittany says gratefully, before leaving them dance together, not making a secret of their relationship at all.

/

She swears she doesn't do it intentionally.

But she just overhears Sam mentioning her name as she is about to step into the kitchen, and then she has no choice than to linger in the doorway, heart thudding louder than the beats sweeping in from the dance floor.

"_I just don't know what to do_," Santana whines to Sam. "_She's doing this thing to me, and I just…what is wrong with me?_"

"_She's doing what?_" The boy asks, clueless.

"_Just_," Santana lets out a strained sigh. "_Making sure I know she still wants me, I guess…_"

"_And how do you feel about that?_"

Brittany bites down on her bottom lip, incredibly nervous about the answer.

"_I fucking love her, Sam_," Santana says, the words so powerful they make Brittany's head spin as her heart flips in her ribcage. "_I want her, nothing seems to change that._"

"_Not even last night?_"

"_No, not even last night._"

Brittany closes her eyes, stopping the tears before they have a chance to escape and the relief, the utter relief she feels is not comparable to anything.

"_She hurt you pretty badly, though,_" Sam brings up, as any true friend would but Brittany is still hung up on Santana's words, the three words that she's never been more eager to hear.

"_I hurt her back just the same, believe me…it was unfair._"

"_Well, she broke your heart. It was pretty rough what she did to you, Santana, with that bet and everything._"

The silence following Sam's words is killing Brittany, who can feel it in her veins how much Santana's reply will matter. She is waiting, numbed by the stakes in this conversation that is all too real, and grown-up and honest to be taken place at a high school party.

"_It's not her_," Santana says at last, in a hollow voice. "_She thinks it's all her now, but it's not. It's never been…just about her._"

It's never been just about Brittany and Santana. It's never been just about them.

It's never been personal.

There's always been more to this. With all the judgment, the hate, the blind rage in this world people who are different has to fight against every day, what Brittany did to Santana has never been personal; it's always been more, something bigger, something more meaningful…it's been about all those people who hurt Santana, and Brittany became just one of them.

"_What is it then?_" Sam asks quietly, and Brittany feels like her eyes are opening up for the first time, to a different world, the world of Santana Lopez and a life-long battle against all the judgment, hate and blind rage that exists in it.

"_I can't forgive this world, Sam_," Santana says, with all the weight in this world carried by her weak voice. And that same weight is crashing down on Brittany as she is standing here, in the moment of truth. "_I can't forgive all those people who let me down, who bullied me, who made my life hell. I can't forgive God that he made me born this way._"

"_Don't say that, please!_" Sam pleads with her, and Brittany whispers the same words silently into the air.

"_You know,_" Santana lets out a chuckle, so dry like the sand's in the desert. "_She is the only person I've ever believed when she told me I'm perfect like this. Isn't that fucking ironic? She is the only person, and yet there I was, last night, blaming her for everything. Everything in my life…_"

It always hurts the most when the people we love let us down.

It's never been personal, but Santana made it to be last night in their fight, because it was _Brittany_ hurting her. The one person she's only ever loved was hurting her, and it felt like the whole world against Santana Lopez. So she took all the blame, all the hurt in her beautiful, big heart…and made it about Brittany.

It is incredibly hard to grasp and stomach all this, and Brittany wasn't prepared at all. It's too much and she suddenly feels the need to escape.

She can't bear to hear more.

But her legs don't answer her orders, staying glued to the ground until someone finds her there, bending forward and clutching her stomach.

"Brittany," the figure calls out to her worriedly, and she can't mistake Rachel Berry's voice even in this state. "Is everything okay?"

Fear rising in her throat that Santana finds out she's been standing there all along, Brittany's legs start moving.

She is rushing out of the hallway, trying to pass Rachel but her knees give in and she falls into the girl's arms.

"I need air," she pants, short of breath. "Please, Rachel!"

"I got you," Rachel whispers into her hair, before guiding her out to the backyard through a secret door.

Nobody sees them and Brittany is incredibly grateful for that. As the chilly air hits her skin, she inhales and exhales deeply, soothed by Rachel's small hand gently stroking her back. She doesn't feel sick anymore, after a few minutes. She feels overwhelmed though, and it makes her act on instinct as she turns to Rachel and wraps her arms around her, awkwardly at first, then melting into hug.

"Thank you, Rachel" she whispers quietly to the girl. "You are a good person."

"I know we've had our differences, so to say, but I think the same of you, Brittany," Rachel says with a kind smile as they pull away. "Are you ready to go back, or-?"

"Can we stay…just for a little while?"

"Of course," Rachel nods and sits down at the edge of the steps leading to the garden. "Come, sit!"

Brittany sits down beside her, and neither feels the need to talk for now. They just stare into the star-lit sky and enjoy the magical sight.

"You know, my dads always said to me," Rachel speaks up with surprising softness a bit later. "Never give up on love. Never give up on finding love, and fighting for love. Just never give up," she shrugs her shoulders. "So I won't…and neither should you, Brittany." She turns to her with a smile.

"I won't either," Brittany says in a whisper, before she looks at Rachel. "But I need a drink first."

"What are we waiting for then?" Rachel laughs, before jumping to her feet.

Brittany follows her, and they sneak back into the house, hand in hand.

/

When they emerge from the kitchen a while later, Brittany can barely believe her eyes.

Artie is spinning in the middle of the dance floor, Sugar sitting in his lap and she's dashing her drink all over the carpet. Tina and Mercedes are making good use of Rachel's karaoke machine, blasting a drunken version of Rihanna's '_We found love'_ in the house while Sam is stripping to no one in particular. Kurt and Blaine are vehemently making out on the couch, and it all just makes Brittany wonder how much time passed since she left this room.

Rachel quickly joins the girls as they pick the next song to sing.

It leaves Brittany alone, drink in hand and she decides it's time for having fun. Though she has the weird sense that something's missing, she gulps down her drink, a strong mix of vodka and cranberry juice and walks up to Sam.

"Britt," he welcomes her with a huge, drunken smile, and smells of beer. "Where've you been?"

He can barely stand on his legs but he keeps on dancing relentlessly.

"Hi, you know…just been around," Brittany says, before grabbing the hem of her top and pulling the item over her head.

It leaves her in a pink bra, and denim shorts that doesn't cover much of her thighs.

Sam stops in his tracks, though it takes incredible self-control. "Wow," he mutters, staring at Brittany. "You look hot, Britt…"

"But you like a different blonde, right?" Brittany smirks knowingly.

"Sure I do," Sam chuckles. "Wanna dance?"

"Hell yeah," Brittany lets out a giggle as he pulls her in for the funniest, dorkiest dance she's ever had with a guy.

/

A while, exactly three shots, and a beer later, they are dancing like crazy in the living room.

Kurt and Blaine are dancing closely, both shirtless, while the only remaining clothing item on Sam's body is his superhero boxers as he is dancing with a giggling Mercedes. Artie is rapping into the microphone, while Brittany and Sugar are jumping around him in their bras. Rachel is weeping nearby on the couch, clutching a worn picture of Finn Hudson to her chest while Tina is stroking her hair.

Artie screws something up with the karaoke machine and the next song that comes up is _Don't stop believin_' from Journey. They stop dancing, the laughter dying down and only Rachel's weeps can be heard over the music.

"Sorry, guys," Artie mumbles, bashfully. "This thing is stuck, damn."

Brittany stares at Sam and he shrugs his shoulders. She feels the impact of the song already, and the vast empty feeling appears in her chest again.

"So why not sing it?" An unmistakable raspy voice speaks up, and all the heads in the room turn towards its owner.

It's Santana, standing in the doorway with Quinn by her side, and it's a moment Brittany will never forget in her life.

"_Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere" _

Santana sings, her powerful, heartfelt voice filling up the room and Brittany feels her heart growing double its size in her chest. She can barely contain it, when the girls slowly step into the room and to her great surprise, Quinn follows Santana's lead.

"_Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit  
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere" _

She sings, in her sweet voice, all bashful smiles as Sam wraps an arm around her shoulder. Santana comes to stand beside Brittany, staring into her eyes as Brittany's tears escape, sliding down to her lips. Santana catches them, with her fingertips and Brittany doesn't let go of her, clutching her hand tightly to her bare stomach.

"_A singer in a smokey room" _

Blaine belts out, holding Kurt's hand, strongly and proudly and his love follows him singing.

"_A smell of wine and cheap perfume" _

Artie, Sugar, Sam, Tina and Mercedes all sing at the same time.

"_For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on"_

Brittany whispers too with them, as Santana smiles at her, _proudly _through her tears.

"_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding, somewhere in the night."_

The whole group sings loudly, and it's the first time Brittany truly feels like being a part of them.

"_Working hard to get my fill,  
Everybody wants a thrill  
Payin' anything to roll the dice,  
Just one more time" _

Artie and Sugar sing together, before Sam and Quinn follow, their voices perfectly complimenting each other's as they become one whole.  
_  
"Some will win, some will lose  
Some were born to sing the blues  
Oh, the movie never ends  
It goes on and on and on and on"_

The others join in again for the chorus, their voices uniting into such a powerful force that it's shaking Brittany right to her core.

"_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding, somewhere in the night."_

While they sing, something happens in the room that is changing them forever. Tonight is changing them forever, in so many ways. Brittany feels that by looking at all these amazing people around her, and she feels that with all her heart when her eyes return to Santana.

"_Don't stop believin'  
Hold on to the feelin'  
Streetlights people" _

"_Don't stop believin'  
Hold on to the feelin'  
Streetlights people"_

Santana sings to her, _only_ her and her eyes are boring into Brittany's soul.

"_Don't stop"_

They all shout at the end.

Brittany and Santana only whisper to each other, but their voices bear more weight than anything.

The others hugging, they just stand there, hands clutched together as if never letting go. For them, no one else exists right now, only each other.

"I never truly stopped believing," Brittany tells Santana, her voice cracking with every syllable.

Santana's lips turn into the softest smile, before she rasps, "I was just starting to believe again."

The moment they share ends as the others enwrap them in a group hug. But it just means that another moment begins, one of the greatest in Brittany S. Pierce's life.

"Welcome to Glee club!" Santana whispers into her ear while they're squashed together in the hug, and Brittany truly feels like belonging to other people is the biggest pleasure anyone can have in this world.

/

A few of them say goodbye soon, and the party is officially over.

A few of them stay, and even though Brittany could easily walk home, the thought doesn't really cross her mind. She wants to stay, lingering in the moment, with these people that make her feel so safe and comfortable in her skin like no one else.

Most of all, she wants to stay because Santana hasn't let go of her hand yet.

She only does, when Rachel appears in the living room again and makes room arrangements.

Blaine and Kurt leave to sleep in the master bedroom, while Rachel gives the honor of sleeping in her bed to Brittany and Quinn. It leaves her and Santana sleeping in the guestroom downstairs.

"We'll talk in the morning, Britt," Santana says, shooting Brittany a tender smile. "Good night!"

"Okay," Brittany returns her smile, though she can't hide the disappointment lacing into her voice. "Sweet dreams, San!"

She watches Santana leaving with Rachel, and it stirs up a surreal feeling inside her, _jealousy_.

"Come on, Britt!" Quinn touches her back. "Let's go to bed!"

Brittany follows her best friend, but her soul remains there, watching Santana leave.

Just as she did last night.

/

Once in Rachel's bed, she can't stop thinking about what is happening in the other room.

There's pressing, _aching_ feeling inside her chest knowing that Santana is falling asleep beside another person, while she is up here, feeling lonely and miserable. She can feel the warmth of Quinn's body and her scent, but it doesn't really compare.

Not even close, to be honest.

In the silence, she can hear every breath Quinn takes and it doesn't even out. It seems like Brittany is not the only one thinking hard in this room.

"I'll go grab some water," she declares after a few minutes, knowing well Brittany is still awake. "Do you need something?"

"No," Brittany whispers and the ceiling almost crashes down, her lie is so big.

"I'll be right back," Quinn says, before crawling out of bed and leaving the room.

/

The next time the door opens, slowly as if Quinn's afraid to wake her up, Brittany's first tears have dried on her cheeks already.

She couldn't help it.

The door closes, and the silence is almost unbearable.

Brittany is on her side, body pulled together as she is crying softly.

The comforter is lifted, and she can feel the bed dip. She is not alone now, so why does she feel like the loneliest person in the world?

Not even the warmth of Quinn's body can make her feel otherwise, but the scent…this scent; could it be that she is dreaming already? She must be, because she could never mistake this scent in her life.

The person behind her pulls closer, and suddenly, Brittany can feel a hand on her shoulder.

"Quinn?" she asks in a whisper.

The answer doesn't come, but the hand moves onto Brittany's back, slowly stroking a path until it rests on her waist. The touch is gentle, and the intimacy it brings makes her shiver. The soft hand makes its way to her stomach, and grabs her shirt, tightly.

Her breath hitches when she can feel the whole body pressing into her.

"Santana," she utters in a hushed whisper, before jerking back her head to see _her_, finally.

"Shh…" Santana whispers, bringing her fingers to Brittany's lips.

Brittany stares at her with wide eyes, the tears stopping from the shock as Santana leans in to kiss her neck, so gently it makes her tremble. Another kiss follows and she closes her eyes, savoring the feeling of Santana's soft lips on her burning skin.

"Santana," she lets out the softest moan when Santana kisses her shoulder.

Santana's hand slowly moves under Brittany's shirt and touches her skin, making Brittany shiver again as her fingertips caress her ribcage.

She is so close, and still so far from where Brittany wants her the most.

As Santana continues laying tender kisses all over her neck and shoulder, she presses into her, searching for more and moans into the air, when she feels _it_. Santana moves into her, bringing incredible heat as their centers meet, and a jolt of arousal, right there.

"Baby," Brittany moans delicately, searching for Santana's hand until she finds it and brings it up over her heart. "I love you."

"I love you too," Santana whispers into her ear, before in one sudden move, she turns Brittany around to face her.

She stares into her eyes, for a long moment, a moment that seems to stop the whole world from moving, before she kisses Brittany on the lips. First tenderly, then powerfully, tongue finding tongue to begin the most perfect dance, and two people tasting love on each other's lips.

Arms wrapped tightly around each other's bodies, touching, appreciating and savoring, they are breathing life into the other's mouths…and so they are becoming _lovers_ again.

It's what Brittany's wished for, for so long, and it feels _right_.

But she is too afraid to trust her instincts now.

She can't lose Santana, never again.

So she pulls away, panting into her lover's face and opening her eyes to stare into browns ones, filled with the purest love and desire.

"Don't you want me anymore?" Santana asks in the faintest whisper.

"Not like this," Brittany replies, her breath hitching. "I want…I want _us_ to be perfect. I want to take you out on dates, and buy you-"

"I don't want to start again, Brittany," Santana cuts her off.

"What?"

"I don't want to go back in time, and pretend nothing's ever happened," Santana explains. "All this happened, and I'm ready to let it go…so we can be something, together."

"But we're already something, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are," Santana smiles, eyes sparkling from the joy. "And I wouldn't change a damn thing."

"I love you so much, Santana," Brittany says in a whimper, before pushing her face into the warmest and safest spot in the world, where Santana's shoulder meets her neck.

"I love you too, Brittany," Santana whispers into her hair, pulling her even closer. "But…"

"But?" Brittany snaps her eyes open, her heart ramming against Santana's chest.

"I need to ask you something," Santana says seriously.

"Yeah?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

The question barely registers in her mind, she is kissing the silly smile off Santana's lips and rolls on top of her, planting a million kisses all over her face.

"Yes," she whispers against her mouth, before kissing her again. "Yes, Santana Lopez, I am your girlfriend."

And she kisses her again, and again, and again…until Santana's giggles fade and her breathing evens out, her heart beating slowly like a perfect lullaby, and somewhere along the way, Brittany falls asleep on top of her,

only to enter the land of dreams together,

and feeling like…they are still awake and the real world couldn't be a better place.

* * *

**Cory Monteith**

_**1982 - 2013**_


End file.
